Lindsay Lohan

What happens after a slow weekend in the celebrity gossip world?

Our staff focuses on the one thing that's always exciting and newsworthy: famous boobs. Take the chest of Victoria Beckham, for example. It's not like you have a choice. She flaunts those gigantic breasts everywhere.

Then there's the more subtle approach to sexiness: Kristin Cavallari. Sure, her shirt is transparent, but at least there's a noticeable bra.

As if those recent pics of boobs weren't enough, however, take a look at the chest of a pair of busty babes below. It's okay, Jessica Simpson doesn't mind. The singer has practically made a living off her commendable cleavage.

Meanwhile, there are few people in the world that have not had an up close encounter with Lindsay Lohan nude. This photo is harmless compared to what a contingent of guys see on a typical Tuesday night.

For other celebrity boobs news, don't forget about Jennifer Love Hewitt.

At Us Weekly's Hot Hollywood Party, the latest celebrity fashion was not the topic of the evening.

Instead, as reported by TMZ, this event was the scene of the latest Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton encounter - with camps being divided by strict party lines.

Paris arrived first at the new Hollywood club, Sugar. She mingled with the likes of Jack Osbourne and Kimberly Stewart before retreating to the club's back room.

Once there, the spoiled heiress spent the night texting. We wonder why she didn't just log-in to her MySpace account. Meanwhile, other celebs spotted on the Hilton-friendly side of the club were Ryan Seacrest, Sopranos star Jamie-Lynn Sigler, and former NSYNC boy banders Lance Bass, JC Chasez and Joey Fatone.

On the other end, the Firecrotch Queen made a grand entrance with fanfare bigger than Victoria Beckham's boobs. It included photographers and party groupies that swarmed the 20-year-old rehabbed former redhead and her entourage.

Members of Team Lindsay, at least for last night, included Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, and most interestingly, Paris' former BFF Kim Kardashian.

There's really no way to declare a winner during party battles such as this. For the most part, you, the celebrity gossip fan, come out on top.

Hardly any paparazzi bothered the celebs at L.A. club Winston's on April 23, reports an Us Weekly celebrity gossip spy who was on the scene.

That said, Nicole Richie assumed the role of cameraman, snapping photos of gal pal Lindsay Lohan, with whom she arrived in a black Suburban.

The Crotch of Fire, 20, certainly looked photo-ready. The actress breezed into the club wearing a plaid cowboy/flannel shirt over a cute denim mini, her hair blown out Farrah Fawcett-gorgeous.

When Richie, who's gearing up for a new season of The Simple Life, was done with snapping pics, she handed the camera over to a pal who shot the two lovely ladies with an unidentified man.

We don't know what inspired this waifish, anorexic camera action, but it was a slow night on the club scene, okay? Every night out can't feature Lauren Conrad sucking face with American Idol hopefuls.

Anyway. After about an hour-long photo session, Richie grabbed Lindsay and pal Kimberly Stewart, and herded them into the bathroom.

The 27-year-old Kim was trying to cop Lindsay's casual denim look - a short, floral-print dress with an unbuttoned denim vest and blown-out hair.

But she looked like she was headed to an '80s party. A bad '80s party. Of course, we'd much prefer seeing a hot Kimberly Stewart than we would a nude Sean Stewart. But that's neither here nor there, is it?

Like Lindsay Lohan, Kim was sipping a clear fluid for much of the night... but unlike the rehabbing Double-L, it didn't come in a 16 oz water bottle.

Apparently Kim got bored with Nicole's flashbulbs because she returned to the table 15 minutes later to flirt with a guy in a dark grey fedora â€" grabbing his hat and dancing for him all Pussycat Dolls-style.

Despite the sexy moves, there was not much spark. In fact, none of the women in the club, which included Eve and Michelle Rodriguez, seemed to have any boy toys with them.

Ladies night at Winston's, probably. No wonder Britney Spears didn't make it.

We all know how easy it is to get into the pants of Lindsay Lohan.

For one Internet hacker, reportedly, it's also a breeze to get into her Gmail, BlackBerry and MySpace accounts.

According to reports, someone has invaded the privacy of Lohan and released various, hilarious emails between her and other troubled celebrities. For example, there's the following email exchange with Shanna Moakler:

It's nice to see the two pals bonding over Travis Barker updates.

In other alleged email news, Lindsay and Stavros Niarchos haven't been getting along too well. Of course, as shown below, when Lohan says "fu" to someone, she probably just wants to have sex with him.

Not surprisingly, though, Lohan's harshest exchange is with occasional friend, Paris Hilton. The Firecrotch Queen appears royally ticked off that Paris' pal and Hollywood gossip columnist, Perez Hilton, is always bashing her:

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Maybe he should have called his debut album Playing With Fire... Crotch!

Lindsay Lohan is denying numerous reports suggesting she and (yes, we're serious) Kevin Federline are a hot new item.

It sounds like total B.S., but there was that rumor surfacing in January that K-Fed hit on Lohan via text message and was rebuffed. Maybe she let her guard down?

The story goes that Kevin Federline spent the night with Firecrotch at the Raffles L'Ermitage hotel in Beverly Hills after she phoned him and invited the rapper to join her for a drink.

Sources tell the National Enquirer:

"Kevin and Lindsay are dating, and Lindsay made the first move... Kevin first met Lindsay through [Britney Spears], and they have always been flirtatious with each other."

Wow, Lindsay Lohan was flirtatious with someone? If that's the best they've got to back this story up, she must also be dating James Blunt and dozens of other dudes right now.

The insiders claim Federline was invited to "talk business" with Firecrotch and he thought the meeting with Lindsay Lohan would be about a film project.

Of course, that would imply he had some sort of career. If this is true, he had to know the call was about gettin' horizontal with the incomparable Crotch of Fire.

Lohan reportedly suggested the pair speak in private after Federline turned up with his manager, and then retired to her suite with the newly-divorced father of Kori, Kaleb (with Shar Jackson), Sean Preston and Jayden James.

The publication, which carries zero credibility, claims the couple made love.

Lindsay Lohan, who also carries zero credibility, denies the story.

Who to believe? Not a clue. But we're pulling for the Enquirer... and the possibility that if K-Fed did tap that ass, he was savvy enough to record it and shop the video around.

This would put any Olivia Mojica or Lauren Conrad sex tape to shame.

Aaron Carter, who?

That's the response now of two of Hollywood's most famous young females, each of whom dated the boy band singer for reasons unknown.

At club Les Deux over the weekend, witnesses spotted Lindsay Lohan hugging it out with former rival, Hilary Duff. The source of their feud had been the younger Carter brother.

The bad blood began long before Lohan started doing James Blunt and every other guy in California:

In 2005, Carter appeared on the talk show The Big Idea With Donny Deutsch and told the host:

"I started dating Hilary on my 13th birthday... I was dating her for like a year-and-a-half and then I just got a little bored so I went and I started getting to know Lindsay, dating Lindsay."

Yes, Aaron the entire free world understands what "getting to know" Lindsay means. Brody Jenner certain does, at least.

At the club, though, the girls got reacquainted and found someone else to scorn: Paris Hilton.

A source told Us Weekly, "They were making fun of Paris!"

This makes them very different than anyone at The Hollywood Gossip, of course.

Meanwhile, Aaron Carter has finally moved on from this pair. He's completely in love with Kaci Brown.

When you're a big-time Hollywood skank, you need a nice place to bring your prey back to.

We just wonder if James Blunt would look at the pictures below and say to them, "You're beautiful."

Blunt, of course, is rumored to be the latest boy toy of Lindsay Lohan. And the images below are courtesy of the latest major purchase made by this queen of the firecrotch community: a Midtown Manhattan hi-rise, mid-century-decorated condo.

The price Lindsay paid for the pad hasn't been disclosed - but we do know the building has a gym, sauna and indoor pool, along with rooftop billiard lounge. Just think of all the places she could have sex with Brody Jenner now. 

Lohan, meanwhile, is 20 years old. And she lives in a unit that's also home to its own volleyball court and basketball court. But you're right, Dina Lohan, it's all totally normal.

Sometimes, life as The Hollywood Gossip is almost too easy. Celebrity stories converge like Alaina Alexander and the realization that nude pictures make you famous.

To wit:

Earlier today, we reported that Lindsay Lohan was dating someone. The rehabbed, young actress was mum on the identity of this unlucky fellow, however.

A few hours later, word broke that James Blunt and Petra Nemcova had called it quits. Apparently, the super model had finally heard "You're Beautiful" one too many times. Welcome to the club, Petra.

And now, x17online - the celebrity photography company - is reporting that these two events may be linked. In other words: Blunt has experienced the Firecrotch first hand. Or maybe mouth.

Here's how x17online reported the story:

... when Lindsay Lohan rolled up to [club] Teddy's Wednesday night she wasn't riding in her own SUV ... she was riding in [a] Camry that belongs to none other than James Blunt! After getting down at Teddy's, the new couple headed back to Lindsay's place in James' car where James stayed until the wee hours of the morning (our photogs left at 5 am yesterday, and he still hadn't come out!)! Stick that in your Blunt and smoke it!

So there you have it. Proof as clear as Britney Spears' new blue eyes that Lohan and Blunt shagged rotten.

We just hope he hasn't stopped rinsing himself off since.

The world of the Lohans is back to normal:

Dina Lohan is self-absorbed and insane.

And Lindsay Lohan is skanking herself out. She's also on the prowl for a new man.

"I'm dating," Lohan, 20, told People magazine yesterday at the Los Angeles premiere of Showtime's The Tudors. "I'm really happy and I'm having fun."

The actress, who split with restaurateur Harry Morton last fall and was recently spotted hanging with Stavros Niarchos at Hollywood hot spot Teddy's, said she'd gleaned some important lessons from her stint at the Wonderland Center in L.A.

"There's no way you can't learn a lot in a program like that, and it's good," she said. "I recommend it for anyone who needs it."

Looks like Jesse Metcalfe was listening.
Meanwhile, post-rehab, Lohan has been a nightlife fixture, causing speculation that maybe she hasn't changed her lifestyle in the way Britney Spears obviously has.

"I'm hearing a lot of [critical] things if I go out, so that always sucks," she said. "But it's like, when do people not say it? They're always going to say things, so I expect it. But I'm feeling really good."

And what about those rumors linking her to oil heir Brandon Davis? "No, I'm not dating him," she said, then hinted: "It's no one here."

At the after-party, Lohan hung out in the VIP area at nightclub Les Deux chatting with British pop star Robbie Williams, who himself checked into rehab in February.

Ah, Lindsay Lohan and your slutty ways.

How The Hollywood Gossip has missed you.

Following the shortest stint in rehab history, Lindsay is back in the news by being back on the cover of a magazine.

And her giant boobs have joined her inside the pages of GQ.

The feature story follows an interview in which Dina Lohan claims that her family is normal. Which is true. As long as normal is code for "skanked out and desperate for attention."

Don't believe us? Just ask Lindsay herself.

In the article, the Firecrotch Queen says she misses Harry Morton.

Sort of:

"I need a boyfriend... There are three different boys I like, maybe five," Lohan said, as five random guys walked past her on a sidewalk.

Guess this means the fling with Brody Jenner didn't last long.

The picture attached to this post also obviously means Lindsay is done with booze. After all, that's a can of Red Bull in her hand. It's proof the rehab worked. So you have nothing at all to worry about, Jesse Metcalfe.