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In 2000, Ellen DeGeneres was involved in a very public break-up with Anne Heche, the circumstances of which dominated entertainment news headlines for weeks.

Therefore, the talk show host can actually relate to her guest on today's show, Lindsay Lohan.

During the taped interview between the pair earlier this week, Lindsay didn't hold anything back when it came to her relationship with Samantha Ronson. A few excerpts:

On the break-up: I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn't seen her in, like, a week. She, like, disappeared.

On fidelity: I don't believe in cheating on someone.

On bouncing back: You know when people are together so much it gets really difficult and you forget who you are because you're more concerned about being with the other person,. I think it's been really good for me. I thought it would be so much harder and it hasn't been. My sister's been here with me.

On reconciliation with Ronson: I really care about Samantha and we'll see what happens. Maybe when we're fully in the right place. And I love her.

As she tries to move on from Samantha Ronson, rumors say Lindsay Lohan is having bathroom sex with British club manager Chris Jepson.

FOLLOW THIS ARTICLE'S JUMP TO WATCH THE INTERVIEW.

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According to rumors, Chris Jepson represents the official return to semen for Lindsay Lohan.

Sources have told Life & Style that Lohan met the random British dude at a recent L.A. house party.

“His name is Chris Jepson, and he’s British,” an insider said. “Lindsay’s mom, Dina, has even met him. He seems like a good guy. Lindsay’s family is very happy she’s moved on from Samantha Ronson.”

Old Lohan

At the gathering, Lohan reportedly "took Chris' hand and disappeared into the bathroom with him for 45 minutes. People were knocking on the door, but she wouldn't come out."

Give the girl a break, people! It's gonna take her awhile to remember how a penis works.

Jepson works as a manager at Bungalow 8 in London.

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Lindsay Lohan is unemployed and desperate for cash.

Combine those facts with Lohan's penchant for nudity, and it seems very likely she'll soon star alongside Melanie Brown in a topless show in Las Vegas.

Failing to Hide

Over the weekend, Lohan flew to Sin City to meet with Jerry Mitchell, the director of PEEPSHOW, a stage production that features a scantily-clad Brown and Kelly Monaco.

According to the fair and balanced reporting of Fox News, the show is designed to have rotating leads; which would back up the rumor that Lohan is in negotiations to take over from Monaco when she returns to work on General Hospital.


Lindsay Lohan and Melanie Brown hang out in Las Vegas, fully clothed... for now.

"I think she would be great in the show," said Mitchell. "I would need to meet with her and dance a bit as I would with anyone who would love to be a part of Peepshow."

What is Lindsay's supposed response to the offer?

"If they make me an offer, and the money’s right, I’ll do it."

Man. How many pizza delivery boys do you think have heard those words?

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Might Lindsay Lohan be taking Eminem's advice?

In his latest single, the rapper urges Lohan to "come back to semen." According to a report in OK!, the troubled star is really trying to... if a guy will have her!

Lindsay on the Roof

Sources say Dina Lohan did her admirable duty as a mother by dropping Lindsay outside Hollywood bar Bardot on Monday night. She stayed there until 2 a.m.

“She was drinking Jack and Cokes,” witnesses at Bardot told OK!, adding that Linsday spent most of the night sitting on the dance floor, texting on her BlackBerry.

Another insider at the club claims Lohan was flirting with a male member of the Bardot staff, the same dude she had batted her eyelashes at a few weeks ago.

“Lindsay was flirting with this guy and then had her friend ask him for his number. The guy wasn’t interested at all," said the witness.

Be patient, Linds. Penises need to re-adjust to your presence in their lives again.

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We gotta hand it to Lindsay Lohan for the video below: it's nothing short of hilarious.

Granted, the actress didn't write the script; nor is she responsible for its perfect filming.

Still, posting a fake personal ad for eHarmony, one that mocks her sordid past and website popularity, is a far better way to handle her break-up with Samantha Ronson that dyeing her hair, getting a tattoo and drinking heavily.

Follow this article's jump to watch and enjoy...

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The latest Lindsay Lohan makeover was not complete when the broken-hearted star dyed her hair a dark shade of red.

As previously reported, the average actress got a new tattoo last week. According to a source that has seen the ink, Lohan went with a Marilyn Monroe quote, written in cursive on her inner-wrist.

It reads: "Everyone's a star and deserves the right to twinkle."

Reportedly, the wording is surrounded by yellow, blue and green stars.

Lindsay Lohan Naked Photo

Dedicated Lohan followers will remember she recreated Monroe's famous nude shoot for New York Magazine last year, pictured above. Lindsay told the publication at the time that Monroe's short life could serve as a "prime example of what this industry can do to someone."

Does that mean Lohan is headed down a similarly destructive path? Not according to one friend, who said:

"She's being painted as this victim, but she's not. She's a strong girl."

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Breaking news, celebrity gossip followers: Lindsay Lohan was spotted this weekend partying!

No, really. It's true.

Lindsay Lookin' ROUGH

The troubled star continued her Samantha Ronson-inspired, post break-up downward spiral by hitting a party in the Hollywood Hills at 1:45 a.m. Saturday morning

Lindsay was accompanied to the shindog by five guys, including her longtime friend - and possible rebound? - Patrick Aufdenkamp.

According to one witness at the party:

"People were pouring vodka into her red party cup all night. She was way beyond incoherent. She was totally smashed and couldn't even form a sentence. She looked so lonely and lost."

According to OK!, Lohan remained at the event until just before 3 a.m. She then moved on to her next pre-dawn party.

** Update: Lindsay told E! News that she was not downing alcohol. "I was drinking something called Neuro Bliss," she said, referring to a health drink whose website says it's "proven to relax neural tissues, and to enhance brain activity, focus and provide a sense of well-being."

Turning to a special substance for a sense of well-being? Sounds right up Lindsay's alley!

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Surprisingly, Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan have remained broken up for days now.

Unsurprisingly, the pair is reacting to the relationship's demise in different ways.

Ronson is laying low, as a source close to the DJ told People: "She is over Lindsay and over all the drama, but still, she refuses to trash talk her. She just wants to walk away gracefully."

Lohan, conversely, just wants to walk everywhere drunkenly.

Witnesses spotted the troubled actress at three clubs last night, making her Wednesday activities seem like a day at the park.

Depressed Lindsay

Lindsay started the evening at the Byron and Tracey Salon in Beverly Hills, where she exited with considerably redder hair.

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Lindsay Lohan's heart might be broken, following her public feud with Samantha Ronson, but the actress was focused on other body parts during a whirlwind Wednesday that resulted in a new tattoo and an old hair color.

Here's a recap of Lohan's day:

Crotch o' Fire!
  • Lindsay popped into the Shamrock Social Club tattoo parlor at midnight and waited in line with her sister before getting her wrist inked. She left around 3 a.m.
  • Later, during daylight hours, Lohan debuted darker red hair after a visit to the Byron & Tracey Salon.
  • Last night, she ran into Rumer Willis at the restaurant Nobu, where she ate with mother Dina and sister Ali. She also was approached by annoying reality TV star Frankie Delgado, who tried to give Lindsay a kiss on the cheek. She moved. He smooched her hair instead.
  • Just after 12:15 a.m., Dina paid the bill and the family left.

A typical weeknight out for the Lohans - one of whom is 15 years old - involves dinner at a crowded, famous West Hollywood restaurant until the early morning. Great parenting, Dina!

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The paternal grandmother of Lindsay Lohan has a message for her broken-hearted relative:

I'm so glad this happened because now I can get paid to give an interview!

No, wait. This is it:

"We'd all like to reach out to her," Marilyn told People. "We're all here for her and we'd love to see her. Me, as a grandmother, I'd like to try and help her out, but she's not here, she's in L.A."

The woman who gave birth to the demonic Michael Lohan blames the night life - that was clearly forced upon Lindsay - for her woes.

"What happened is that it was too much too fast. And she was on her own too early. She was too young," Marilyn  said. "And they get into that party scene. It's very hard for them.

In conclusion, what's Marilyn's message for her granddaughter?

 "I love her, call me, I'm here for her, and anything I can do, please get in touch."

Lindsay Lohan, Breasts