Lance Armstrong

File this under Lance Armstrong image-tarnishing news you didn't see coming.

Comedienne April Macie said, on Howard Stern's radio show Monday, that the disgraced cyclist once asked her to perform a lewd sex act on him.

What was said act, you ask? You're not going to believe the details.

Macie, a frequent guest on the Howard Stern Show, claims that Lance Armstrong once asked her to lick his butt in a hotel bathroom. Seriously.

She and a friend allegedly enjoyed a night out in L.A. with Lance "5-6 years ago," and eventually returned to his hotel room ... where $h!t got weird.

"I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and she was just face deep in his a**hole. I was terrified," she said.

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The U.S. government is suing Lance Armstrong for $40 million.

The banned cyclist, 41, is accused of violating his contract with his team and is said to have been "unjustly enriched" while cheating to win the Tour de France.

That team? The U.S. Postal Service, which "paid about $40 million to sponsor the USPS racing team from 1998 to 2004," court documents said.

Armstrong admitted to doping during all of his seven Tour wins.

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It's not about ... the pool? Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong is planning to return to competitive sports this weekend ... as a middle-distance swimmer.

He'll compete in the Masters South Central Zone Swimming Championships in Texas, which aren't subject to USA or World Anti-Doping Agency codes.

Lance Armstrong was stripped of his seven Tour de France titles after deciding not to defend the litany of doping charges filed against him last August.

This weekend, he is set to compete in freestyle races of 500 yards, 1,000 yards and 1,650 yards at the swimming event held in his home city of Austin.

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When it rains, it pours for Lance Armstrong, who is under federal investigation for obstruction, witness tampering and intimidation, according to reports.

The U.S. Attorney's office is reportedly in the midst of an active criminal investigation of the disgraced, 41-year-old former Tour de France champion.

According to an ABC source, who agreed to speak to the network the condition that his name and position were not used regarding the matter:

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Note to Lance Armstrong: This is a new low for you.

Forget admitting to Oprah Winfrey that you are a lying cheat. Forget breaking that same news to your 13-year old won.

Charlie Sheen - yes, that Charlie Sheen - thinks you are a "creepy douche."

Those were the words Sheen used to described the disgraced cyclist during an appearance on The Tonight Show yesterday, although he seemed more upset that Armstrong blew him off in person awhile back than that whole performance-enhancing drugs thing.

Watch Sheen explain now:

Charlie Sheen on Lance Armstrong

The new Star Wars director and a 2013 Academy Awards nominee may be teaming up to bring Lance Armstrong's controversial life to the big screen.

With J.J. Abrams already on board to produce a Paramount Pictures film based on the upcoming book, "Cycle of Lies: The Fall of Lance Armstrong," Bradley Cooper has made it clear:

He would like to portray the disgraced athlete.

"I would be interested," Cooper told BBC News of the role, which at one time was rumored to be going to Matt Damon. "I think he's fascinating. What a fascinating character."

That's one way to describe the ex-Tour de France champion, who owned up to drug use last week in an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

What do you think of the Silver Linings Playbook star taking on Armstrong? Good choice?

When it rains, it pours: Lance Armstrong is apparently being sued by two California book buyers over claims that he peddled "fiction" as an autobiography.

Rob Stutzman, a former communications adviser for Arnold Schwarzenegger, filed a complaint January 22 in federal court in Sacramento, Calif.

He says he wouldn't have bought “It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life” had he known the truth about Armstrong’s involvement with doping.

In the 2000 book and the 2003 follow-up, “Every Second Counts,” Armstrong denied ever having used banned substances, which he clearly had done.

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In light of Lance Armstrong admitting to performance-enhancing drug use, many have now started to wonder:

What did Sheryl Crow know?

The singer, after all, dated the cyclist from 2003-2006 and was even interviewed by federal prosecutors in 2011. It's unclear what she told them at the time about Armstrong's rumored doping, but Crow did finally speak out last night about her ex's confession to Oprah Winfrey.

Sheryl Crow Speaks on Lance Armstrong

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The Lance Armstrong drug admission has taken place.

Now, the reactions to that drug admission are beginning to pour out.

Betsy Andreu, whose long-ago accusation that Armstrong admitted to PED use while recovering from cancer in 1996, is furious that the cyclist didn't come all the way clean in his Oprah interview.

But what about those who consider themselves close to the disgraced athlete? Those such as Matthew McConaughey?

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On Thursday night, Lance Armstrong admitted to performance-enhancing drug use during an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

But Betsy Andreu wishes the disgraced cyclist has come even more clean during the much-hyped sit-down.

Betsy Andreu Blasts Lance Armstrong

Andreu was mentioned in the Q&A because she has been on record as saying she overheard Armstrong admit to doping in 1996 while he was in the hospital recovering from cancer treatments.

Armstrong told Winfrey that he recently called Andreu to apologize for slamming her as a crazy liar over the years - but he dodged the question of whether that hospital incident actually took place.

“I thought maybe there is a chance for him to change," Andreu told Anderson Cooper last night. "It was such a big step. Maybe I’m stupid. I was willing to give him a second chance.”

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