by Hilton Hater at

What are we doing, readers? Did we just spend a half hour of our lives watching Kris Jenner talk about her bladder and her vagina? Have we no dignity?!?

While I re-consider how I spend my free time, let's review the latest scripted episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, THG style!

Kris Jenner often pees herself. MINUS 7 because I don't care and because that's gross.

There's apparently a rule of no phones at the dinner table in this household. Multiple TV cameras, though? No problem! PLUS 9.

Kris is upset because her kids keep giving her a hard time over her bladder in front of strangers. Unless me and her are tighter than I realized, MINUS 19 for her complaining about this to a TV camera.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

In need of dating advice? Unsure if you can trust your new boy toy? Not to worry, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner are here!

The young teens have released a new blog video in which they answer fan questions. It's unclear which is more disturbing: that these girls believe they have insight into the opposite sex, or that they have fans?

Kylie comes across as the most jaded toward men, saying at one point: "A lot of guys lie. Like, they lie a lot. You can think some guy is the best guy ever, like he’ll never do anything to hurt you, but … no. No. Be careful."

This, of course, beats sister Kim's advice on guys: sometimes, you need to position the camera for yourself.

Continue Reading...

Tags: ,

by Hilton Hater at

Bruce Jenner did all he could to tune out his annoying family on Keeping Up with the Kardashians last night. He gets countless points for the attempt, but the clan as a whole lost a ton in this +/- review of its weekly, scripted shenanigans...

Kim asks Rob, in response to him having not seen Mason in awhile, "doesn't that hurt your soul?" She then sticks her chest out for a nice shot by the E! cameras. PLUS 7.

Khloe brings Bruce a "harmony comb" to help with his hearing. It's a paper plate and candle (below) resting on the side of his head. He then complains about Khloe taking a photo and putting it on YouTube. The E! camera man shakes his head and hands out MINUS 13 points for the irony.

"When in doubt, throw it away," Khloe says in regard to a turkey baster. MINUS 6 to E! producers for not taking the same stance with all copies of this show.

Kourtney is afraid Rob is missing her son growing up because they haven't spent quality time together. PLUS 5 to Rob for understanding he can just watch the process via the Internet instead.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

Forget Kris Jenner. Kourtney Kardashian defied God on multiple occasions this week.

It was a truly sacrilegious episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, reviewed below in our patented +/- format. Let's find out now what sort of score the installment earned, shall we?

Kris Jenner Promo Pic

Lamar and Rob both say they'd do porn. NEGATIVE 5 to Khloe for referring to that as "bizarre." Isn't Kim's decision to do so the only reason this family has a reality show?

Kris says Scott and Kourtney should get married before having another kid because it's "more natural" that way. PLUS 3 for not Kris cracking up at the irony. How natural is it for one to say this about one's daughter to an E! camera?

Scott is talking to his therapist. On television. With his shirt unbuttoned half way. Exposing a wholly shaven chest. NEGATIVE 147.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

We've already seen the photographic evidence, but Kim Kardashian officially answered a question no one was asking last night: Yes, her butt is real.

In the following +/- review of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we examine this life-altering news and also give major points to Kris Jenner for owning up to what her family is...

Khloe Promo Pic

Kim reads one story about her receiving butt implants and simply can't believe the world questions her real body. PLUS 8 because we sympathize with this frustration. The only fake thing about Kim is the interest she takes in any of her Facebook followers.

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

It's depressing but true: millions of people will be tuning in for the June 12 premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

But just to make sure the family is foremost on the minds of Internet users everywhere, Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and kompany have released a viral video they made on vacation.

In it, every member of the Kardashian and Jenner clan jumps in to lip sync a snippet of Katy Perry's "ET." For what reason? Don't ask. Just be glad Kim isn't using her actual singing voice...

Tags: , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

It's among mankind's most vexing questions: what is the appeal of the Kardashians, a family with no personality, talent or positive contributions to society of any kind?

In the latest issue of Redbook, Khloe Kardashian somehow keeps a straight face when answering: "We are a real family. We don't sugarcoat anything. We're not the Brady Bunch, but we always put each other first. We love each other on camera, we cry on camera. I think people relate to the realness of it."

These are the same people who somehow believe Kim Kardashian Tweets at them due to a personal attachment, not as a contribution to her empire.

Kardashians Redbook Cover

What is the biggest misconception about the family? Manager and matriarch Kris Jenner tackles this inquiry, hilariously lying stating:

"All of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show. And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old... They work 25 hours a day. And that they don't have any talent?

They might not be singers or dancers, but they certainly know how to produce a television show. Whether you want to call it talent or not, they have multiple shows on the air. [I want to say,] How many shows do you have?"

That cannot be denied, Kris. But it must be asked: do they have multiple shows on the air due to anything the Kardashians offer? Or due to the sheer ignorance/stupidity of viewers?

Tags: , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

Doing what their rich sisters do best, Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner walked a red carpet last night.

The duo served as each other's dates for the Los Angeles premiere of Beastly at The Grove, coordinating their black dresses and Tweeting beforehand (via Kylie): Going to the Beastly premiere tonight with @KendallJenner and our best friends! Woohoo girls night!

So boring. Where's the sibling rivalry?!? Let's get the competitive juices flowing a bit by pitting Kendall and Kylie against each other in our latest edition of a THG Fashion Face-Off. Study. Compare. Contrast. And then vote below...

Fashion Face-Off!

Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner both came out for the Los Angeles premiere of Beastly. Compare their fashion selections here and vote for the prettiest. View Poll »

Tags: , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

We're just this big family with a lot of drama and a lot of issues, and there's someone here for everyone to relate to. - Kris Jenner to The Hollywood Reporter.

In case it wasn't obvious before how similar the Kardashians were to Sarah Palin, this quote and its affiliated article, which takes us inside the world of Kim, Khloe and company, makes it more apparent than ever: both parties have perfected the art of coming across like the Average Joe...

Oscar Party Pic

... while raking in the sort of cash scarcely seen by the average stock broker. In 2010 alone, it's now been revealed, the Kardashian made $65 million. That's about 65 million more dollars than positive contributions made to society.

As the clear brains behind the family's financial success, Kris Jenner tells the trade she was faced with a dilemma when the Kim Kardashian sex tape came out in 2007:

I had to cry and get upset in the privacy of my own room and then come out and help her, because she's my daughter... All I knew was that I had to make some lemonade out of these lemons fast. Real fast... My job was trying to take my kids' 15 minutes and turn it into 30."

Continue Reading...

Tags: , , , ,

by Hilton Hater at

Kendall and Kylie Jenner are featured in the February issue of Teen Vogue.

The former kept most of her clothes on for the shoot, while the latter made us frightened to imagine a spin-off featuring these two at some point: "It's something to think about," Kylie said.

Somewhere, the dollar signs in Kris Jenner's eyes just lit up.

  • Kendall Pic
  • Kylie Pic

Kendall also dished on the designer hand-me-down process she and her sibling enjoy.

"Whenever our sisters are done with clothes, they give me and Kylie stuff," she says. "Khloé has my shoe size, so I've gotten some amazing Louboutins from her. And Kim gave me a black snakeskin Balenciaga for my birthday."

Continue Reading...

Tags: ,