by Hilton Hater at

The red and black roses! The gorgeous emerald ring! The In-N-Out burgers!

That's right, folks, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are inviting A-list guests such as Katy Perry and Charlize Theron to their upcoming nuptials, which the latest issue of OK! Weekly dubs the Wedding of the Year in a cover story that can only be described as… existing.

Robsten Wedding Plans

Clearly wanting to show up Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, the magazine's totally not made up insider says Pattinson is penning a song for Stewart and “plans to perform it for her on the vintage Fender guitar she bought him for Christmas last year" during their reception.

Where might the event take place? Brazil, claims the source, adding that “Rob and Kristen want their wedding to be beautiful and meaningful - but not so over planned that it chokes all the joy out of it."

Well, sure. That would ruin any imaginary wedding.

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by Hilton Hater at

In the supermarket tabloid world, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart may be married... but that doesn't mean all is well in nuptial paradise.

The relationship is hanging by an imaginary thread, in fact, as the latest issue of OK! Weekly claims Rob is pleading with Kristen to remain by his side and ignore rumors that he cheated on her with actress Sarah Roemer.

Problems for Robsten?!?

“Rob’s in total panic mode at the thought of losing Kristen,” an insider alleges. “He’s desperate to keep her and is virtually groveling on bent knee."

This same source says Stewart has always feared she'd lose Pattinson to an admirer and has "never been able to relax the whole time she’s been with him," constantly fearing the worst: infidelity.

The actor's supposed plan to prove his feelings? Purchase an inscribed, personally-designed diamond ring for his girlfriend and propose. But... wait. Aren't they already married?!? (See first link, above). These tabloids really need to keep their stories straight.

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