Kris Jenner

Keeping Up With the Kardashians is back!

That's right, the most boring, scripted show on TV is SO back!

On the Season 7 premiere, Kim and her giant boobs gush about the importance of family, Kourtney reveals the gender of her second baby, Khloe and Kris clash over whether she should take a DNA test, and Bruce takes $h!t from everyone.

Basically all stuff we already knew or didn't care about. Anyway, here's our recap!

Kim Kardashian: "After going through a divorce this past year, it just taught me that family is the most important thing." Well, family and Kanye. Plus 10.

Khloe's in town, but no one bothers to tell Bruce dinner is ready, and he doesn't bother to come downstairs. Blame is shared equally there. Minus 15.

"What does a guy got to do to get a little respect around here?" he says. Not be surrounded by a bunch of money-grubbing reality stars? Minus 10.

OMG ... is Khloe a biological Kardashian? The DNA test drama resumes as  Kris Jenner is consumed with the paternity rumors re: Khloe Kardashian.

"This story is not going away," Kris laments. Yeah, because you have Google alerts set up and are filmed talking about it for your show. Minus 30.

Mother's Day is a wonderful celebration honoring our moms and celebrating motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society in general.

Here at THG, this means a little tribute to some of the celebrity moms we've come to know and love ... and also a bunch who could use some improvement.

On this 13th day of May, take a look at a 13 popular THG celeb moms (and 13 more who also have kids) in the poll below and vote for your favorite (and least favorite):

Kim Kardashian has grown closer to her family than ever before. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are preparing for a new baby.

Khloe Kardashian is striving to spend time with her loved ones. Rob Kardashian is finding his way in business

Bruce and Kris Jenner are hitting a rough patch when the former reveals he feels taken for granted.

If these storylines - included in the official E! press release for season seven of Keeping Up with the Kardashians - don't grab your attention, good. There's hope for you yet. But if they DO somehow make you anxious to tune in for new episodes...

... well, those premiere on May 20.

Click through a series of promotional photos of the family now:

Kris Jenner is simply incensed that a new tabloid cover screams that the Kardashian sisters are all DITCHING THEIR MONSTER MOM. Just how enraged is the family matriarch over this claim?

She's posted a photo of the cover in question on her personal website. That won't drive sales or mask the obvious relationship Kris has with In Touch Weekly or anything!

The story alleges that Jenner threw a party in NYC late last month in order to celebrate the clan's $40 million deal with E!, but Khloe left early, Kim skipped the event and Kris "started a fight with [Kourtney] about how she was raising her son... Kourtney was telling her to mind her own business. She said Khloé was right about how controlling Kris is.”

Blah, blah, blah. The details aren't exactly vital, considering they were conjured up by both the magazine and the Kardashians. But in case you need to be reminded about how tight-knit mother and daughters are:

"I never threw a party anywhere on April 22nd," Jenner blogged today. "I have an amazing relationship and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world to spend such quality time with all my kids and my grandson! We are truly blessed!!!"

No they aren't. Not by any God we choose to believe in.

This week on Khloe & Lamar, the couple continued struggling as they adjust to life in a new city, with a new team, no friends around, and so forth.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Khloe's family paid a visit.

Lamar's return to L.A. was documented last week. Now it's Rob Kardashian and Kris Jenner's turn to come to Dallas. How did everything turn out?

Let's find out in Sunday's Khloe & Lamar recap ...

"Being new to a city, not knowing anyone, I'm definitely lonely," Khloe Kardashian says. "Now that Rob's here it gives me someone to hang out with." Guess the best friend/assistant and camera crew aren't cutting it. Minus 10.

Khloe and Lamar reveal that they'd like Rob to move to Dallas. "I don't want to take a step backwards," he says. Ouch, Dallas. Ouch. Plus 20.

"I get it," Khloe says. "You have your own life, but Lamar needs you right now, Rob, like your boy is hurting…[and] I am really lonely in Dallas." Minus only 5, because as lame as Khloe is, what else does Rob have going on exactly?

"Mark Cuban takes care of me," Kris Jenner says. Minus 15 for Mark Cuban.

This is very sad but true: Kris Jenner had a better year than Lamar Odom.

The matriarch of the richest family on reality TV just negotiated a new $40 million deal for her children... while a listless Odom averaged a career low in points and rebounds and was cut by the Mavs.

So we suppose it's not too shocking that Jenner thinks she can offer her son-in-law professional advice which, according to a Hollywood Life insider, goes like this: forget the NBA. Focus on E!.

“Kris is eager for Khloe and Lamar to do another season of their reality show," this Kardashian source claims, but:

"[Khloe] doesn’t want to push Lamar into doing anything he doesn’t want to do because she knows it will only backfire. Kris thinks doing another season will help their relationship, but the real reason she wants them to do another season of Khloe & Lamar is because she thinks the show keeps them relevant."

Prepare to watch Kim Kardashian cry fake tears over at least a half dozen more divorces, E! viewers, as the network announced today that it has renewed Keeping Up with the Kardashians for three more seasons.

The new deal is worth $40 million for the family, and that figure does NOT include all the revenue Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and kompany will earn by simply Tweeting and pretending to be your pal on Facebook.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 7 Promo

The contract also does NOT cover additional seasons of Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York or Khloé & Lamar, along with any future spin-offs producers can conjure up (Kris Does Menopause? Kendall Studies For Her Learner's Permit?).

Keeping Up with the Kardashians premieres its next season on May 20, with the only real question remaining:

How much air time will be dedicated to Kim and Kanye West?

Move over, Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mýa and Pink. The Kardashians are koming!

Kendall and Kylie Jenner posted a video on YouTube yesterday, one that was filmed during the family's Christmas card shoot in December. Like that annoying Kardashian take on Katy Perry's "ET," here we see Kim, Khloe and Kourtney and Kris Jenner lip syncing along to a popular track.

In this case, the 2001 chart topper from Moulin Rouge, "Lady Marmalade." And the lyric repeated most often in that song? Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir.

Sounds about right for the Kardashians, doesn't it?

The Kardashians - "Lady Marmalade" Kover

Kris Jenner is acting like both a mother and a manager in light of her daughter getting flour bombed during a fragrance launch in Los Angeles.

The Kardashian matriarch took to her blog yesterday and commented on just how well Kim handled the unusual incident, writing:

"I am so proud of my daughter for handling this situation so professionally and with such poise!.Kim wasn't phased by the attack and simply walked away from the red carpet, brushed herself off and headed right back out!!"

Kim Kardashian: Flour Bombed!

Kim actually is now considering pressing charges against the culprit, who was detained and released and NOT hired by PETA, that awful organization insists.

Jenner then concluded: "Thanks to everyone at Lighthouse Beauty and The London Hotel for such a fantastic event, and for handling the situation so well."

Ah, yes, there it is: the plug. Kris likely made thousands with that sentence alone. Are we sure the Kardashians didn't orchestrate this attack?

Like daughter, like mother.

Just days after Kim Kardashian Tweeted a photo of herself topless, Kris Jenner has gone ahead and essentially done the same thing. For what purpose? A totally natural one, of course.

Son Rob Kardashian celebrated his 25th birthday on Saturday, with the family congregating in Las Vegas for the event and also sending out well wishes via their personal websites. On hers, Kris wrote:

"Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!"

She then added the frightening photo above. What do you think of her doing so? It's...