by Free Britney at . Comments

The moment we've been waiting for finally kame. Sort of.

Kim Kardashian decided to end her marriage to Kris Humphries in last night's season finale of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, a highly anticipated episode even though we're already aware of what happened and this nonsense is all scripted.

That said, we were dying to see it play out on E! But how much of it really did? The answer may surprise you if you missed it. Here's our finale rekap, THG style!

Kourtney and Kim Take New York Cast

"It's getting to the point where we need to start talking about it," Kris tells Scott Disick, who has somehow become the most sane, normal character on the show. Plus 60.

Kris admits he and Kim "are really weird right now," making us wonder when that was not the case, since they have zero chemistry and nothing in common. Minus 40.

Kris: "We need to get back to what it was." What was it, though? Do tell. Plus 10.

Kim Kardashian: "Sometimes ... I just feel so dead inside because I haven't really been myself here." Oh no, Kim, you're definitely being yourself here. That empty feeling is just your complete lack of personality. Or morals. Minus 90.

"We got lost in the shuffle here," Kris says, admitting he let basketball and training take over, despite the fact that there was no NBA season at the time and he spent most of this KKTNY season standing around doing nothing. Minus 20.

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Just when you thought Kourtney & Kim Take New York could not get any more insulting to your intelligence ... meet celebrity medium John Edward, everyone!

Sunday night, Kim really wanted to find some closure regarding the death of her father, and convinced her sis to join her in what was a "moving" experience.

The idea that this BS isn't scripted is about as believable as O.J. fathering Khloe Kardashian. A psychic? Really? At least come up with quasi-realistic plots, E!

Anyway. Here's our weekly rekap, THG style!

Kourtney and Kim Take New York Cast

Kris' sister, Kaela Humphries, is in town. Yes, Kris and Kaela. The names may have been the only reason E! kast Kris as Kim's husband initially. Plus 10.

Kim doesn't want Kaela to suspect anything's wrong. Plus 10. Kim's default expression is about as interesting as watching paint dry, so no issues there.

Oh, but wouldn't you know it, Kim feels like she needs guidance from her late father Robert Kardashian! And feels a psychic can contact him!! Minus 700.

Enter John Edward, who totally gets invaluable free advertising for this ridiculous stunt. Even the job description of "Celebrity Medium" is LOL-worthy.

"There's a lot that I've been going through, like emotionally and mentally, that I really think that I'll find comfort in connecting with my dad again." Minus 25 for a terrible job reading cue cards and attempting to sound spontaneous, Kim.

Kris thinks the idea is stupid. This is because Kris, for all his faults, is likely a real human being who does not believe every moment of one's life should be scripted, utterly humiliating nonsense. Plus 15, then Plus 10 more for storming out on her.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kim Kardashian admitted she is not happy in her marriage to Kris Humphries, which happened a matter of weeks ago.

Who could have ever seen that revelation koming?

Meanwhile, Khloe and Kim resolved a fight that we barely even remember and Scott Disick looked like the most mature person on the show, which says a lot.

Find out in our weekly rekap, THG style!

Kris, Kim Photo

Kim is back from Dubai and feeling confused about marriage. Plus 18 for feeling an actual human emotion, even though it's her own fault for being in this mess.

Moreover, "I just feel like I have so much going on that I have enough to deal with without having to revisit all of this Khloé drama." Minus 35 because we cannot even remember, much less care about her Khloe drama from weeks ago.

The producers even have Jonathan Cheban prompt Kim to talk about problems with Kris and Khloe. Plus 7 for the return of this mostly-fake friendship.

Kim lays it on the line: "We're fighting over nothing. If I said something that's offensive, I'm sorry. Accept the apology or don't." Take that bitch! Plus 9.

Scott tells Kim she's "a diva." LOL. Ya think? Plus 11.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kim Kardashian finally has hubs Kris Humphries living with her in the city ... but decides she has more fun when he's not.

Foreshadowing, anyone?

Kim, Kourtney and Mason drove on up Connecticut to "escape the paparazzi," leaving Scott Disick and Kris to their own scripted devices. How did that play out?

Find out in our weekly rekap, THG style!

Scott Disick, Kris Humphries

Kim and Kourt checking out Mystic, Conn., aquarium with Mason. Nice place. Plus 20.

Kris has been offered "some quick cash" to head up to Toronto and make a club appearance, so off he goes. Kim would be so proud/jealous. Plus 15.

Scott decides to join, saying, "I may go just to prove a point that I'm not whipped." Dude, the same girl let you knock her up twice with no ring. You're good. Plus 25.

"I may go just to prove a point that I'm not whipped," Scott warns Kris, who's having his photo taken with lots of girls ... on a REALITY SHOW. Minus 50.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kourt went kouponing, Scott bought a piano and Kris was on a quest to uncover Jonathan Cheban's sexual orientation. 

Yes, with a cast as interesting as drywall, they had to bring in this klown.

The story editors and writers are getting creative, though. Give 'em that.

Is Scott serious about his baby grand? Did Kourt save big bucks? What was the final verdict on Jonathan? Does anyone care? Here's our weekly rekap, THG style!

Kim Kardashian and Jonathan Cheban

Scott and friend Chris (not Kris) take a walk and see a fabulous $1.5 million grand piano in a storefront. Wait ... they're serious? Scott has friends still? Plus 10!

Disick goes with the baby grand instead. Recession and all. Plus 12.

As Scott flaunts wealth, Kourtney discovers the couponing craze! See what the writers are doing here, playing up the “opposites attract” angle?! Fail. Minus 35.

Kim and Kris double date with Simon Huck and his boyfriend. Then Huck's business partner and Kim's BFF Jonathan Cheban shows up, alone. Mysterious!! Plus 7.

Kris says it's obvious that Jonathan is a homosexual individual. He then proceeds to ask him about it point blank in a store. Wow, Kris. Awkward much? Minus 20.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kim's Spin Crowd BFF Jonathan Cheban is (supposedly) planning to sell her out with write a tell-all book about her life.

Meanwhile, Kris Humphries decides to throw a party and invite random girls while the Kardashian sisters are out of town, and Scott Disick dabbles in Judaism.

At least the story editors and writers thought up some new angles this week.

What did Kris say about the big party? Is Scott serious? Was Jonathan really planning to blindside Kim? THG breaks down Sunday evening's drama, +/- style:

  • Jonathan Cheban Pic
  • Kim Kardashian in InStyle Australia

Kris Jenner tells Kim about Cheban's scheme to shop a tell-all about her. She's, like, devastated. Naturally, she found out from her mother of all people. Plus 5.

Kim worries that Jonathan is using her like everyone else. Kim, you use everybody else to make millions. 'Memba the wedding? It's a vicious circle. Minus 23.

Maturely, Kim starts a Twitter war with Cheban. Plus 6, as that may be how Kim Kardashian, or at least her professional Tweet writer, actually settles konflict.

Wouldn't you know it, Kim learns it's not a tell-all, but a guide to becoming an "it girl" using her as an example. NOW she feels BAD! Good one, E! Minus 71.

Jonathan hangs up on her after her attempt to apologize. Plus 15.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, newlyweds Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries continued to butt heads, while butt head Scott Disick's risque computer search history ruffled some feathers with baby mama Kourtney.

Scripted, contrived nonsense alert!

What did Kris say to Kim that really hit klose to home? Why did Kourt decide she needs to spice things up? THG breaks down Sunday evening's drama, +/- style:

Kim K. Image

Kim kicks off the third episode of the season pretending to contemplate family. "Maybe it's time to get off the pill and see what happens naturally," she says, seemingly without irony, seeing as there is nothing original about this girl. Minus 9.

Kourtney thinks it'd be Mason to have a playmate. Of course, she knows Kim will never really oblige so she went and got pregnant again herself. Proactive. Plus 17.

Kris: "We can have our own cuter version of Mason." Unlikely. He's a doll! Plus 6.

Momager Kris Jenner of all people makes the valid point that they shouldn't even think about this because don't even know where they're going to live. Plus 8.

Speaking of which: Kris really wants to settle in Minnesota, to which Kim replies, "How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?" Minus 25 for Kim being so shallow ... and Kris actually thinking this might happen in his lifetime.

Humphries' rationale on that front: "By the time you have kids and they're in school, no one will probably care about you, let's be honest." LOLOLOL. Plus 270.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The second, scripted episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York aired last night on E!, and was most notable for the return of Khloe Kardashian, sage relationship kounselor.

It's all relative, of course, and kompared to Kim's bull$h!t marriage to Kris Humphries, and Kourt's ongoing problems with that douche Scott Disick, Khloe comes off like roses.

What advice did the visiting sister have for her siblings? THG breaks down Sunday evening's drama plus-minus style as we look for more signs of Kim's 72-day flame out:

Kourtney and Kim Take New York Cast

That didn't take long. Learning that Kim and Kris haven't even lived together, she tells her to go to Minnesota to visit him. Good advice, even if it was a lost cause. Plus 10.

Khloe tells Kourt to dump Scott if the feelings aren't there. Normally, a no-brainer, but she gets a lot of mileage out of him getting her pregnant every few years. Wash.

Kourtney heads to Scott's parents' house in the Hamptons, not knowing if Scott is even gonna show up. We imagine the giant camera crew following him knows. Minus 15.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Over three million people tuned in for this week's season two premiere of Kourtney & Kim Take New York. Among them? Kris Humphries. And a friend tells Radar Online that the NBA free agent did not like what he witnessed.

"It's just not a true depiction about what was actually going on between Kim and Kris," the insider says.

For example, Kris did not just up and leave for Minnesota, as the episode implied.

Kim was "nagging Kris about working," this mole says. "There was nothing he could do about the NBA lockout. He was working out, and getting ready for the upcoming season, and he is a free agent. It was actually Kim's idea that Kris go back to Minnesota to train and give them some distance."

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by Free Britney at . Comments
THG Asks!

Welcome to THG Asks, where two of our experts debate topical issues in the world and you vote for the winning argument!

Today, in the aftermath of the Kourtney and Kim Take New York season premiere , THG Asks this crucial question:

Was Kris Humphries in on the divorce drama?

YES by Hilton Hater

It's konceivable that Kris Humphries was klueless about Kim Kardashian when they first started dating.

Granted, she had gone out with numerous professional athletes before. And, yes, her sex tape has likely been viewed by more people than attend New Jersey Nets home games.

I could maybe buy that Humphries was so focused on improving his post-up game that he hadn't signed online in two years, even if her family sold out long before LeBron James.

Still... you want me to believe that this basketball player - who was aware his league was headed for a lockout and he'd be missing multiple paychecks in the near future - didn't comprehend what he was getting into after a first date swarmed by paparazzi?!?

Or when his proposal was filmed by E! cameras?

Or when his wedding was turned into a four-hour TV special?

I'm sorry, but I can't imagine Kris really thought Kim would simply move to Minnesota, pop out a few babies and the couple would live happily ever after, tabloid-free.

As the old adage goes: It takes two to tango down the aisle, feign affection, pocket millions, get divorced 72 days later, cry a river in public and laugh all the way to the bank.

NO by Free Britney

With all due respect to my Kardashian expert kounterpart, Kris Humphries looked absolutely mortified last night, and I doubt he's that good of an actor.

In my view, the big oaf was likely seduced by Kim's voluptuousness and lavish lifestyle and didn't realize what he was getting into until it was too late.

I put nothing past Kim or her "momager" Kris Jenner. Those people have fewer scruples than I have patience for people who use the term "momager."

I hate myself right now, but not as much as Kris (H.) was hating life when he walked in on a naked dude teaching Kourt yoga (and E! writers high-fived).

The man got played. Plain and simple. Humphries was needed to give Kim a fairytale wedding, then hit the bricks ASAP, as her brand is more valuable when she's single.

Everything about Kris, from his mannerisms last night, to his actions after getting dumped, to his assertion that Kim will be irrelevant one day, indicates he had no clue.

How could he fall for it? Kim is probably a nice girl in private, but that's the thing. There is no private when your career is a never-ending reality show and a 24/7 shill.

Naively, he assumed he'd settle into a blissful relatively quiet post-wedding life. Instead, he got an apartment with Scott Disick. No one willingly agrees to that.

THG Asks you ... was Kris in on all this?

 

Kris Humphries Biography

Kim K. and Kris Kris Humphries is a power forward for the New Jersey Nets. But that's not why he's included on our website. The Minnesota native started... More »
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