Kourtney Kardashian

Well, at least she's no longer pregnant and abandoned.

However, according to a pair of tabloid cover stories this week, Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant... and betrayed! It's a darn shame, isn't it?

Naturally, Kris Jenner has already spoken out against rumors that Kourtney kicked out baby daddy Scott Disick and that E! cameras caught the blowup for an upcoming Keeping Up with the Kardashians episode.

"None of it is true," Kris tells E! News of talk that Disick is actually hiding sex tapes from his girlfriend and skipped out on her baby shower May 12 because the couple was fighting.

One thing is for certain: we'll be hearing a lot more about this when season seven of this scripted series premieres on Sunday. Another thing is also for certain: if you care one iota, you need to take a very long look in the mirror.

We told you Kanye West would appear on season seven of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

And now you can see for yourself.

In a new E! promo for the season premiere, which airs on Sunday, we get a glimpse of Kanye and Kim at dinner, along with Khloe talking about the rapper and making it seem like this relationship is nothing but a publicity stunt. But that would be crazy, right?

Elsewhere: Kim wears wigs; Kourtney cries; Kris recalls a past love; Lamar Odom considers his NBA career; Scott Disick yells; and THG almost loses our dinner. Watch the totally unscripted madness now:

Keeping Up With the Kardashians Promo

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last night.

In related news, the talent booker for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno should be fired.

The first two minutes of the interview were spent in captivating fashion, as Leno asked a pregnant Kourtney about cravings and this led to a discussion between the sister of In-N-Out Burger (cha-ching!).

From there, Leno quizzed Kim on Kanye West and the track "Theraflu," as she played dumb (okay, she might not have been playing) and responded "I don't know if he wrote it for me… I think my name's in it."

Look for Kanye to appear this summer on Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and watch the full interview with these morons below.

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Kim Kardashian has grown closer to her family than ever before. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are preparing for a new baby.

Khloe Kardashian is striving to spend time with her loved ones. Rob Kardashian is finding his way in business

Bruce and Kris Jenner are hitting a rough patch when the former reveals he feels taken for granted.

If these storylines - included in the official E! press release for season seven of Keeping Up with the Kardashians - don't grab your attention, good. There's hope for you yet. But if they DO somehow make you anxious to tune in for new episodes...

... well, those premiere on May 20.

Click through a series of promotional photos of the family now:

Kris Jenner is simply incensed that a new tabloid cover screams that the Kardashian sisters are all DITCHING THEIR MONSTER MOM. Just how enraged is the family matriarch over this claim?

She's posted a photo of the cover in question on her personal website. That won't drive sales or mask the obvious relationship Kris has with In Touch Weekly or anything!

The story alleges that Jenner threw a party in NYC late last month in order to celebrate the clan's $40 million deal with E!, but Khloe left early, Kim skipped the event and Kris "started a fight with [Kourtney] about how she was raising her son... Kourtney was telling her to mind her own business. She said Khloé was right about how controlling Kris is.”

Blah, blah, blah. The details aren't exactly vital, considering they were conjured up by both the magazine and the Kardashians. But in case you need to be reminded about how tight-knit mother and daughters are:

"I never threw a party anywhere on April 22nd," Jenner blogged today. "I have an amazing relationship and I feel like the luckiest mom in the world to spend such quality time with all my kids and my grandson! We are truly blessed!!!"

No they aren't. Not by any God we choose to believe in.

On the same day that Khloe Kardashian dismissed rumors that she may get divorced, and chatter spread that Kim Kardashian might wed Kanye West, a new tabloid story says Kourtney Kardashian is about to tie the knot with Scott Disick,

In Mexico. At friend Joe Francis' estate.

“They signed a $1 million deal with E! to get married on TV,” an insider tells In Touch Weekly, adding that Kourtney and Scott will soon get engaged “in an orchestrated, well-publicized manner."

The only problem with this report? Kourtney's rep says it isn't true.

Then again, isn't that exactly what Kourtney's rep would say if the engagement were meant to be a surprise?!?

Prepare to watch Kim Kardashian cry fake tears over at least a half dozen more divorces, E! viewers, as the network announced today that it has renewed Keeping Up with the Kardashians for three more seasons.

The new deal is worth $40 million for the family, and that figure does NOT include all the revenue Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and kompany will earn by simply Tweeting and pretending to be your pal on Facebook.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Season 7 Promo

The contract also does NOT cover additional seasons of Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York or Khloé & Lamar, along with any future spin-offs producers can conjure up (Kris Does Menopause? Kendall Studies For Her Learner's Permit?).

Keeping Up with the Kardashians premieres its next season on May 20, with the only real question remaining:

How much air time will be dedicated to Kim and Kanye West?

The best looking, least irritating member of the Kardashian family turns 33 years old today.

That's right, Kourtney Kardashian is celebrating a birthday, which may come as a surprise to many because - unlike her sisters - we haven't been hearing a great deal about Kourtney. No Las Vegas party appears to be planned, no talk show appearances are in the works, she isn't talking incessantly about procreating.

She's simply doing it.

Indeed, aside from her questionable taste in men (Scott Disick? Really?!?), Kourtney seems downright normal, reserved and attention-shy, at least when compared to other members of her family. She even has a really cute son.

So we're happy to send our birthday wishes to this reality star and we encourage readers to do the same.

And, in THG fashion, we'll honor the birthday gal with a photo montage. Click, enlarge and enjoy...

Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian have simultaneously been abandoned by the men in their lives ... at least according to one ridiculous tabloid cover.

Must be a slow news week, even for In Touch, because there's pretty much no indication that Scott Disick or Lamar Odom ditched their partners.

Scott partied with "club girls" while Kourt stayed home with her hormones, supposedly. Maybe so, but that's what Scott does. It's not incendiary.

As for Khloe's man? Lamar dumped the Mavericks, but that's about it.

What's all the more amazing about this kover is that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are dating. Like for real. Kim Kardashian is dating Kanye West!

This made-for-tabloid-drama relationship actually materialized out of thin air and ITW instead opts for bogus, less interesting stories about her sisters.

That's just poor celebrity gossip reporting, people. Poor.

Move over, Christina Aguilera, Lil' Kim, Mýa and Pink. The Kardashians are koming!

Kendall and Kylie Jenner posted a video on YouTube yesterday, one that was filmed during the family's Christmas card shoot in December. Like that annoying Kardashian take on Katy Perry's "ET," here we see Kim, Khloe and Kourtney and Kris Jenner lip syncing along to a popular track.

In this case, the 2001 chart topper from Moulin Rouge, "Lady Marmalade." And the lyric repeated most often in that song? Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir.

Sounds about right for the Kardashians, doesn't it?

The Kardashians - "Lady Marmalade" Kover