by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Wow. What an amazing coincidence: the same week E! airs an episode of Kourtney and Khloe Takes Miami that focuses on Scott Disick being a pathetic drunk, that loser happens to get in a filmed fight with his neighbor.

It's almost as if the marketing team planned it that way!

Kourtney and Scott

Below, a THG intern offers up her thoughts on this week's installment of the most scripted show on television...

It’s weird that Kourtney said she doesn’t go to clubs when she’s photographed at them ALL THE TIME and was at one two episodes ago.  Still, this gave her a chance to get out of town with Khloe and head to Chicago.

You’d think Kourt would want to support Scott’s club opening, but nope.  She goes to the Windy City and pushes around Mason while walking next to Khloe, who literally is a foot taller than her in one scene.

The girls are in Chicago to explore Khloe’s obsession with all things forensics and serial killers.  She meets with a renowned doctor to do some investigating.  As the doctor is explaining what a sociopath is, Khloe is having flashbacks and relating everything to Scott.  She reallyyyy has it out for the guy.

Meanwhile, back in Miami Scott’s friends fly down for the opening of his club “MIA.”  When they visit the store, the boys invite the Dash employees, who respond with: “We know it’s a bad idea, but we should go anyway to show we are on Kourtney’s side.” 

What?!? That’s the most illogical rationalization I’ve ever heard.  Inappropriate all around.

Scott feels the need to prove to this boys that he’s not a boring ol’ dad and can still hang. So he chugs Patron - and gets drunk.  He calls one of the girls a hooker, the girl cries and then goes home.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bad news for Kourtney Kardashian this week: she's been stabbed in the heart.

Really bad news for celebrity gossip followers: this headline isn't meant in a literal sense.

For the second time in a month, Kourtney's relationship with Scott Disick is front and center on a supermarket tabloid. While previous reports of the pair's split were premature, this one seems REALLY serious!

After all, an anonymous source says the family agrees Scott "needs professional help" because he cheated on his baby mama with some chick in a bikini. OMG, people. OMG...

A stabbing, a surgical nightmare, a baby for Angelina Jolie and a honeymoon for Ian Ziering?!? At least one of these stories is true. Can you guess which?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A cameo by Tommy Lee. A sisterly bikini wax. A hungover day at the zoo.

The writers for Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami came up with a suspenseful script this week, as one of THG's bravest interns reviewed the latest edition of this E! reality farce below...

The Kardashian sisters really have no boundaries.  Does Khloe really need to walk in on Kourtney peeing in front of Scott and Mason?  I know when you have a new baby they are pretty much attached to you, but c’mon.  Wait a minute, for that matter why are they filming Kourtney taking a piss at all?

The girls then go car shopping and, boo-hoo, Kourtney is upset she can’t get the same fast little sports car as last year because it won’t fit a carseat.  Honey, nobody’s stuffing you into a minivan from the 80’s with wood paneling just because you have a baby now.  You’re still rolling in a very nice car.  Their next stop on the shopping trip is where this episode gets interesting.  Lingerie time is in order for Lamar’s stopover in Miami.

As the girls are trying stuff on, Kourtney bluntly tells her sister that she needs a bikini wax like whoa.  To be quite honest, if you’re sister can’t tell you stuff like that, who can?  Khloe then agrees to let Kourtney wax her. 

It’s just not feasible that a Kardashian sister couldn’t make a last-minute waxing appointment at some chic Miami spa.  I get it, it’s entertaining TV to let Kourt do it (WATCH HERE).  Too bad Kourtney ends up burning Khloe and leaving a mark.  (For the record, I don’t think butter is good for burns.  I’ve actually heard it can make it worse.)  Scott walking in on Kourtney applying butter to her sister’s vagina is just the icing on the cake. 

Poor baby Mason has no idea what he’s even looking at.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The fact that Kourtney, Khloe and Kim Kardashian are koming out with an advice book is humorous enough on its own.

But the ridiculousness gets even better, as the tome will be titled "Kardashian Konfidential."

Kim Kardashian Nude Picture

Why is this so funny? Because the sisters haven't kept anything confidential in years! Desperate for attention, they talk about babies, fashion, weight loss, Botox, big breasts and anything that will put money in their pockets to anyone that will listen.

Adding to the hilarity, a source said the book will have "lots of pictures," which is a given. Those are the only kinds of books these siblings read themselves.

Kardashian Konfidential will be published this November by St. Martin's Press. It's unknown at the moment how much it will retail for, but we can say this with konfidence:

Tack on a couple hundred dollars to whatever the book costs. That should kover the therapy sessions for anyone that actually pays money for advice from Kourtney, Khloe and Kim Kardashian.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We make fun of Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian. A lot. Often. Pretty much every chance we get.

But what kind of credibility would we have if we simply bashed these talentless celebrities from afar? Hilarious clips that showcase clearly scripted fights and arguments might be worthy of our mockery, but readers have told us to give full episodes a shot.

Revenge Romance!

Therefore, we've assigned an intern this nauseating task. She suffered in front of her TV on Sunday night and filed this report on the season premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami...

If anyone knows how to rock reality TV, it’s the Kardashians.  These girls were built in the public eye and despite having the tabloids follow their every move, they can still film an interesting show with things we haven’t yet seen.  On Sunday, these two outspoken sisters proved they can do just that.

Aptly titled “Back in Miami," the episode focused on the two new additions to this family: the adorable baby Mason and the infamous Scott Disick.  While we haven’t seen much from the latter yet, the previews assure us that his notorious antics are yet to come.

While Kourtney tackles new motherhood, Khloe struggles with the fact that she’s leaving her new husband (Lamar Odom, of course) behind. 

Honestly, while Lamar seems like a standup guy and it’s wonderful how in love he and Khloe are, the baby talk between the pair has GOT TO GO.  Producers, editors, please: my gag reflex can only take so much.  The only goo-goo ga-ga sounds should be coming from little Mason.

Granted, we don’t know the inner workings of every business move the Kardashians make, but it sucks Kourtney had to take the reigns with revamping the Miami Dash store.  However, people have their priorities and Khloe wasn’t feeling it.  On that note, Scott: Could you be more annoying?

You already know you tread on thin ice with your girlfriend’s family, don’t piss off the one who wouldn’t hesitate to punch you in the face.  That being said, keep rocking those Patrick Bateman suits and entertaining us with your royal douchery.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Television viewers have quite the conundrum on Sunday night.

On one hand, they could watch a scary, scripted show about characters who will go to extreme lengths to get what they want - on the other, they could watch True Blood!

Disick and Kourtney

Indeed, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian return to take over Miami on their nauseating E! reality show, while HBO premieres season three of the most violent, suspenseful, sex-filled drama on TV. Which will you tune in for?

Perhaps this Tale of the Tape comparison can help you decide...

1. MAIN VILLAIN...
True Blood: Eric Northman.
Kourtney and Khloe: Scott Disick.
Edge: True Blood.

2. CHARACTER WE FEEL MOST SORRY FOR...
True Blood: Tara.
Kourtney and Khloe: Mason Dash.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

3. RECURRING BEAUTY...
True Blood: The Queen of Louisiana.
Kourtney and Khloe: Kim Kardashian.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

4. BEST BODY BELONGS TO...
True Blood: Ryan Kwanten.
Kourtney and Khloe: Kourtney.
Edge: True Blood.

5. MOST SCRIPTED FIGHT...
True Blood: Vampires vs. werewolves.
Kourtney and Khloe: THIS.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

THE VERDICT: With a last-minute victory in the category of most scripted, outlandish scenario, Kourtney and Khloe pull the upset! They win this Tale of the Tape by a final score of 3-2. But True Blood characters can take comfort in this fact:

Many of them may wanna rip open our flesh, but we'd still prefer to hang out with them any day of the week.

Which season premiere will you watch?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It looks like Kourtney Kardashian has gotten over her dramatically scripted fight with Scott Disick.

The useless celebritiy was all smiles at a recent Beach Bunny bikini photo shoot with sisters Kim and Khloe, as the latter even posted a picture of Kourtney in a ridiculous blonde wig.

On her blog, an intern for Khloe wrote: "I felt very Lady Gaga with that 'do, especially since we weren't wearing any pants LOL. I wanted to bring the wig home to strut around in it for Lamar [Odom], but they wouldn’t let me haha.

"I think I like myself better as a brunette anyway. I did the whole blonde thing in high school when I thought I was Britney Spears - no need to revisit the teenage years."

It's true, Khloe, ur so gr8 and mature now. LMAO!

Kourtney Kardashian Photo

What do you think of Kourtney Kardashian as a blonde?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We've gotta give credit to the writers of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami.

After season one of this "reality" show concluded, they clearly came to a realization: Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have the combined personality of a piece of pocket lint. They're more boring than an episode of 90210.

That's why producers have told Khloe to get pregnant, at least a baby would spice things up. It's also also why season two of this E! series will focus on Scott Disick. Kourtney's baby daddy knows how to deliver the drama!

Case in point: the alcohol-fueld tirade he goes on in the preview below, which tabloids claim led to a split between Kourtney and Scott. There's just one problem: this footage was filmed months ago, meaning we already know the outcome: Kourt and Scott are just fine.

The same can't be said for people that actually tune in watch this entirely scripted nonsense...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

If supermarket tabloids are never to be believed, what do readers do when two of these trashy magazines publish opposite reports? One of them has to be correct, no?

Such is the dilemma now facing Kourtney Kardashians fans, a select group of individuals who should likely re-consider their priorities in life.

According to Us Weekly, Kourtney and Scott Disick are tighter than ever, as the former helped the latter celebrate his 27th birthday last week in Charlotte. At the party, Disick allegedly said: "The most important thing is family.”

AWWWW, right? Or... wrong?!?

Khloe Kardashian might be pregnant. Kourtney may have dumped an abusive Scott Disick. What will reality show writers come up next for these sisters?!?

As you can see above, Life & Style tells a very different story.

It claims to have gotten its hands on a scene from season two of Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami. In it, Scott goes on an alcohol-infused tirade, smashing bottles, punching walls and forcing Kourtney to lock herself in a room with five-month old Mason.

The incident ends with Disick rushed to the hospital and Kourtney in hysterics, eventually telling her douchey beau: "I can't do this anymore. I love Mason more than I love you."

(That's a great line. Props to the writer that jotted it down on Kourt's cue card.)

Kris Jenner, meanwhile, supposedly told the tabloid that she "had another girlfriend who allowed this kind of stuff in her life, and she ended up dead."

Yes, Kris is referring to Nicole Brown Simpson. Yes, she just compared Scott Disick to O.J. Simpson. Producers may have crossed the line with that one. Are they that desperate for ratings?!?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

At a Los Angeles boutique yesterday, fans lined up for hours to get the autographs of Khloe, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.

These total wastes of space sisters signed items in honor of the launch of their new jewelry line "Kardashian Collection by Virgin Saints + Angel."

Such an event got us wondering, WHO THE HECK WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH FROM THE KARDASHIANS?!?

The siblings are known simply for filming themselves having sex, having a child out of wedlock and marrying a NBA star purely for money and attention. That's it. They offer nothing else to society.

Are we grateful they exist because they make us laugh and look pretty good naked? Of course. But would we waste one nanosecond of our lives waiting to get their autograph? No.

Signing Sisters
  • Khloe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian
  • Hi, Kim and Kourtney!
  • Two!
  • Signing
  • A Kim Stare

Kourtney Kardashian Biography

Kourtney Kardashian Photo Kourtney Kardashian is the least known of the older Kardashian sisters. She's probably the best looking, though. Kourtney has never made... More »
Born
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Kourtney Mary Kardashian
x Close Ad