by Hilton Hater at . Comments

According to the latest issue of In Touch Weekly, there's a nightmare all Kardashians share.

No, it isn't that the family is in danger of falling out of the spotlight. They've already started pimping out Kendall Jenner to make sure this never happens.

Kardashians Shop

Instead, everyone agrees that Kourtney should not marry Scott Disick, as this cover story conjures up quotes and rumors about an upcoming wedding between the reality stars...

This really is an example of Tabloid Journalism 101. Notice that it never says Kourtney and Scott are actually engaged. It never makes any statement that could be considered libel.

Instead, it simply capitalizes a few controversial words and teases readers with vague hypotheticals. Soon enough, Kardashian will come out and blog some response to the article, thereby garnering sympathy and attention for herself.

And the PR machine will continue to go around and around...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It's not "To be or not to be?" but an important question was still posted this week:

Can you still refer to a show as “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami” when one of the titled sisters has flown the coop? The THG intern assigned to cover this overly scripted E! series has posed that question because Kim Kardashian took the place of Khloe. Let's see what went down last night...

Kim Kardashian with Lighter Hair

No Khloe doll this week.  Instead she was replaced by someone who is starting to look more and more like an actual doll: Miss Kimmy Kardashian, middle sister and media whore extraordinaire.

Okay, for reals, how much makeup does Kim wear?  They all wear a ton, but but Kim takes the painted-on cake.  Her look is omni-changing, prompting my roommate to constantly ask “Do you think she had work done?”

Whatever. What I really want to know is if Kourtney and Scott banging on the balcony was staged.  Knowing the Kardashians, of course. They have no shame and, to be honest, I was cracking up.  Welcome to Miami, Kim!!!

The flashbacks of Kourtney and Kim were cute, but after that, the episode pretty much went downhill. 

Kim’s addicted to her blackberry (aka "crackberry.") No shock there.  It’s crazy how much more paparazzi Kim attracts; that scene outside of Dash was crazy.

Speaking of Dash, once again the employees showed how mind-numbingly stupid they are.  Why on earth would you ever talk about potentially having an STD while being filmed for a reality show?  SERIOULSY. An IQ, or even common sense, test is clearly not required during employee screenings for Dash. 

And if you don’t want people knowing your private business, then don’t reveal it on camera.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We actually have something positive to say about this week's episode of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami: it was baby talk free!

As for what else went down on the most scripted show on television? We forced an intern to watch and to file the following report...

Kourtney Kardashian Kover

On this week’s installment, Kourtney is obsessive about getting her body back into pre-baby shape. Also, Khloe is back in Miami from LA.

Kourtney goes overboard in her mission. She has a shoot for Life & Style, who we all know has an exclusive deal with the Kardashians.  She tells her stylist that she doesn’t want to be photoshopped because then it’s not realistic for other pregnant women to see. 

Besides the fact that everything is photoshopped these days, it’s also unrealistic to for the average mom to be very rich with access to nannies, free clothes, trainers, etc.

We all know what happens next. 

After all, when you are depriving yourself of food and overindulging in exercise you will lose your cool and possibly consciousness.  Kourtney snaps at Scott and Khloe and then ends up fainting. She needs to be taken away in an ambulance to get hydrated. 

By the way, how Patrick Bateman did Scott look in his outfit during that fight scene?  Moreover, when Kourtney had the IV pulled out, she claims she “can’t look at that stuff.”  I didn’t know Kourtney had any sort of gross out factor; after all she did pull her own baby out of her vagina on cable TV.

Meanwhile Khloe vowed that upon her return to Miami she would no longer be “whining Whitney” and would throw herself into being more helpful to Kourtney and Dash.  She takes over the shop, babysits Mason, and is Kourtney’s biggest cheerleader. 

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A recent tabloid cover story stated that Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again and shady baby daddy Scott Disick reacted to the news by hitting on a woman in front of her.

Not exctly his most dastardly deed.

Still, Kourtney felt the need to make more headlines for herself from this report and responded to it on her blog yesterday. She wrote:

"Gotta give it to the trash mags this week for some pretty creative Kardashian stories. One of my favorites is that Scott was flirting with a sexy blonde aka Joyce, my most gorgeous and fabulous friend and makeup artist. Lol."

Likely Not Pregnant

Kourtney also felt the need to defend another random aspect of the article:

"The story went on about how Scott was downing sangria, a drink I'm pretty sure he has never had before. In fact there wasn't even any sangria at the table. Not to mention, he wasn't drinking alcohol period."

Okay, Kourtney, we got it: Scott wasn't flirting and he wasn't drinking. Thank goodness you cleared those rumors up.

Care to respond to the pregnancy claim now???

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Come on, Kourtney Kardashian.

Is your reality show struggling so mightily that you must ruin the life of a second child by exploiting it for the sake of ratings?!?

The answer is YES, if this tabloid cover story is to be believed. According to In Touch Weekly, Kourtney Kardashian recently shared pregnancy news with Scott Disick... who reacted to it by flirting with another woman right before Kourt's eyes. That bastard!

Poor Kardashian wants to leave her shady baby daddy, but is allegedly "terrified" to do so. After all, viewers certainly won't watch Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami just for the personality of these sisters alone.

Likely Not Pregnant

Take this report with a grain of salt the size of Kim Kardashian's ego, however.

Supermarket tabloids have a penchant for "confirming" baby news that turns out to be nothing more than a confirmation that the magazine has written about a celebrity and mentioned the word baby. Right, Jessica Simpson?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

You know I love you, I try to stick it to you whenever I can.
- Scott Disick

Not even Fourth of July Weekend could slow down the writers of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. They penned such winning lines as the one uttered above and came up with a new episode of this E! reality show last night. We forced an intern to watch and she filed the following report...

It’s honestly hard to get through KKTM these days without Khloe speaking like a 4 year old.  It’s really effing killing me, which makes it harder to write this review, but here goes.

Scott and Kourtney are a bipolar couple. The polo event they went to was so staged it was ridiculous.  Congrats, producers, for coming up with new locations and storylines to paint the exact story you want.  So Kourtney flirts with a hot polo player and Scott doesn’t even care.  As she laments to Khloe that it felt sexual to be on the horse with a polo hottie, Scott is in the backseat with the baby deciding aloud that he’s “really in the mood for a taco.”

Khloe Kardashian Wallpaper

The Kardashians are such pros at working the camera and Scott has picked up the tricks of the trade pretty quickly.  He knows it makes for better television if he resists Kourtney’s taunting and forces her to take her game to the next level. 

This brings us to Kourtney staging a lesbionic reunion with season one fling Jackie.  Scott smells BS the second he walks in the door and upstages her.  I truly was laughing when he came outside in his robe and suggested a threesome.  He’s fully bucko, swinging his dong at these ladies, with his microphone cord visibly hanging behind him. 

Scott’s crazy, but he’s definitely amusing.  Kourtney calls him a sicko, Jackie leaves, and Scott tells her that he always wants to get down with her, there’s no need to play these games.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Let's hope you aren't sick of large boobs and poor acting, TV watchers. Because the Kardashian sisters are planning to show up in your living room often this fall.

First, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney will all guest star on the third season premiere of 90210 in September. They'll portray talentless tabloid models with a great publicist and little to offer the world themselves on the episode.

Next, In Touch Weekly reports that Khloe and husband Lamar Odom have signed on for their own reality show. Absolutely shocking news, we know.

"They will be starting to tape in the next few weeks," said a source. "It's about their life: being married, trying to have a baby, and her being a stepmother to his kids. Everything that family does turns to gold. They are all making tons and tons of money."

  • A Kim Signing
  • Two K Sisters

The people most excited about this news? Shenae Grimes and AnnaLynne McCord. Those two won't be the worst actresses on at least one episode of 90210 now.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Wow. What an amazing coincidence: the same week E! airs an episode of Kourtney and Khloe Takes Miami that focuses on Scott Disick being a pathetic drunk, that loser happens to get in a filmed fight with his neighbor.

It's almost as if the marketing team planned it that way!

Kourtney and Scott

Below, a THG intern offers up her thoughts on this week's installment of the most scripted show on television...

It’s weird that Kourtney said she doesn’t go to clubs when she’s photographed at them ALL THE TIME and was at one two episodes ago.  Still, this gave her a chance to get out of town with Khloe and head to Chicago.

You’d think Kourt would want to support Scott’s club opening, but nope.  She goes to the Windy City and pushes around Mason while walking next to Khloe, who literally is a foot taller than her in one scene.

The girls are in Chicago to explore Khloe’s obsession with all things forensics and serial killers.  She meets with a renowned doctor to do some investigating.  As the doctor is explaining what a sociopath is, Khloe is having flashbacks and relating everything to Scott.  She reallyyyy has it out for the guy.

Meanwhile, back in Miami Scott’s friends fly down for the opening of his club “MIA.”  When they visit the store, the boys invite the Dash employees, who respond with: “We know it’s a bad idea, but we should go anyway to show we are on Kourtney’s side.” 

What?!? That’s the most illogical rationalization I’ve ever heard.  Inappropriate all around.

Scott feels the need to prove to this boys that he’s not a boring ol’ dad and can still hang. So he chugs Patron - and gets drunk.  He calls one of the girls a hooker, the girl cries and then goes home.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bad news for Kourtney Kardashian this week: she's been stabbed in the heart.

Really bad news for celebrity gossip followers: this headline isn't meant in a literal sense.

For the second time in a month, Kourtney's relationship with Scott Disick is front and center on a supermarket tabloid. While previous reports of the pair's split were premature, this one seems REALLY serious!

After all, an anonymous source says the family agrees Scott "needs professional help" because he cheated on his baby mama with some chick in a bikini. OMG, people. OMG...

A stabbing, a surgical nightmare, a baby for Angelina Jolie and a honeymoon for Ian Ziering?!? At least one of these stories is true. Can you guess which?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A cameo by Tommy Lee. A sisterly bikini wax. A hungover day at the zoo.

The writers for Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami came up with a suspenseful script this week, as one of THG's bravest interns reviewed the latest edition of this E! reality farce below...

The Kardashian sisters really have no boundaries.  Does Khloe really need to walk in on Kourtney peeing in front of Scott and Mason?  I know when you have a new baby they are pretty much attached to you, but c’mon.  Wait a minute, for that matter why are they filming Kourtney taking a piss at all?

The girls then go car shopping and, boo-hoo, Kourtney is upset she can’t get the same fast little sports car as last year because it won’t fit a carseat.  Honey, nobody’s stuffing you into a minivan from the 80’s with wood paneling just because you have a baby now.  You’re still rolling in a very nice car.  Their next stop on the shopping trip is where this episode gets interesting.  Lingerie time is in order for Lamar’s stopover in Miami.

As the girls are trying stuff on, Kourtney bluntly tells her sister that she needs a bikini wax like whoa.  To be quite honest, if you’re sister can’t tell you stuff like that, who can?  Khloe then agrees to let Kourtney wax her. 

It’s just not feasible that a Kardashian sister couldn’t make a last-minute waxing appointment at some chic Miami spa.  I get it, it’s entertaining TV to let Kourt do it (WATCH HERE).  Too bad Kourtney ends up burning Khloe and leaving a mark.  (For the record, I don’t think butter is good for burns.  I’ve actually heard it can make it worse.)  Scott walking in on Kourtney applying butter to her sister’s vagina is just the icing on the cake. 

Poor baby Mason has no idea what he’s even looking at.

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