by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A recent tabloid cover story stated that Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again and shady baby daddy Scott Disick reacted to the news by hitting on a woman in front of her.

Not exctly his most dastardly deed.

Still, Kourtney felt the need to make more headlines for herself from this report and responded to it on her blog yesterday. She wrote:

"Gotta give it to the trash mags this week for some pretty creative Kardashian stories. One of my favorites is that Scott was flirting with a sexy blonde aka Joyce, my most gorgeous and fabulous friend and makeup artist. Lol."

Likely Not Pregnant

Kourtney also felt the need to defend another random aspect of the article:

"The story went on about how Scott was downing sangria, a drink I'm pretty sure he has never had before. In fact there wasn't even any sangria at the table. Not to mention, he wasn't drinking alcohol period."

Okay, Kourtney, we got it: Scott wasn't flirting and he wasn't drinking. Thank goodness you cleared those rumors up.

Care to respond to the pregnancy claim now???

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Come on, Kourtney Kardashian.

Is your reality show struggling so mightily that you must ruin the life of a second child by exploiting it for the sake of ratings?!?

The answer is YES, if this tabloid cover story is to be believed. According to In Touch Weekly, Kourtney Kardashian recently shared pregnancy news with Scott Disick... who reacted to it by flirting with another woman right before Kourt's eyes. That bastard!

Poor Kardashian wants to leave her shady baby daddy, but is allegedly "terrified" to do so. After all, viewers certainly won't watch Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami just for the personality of these sisters alone.

Likely Not Pregnant

Take this report with a grain of salt the size of Kim Kardashian's ego, however.

Supermarket tabloids have a penchant for "confirming" baby news that turns out to be nothing more than a confirmation that the magazine has written about a celebrity and mentioned the word baby. Right, Jessica Simpson?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

You know I love you, I try to stick it to you whenever I can.
- Scott Disick

Not even Fourth of July Weekend could slow down the writers of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. They penned such winning lines as the one uttered above and came up with a new episode of this E! reality show last night. We forced an intern to watch and she filed the following report...

It’s honestly hard to get through KKTM these days without Khloe speaking like a 4 year old.  It’s really effing killing me, which makes it harder to write this review, but here goes.

Scott and Kourtney are a bipolar couple. The polo event they went to was so staged it was ridiculous.  Congrats, producers, for coming up with new locations and storylines to paint the exact story you want.  So Kourtney flirts with a hot polo player and Scott doesn’t even care.  As she laments to Khloe that it felt sexual to be on the horse with a polo hottie, Scott is in the backseat with the baby deciding aloud that he’s “really in the mood for a taco.”

Khloe Kardashian Wallpaper

The Kardashians are such pros at working the camera and Scott has picked up the tricks of the trade pretty quickly.  He knows it makes for better television if he resists Kourtney’s taunting and forces her to take her game to the next level. 

This brings us to Kourtney staging a lesbionic reunion with season one fling Jackie.  Scott smells BS the second he walks in the door and upstages her.  I truly was laughing when he came outside in his robe and suggested a threesome.  He’s fully bucko, swinging his dong at these ladies, with his microphone cord visibly hanging behind him. 

Scott’s crazy, but he’s definitely amusing.  Kourtney calls him a sicko, Jackie leaves, and Scott tells her that he always wants to get down with her, there’s no need to play these games.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Let's hope you aren't sick of large boobs and poor acting, TV watchers. Because the Kardashian sisters are planning to show up in your living room often this fall.

First, Kim, Khloe and Kourtney will all guest star on the third season premiere of 90210 in September. They'll portray talentless tabloid models with a great publicist and little to offer the world themselves on the episode.

Next, In Touch Weekly reports that Khloe and husband Lamar Odom have signed on for their own reality show. Absolutely shocking news, we know.

"They will be starting to tape in the next few weeks," said a source. "It's about their life: being married, trying to have a baby, and her being a stepmother to his kids. Everything that family does turns to gold. They are all making tons and tons of money."

  • A Kim Signing
  • Two K Sisters

The people most excited about this news? Shenae Grimes and AnnaLynne McCord. Those two won't be the worst actresses on at least one episode of 90210 now.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Wow. What an amazing coincidence: the same week E! airs an episode of Kourtney and Khloe Takes Miami that focuses on Scott Disick being a pathetic drunk, that loser happens to get in a filmed fight with his neighbor.

It's almost as if the marketing team planned it that way!

Kourtney and Scott

Below, a THG intern offers up her thoughts on this week's installment of the most scripted show on television...

It’s weird that Kourtney said she doesn’t go to clubs when she’s photographed at them ALL THE TIME and was at one two episodes ago.  Still, this gave her a chance to get out of town with Khloe and head to Chicago.

You’d think Kourt would want to support Scott’s club opening, but nope.  She goes to the Windy City and pushes around Mason while walking next to Khloe, who literally is a foot taller than her in one scene.

The girls are in Chicago to explore Khloe’s obsession with all things forensics and serial killers.  She meets with a renowned doctor to do some investigating.  As the doctor is explaining what a sociopath is, Khloe is having flashbacks and relating everything to Scott.  She reallyyyy has it out for the guy.

Meanwhile, back in Miami Scott’s friends fly down for the opening of his club “MIA.”  When they visit the store, the boys invite the Dash employees, who respond with: “We know it’s a bad idea, but we should go anyway to show we are on Kourtney’s side.” 

What?!? That’s the most illogical rationalization I’ve ever heard.  Inappropriate all around.

Scott feels the need to prove to this boys that he’s not a boring ol’ dad and can still hang. So he chugs Patron - and gets drunk.  He calls one of the girls a hooker, the girl cries and then goes home.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bad news for Kourtney Kardashian this week: she's been stabbed in the heart.

Really bad news for celebrity gossip followers: this headline isn't meant in a literal sense.

For the second time in a month, Kourtney's relationship with Scott Disick is front and center on a supermarket tabloid. While previous reports of the pair's split were premature, this one seems REALLY serious!

After all, an anonymous source says the family agrees Scott "needs professional help" because he cheated on his baby mama with some chick in a bikini. OMG, people. OMG...

A stabbing, a surgical nightmare, a baby for Angelina Jolie and a honeymoon for Ian Ziering?!? At least one of these stories is true. Can you guess which?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A cameo by Tommy Lee. A sisterly bikini wax. A hungover day at the zoo.

The writers for Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami came up with a suspenseful script this week, as one of THG's bravest interns reviewed the latest edition of this E! reality farce below...

The Kardashian sisters really have no boundaries.  Does Khloe really need to walk in on Kourtney peeing in front of Scott and Mason?  I know when you have a new baby they are pretty much attached to you, but c’mon.  Wait a minute, for that matter why are they filming Kourtney taking a piss at all?

The girls then go car shopping and, boo-hoo, Kourtney is upset she can’t get the same fast little sports car as last year because it won’t fit a carseat.  Honey, nobody’s stuffing you into a minivan from the 80’s with wood paneling just because you have a baby now.  You’re still rolling in a very nice car.  Their next stop on the shopping trip is where this episode gets interesting.  Lingerie time is in order for Lamar’s stopover in Miami.

As the girls are trying stuff on, Kourtney bluntly tells her sister that she needs a bikini wax like whoa.  To be quite honest, if you’re sister can’t tell you stuff like that, who can?  Khloe then agrees to let Kourtney wax her. 

It’s just not feasible that a Kardashian sister couldn’t make a last-minute waxing appointment at some chic Miami spa.  I get it, it’s entertaining TV to let Kourt do it (WATCH HERE).  Too bad Kourtney ends up burning Khloe and leaving a mark.  (For the record, I don’t think butter is good for burns.  I’ve actually heard it can make it worse.)  Scott walking in on Kourtney applying butter to her sister’s vagina is just the icing on the cake. 

Poor baby Mason has no idea what he’s even looking at.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The fact that Kourtney, Khloe and Kim Kardashian are koming out with an advice book is humorous enough on its own.

But the ridiculousness gets even better, as the tome will be titled "Kardashian Konfidential."

Kim Kardashian Nude Picture

Why is this so funny? Because the sisters haven't kept anything confidential in years! Desperate for attention, they talk about babies, fashion, weight loss, Botox, big breasts and anything that will put money in their pockets to anyone that will listen.

Adding to the hilarity, a source said the book will have "lots of pictures," which is a given. Those are the only kinds of books these siblings read themselves.

Kardashian Konfidential will be published this November by St. Martin's Press. It's unknown at the moment how much it will retail for, but we can say this with konfidence:

Tack on a couple hundred dollars to whatever the book costs. That should kover the therapy sessions for anyone that actually pays money for advice from Kourtney, Khloe and Kim Kardashian.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We make fun of Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian. A lot. Often. Pretty much every chance we get.

But what kind of credibility would we have if we simply bashed these talentless celebrities from afar? Hilarious clips that showcase clearly scripted fights and arguments might be worthy of our mockery, but readers have told us to give full episodes a shot.

Revenge Romance!

Therefore, we've assigned an intern this nauseating task. She suffered in front of her TV on Sunday night and filed this report on the season premiere of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami...

If anyone knows how to rock reality TV, it’s the Kardashians.  These girls were built in the public eye and despite having the tabloids follow their every move, they can still film an interesting show with things we haven’t yet seen.  On Sunday, these two outspoken sisters proved they can do just that.

Aptly titled “Back in Miami," the episode focused on the two new additions to this family: the adorable baby Mason and the infamous Scott Disick.  While we haven’t seen much from the latter yet, the previews assure us that his notorious antics are yet to come.

While Kourtney tackles new motherhood, Khloe struggles with the fact that she’s leaving her new husband (Lamar Odom, of course) behind. 

Honestly, while Lamar seems like a standup guy and it’s wonderful how in love he and Khloe are, the baby talk between the pair has GOT TO GO.  Producers, editors, please: my gag reflex can only take so much.  The only goo-goo ga-ga sounds should be coming from little Mason.

Granted, we don’t know the inner workings of every business move the Kardashians make, but it sucks Kourtney had to take the reigns with revamping the Miami Dash store.  However, people have their priorities and Khloe wasn’t feeling it.  On that note, Scott: Could you be more annoying?

You already know you tread on thin ice with your girlfriend’s family, don’t piss off the one who wouldn’t hesitate to punch you in the face.  That being said, keep rocking those Patrick Bateman suits and entertaining us with your royal douchery.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Television viewers have quite the conundrum on Sunday night.

On one hand, they could watch a scary, scripted show about characters who will go to extreme lengths to get what they want - on the other, they could watch True Blood!

Disick and Kourtney

Indeed, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian return to take over Miami on their nauseating E! reality show, while HBO premieres season three of the most violent, suspenseful, sex-filled drama on TV. Which will you tune in for?

Perhaps this Tale of the Tape comparison can help you decide...

1. MAIN VILLAIN...
True Blood: Eric Northman.
Kourtney and Khloe: Scott Disick.
Edge: True Blood.

2. CHARACTER WE FEEL MOST SORRY FOR...
True Blood: Tara.
Kourtney and Khloe: Mason Dash.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

3. RECURRING BEAUTY...
True Blood: The Queen of Louisiana.
Kourtney and Khloe: Kim Kardashian.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

4. BEST BODY BELONGS TO...
True Blood: Ryan Kwanten.
Kourtney and Khloe: Kourtney.
Edge: True Blood.

5. MOST SCRIPTED FIGHT...
True Blood: Vampires vs. werewolves.
Kourtney and Khloe: THIS.
Edge: Kourtney and Khloe.

THE VERDICT: With a last-minute victory in the category of most scripted, outlandish scenario, Kourtney and Khloe pull the upset! They win this Tale of the Tape by a final score of 3-2. But True Blood characters can take comfort in this fact:

Many of them may wanna rip open our flesh, but we'd still prefer to hang out with them any day of the week.

Which season premiere will you watch?