by Hilton Hater at

We've gotta give credit to the writers of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami.

After season one of this "reality" show concluded, they clearly came to a realization: Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have the combined personality of a piece of pocket lint. They're more boring than an episode of 90210.

That's why producers have told Khloe to get pregnant, at least a baby would spice things up. It's also also why season two of this E! series will focus on Scott Disick. Kourtney's baby daddy knows how to deliver the drama!

Case in point: the alcohol-fueld tirade he goes on in the preview below, which tabloids claim led to a split between Kourtney and Scott. There's just one problem: this footage was filmed months ago, meaning we already know the outcome: Kourt and Scott are just fine.

The same can't be said for people that actually tune in watch this entirely scripted nonsense...

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by Hilton Hater at

If supermarket tabloids are never to be believed, what do readers do when two of these trashy magazines publish opposite reports? One of them has to be correct, no?

Such is the dilemma now facing Kourtney Kardashians fans, a select group of individuals who should likely re-consider their priorities in life.

According to Us Weekly, Kourtney and Scott Disick are tighter than ever, as the former helped the latter celebrate his 27th birthday last week in Charlotte. At the party, Disick allegedly said: "The most important thing is family.”

AWWWW, right? Or... wrong?!?

Khloe Kardashian might be pregnant. Kourtney may have dumped an abusive Scott Disick. What will reality show writers come up next for these sisters?!?

As you can see above, Life & Style tells a very different story.

It claims to have gotten its hands on a scene from season two of Kourtney & Khloé Take Miami. In it, Scott goes on an alcohol-infused tirade, smashing bottles, punching walls and forcing Kourtney to lock herself in a room with five-month old Mason.

The incident ends with Disick rushed to the hospital and Kourtney in hysterics, eventually telling her douchey beau: "I can't do this anymore. I love Mason more than I love you."

(That's a great line. Props to the writer that jotted it down on Kourt's cue card.)

Kris Jenner, meanwhile, supposedly told the tabloid that she "had another girlfriend who allowed this kind of stuff in her life, and she ended up dead."

Yes, Kris is referring to Nicole Brown Simpson. Yes, she just compared Scott Disick to O.J. Simpson. Producers may have crossed the line with that one. Are they that desperate for ratings?!?

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by Hilton Hater at

At a Los Angeles boutique yesterday, fans lined up for hours to get the autographs of Khloe, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian.

These total wastes of space sisters signed items in honor of the launch of their new jewelry line "Kardashian Collection by Virgin Saints + Angel."

Such an event got us wondering, WHO THE HECK WANTS AN AUTOGRAPH FROM THE KARDASHIANS?!?

The siblings are known simply for filming themselves having sex, having a child out of wedlock and marrying a NBA star purely for money and attention. That's it. They offer nothing else to society.

Are we grateful they exist because they make us laugh and look pretty good naked? Of course. But would we waste one nanosecond of our lives waiting to get their autograph? No.

Signing Sisters
  • Khloe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian
  • Hi, Kim and Kourtney!
  • Two!
  • Signing
  • A Kim Stare
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by Hilton Hater at

We apologize for being a day late with this post, but can you blame us? We spent yesterday with our wives and mothers.

Those loving experiences caused us to wonder: Who is the best mom in Hollywood?

Many female celebrities are role models, spending time away from the camera with their kids; others exploit their children as money-making props. Below, we examine a few candidates for top mom and ask readers to chime in...

Julia Roberts: Has only starred in two movies (Duplicity and Charlie Wilson's War) in five years. The reason? Three kids under the age of six.

Brooke Mueller: Hey, she's smart enough to remove her children from the abusive home of Charlie Sheen.

Kate Gosselin: JUST KIDDING!

  • Fun with Honor
  • Kourt and Mason
  • Dumbass Dina

Jessica Alba: Often seen out with daughter Honor, and wants to expand her family via adoption.

Kourtney Kardashian: Is willing to continually lose and regain her bikini body just to cash in on support son Mason.

Dina Lohan: Will lose points when if Lindsay dies from alcohol poisoning or Ali stars in a sex tape.

Did we leave off your favorite mother? Vote below on the candidates for Best Mom in Hollywood:

 

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by Hilton Hater at

Dear Kourtney Kardashian: We at THG have constructed a celebrity fashion store. You may want to check it out.

We make this suggestion because the reality star has been involved in as many Face-Offs as anyone in Hollywood. She's taken on Rihanna, Shenae Grimes and her own sister multiple times.

Heck, she even dressed like Aubrey O'Day once.

In other words, Kourtney needs a new wardrobe. We hope she follows the link above and shops for one.

Most recently, Kardashian donned the same Diane von Furstenberg dress as Jennifer Lopez stepped out in last year. You know how this works by now: study the images below and then sound off in our poll...

J. Lo. vs Kourtney

Who looks better in this dress?

 

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by Hilton Hater at

It doesn't get any more hypocritical than Kim and Khloe Kardashian.

We have no problem with the talentless reality stars taking advantage of society's obsession with celebrities, shilling for various products and posing for magazines. But we do ask for a semblance of consistency in their stances, especially when they affect young girls across the country.

Earlier this month, Kim posed naked for Harper's Bazaar because it offered her lots of money she wanted to send a message: "Embrace your curves and who you are."

But this is the same woman that touts the unregulated weight loss supplement QuickTrim at every opportunity.

The Kardashians celebrated Kourtney's 31st birthday in Vegas... by sending terrible messages to every female fan.

It's also the same woman who told Us Weekly over the weekend that "my sister weighs less than I do, and she just had a baby... that's kind of fascinating to me."

When Kourtney said breastfeeding new son Mason was a significant reason behind her rediscovered bikini body, Khloe chimed in:

"If that's all it takes... then someone breastfeed off of me! I don't care!"

Was Khloe joking? Of course. But do millions of teenage girls actually suffer from body weight issues and look to people such as the Kardashians for advice and self-esteem? Sadly, yes.

It would be refreshing if these sisters actually took that responsibility seriously.

  • Sisters in Vegas
  • MGM Grand Pose
  • Klassic Kim
  • The Birthday Gal
  • Khloe on the Red Carpet

[Photos: Splash News]

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by Hilton Hater at

Someone really needs to get Kourtney Kardashian a GPS for her bikini body.

The unmarried mother continues to lose her figure every few weeks. Fortunately, she always recovers it, just in time to grace the cover of a supermarket tabloid. Amazing how that works, isn't it?

Kourt Slims Down

Even though she's already told us how she lost 33 pounds, while also having already shared her diet secrets with the world, Kourtney is featured yet again in the latest issue of Life & Style.

Forget about her sister's dangerous new love, we're dying to discover the tips that can help us get airbrushed by magazines lose so much weight. Take it away, Kourt!

Small diet tweaks: "I used to always get a chai latte from Starbucks, but I just switched to one espresso shot... I was eating a lot of dried fruit, and I didn't realize how much sugar that added. And now I'll eat raw almonds instead of salted ones."

Embrace a physical activity: "I'm big on running - just putting on my iPod Shuffle and going for a run by my house."

Eat fresh food: "Frozen yogurt tastes so chemically to me because I've been eating salads and salmon and chicken. Fresh food is so much better."

Then, there's this final tip: Get pregnant in order to increase ratings for your reality show, pocket lots of cash by exploiting this situation for every tabloid in the country, use that money to pay a personal trainer and personal chef to help you get toned, use Photoshop, offer absolutely nothing of substance to the world.

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by Hilton Hater at

Look, Kardashian family: we understand you'll do and say anything for attention. We comprehend the concept of a publicist and of concocting your own feuds and rumors in order to remain relevant.

But can you please leave innocent children out of your self-serving games?!?

Kardashian Klothing Line

Yesterday, over the course of several painful hours, Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick engaged in a pointless, fake public feud that centered around Kourtney and Scott's son, Mason Dash. It started when Kim posted the following photo of her nephew and Tweeted:

Please nobody tell Kourtney I just twittered a pic of Mase, she just might kill me! I just couldn't resist!

On cue, Disick called his quasi sister-in-law out, writing about his baby mama: "She's not going to be pleased."

From there, Kourtney chimed in, clearly being nothing but pleased: "Everyone told on u kim for showing a pic of Mason! At least u r an incredible auntie," she wrote.

Yes, how dare everyone tell on Kim... for posting a photo that went out to her giant base of Twitter followers, including Scott and Kourtney?!?

Let's hope that Mason skips right past crawling and walking and just learns how to sprint. The kid has to make a run for it before it's too late.

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by Hilton Hater at

We first heard about this story last night. But we waited to make it public, assuming it was a belated April Fool's joke.

We're still waiting... no? Really?!? Sigh.

In Australia to serve as a mobile phone ambassador for Motorola (we're not making that up), Kim Kardashian said she and her siblings will soon pen a book. About relationships.

“My sisters and I are writing a book,” she said, without a hint of irony. “It’s going to [have] lots of fun tips and stories and everything about relationships; it’s a little bit more of an in-depth look into our lives, even though people think that they’ve probably seen everything."

We don't think it, Kim. Ray J made sure we did see absolutely everything.

Newly single, Kim said she'll "certainly be looking" for a boyfriend Down Under due to those "hot Aussie accents." This would make Cristiano Ronaldo very upset.

But back to the ridiculous book. Would you take advice from Kim, Khloe or Kourtney about relationships? A brief primer on their dating history:

  • Kim made a sex tape with an aspiring hip hop singer who went on to contract many STDs from desperate reality stars anchor a VH1 show.
  • Khloe married Lamar Odom after one-month of dating because the wedding would make for a quality episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
  • Kourtney dated a certified douchebag for two years, and then had his baby because it gave viewers a reason to watch her crappy E! series.

Man. Who would have thought that Jennifer Love Hewitt's The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Love-aholic would be the most appealing dating book on the market?!?

  • In Beverly Hills
  • Hard Hatted
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by Hilton Hater at

A pair of celebrities that have accomplished nothing in life celebrate a birthday today.

First, we've already wished the best to Suri Cruise, who is now four years old. A major star in her own right, Tom and Katie's daughter has really done nothing except look cute for awhile now.

But that's a long resume compared to what today's other birthday girl has accomplished: Kourtney Kardashian is famous for being the sister of someone that starred in a sex tape and for having a child out of wedlock with a confirmed douchebag.

Way to go, Kourt!

In fairness to the new 31-year old, she's also appeared on a number of supermarket tabloid covers during her 30th year on Earth. That takes a lot of work by her publicist. We've listed them all below...

  • Kourt Slims Down
  • Toxic Love
Baby Cover
  • Kardashians
  • Yay Pregnancy!
  • OK! Magazine Cover
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