by Free Britney at . Comments

Last week Ryan Seacrest debuted Kim Kardashian's new single, "Jam (Turn It Up)" on his KIIS-FM radio show, and last night we had the pleasure of watching it come together on Kourtney & Kim Take New York

It's splendid that The-Dream had a vision and wanted to "try it out," but next time try it out on someone you've heard sing well. Grab a kid from 'Glee,' or browse the posts on YouTube. There has to be someone out there better suited to sing "Jam (Turn It Up)" than Kim-unless you're going for that auto tone feel.

If that's the case, then a job well done (auto tone is hip right now - they used it at the Oscars).

Kim's been everywhere lately (and at almost every awards show, which befuddled even her biggest fans), so it was only a matter of time before she was presented with the option to sing a song. Paris Hilton did it, and she enjoyed moderate success for a short time. So let's try it out on her protege.

We were witness to the moment the idea was born, and wanted to pull Ciara's hair for even mentioning it over lunch. Don't shoot the messenger, you say?

Fine, we'll just lock Ciara and The-Dream up with a raw track of Kim's voice until they admit it was a poor idea.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kim Kardashian kannot sing.

She also looks stupid with her hair in braids.

Kim in Green

But one good thing has finally come out of this professional red carpet poser filming a music video: Kim has released a new set of photos from the set, and they remind us why she's famous in the first place. To wit:

Kardashian blogs that more pictures from the video are coming soon and let's all hope they continue to depict this busty brunette in very little clothing. Otherwise, seriously, what's the point of this music career?!?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Prepare your earplugs, THG readers, Kim Kardashian has officially released her first single.

The star, who teased the upcoming music video for "Jam (Turn It Up)" with a photo on her blog this week, appeared on Ryan Seacrest's radio show today and said she was nervous to have the whole world listen to her collaboration with producer The-Dream.

And for good reason. It's awful. Seriously awful. So awful it makes Britney Spears sound like Celine Dion. A portion of the proceeds from sales will be donated to the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, so we don't wish to discourage people from downloading it.

Still, consider yourself warned: Kim's singing makes her reality show acting look Oscar-worthy...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kim Kardashian has given fans a sneak peek at her upcoming music video. (Yes, Kim Kardashian really is coming out with a music video.)

On her official blog, Kim has posted the following photo of herself in braids, a Bo Derek-inspired look stylist Hype Williams reportedly came up with. What do you think?

Honeymoonin'

There's no release date yet for the video, but Kim has said the single itself - titled "Turn It Up" - will hit the radio within a few weeks.

"I'm excited (and a little nervous) for you all to hear the song and watch the video," Kardashian wrote. "I really hope you all like it!"

Allow us to help you stop wondering, Kim: We won't.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The Oscars can often be long and boring and stuffy. But there's a reason why this awards ceremony trumps all others:

It might be the only event remaining on the planet that does NOT send an invitation to Kim Kardashian.

As a result, Kim was forced to make like many other celebrities last night. She watched the ceremony unfold at Elton John's annual viewing party, held at The Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood. So did Tori Spelling.

We'd ask which of these women is less talented, but that might make for an impossible debate. Instead, simple compare their looks and vote now:

Fashion Face-Off!

Neither Kim Kardashian nor Tori Spelling snagged an Oscar invite. But they watched the ceremony at the same viewing party, hosted by Elton John, and worked their way into a Fashion Face-Off. View Poll »

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kim Kardashian earned millions of dollars in 2010, but she is yet to thank the one man that made it all possible: Ray J.

Finally coming out and stating the truth - that Kim would be absolute nobody right now if she didn't boink him on video in 2007 - the aspiring hip hop star took credit for Kim's fame and fortune in a new interview.

  • Kim in White
  • Totally Ray J

Feel free to show Ray J some gratitude any day now, Kim...

Said Brandy's brother: "Kim was created, Cocktail was created and now I'm off to a new project... I wish them well, I hope they have major success in their life. They are great girls, they got good heads on their shoulders and I want them to be successful."

It's safe to say Kardashian has already turned her publicized porking into massive riches, but Cocktail is yet to benefit from an equally talented PR team.

She won Ray's heart on his VH1 reality show, torched him in a subsequent interview and has not been heard from since.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

She might be working with The-Dream, but Kim Kardashian's singing career is a nauseating reality.

The large breasted red carpet poser recently spoke with Us Weekly about her plans to release a single, as she's been in the studio with the man behind Rihanna's "Umbrella," and said: "I wanted to do something that I had never done before, something that was a little bit out of my comfort zone."

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

Kim was gonna charge companies $25,000 to mention their product in a Tweet, exploiting the ignorance of young fans who believed she was actually their friend, but then she realized: I already do that.

As for the song itself, "Turn It Up," Kim says it was "fun" to record; classifies it as "pop dance;" and says it will officially be released in three weeks.

Kardashian and The-Dream will also donate 50% of all proceeds of its sales to a cancer organization. Well... darn. That's not something for which we can mock her.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Sunday, the Kardashian sisters brought us boring birthday drama. On Presidents Day, we were treated to ANOTHER new episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, which means two nights in a row of scripted "dramedy."

How lucky are we? Our founding fathers reached out to us from beyond the grave cheering: "Behold, the American dream. For she who invests time and money in black eye shadow and bandage dresses will prosper."  

Kardashians Photo

There are so many elements that make this Kardashian installment much blander than the others; KKTNY is missing key characters who make each 22 minutes pop.

We were able to withstand only two Kardashians in Miami because of the oldest-youngest sisterly dynamic (and be honest, nothing is cuter than seeing Khloe rock Kourtney like a baby).

There was a repertoire between those two that is lacking with Kim and Kourtney. No wonder Kourt had Scott move into their abode. This setup is boring even the stars! 

Where's Kris in her inappropriate outfits, sneaking cigarettes and red wine after a hard day of pimping out her 600 offspring? Can we pan the camera west to catch a cozy moment between Rob and Lamar? We'll wait until spring, but we're not thrilled about it.

For now, we'll sit through the rest of the season and rip to shreds the stellar scripting of Kourtney & Kim Take New York.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Scott Disick, he is not.

According to Bruce Jenner, Kim Kardashian has found someone who fits in well with the family. Asked about Kris Humphries at Friday's BBVA Celebrity All Star Game, Jenner told Us Weekly:

"He's a very nice guy. He's been over the house. It's very different for Kim."

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

How different? A friend of Kim's claims she wants to squeeze out a little Kris ASAP.

"Kim really wants to have Kris' baby, and she's told him multiple times," the insider said, echoing a Tweet Kardashian sent out a couple weeks ago that showed a photo of Humphries and read: "I want my son to look like this."

Adds the source: "Her nickname for Kris is 'The Roman' since he's so statuesque. Maybe that's why she wants to have his babies!"

No way. Would Kim Kardashian really be so shallow?!?

by Free Britney at . Comments

We learned a few days ago that the Kardashian family grossed $65 million in 2010, and guess what? We're alllllllllllll to blame. You, me, the little girl clutching her copy of Kardashian Konfidential. They're an intriguing family, that bunch.

What started out as another reality show in 2007 has snowballed into an enormous empire made up of slutty clothes and sexually-charged commercials.

Somewhere in a holding cell, Paris Hilton is seething.

Sunday on Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kim ushered in year 30 with a heavy heart. The-one-with-the-derriere says she imagined herself married with kids by this milestone. Instead she's a bona fide sex symbol/entrepeneur rolling in cash.

This is not a deviation I would spend my birthday moments crying over.

I'd be too busy simultaneously patting myself on the back while throwing dollar bills from my hotel room screaming, "I don't have to battle the baby weight and I haven't married the wrong man! AND I just bought myself another Birkin!"  

Birthdays are difficult for a lot of us. Yet Kim's birthday is treated as a national holiday in the land of Kardashian (population: pretty much everyone). Kim walks into her suite at the Smythe to find the dining room table covered in gifts and flowers.

The viewers were hoping for a little more gratitude, but were prepared for a puss. Kim searched the table for flowers from a cute guy, but all she found was expensive crap from every sort of platonic relation possible. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

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