by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Just days prior to the wedding of the millennium, Khloe Kardashian has some advice for Kim Kardashian: Take time to enjoy it.

No, not the money she'll earn from the E!-sponsored nuptials. Okay, that, too. But the special day she's about to share with Kris Humphries.

"At some point in your wedding, take your husband in a corner and just be quiet and look and enjoy the whole presence of it," Khloe told Us Weekly. "And just look and enjoy because it goes so fast... it's amazing."

  • Kardashian Kollection Premiere Pic
  • So Kute!

Khloe, of course, has been down the televised wedding path before. She got hitched to Lamar Odom in September 2009, with friends, family and tabloid cameramen standing by. She can't really offer advice to her sibling, though.

"No two relationships are the same," Khloe said. "Keep yours to yourself because everyone will have an opinion. They have no idea what goes on behind closed doors."

Too bad no such doors exist for Kim Kardashian.

[Photo: WENN.com]

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kim Kardashian has taken time out of exploiting her father's death for profit to hype a book she didn't write.

On November 1, the Kardashian sisters will come out with a novel titled "Dollhouse." It focuses on family living in the spotlight of fame and it's "based on our lives," Kim blogged this week. "But we've added a lot of crazy fictional twists and turns. You'll have to decide for yourself which story lines are true to life, and which ones we dreamed up."

  • Kardashian Novel
  • Kardashian Kollection Ad

The odds of any Kardashian writing a single word of the book, by the way, are about as high as Casey Anthony being named Mother of the Year.

Will you purchase Dollhouse?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

At last night's Teen Choice Awards, the Kardashians beat out such talented competitors as Snooki, Audrina Patridge and Laurieann Gibson for the title of Choice Female Reality/Variety Star.

It was a sad commentary on the state of teenagers in America, but also a telling one: voters essentially threw their hands in the air and admitted: These sisters are all the same! They have no distinct personalities of any kind, so why not give them an award meant to honor a singular individual?

Let's try to separate Kim, Khloe and Kourtney, though, shall we? Below, we've pitted the red carpet styles of these siblings against each other. Who looked best at the ceremony?

Fashion Face-Off!

It's a Kardashian konundrum! Choose now between Kim, Khloe and Kourtney on the red carpet of the Teen Choice Awards. View Poll »

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

One thing has been made clear on Keeping Up with the Kardashians this season: Kris Jenner is a controlling, whining attention hog with a bladder problem.

She also enjoys butting into her children's personal lives, making her opinion clear on the state of their relationships and their uteruses. She admitted as much to Us Weekly yesterday.

"I would love more grandchildren," Kris said. "Mason is the love of our lives, and he is so much fun, but there's only one Mason to go around. It would be nice if we had some more."

Kris Jenner Image

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom might have a child one of these days, but the former appears to enjoy talking about the possibility more than actually going through with it. Still, the outcome is in God's hands, not in her private parts.

"I would love all of my children to experience having children on their own," Kris says. "I think going through that process of being pregnant and giving birth, everybody should, if you can and you're blessed."

Seriously, kids. Mommy needs another set of newborn photos to sell to the tabloids.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

What are we doing, readers? Did we just spend a half hour of our lives watching Kris Jenner talk about her bladder and her vagina? Have we no dignity?!?

While I re-consider how I spend my free time, let's review the latest scripted episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, THG style!

Kris Jenner often pees herself. MINUS 7 because I don't care and because that's gross.

There's apparently a rule of no phones at the dinner table in this household. Multiple TV cameras, though? No problem! PLUS 9.

Kris is upset because her kids keep giving her a hard time over her bladder in front of strangers. Unless me and her are tighter than I realized, MINUS 19 for her complaining about this to a TV camera.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

You've seen the engagement night photo. Now, readers, prepare yourselves for a look at Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian at their recent engagement party!!! OMG, we know.

Khloe posted the following photo on her blog today, taking credit for how "insane" it was to throw the shindig together with just three days' notice. What made her schedule so busy? Trying to find new ways to whine about her weight, we assume, while also memorizing next week's Keeping Up with the Kardashians script.

"The party turned out fab and Kimmie and Kris loved it, which made me so happy!" Khloe gushed.

Engagement Party Pic

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Bruce Jenner did all he could to tune out his annoying family on Keeping Up with the Kardashians last night. He gets countless points for the attempt, but the clan as a whole lost a ton in this +/- review of its weekly, scripted shenanigans...

Kim asks Rob, in response to him having not seen Mason in awhile, "doesn't that hurt your soul?" She then sticks her chest out for a nice shot by the E! cameras. PLUS 7.

Khloe brings Bruce a "harmony comb" to help with his hearing. It's a paper plate and candle (below) resting on the side of his head. He then complains about Khloe taking a photo and putting it on YouTube. The E! camera man shakes his head and hands out MINUS 13 points for the irony.

"When in doubt, throw it away," Khloe says in regard to a turkey baster. MINUS 6 to E! producers for not taking the same stance with all copies of this show.

Kourtney is afraid Rob is missing her son growing up because they haven't spent quality time together. PLUS 5 to Rob for understanding he can just watch the process via the Internet instead.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

On last Sunday's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris Jenner wouldn't stop harassing daughter Kourtney over her lack of desire to marry Scott Disick. She said God wanted them to tie the knot.

Well... we're not sure about The Big Guy's feelings on Kim's impending nuptials with Kris Humphries, but Khloe has spoken out and made it clear her mom is thrilled to finally have another wedding to plan.

"I've seen how much my mom has been doing, and I don't know how my mom does it! Kim should be kissing the ground that my mom walks on. It's amazing," Khloe told Us Weekly.

Annoying Mother and Daughter

We have an idea of how your mom does it, Khloe: with dollar signs in her eyes. Who do you think made your family all that bank in 2010?

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Forget Kris Jenner. Kourtney Kardashian defied God on multiple occasions this week.

It was a truly sacrilegious episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, reviewed below in our patented +/- format. Let's find out now what sort of score the installment earned, shall we?

Kris Jenner Promo Pic

Lamar and Rob both say they'd do porn. NEGATIVE 5 to Khloe for referring to that as "bizarre." Isn't Kim's decision to do so the only reason this family has a reality show?

Kris says Scott and Kourtney should get married before having another kid because it's "more natural" that way. PLUS 3 for not Kris cracking up at the irony. How natural is it for one to say this about one's daughter to an E! camera?

Scott is talking to his therapist. On television. With his shirt unbuttoned half way. Exposing a wholly shaven chest. NEGATIVE 147.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Khloe Kardashian turns 27 years old today and we can think of numerous gifts the public might want to purchase for this reality star:

Talent, a personality, an iota of shame, some contribution to society that goes beyond Tweets, Facebook photos and constant complaints over her weight.

All of that may be asking too much, though, so perhaps readers should simply pool their money and buy Khloe a bra. Seriously, she needs one.

Hi, Khloe Kardashian

Among other famous birthdays today: Ed Westwick turns 24, Drake Bell turns 25 and Tobey Maguire turns 36.

But this post is all about Khloe. Send in your best wishes to her now and enjoy the following montage in her honor:

  • Kardashians Kover
  • Khlomar Action
Hiding A Bump?

Khloe Kardashian Biography

Kim and Khloe Kardashian Khloe Kardashian is only famous for being the sister of Kim Kardashian. She stars, along with the rest of this stupidly-named family, on... More »
Born
Full Name
Khloe Kardashian

Khloe Kardashian Quotes

I did wear fur and they wanted to educate me on the brutal ways in which animals are skinned for their pelts.

Khloe Kardashian

They released me early because I was a threat to the prison.. The whole prison was on lockdown. It was actually really scary.

Khloe Kardshian [on early prison release]
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