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Just kidding. It's for a movie. But we know you believed us, which tells you a lot about the great Kevin Federline, a.k.a. the former Mr. Britney Spears.

K-Fed was originally supposed to play himself in the new American Pie movie, but after reconsidering it, Pie honchos felt that would tarnish the brand.

Again, kidding. But totally realistic.

"They called me up and asked if I was interested," Federline said. "I was up for a different part originally, but then they didn't want me playing myself."

"They thought it'd be funnier for me to be a Canadian border guard."

They were right. Somehow it just works.

One day of shooting later, Federline was transformed, donning a hat, uniform and badge for his cameo in American Pie Presents: The Book of Love.

The one-time backup dancer and aspiring rapper, whose fat ass actually lost weight recently on Celebrity Fit Club, is ready and available for work.

"If anybody has any more cameos – or actual roles they want me to be in – that would be great," the 31-year-old father of four says.

American Pie Presents: The Book of Love comes straight to DVD tomorrow.

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Something strange surfaced on an L.A. golf course late last week:

A respectable-looking Kevin Federline! Well, relatively at least.

The dirtbag ex-husband of Britney Spears has been eating his way through monthly five-figure spousal support checks she writes him with a new, rotund physique this year, packing on 75-100 pounds (no joke) in the last 12 months.

But the aspiring rapper has gotten his act together and shed 50 pounds as a contestant on the next season of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club, airing in January.

Here's the new, improved K-Fed with girlfriend Victoria Prince:

K-Fed and Victoria Prince Photo

K-Fed and V-Prince hit the links. As in the golf course. Fortunately for her, and the rest of us, he cut back on the sausage links. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Shar Jackson, Federline's ex-girlfriend, the mother of two of his kids and his fellow Fit Club contestant, said of Kev: "I think everybody will be very, very shocked to see the final results," after he survived a "very painful" boot camp.

Check out some pictures of fat-ass K-Fed to see how far he's come:

K-Fed and V-Prince

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Get ready for a slender Kevin Federline, promises his former baby mama, thanks to his participation in the upcoming season of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club.

Can he credit Ashley Greene diet tips?

Shar Jackson, his ex-girlfriend and mother of two of his children, also a contestant on the next season of Celebrity Fit Club, says people will be shocked.

"I think everybody will be very, very shocked to see the end results," Jackson said, noting that she and her dirtbag ex "both made it to the end."

Celebrity Fit Club spoiler alert!

The one-time couple didn't team up or work out together on the show, the singer-actress said. "He was on his journey and I was on mine."

Below, Kevin made an epic journey indeed, from the golf cart to the first tee, with a possibly pregnant Victoria Prince loyally by his side ...

K-Fed and V-Prince

K-Fed and his new girlfriend on the links.

Outside their reality-show gig, Jackson says she and K-Fed are "definitely still friends." Kevin is father to her daughter Kori, 7, and son Kaleb, 5, who have playdates with Sean and Jayden, Federline's sons with ex-wife Britney Spears.

"They're siblings," Jackson explained. "They're going to be related forever."

Sage words from their mom: "There's nothing we can do about that so we make sure that they love each other and know each other and have a great relationship."

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Say it ain't so for humanity: Kevin Federline's girlfriend, Victoria Prince, is pregnant, according to reports. If true, it would be K-Fed's fifth freaking child.

Federline already has four children - daughter Kori, 7, and son Kaleb, 5, with former flame Shar Jackson, who he infamously dumped for Britney Spears.

The pop star soon bore him troubled sons Sean, 4, and Jayden, 3.

Victoria Prince, a former pro volleyball player, has been living with Kevin Federline since this spring for some reason, and just learned she is knocked up.

She began to suspect she was pregnant after the two spent a weekend in Las Vegas in mid-October. Her fat slob BF urged her to take a pregnancy test.

It was positive. As if there were any doubt. Guy's boys can swim!

K-Fed, Victoria Prince Picture

K-Fed is totally pregnant. Er, we mean Victoria Prince is. Yeah ...

"The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn't seem happy to hear the news," a source quoted by the National Enquirer says.

"Kevin wasn't planning to have children with Victoria, and he's upset with her. Kevin loves her, but he told her that he didn't want to get married again."

What's more, another source says the baby news could send the emotionally fragile Britney Spears, who long hoped for a reconciliation, back off the rails:

"Britney never wanted Kevin to have another child unless it was with her. She desperately wants a baby girl, and she had hoped Kevin would be the dad."

We're not sure if we believe that part. She and Jason Trawick seem very happy together, and come on, it's Kevin Federline. Who would want that back?

Seriously, Victoria Prince. What is the appeal? OMG check out that random, overweight, chain-smoking deadbeat slob with no job and four kids! HOT!

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Kevin Federline is such trash.

This has been widely known for more than five years, but the full extent of his loserdom is only clear after reading reports of what he did to the Tarzana, Calif., home he rented until May, when he moved out without paying his last six months' rent.

The owners say Federleezy up and disappeared without paying. But before he split, K-Fed turned their house into a cigarette-riddled, spit-stained cesspool.

The owners are demanding $110,661 in unpaid rent and damages, including:

  • Gutters (!?) full of cigarette butts and beer bottles
  • Drawings all over the walls (blame Sean and Jayden)
  • Permanent spit marks (?!) on exterior paint
  • Broken light covers, tiles and light posts
  • Dead trees and plants due to failure to water
  • A room that he turned into a studio
  • Broken dishwasher ... with broken baskets
  • Dismantled smoke detectors (natch)
  • Front driveway oil-leak damage
  • Bathroom windows tinted
K-Fed Lights One Up

K-Fed, girlfriend Victoria Prince and a mulleted pal kick it outside a bowling alley. Don't light that $5 on fire, Kev. You'll need it. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Not only that, but the loser didn't even return the garage door opener.

We're not sure what's more astonishing here, that someone could actually cause that much damage (you have to really go out of your way to f*%k some of that stuff up) or that Britney Spears had intercourse with him at least twice.

The home owners are threatening to haul his (increasingly fat) ass to court if K-Fed doesn't pay up. Fortunately, he's going on Celebrity Fit Club soon. Maybe he can just wire whatever money he makes straight to these people.

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Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will share 50-50 custody of their sons Sean Preston and Jayden James through the end of this year, and likely beyond.

An L.A. County Superior Court judge extended the order that was initially put in place earlier this year for the purposes of Britney Spears' Circus tour.

Under the terms, Britney gets to travel with Sean Preston and Jayden James and must provide the FedEx man with a place to stay if he wants to come with.

The sealed order is more detailed, but the long and short of it is that Britney Spears gets minimum 50-50 custody and at times even more. Hooray!

As for Kevin, in addition to the $20,000 a month Britney pays him in child support, he gets up to $25,000 a month when the kids are outside California.

That'll by a lot of steaks for the Celebrity Fit Club star.

At the end of the year the judge will reevaluate custody, but it is looking like the 50-50 arrangement is the way of the future. K-Fed has not stood in the way of Britney Spears' efforts to see the kids since she's gotten better.

  • Cold Day in September
  • Papa-zao!

Britney and K-Fed seem to be on the same page. Well, in terms of custody of the kids. Certainly not in terms of talent or diet. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

In other Britney Spears news, the celebrity gossip photographer whose foot she ran over with a car back in 2007 is still looking to cash in on it.

Shutterbug Ricardo Mendoza, who fell victim to the tire of Britney Spears' Mercedes in 2007, has updated his accusation against the pop star.

When Mendoza sued her for assault, battery and negligence back in May, the damages were unspecified. But now, they're specified: Mendoza wants $195,000 in general damages, $16,533 for medical bills and $10,000 for future foot problems.

Hey, might as well milk it while you're at it.

Mendoza, who was clicking away for TMZ at the time of the incident, let the website auction off the treaded-upon sock he was wearing two years ago.

Someone bought it, too. For $585. Amazing.

Meanwhile, Britney's busy concluding the North American leg of her wildly successful Circus tour before she heads off to Australia in November.

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Kevin Federline is famous only because he used to be married to Britney Spears and helped spawn her two sons. Now he is best known for being really freaking fat.

Fat doesn't really do it justice. We are talking obese here, people.

Fat Kirstie Alley Picture

Well, that may not last. Having stuffed himself silly for the past nine months, K-Fed is now going to get paid to go on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and lose some weight.

Is this a great country or what?

A rep for the network confirms that K-(over)-Fed is joining the cast of the show's new season. Also appearing? Kevin Federline's ex and baby mama, Shar Jackson!

In addition to Britney Spears' kids Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline, Kevin also impregnated Shar twice, only to dump her for Spears. A classy move.

LARGE AND IN CHARGE: Did you really need to take the leftovers, K-Fed? We know you aren't planning on giving 'em to the dog. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Despite being lambasted in the press for putting on absolutely massive amounts of weight, Kevin seems happy these days with girlfriend Victoria Prince.

She's in slightly better shape than he.

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In honor of the hot 2009 Teen Choice Awards this past week, we thought we would bust out this classic, musically historic blast from that award show's past.

The year? 2006. Britney Spears? Pregnant. Kevin Federline? Trying to jump start his new rap career. Which began and ended with this very live performance.

Here's K-Fed "rapping" at the Teen Choice Awards. Try not to "Lose Control" at the sight of the video, as it's at least an 8.5 on the unintentional comedy meter.

Also funny? Dane Cook was apparently the host that year as well. Luckily, the Vanessa Hudgens nude scandal(s) hadn't yet taken place for him to joke about.

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These candid, poignant images of weight loss pitchman Kevin Federline kissing Victoria Prince in the photo booth at First Food & Bar at the Palazzo Las Vegas back on July 31 come to us courtesy of celebrity gossip magazine Life & Style.

What a touching portrait they paint.

In the City of Sin filming their reality show (seriously), it's good to see K-Fed still head over heels for Victoria Prince. And the random dude in there with them ...

K-Fed and Victoria Prince Kissing

K-Fed and Victoria Prince pucker up in a kissing booth. You may hurl at will.

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Celebrity gossip readers know that Kevin Federline has gotten absurdly fat lately. Now he is going to be paid money to endorse a product whose manufacturer wants to help him lose that extra "daddy weight." What a great country this is.

According to a source, the former Mr. Britney Spears has been offered a deal - reportedly worth seven figures - to endorse a new weight loss product.

Kirstie Alley Weight Loss Picture

Kevin Federline is reportedly considering an endorsement deal with a company called EP-2 (Extreme Physical Performance). The source said the former dancer has been offered $2.5 million to become the new face of the fat-burning tool.

The weight loss product will be marketed in 1,400 GNC stores.

TUBBY: For $2.5 million, even K-Fed would consider a diet. [Photo: Fame]

While a rep for the FedEx man has yet to comment, a spokesperson for EP-2 said: “Yes, we’re trying to do a deal with him, but nothing has been confirmed yet.”

This follows a rumor that celebrity trainer Chris Cormier had put K-Fed on a strict high-protein diet last week so that he could shed 45 pounds for his new show.

That's right, Federline and girlfriend Victoria Prince are coming to VH1. Apparently there is a market to watch their lives. It must be a really slow TV decade.