by Mischalova at . Comments

And we thought it was difficult enough to pick a side in the ongoing feud between Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.

  • Paris Hilton Head Shot
  • Fedex Man

Now, however, a true battle of the brainless is brewing. The same week that Paris releases her debut CD, Kevin Federline performs live for the first time on television. Is it any coincidence that searches for synonyms of "suck" and "abominable" were at an all-time high over the last couple days?

So, who stands the worst chance at making in the music industry? Which wanna-be singer will make Hansen look like lyrical geniuses? Mmmm, bop, it's hard to say. Let's go to the reviews!

On Federline: "I just think we ignore him. He's a joke, basically… I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously," said Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine.

On Paris: "Hilton's colorless, wafer-thin singing reminds us there are still limits to what technology can do for the human voice," said USA Today.

On Federline: "All you can do, is really just keep on plugging," said Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine. "He's definitely going to have a teenage female fan base. So, you know, make songs that cater to them. Keep it clubby, keep it hoppy, keep it happy."

On Paris: "Right from her opening, Alvin and the Chipmunks-esque mewls of ''Yeah, that's hot" to the painful spoken-word interlude on ''Jealousy'' (sample lyric: Everything I did, I did because I cared), it's clear that just as the emperor had no clothes, the heiress has no voice, and there's not any amount of vocal layering or expensive production that can disguise it," Entertainment Weekly online said.

Wow. Can we have two losers? Obviously. (Although that number could climb to three with the inevitable album from Kristin Cavallari.)

Either way, the real winners here are the folks at thesaurus.com. Music critics will be in need of words for "dreadful" for as long as these two jokes continue to churn out their supposed music.

by Free Britney at . Comments

An embarrassing rap performance by Kevin Federline is being derided as a not-ready-for-prime-time disaster by critics in both cyberspace and the hip-hop community.

We are talking, of course, about Sunday night, when Mr. Britney Spears performed his new single, "Lose Control," to a peppy crowd at the 8th Annual Teen Choice Awards on Fox.

Federsleazy

Introduced by his wife, who was dressed in a raunchy, cleavage-baring dress despite her pregnancy, Federline stalked across the stage with a bad ass attitude as attempted to rap about bling, Cristal and his own lyrical skillz.

Riiiiiiight.

It was easily the most anticipated performance of the night, and the most ridiculed. By morning, reviews and videos of it were splashed on websites like this one, accompanied by snarky comments ridiculing both K-Fed and his rough-looking better half.

And if you thought the web universe was less than welcoming to Federline's rapping ambitions, the hip-hop community is even less so.

"I just think we ignore him. He's a joke, basically… I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously," said Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine.

Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine, echoed that sentiment.

"The thing that really hurts him is the fact that he's perceived as Britney's husband," Hall said. "You know, kinda like Britney's second. I don't even want to say second in command, but he's like the Britney Boy. He's like Mrs. Spears, and it's kinda hard to get over that perception."

Federline is expected to release his debut hip-hop album, Playing With Fire, in October. Hall said that despite the barbs K-Fed is getting, he still has a shot at success.

"All you can do, is really just keep on plugging. He's definitely going to have a teenage female fan base. So, you know, make songs that cater to them. Keep it clubby, keep it hoppy, keep it happy," Hall said.

In what can't be considered a good sign for Federline, he was stood up at his Teen Choice Awards after-party by the likes of Nelly Furtado, Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook (the latter pair co-hosted the event). Reason being? None of them wanted to pretend they liked his effort. But hey â€" at least one celebrity showed up: Britney Spears! You gotta start somewhere.

by Free Britney at . Comments

As eagerly anticipated by all of us at T.H. Gossip, Kevin Federline capped off the 8th Annual Teen Choice Awards on Sunday with the worst performance in music history. One would think K-Fed could not possibly sink below the rock-bottom expectations we had for him, but he managed to accomplish that feat and then some.

Kevin Federline Black Card

In an effort to establish his own career and remove himself from the shadow of wife Britney Spears, Federline made his rap debut after being introduced by... Britney Spears! The pregnant pop princess wore a cleavage-baring dress, chewing her gum obnoxiously and introducing her deadbeat spouse hubby to the audience.

"This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. And I'm hoping that it will be as good to our next performer," she said.

In a white Dodgers hat and trademark clothes 10 sizes too large, Federline prowled and jumped around the stage, surrounded by young dancers. Isn't K-Fed supposed to be a dancer himself?

NOTE TO SELF: When embarking on my own music career, distract the audience from my utter lack of talent with some flashy lighting and a pack of crazy break dancers.

"I ain't here to brag," he rapped in a tough-guy style.

That's good, because there was certainly nothing to brag about, with the possible exception of having married Britney Spears and knocked her up twice, virtually assuring himself of millions.

The tabloid-popular couple have an infant son, Sean Preston, and they are expecting their second child next month. Federline is expected to release his debut album, Playing With Fire, in August. Last night he performed its first single, "Lose Control."

We almost did -- of our dinner.

With celebrities sweltering in the late summer heat, the overall mood at the Teen Choice Awards was light, and the clothing sparse.

Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook hosted the award show, in which votes are cast by fans on various online sites for the top celebrities in TV, music, fashion, sports and film.

Reese Witherspoon, who won best actress in a drama for her role in Walk the Line, said backstage that her surfboard-shaped green and yellow award was going to her daughter.

"I love the younger fans," said Witherspoon, who spent the summer hanging out with her kids.

Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, who won for best movie liplock for their long smooch in The Lake House, joked about their first respective kisses.

"I started out young. I was making out at 9 years old like a bandit... I didn't like being a teenager at all," Bullock said.

Girlish screams welcomed the handsome duo of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, who each snagged an award for their swashbuckling parts in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, which picked up seven honors.

Even potentially uncomfortable moments were smudged with humor.

"I just want to start off by saying... awkward, a little bit," said Nick Lachey, who won choice love song for "What's Left of Me," his top-selling number that re-creates his publicized breakup with Simpson.

Performers other than Federline included breakout female musician winner Rihanna and V Cast Music winner Nelly Furtado, who donned snug-fitting jeans and a spangly black top to sing her hit song "Promiscuous" with producer Timbaland. Suffice it to say, it was an MVP-like performance, not unlike Steve Nash.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Freeloading white trash deadbeat Kevin Federline has dismissed rumors that he's got a limitless Black AmEx credit card in his wife's name and that she gives him a monthly allowance.

The incredible K-Fed, who makes his live rapping debut this weekend at the Teen Choice Awards (set your VCRs/DVRs/TiVo now) is adamant that he doesn't take any money spouse Britney Spears.

Kevin Federline White Jacket

"I don't get any money from my wife," Federline told GQ. "I'm almost broke. As a man, as a male figure and a father, I wouldn't be happy sitting back and living off my wife's fortune."

I have to provide for my family," he continued. "People gotta understand that I'm working, too, she's not the only one that's got things to do."

Well, we at least have to give Federline credit for trying. He has been working for a few months, at least with the intention of attaining rap success. A lot will hinge on the performance at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday.

If he's a total laughingstock, as T.H. Gossip predicts, K-Fed may wish to fill out some credit card applications of his own, while continuing to impregnate Spears every 11 months or so.

by Free Britney at . Comments

One of professional sports' best rivalries is set to resume this weekend, and it appears two of our favorite celebs are divided as to who they're pulling for. Check out the Red Sox hat on newfound Boston backer Britney Spears (left) and the rival Yankees lid on jackass husband Kevin Federline. Looks like these two are heading for some domestic unrest. Not because of the baseball teams, of course -- just because that's what trailer park couples do on occasion.

K-Fed the Procreator

These posers aren't really indicative, however. Where do other, non-dysfunctional celebs side in this conflict? On the Beantown side, there's the ever-present Bennifer:

Ben Affleck And Jennifer Lopez Red Sox

Not to mention Ben's fellow townie, Matt Damon, along with U.S. Senator and former presidential candidate John Kerry:

Matt Damon Red Sox Fan

Let's not short-change the Yankees, though. Here's David Beckham (with wife Victoria, left), Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington and former New York mayor Rudy Guliani:

  • Rudy Guliani Pitches
  • Isaiah Washington Yankees Fan

by Free Britney at . Comments

You know what they always say: Kevin Federline is a white trash deadbeat. Oh, sorry. They always say that women are attracted to guys that remind them of their dads. A People magazine photo spread of Federline compared with Jamie Spears (father of his wife, Britney Spears) really drills this theory home. Just look at these guys! It's like a light bulb has gone off here at T.H. Gossip. No wonder Britney is attracted to this loser -- he reminds her of home!

  • Britney Spears' Daddy
  • Managerial Mess

Britney is clearly country at heart, despite having many millions of dollars that K-Fed is intent on spending with his Black AmEx card, which he isn't likely to put down anytime soon. The man got his own record label! Ironically, in real life, Federline (who fathered two children with actress Shar Jackson prior to marrying Spears), has disproved the theory that you can't go back after having gone black.

We're just waiting for the day when little Sean Preston asks "Daddy, where do babies come from?" and a stoic Federline answers simply "Me."

by Free Britney at . Comments

Does happy, hyper-fertile hillbilly husband Kevin Federline have more reason than most to celebrate fatherhood?

That's the assertion of MSNBC, which says that Federline has some serious financial incentives to constantly procreate. The former backup dancer, 28, is expecting his second child with wife Britney Spears, and already he has two others with a former girlfriend) but a source says K-Fed might have another reason to celebrate the pitter patter of little feet.

Over-Fed

Bling.

"Before he got married, Kevin was sitting down with lawyers, discussing legal and financial issues," a source said. "He was sitting sort of slumped over with a baseball cap over his eyes and a lawyer was talking about how he had to sign a pre-nup and Kevin looked sort of bummed out. But then the lawyer explained that for every child the two of you have together, you would receive X amount of dollars. His eyes really lit up."

Wow. Whether this is true or not, T.H. Gossip doesn't have a hard time believing it. Apparently K-Fed has determined that the easiest way to get rich is to f*%k like he's trying to save the human race from extinction. Better get ready for 4-5 more siblings, Sean Preston.

by Free Britney at . Comments

According to our friends at TMZ, IT didn't take long for deadbeat father of three and aspiring rapper Kevin Federline to find a use for that new Black AmEx card that his wife got him.

K-Fed announced that, despite a career that has yet to amount to anything, he's started his own record label, Federation Records.

Fat Kevin Federline

And it should come as no surprise to anyone that Federation's first release will be K-Fed's own album, Playing With Fire.

Does anyone other than the Gossip find this incredibly weird? Is the only reason for this label's creation the fact that no established company will put its name on Federline's album? Just a theory.

Britney Spears, meanwhile, been spotted heading into the recording studio lately, but Kevin seems determined to beat her to the punch with his own hip-hop album. If you can't wait until October for release of Playing With Fire, you'll have to make do for the time being with Kevin's MySpace page and his live debut of "Lose Control," the first single from his upcoming CD, at the Teen Choice Awards on August 20.

He'll also be launching a new website on September 5, and a "Lose Control" video is supposed to come out sometime in early September as well. God help us.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Making a relationship work isn't easy.

Making a marriage work is even harder.

K-Fed Peeps His Phone

Making a marriage work when you're Britney Spears and Kevin Federline? That can be downright impossible.

With an 11-month old son, Sean Preston, the young Spears pregnant for a second time, and K-Fed headed out on tour, the couple's marriage is under serious strain. This isn't to say that the Federline family is headed to divorce court, but the pressure is definitely on.

Federline, in an interview with ContactMusic, said that since the couple spends very little time together, making it work is harder than ever.

"It's definitely going to be hard. It'll have to be worked at, but that's every relationship," a devoted K-Fed sed.

Despite the relationship suffering under the duress of his freeloading their careers, it's also seen a highlight in the past week. Sean Preston took his first steps earlier in the week, prompting pride from proud papa Federline, who spoke about it to the press.

"He's still figuring out the whole walking thing. He took his first steps the other day."

The marital troubles will be taking a back seat, though, as the couple are preparing to renew their vows. The story originally came out after Britney sat down for an interview with Matt Lauer, and now it is looking more and more like a reality. It's felt that the renewal of the wedding vows will give the couple a chance to celebrate their wedding more elaborately.

Their original wedding, back in 2004, was a rush wedding and held in secret with only 20-30, most of whom weren't aware they were going to a wedding until they arrived.

Regarding his career, Federline is ready for his bus tour, but doesn't want to do it alone. Apparently, Federline wants nothing more than to bring a pregnant Britney Spears and a now-walking Sean Preston on the bus tour with him. The Boston Globe quoted Federline as gushing about it.

"I'm going to try to do the bus thing and bring everyone along," he said, adding that he wants to spend as much time with Britney as he can in order to help his marriage. "I feel bad. It's been a while since I've been able to take her away."

On the flip side, Britney isn't being a slouch either.

Despite being eight months pregnant, ContactMusic reports that Spears was spotted heading into Conway Studios (below) where she's been recording new tracks. Spears even had Sean Preston in tow, so he could get a taste of her mom's new music. We're sure he appreciated it.

by Free Britney at . Comments

If Britney Spears is looking for husband Kevin Federline to start pulling his weight around the house, she might want to consider a different approach. You see, the pop starlet has, according to a report, given her aspiring rapper and former backup dancer husband one gift that he won't leave home without.

That being a a high-rolling Black American Express card. You know, just in case the freeloading assclown needs to go buy something. Like his own airplane.

Kevin Federline Black Card

The American Express Centurion card, otherwise known as the Black AmEx, is friend and status symbol to celebrities (and, now, apparently, wastes of space aspiring rappers) worldwide. According to In Touch Weekly, (via MSNBC), the Britinator is bestowing the precious plastic on her husband because she wants to prove how much she trusts him. As T.H. Gossip has said once before this week in reference to Mrs. Federline, you have got to be f*$%king kidding me.

Come on B. What are you thinking here? We don't have high expectations in that department, but still. When you have a gold-digging freeloader living with you, don't give him another credit card! He already has a problem with credit card debt. Get him credit counseling instead!

Meanwhile, the magazine also reports that Britney is going to renew her vows with K-Fed after the birth of their second child in the fall.

Apparently, she didn't want an elaborate ceremony the first time around when she and Kev tied the knot in secret back in September 2004. They're ready to do it all over again now, however.

"She wants to show the world that she is happily married," an insider who is surely reliable tells the magazine.

Spears' rep says nothing is planned, however. Thank God.

Kevin Federline Biography

Family Love! Yo, it's Kevin Federline, yo. Werrrrrd. He's a deadbeat with no redeeming worth whatsoever, but yo, Federleezy is extremely fertile,... More »
Born
Birthplace
Fresno, California
Full Name
Kevin Earl Federline
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