by Free Britney at . Comments

Where do you go as an emerging rap artist when you want to get your a$$ some serious street cred?

Everyone knows that a playa just gots to hit up tha Tonight Show wit Jay Leno, yo!

Managerial Mess

Which is exactly what K-Fed did (or thought he was doing) last night when he performed on The Tonight Show to promote his upcoming world tour, which kicks off November 4 in New York.

Hitting outlets like Leno and the Nickelodeon Teen Choice Awards, Kevin Federline is clearly going straight to the streets with his new album.

And, of course, with lyrics like the ones we've posted below, K-Fed is without a doubt the hardscrabble ghetto poet of the new millennium. Peep it:

Kicks on my feet

That you ain't never seen

Lights on my wrist

Stones in my ears

$2 million I brought in the new year

I'm rich but I hustle like I'm broke

Never knowing what the pancake man gonna flip.

Not only lyrically brilliant, but inspiring, really. We can't wait until the tour is in full swing and we can all revel in the greatness of the man Britney Spears somehow decided it was a good idea to marry.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Perhaps you have seen Kevin Federline in all his deadbeat, talentless glory and thought to yourself, "Man, what the f*%k is Britney Spears thinking? What I would not give to body slam the living $h!t out of that assclown!"

Well, tonight, WWE champ John Cena will live out your fantasy -- as somehow predicted by sage sports columnist Bill Simmons earlier this fall.

K-Fed, V-Prince Smokin'

During a taped episode of Monday Night RAW in Los Angeles, Federline made a surprise appearance in the ring and received a chorus of boos from a sold-out Staples Center crowd.

After an argument between K-Fed and Cena got physical, Cena decided it was time to "Lose Control" and unleash his signature move -- the F-U slam -- on Mr. Spears.

K-Fed, sporting his traditional white t-shirt and jeans, makes his way to the ring to a chorus of boos -- and meets John Cena when he gets there.

Also, Jackass star Steve-O takes a turn in the ring, but things don't go well for him, either. No Bam Margera sightings, sadly.

John Cena, you have acted on the wishes of millions by beating the snot out of Kevin Federline. And for that, we salute you.

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When asked if he thinks people see him as "that arrogant, cocky kinda guy," Kevin Federline looked right at the camera and asked:

"I don't know, do you?"

Fat Federline

K-Fed was being interviewed by EXTRA on the set of the smash TV show CSI, where he played an arrogant character known simply as "Punk" last night.

Here's Kevin Federline's take on his part:

"They catered the lines to stuff that I would probably say, you know, if I was being arrogant."

Sure thing. Needless to say, he did a bang-up job last night, and if this is what he can do with a few scant minutes, imagine what he could do with an entire feature film.

There was particularly notable sneer, for one, as he delivered the line "This little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home" with brilliance.

The King of Trailer Trash then flexed his animal-impersonation skillzz with a convincing porcupine impression equally compelling for its accuracy and its minimalism.

And he even made a clever, knowing, and sincerely-expressed encapsulation of his own existence with wife Britney Spears: "Free shower, free food, free sleep," he says, in a casual sing-song.

Although, as he perceptively noted, the lines were carefully crafted to his thespian sensibilities, there's no doubt that K-Fed brought the wealth and weight of his own experience to this performance. We can only hope that there are many, many more to come.

As for K-Fed's home life with Britney, Sean Preston and newborn Sutton Pierce, pictures rarely come along that sum it up better than this:

by Free Britney at . Comments

Kevin Federline knows all about Britney Spears' history with hunky back-up dancers, and he's not about to take the chance of being replaced by one who's not a complete dirtbag.

Former Sex Symbol

Yes, the disgrace known to America as K-Fed is apparently forbidding his wife from using male dancers in her new video.

Spears hired Matt Felker, one of the sexy guys from her "Toxic" video, to appear in her new video, according to In Touch Weekly.

In Touch reports that her deadbeat hubby "insisted that Britney fire Matt and all of the other male dancers she'd hired and replace them with females."

K-Fed -- who was, of course, once a back-up dancer for Spears -- is surprisingly insecure and secretly terrified. Not that he is a complete douche with no career prospects, but that the mother of his sons Sean Preston and Sutton Pierce will dump him if her career takes off again.

An inside source says:

"Kevin doesn't want Britney to be making sexy moves again. He's even telling her she doesn't need to lose all of her pregnancy weight."

Actually, she does. Why? Because we said so.

by Free Britney at . Comments

With his smokes at the ready, Kevin Federline hangs out with a similarly-dressed buddy in the San Fernando Valley on Tuesday. People magazine had the honor of snapping this pic of our favorite aspiring rapper and proud papa of Sutton Pierce. Pictures of whom we have not yet seen, but we will be sure to pass along to you once we do.

Over-Fed

K-Fed's acting chops will be on display when he makes his acting debut as a punk on Thursday's CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. He will, as previously reported by THG, be playing an appropriate character: "Punk."

The episode is also somewhat fittingly titled "Fannysmackin." Awww yeah. Y'all know what we're talkin' about. So does Britney Spears -- first-hand.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Sometimes, you just gotta roll solo (or in the case of Nick Lachey, Soul-O).

At least in the case of the aforementioned Lachey, he was on the rebound and single when he was prowling for poontang. With Kevin Federline, it's a little different.

Fat K-Fed

The father of four (two with wife Britney Spears) and trailer trash legend was spotted partying hard with his wife not present for the second time in a week.

Although Britney gave birth to the couple's second child, Sutton Pierce Federline, not even a month ago, that has yet to stop Kev from getting his drink on. In this case, he was seen heading to new LA club Area with his entourage late Saturday night.

The venerable spies from TMZ caught Federline trying to hide from photographers as he made his exit, holding his hat in front of his face to obstruct the cameras' view.

Of course, it's hard to disguise one's self when one is wearing a Yankees hat cocked to the side and looks like a complete douche. A complete douche that happens to be married to Britney Spears.

But that's just our opinion. K-Fed was also spotted solo last weekend in Vegas where he celebrated the anniversary of TAO restaurant and night club.

by Free Britney at . Comments

They may not have millions of dollars, aspirations of rap stardom, a Malibu dream house filled with two boys (and counting), magazines banging down their door or paparazzi watching their every move, but they do have each other.

Yes, they may not be the real Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, but Jer Wayne Junior and Turleen -- a.k.a. the Trailer Trash Dolls, created by Daniel Libby -- spotlight the latest in hillbilly chic.

OMG What a Mess

Turleen, a true class act, comes barefoot and pregnant with her hair in curlers and a cigarette in her mouth.

Squeeze her belly and she'll tell you "Pour me a double. I'm drinking fer two" and "Bubba Jr. [i.e. Sutton Pierce], get off yer sister."

Jer Wayne Junior sports all the redneck essentials like a mullet, missing teeth, NASCAR tattoo, cigarette, dirty tank top and a beer in hand. It's almost like he's ready to "Lose Control" of his bodily functions at any moment, no?

Press his chest and he'll fart and whisper sweet nothings like "Fifteen of them beers and yer still ugly" and even "Honest, I'm not lying through my tooth."

The dolls sell for $33, come in a patriotic red, white and blue window display box, and make wonderful gifts for your next holiday pig roast.

Rumor has it that little Sean Preston already has a set.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Is Kevin Federline a good luck charm?

We would assume anything but, but evidently, Janet Jackson and boyfriend Jermaine Dupri believe he is. Mr. Britney Spears rolled up to the couple during his jaunt to Vegas this week and did something he's not known for -- he made money!

K-Fed, Victoria Prince Picture

It all went down after the one-year anniversary party for TAO nightclub in Las Vegas. Federline ventured down to play some craps at 3:30 in the a.m., but there was a problem -- the high roller table he approached was packed and marked as 'reserved' for Janet and Jermaine.

Unfortunately, it seemed all K-Fed could do was watch. Luckily, Federline is tight with a member of Jermaine's entourage, who invited the aspiring, inspirational rapper to join the group.

As soon as Sutton Pierce's daddy bought in for $1,000, Janet picked up the dice. Dupri then announced to everyone that his woman had never played craps before and this would be her first roll.

We are not sure if Janet rolled a 7 or 11, but a short time later, the table erupted with cheers and everyone won money.

The fun reportedly lasted roughly 15 minutes, because the famous couple had to return to their private blackjack table. K-Fed proceeded to play all by his lonesome... but according to recent reports, he's got an ace in the hole -- an eight-figure one.

The New York Post reports that Federline's walk-away package, in the event that he and Britney Spears ever split up, is $10 million -- far more than has ever been reported.

"Britney was leaving Kevin but then got pregnant again," according to a family friend.

He would have gotten his $10 million, but has apparently stuck around at least to reap the professional fringe benefits of his rather more famous wife, like cameo appearances on a TV show and a rap album. Go, K-Fed.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Sex tape star Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Screech, is a dirty, dirty son of a b!tch. But when it comes to housecleaning, well, the man who doled out the Dirty Sanchez on film didn't fare as poorly as some other celebrities.

In a national survey commissioned by Cascade dishwashing detergent, people were asked which famous couple they imagined would be the best -- and worst -- at taking care of their own homes.

Off with the Shorts

Nice, but kinda boring Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick were voted the cleanest celebrity couple and received 69 percent of the votes.

TomKat was a distant second with nearly 9 percent, with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore behind them with 7.5%.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have the amazing Britney Spears and Mr. Britney Spears, a.k.a. K-Fed. They finished dead last, as fans apparently believe they live in a sty. We can't verify that, but it wouldn't surprise us.

K-Fed is essentially a walking sty. Can you see that douche contributing anything as far as chores? Or to society in general? T.H. Gossip cannot.

Really, though, who the hell knows what f*%ked up $h!t goes down behind those Malibu walls. Oh, if little Sutton Pierce could talk...

The survey didn't bode well for the Hilton sisters either. When asked which celeb duo they would enlist to clean their homes, respondents chose skanky Paris and Nicky Hilton -- dead last.

Unfortunately for the heiresses, top-notch maid services (or other kinds of intimate "servicing") weren't taken into account. Which is too bad, because they'd surely do better in that poll.

Kevin Federline Biography

Family Love! Yo, it's Kevin Federline, yo. Werrrrrd. He's a deadbeat with no redeeming worth whatsoever, but yo, Federleezy is extremely fertile,... More »
Born
Birthplace
Fresno, California
Full Name
Kevin Earl Federline
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