by Free Britney at

On Sunday night's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, evil momager Kris Jenner once again took center stage, this time with her grunting noises.

Say what now?

Feeling like it's time for some contrived family bonding, Kris decides it's time to play some tennis with the gang. How sweet and unforced.

Elsewhere, Bruce's son Brandon Jenner and Leah Felder, who just got married, made an appearance for the first time. How'd that go?

Find out in THG's +/- Keeping Up recap!

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Picture

Plus 70 for this exchange, even if it was written on cue cards:

  • Kris: "I think we need a can of balls because you always have to have fresh balls."
  • Kim: "I'm glad that your memory of balls is coming back to you."
  • Kris: "Honey, anytime there's balls involved it's my kind of game."

That's what Ray J said. OHHHHH!

Anyway ... "Is it me or is my mom making these loud, crazy grunt noises when she hits the ball?" Kourtney asks. No it's not just you ... unfortunately. Somehow listening to Maria Sharapova do that sounds way better. Minus 15.

"This was supposed to be a really fun day," Kris laments. "But my kids just wanted to make fun of me." She deserves it, so Plus 10 for the kids.

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by Free Britney at

On Sunday night's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Kris Jenner the momager reared her obnoxious head early and often. On Monday's special Memorial Day episode?

More of the same.

"I am in L.A. for literally 24 hours and my mother is on the phone handling business calls," Khloe Kardashian-Odom laments during a family dinner.

Pretty much.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Picture

Even Kim Kardashian, the woman without an original thought, weighs in: "My mom is losing focus of the family time that we just really want."

How bad did it get? Let's find out in THG's recap!

"My divorce has been really draining, really stressful," Kim laments. "I just want to leave this chapter of my life behind me." Girl, it was more like a foreword. No way 72 days of a fake marriage makes up a full chapter. Minus 100.

Khloe's advice? Do something SILLY! Like put on a wig! Man, the writers are getting more creative by the week over at E! Kim is basically a mannequin who reads cue cards.

Eh, not bad for a girl devoid of personality or talent. Plus 15.

"I'm kind of obsessed with 007." - Kim. That was her nickname for Ray. Plus 5. EDITOR'S NOTE: It wasn't really. But that would've been awesome.

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by Free Britney at

Keeping Up With the Kardashians is back!

Sadly, this season has been all Kris Jenner.

On last week's Keeping Up season premiere, Khloe Kardashian's paternity non-issues took center stage. This week, she's on the outs with Kourtney Kardashian.

Why? Find out here in our official rekap!

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Promotional Image

Kourtney Kardashian is not a fan of her mom's book. Or new attitude. "My mom's just like, talking about some hot guy at the concert and I just find every little thing she's saying annoying," she says. "She's a married woman, it's just inappropriate."

It's the past that really bugs her though. The two have it out over her mother's affair and subsequent divorce, something that makes this contrived, scripted show feel real and close to home for the first time probably ever. Plus 30.

"I didn't do something on purpose to hurt you," Kris says. "I was too young and stupid to make a good decision. If I had to do it all over again obviously I wouldn't do it." No, Ryan Seacrest Productions would never have written it. Minus 20.

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by Free Britney at

Keeping Up With the Kardashians is back!

That's right, the most boring, scripted show on TV is SO back!

On the Season 7 premiere, Kim and her giant boobs gush about the importance of family, Kourtney reveals the gender of her second baby, Khloe and Kris clash over whether she should take a DNA test, and Bruce takes $h!t from everyone.

Basically all stuff we already knew or didn't care about. Anyway, here's our recap!

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Picture

Kim Kardashian: "After going through a divorce this past year, it just taught me that family is the most important thing." Well, family and Kanye. Plus 10.

Khloe's in town, but no one bothers to tell Bruce dinner is ready, and he doesn't bother to come downstairs. Blame is shared equally there. Minus 15.

"What does a guy got to do to get a little respect around here?" he says. Not be surrounded by a bunch of money-grubbing reality stars? Minus 10.

OMG ... is Khloe a biological Kardashian? The DNA test drama resumes as  Kris Jenner is consumed with the paternity rumors re: Khloe Kardashian.

"This story is not going away," Kris laments. Yeah, because you have Google alerts set up and are filmed talking about it for your show. Minus 30.

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by Hilton Hater at

Kim Kardashian has grown closer to her family than ever before. Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick are preparing for a new baby.

Khloe Kardashian is striving to spend time with her loved ones. Rob Kardashian is finding his way in business

Bruce and Kris Jenner are hitting a rough patch when the former reveals he feels taken for granted.

If these storylines - included in the official E! press release for season seven of Keeping Up with the Kardashians - don't grab your attention, good. There's hope for you yet. But if they DO somehow make you anxious to tune in for new episodes...

... well, those premiere on May 20.

Click through a series of promotional photos of the family now:

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Picture
  • Keeping Up with the Kardashians Promotional Image
  • Keeping Up with the Kardashians Cast Pic
  • Scott Disick Promo Pic
  • Rob Kardashian Promo Pic
  • Khloe Kardashian Promo Picture
  • Kim Kardashian Promo Pic
  • Kourtney Kardashian Promo Pic
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by Hilton Hater at

Prepare to watch Kim Kardashian cry fake tears over at least a half dozen more divorces, E! viewers, as the network announced today that it has renewed Keeping Up with the Kardashians for three more seasons.

The new deal is worth $40 million for the family, and that figure does NOT include all the revenue Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and kompany will earn by simply Tweeting and pretending to be your pal on Facebook.

The contract also does NOT cover additional seasons of Kourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York or Khloé & Lamar, along with any future spin-offs producers can conjure up (Kris Does Menopause? Kendall Studies For Her Learner's Permit?).

Keeping Up with the Kardashians premieres its next season on May 20, with the only real question remaining:

How much air time will be dedicated to Kim and Kanye West?

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by Hilton Hater at

What are we doing, readers? Did we just spend a half hour of our lives watching Kris Jenner talk about her bladder and her vagina? Have we no dignity?!?

While I re-consider how I spend my free time, let's review the latest scripted episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, THG style!

Kris Jenner often pees herself. MINUS 7 because I don't care and because that's gross.

There's apparently a rule of no phones at the dinner table in this household. Multiple TV cameras, though? No problem! PLUS 9.

Kris is upset because her kids keep giving her a hard time over her bladder in front of strangers. Unless me and her are tighter than I realized, MINUS 19 for her complaining about this to a TV camera.

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by Hilton Hater at

Bruce Jenner did all he could to tune out his annoying family on Keeping Up with the Kardashians last night. He gets countless points for the attempt, but the clan as a whole lost a ton in this +/- review of its weekly, scripted shenanigans...

Kim asks Rob, in response to him having not seen Mason in awhile, "doesn't that hurt your soul?" She then sticks her chest out for a nice shot by the E! cameras. PLUS 7.

Khloe brings Bruce a "harmony comb" to help with his hearing. It's a paper plate and candle (below) resting on the side of his head. He then complains about Khloe taking a photo and putting it on YouTube. The E! camera man shakes his head and hands out MINUS 13 points for the irony.

"When in doubt, throw it away," Khloe says in regard to a turkey baster. MINUS 6 to E! producers for not taking the same stance with all copies of this show.

Kourtney is afraid Rob is missing her son growing up because they haven't spent quality time together. PLUS 5 to Rob for understanding he can just watch the process via the Internet instead.

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by Hilton Hater at

Forget Kris Jenner. Kourtney Kardashian defied God on multiple occasions this week.

It was a truly sacrilegious episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, reviewed below in our patented +/- format. Let's find out now what sort of score the installment earned, shall we?

Kris Jenner Promo Pic

Lamar and Rob both say they'd do porn. NEGATIVE 5 to Khloe for referring to that as "bizarre." Isn't Kim's decision to do so the only reason this family has a reality show?

Kris says Scott and Kourtney should get married before having another kid because it's "more natural" that way. PLUS 3 for not Kris cracking up at the irony. How natural is it for one to say this about one's daughter to an E! camera?

Scott is talking to his therapist. On television. With his shirt unbuttoned half way. Exposing a wholly shaven chest. NEGATIVE 147.

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by Hilton Hater at

We've already seen the photographic evidence, but Kim Kardashian officially answered a question no one was asking last night: Yes, her butt is real.

In the following +/- review of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we examine this life-altering news and also give major points to Kris Jenner for owning up to what her family is...

Khloe Promo Pic

Kim reads one story about her receiving butt implants and simply can't believe the world questions her real body. PLUS 8 because we sympathize with this frustration. The only fake thing about Kim is the interest she takes in any of her Facebook followers.

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