Katie Holmes

We know that crazy fiancee Tom Cruise just got his broke ass fired by Paramount pictures, but doesn't he have any money squirreled away somewhere? Sure he's in serious financial trouble and calling on billionaire investors to bankroll his flicks, but can't he afford to buy his poor fake baby's momma a wardrobe?

Seriously now. What the hell is Katie Holmes wearing? Is she even lucid at this point? She looks like a zombie in every picture we come across, brainwashed and ready to resign herself to a life of misery. Okay, maybe we shouldn't talk. My sister used to wear clothes like this. Then she turned eight. In 1989.

We've come across some pics of the newly-unemployed Tom Cruise and brainwashed, formerly hot fiancee Katie Holmes from their recent outing to Maestro's steakhouse. Nice work to whoever shot these... but you might want to turn the red-eye reduction feature on next time. Just a tip from the Gossip's photo editor.

That's not all. We've also come across some images from the InStyle party recently attended by Holmes... and her Scientology handler. Not clear if the handler is pictured here... but Holmes is. And she doesn't look good. Somebody save Katie!

Katie Holmes has been transformed by Scientology, and not necessarily in a good way, recent reports suggest.

According to In Style magazine, Katie attended a celebrity girls-only party held by the publication -- but wasn't alone. A fellow partygoer told the magazine:

"You weren't allowed to bring a guest with you. But Katie brought a guest, one of her Scientology 'handlers.' She was the only one that didn't come alone. Katie's minder kept a watchful eye and a close distance at all times. It was so creepy!"

"You couldn't really talk to her honestly and openly," the source added. "Katie looked dead in the eyes. She was not the same person she was before she met Tom... whenever [Katie] would leave the room, all the girls would talk amongst themselves about how strange she seemed and how bizarre the whole situation was."

Wow. Just when you thought the Suri Cruise mystery was as weird as this was going to get, we have a brainwashed, zombie Katie Holmes attending parties with a f%*king "handler." There was, admittedly, a point in time when T.H. Gossip would not have objected to "handling" Katie Holmes, if you know what we're saying. We're saying she used to be hot on Dawson's Creek.

Nowadays, though? The psycho train wreck future bride of Tom Cruise is looking kind of disheveled, and apparently is in rough mental shape as well. Pity.

Crazy Hollywood power couple Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes helped comfort a pair of shaken accident victims Saturday night, People reports.

A representative for the couple confirms that Cruise, 44, and Holmes, 27, traveled to Salt Lake City, Utah, for an exhibition soccer game, where their friend David Beckham and his team, Real Madrid, beat Real Salt Lake 2-0. On the way back from the airport, the couple pulled over on the 101 Freeway in Los Angeles to come to the aid of a couple who had apparently just been in a car accident.

The engaged pair and possible parents of 4-month-old daughter Suri Cruise checked to make sure the passengers, Jon Henningsen and his wife, were not seriously injured, then waited with them until police and fire department personnel arrived on the scene.

The Gossip just has two questions:

• Who was the PR genius who concocted this one? If you want to deflect the attention away from the Suri mystery, people, at least make up something like Tom diving off a pier to save a drowning child.
• How is Tom Cruise friends with David Beckham? He plays soccer! In Europe! Why does no one explain these things!?

It looks like Suri Cruise is real after all.

Okay, we're not willing to concede that. Not by a long shot.

Nevertheless, a couple of superstar friends of the Gossip, the venerable x17online.com and pinkisthenewblog.com, are doing some of the most stellar investigative work we've seen in an attempt to debunk the Suri myth. We're not sure how in the heck they got these pics, or if they're even real, but it is our duty to bring them to you just the same. After all, Hollywood news and rumors are two of the three things we promise our readers.

UPDATE: Suri Cruise is REAL!

Both TMZ and the New York Post (listed in order of journalistic integrity) report that Suri Cruise may finally make her appearance in Vanity Fair.

That magazine's legendary sleuth, Graydon Carter, has apparently struck again as Vanity Fair nabbed the coveted first snaps of the still-possibly-fake baby of Tom Cruise and rough-looking fiancee Katie Holmes, who's now almost three-and-a-half months old if she actually exists. Which the exclusive T.H. Gossip Poll says is bull$h!t.

The pictures, according to the Post, were shot by Annie Leibovitz and will appear sometime in the fall, though there's no word on when the photo shoot might have taken place. Shockingly, neither Cruise nor the magazine had comment.

The news comes on the heels of a Cruise spokesman's insistence that the couple isn't reluctant to show off their baby. Just last week, Penelope Cruz became the latest celebrity witness to the child's existence. Tom's former fling later clammed up about it, however. Perhaps because it never happened? Vote in our poll and let us know what you think.

We're going on three and a half months since the supposed birth of Suri Cruise, and the shroud of secrecy has yet to be lifted.

No pictured have surfaced of the daughter of insane actor Tom Cruise and his younger, rough-looking fiancee Katie Holmes, allegedly brought into this cruel world April 18. Some celebrities claim to have seen her, but no one believes Leah Remini and/or Jada Pinkett Smith. Or that other chick named Cruz. Come on.

To some, this has become a holdout of staggering proportions. Some, T.H. Gossip included, have come to think of it as a conspiracy. Clearly, if you look at the results of our POLL (above, right), we're not the only ones.

The whereabouts of baby Suri has become so hotly debated that some columnists are calling her the Loch Ness Monster (right).

Just the same, TomKat insists that pics of Suri will be released shortly, according to a spokesman.

One rumor regarding the little one's absence from the public eye is that her photos didn't get high enough bids on the open market. Another is that her protective pop is worried about kidnapping threats. His spokesman is quick to deny that buzz, however, and even denies that Cruise is reluctant to show Suri at all.

"He hasn't been reluctant," spokesman Arnold Robinson said. "They will be making a decision to release the photographs [of Suri] shortly."

MSNBC asked whether the pics be released to a single or a select few media outlets, or whether it will be a general release.

"That's part of the decision they'll be making shortly," he said.

Does Suri Cruise actually exist, or is this all a well-orchestrated publicity stunt? Given the dearth of evidence to support a conspiracy, such as a bogus birth certificate and some very fake-looking pictures of alleged mom Katie Holmes, we are convinced there is no baby. But do fans across the nation share our opinion, or are we going out of our minds? That's precisely what the Gossip wanted to find out with our EXCLUSIVE POLL (above, right).

As of the time of this post, 231 of you have voted, with 58 PERCENT believing that there is no baby. If you have not cast your vote yet, please do so, as we can gauge the general population's opinion more accurately with a larger sample size! There appears to be widespread belief that this is all a hoax, or at least very suspicious.

Below is a sampling of some reader comments we've gotten re: Suri. Some of them may surprise you. Others may offend you. All are pretty much guaranteed to amuse you:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Suri?!? More like surreal! No way this kid exists." -- Amanda

"Wow, that picture looks totally fake... if she really WAS that big, then her stomach should be much lower. I know everyone carries differently but come one... also, there is no possible way to be wearing regular jeans when you are that big. Well, I suppose there is but it is SOOO uncomfortable." -- Teresa

"I believe she's real. Why she would stay hidden all this time is weird though." -- V

"There is no way that a woman's stomach can appear as Katie's does in this [sic] pix. It does not look real, and even though my teen tried to tell me, I am now convinced that Suri is fake also. Shame on TomKat if it's not true." -- Missy

"OK, well... I have actually believed that there really was a baby. But... either there was some doctring [sic] to this pic or that is a totally fake tummy. I've had 2 kids and all my friends have too, and I have NEVER seen something as freaky as that! lol" -- Katherine

"Here's the REAL question: which is more real - Suri Cruise or Ashlee Simpson's chin? At least we've seen a picture of Ashlee's chin." -- Allen

"I honestly believe that Suri Cruise is fake. I love Leah Remini but i think that Tomkat asked her to say that they saw her just so people wouldnt catch on to Suri not being real." -- CoJo

"I CAN'T WAIT TILL EITHER TOM OR KATIE COME CLEAN & TELL THE PUBLIC IT WAS ALL FOR PUBLICITY & THERE NEVER WAS ANY 'BABY'!!!" -- Barbara

"ya know - who cares - I was a huge Tom fan from the early 1980's - after he totally dissed Nicole Kiddman [sic], I could care less about him, who he is currently bedding nor his freaky alledged [sic] child - don't care!" -- DeeCee

"I don't get it - we criticize celebrities so often for being in the spotlight too much. Now, we have a loving couple choosing to keep their baby and private life private … and we make fun of them for it? What does that say about our society? Our need to be nosy?" -- Donna

"Suri is real and she's almost 8 months old; born last December, daddy unknown. Remember Katie got really big really quickly?! She was '3' months and looked like 8 -- and don't forget Katie is tall... tall women usually hide the bump well. And did anyone actually believe the whirlwind romance in the first place? But these guys are supposed to be actors -- you really think they could have done a better job -- stoopid heads! Neither of them have ever really struck me as mental giants -- which might explain why the bump kept changing size. The real question is... why did they bother in the first place? We'll see Suri when she's too old to tell the difference -- e.g. 'is this a 12 or a 16 month baby?'" -- Claire

We would love to post a picture of Suri Cruise here today, on this, the 100th day after she was supposedly born. But since she isn't real, you'll have to settle for an ordinary pic of plain ol' TomKat. Sorry! What is your opinion of the alleged baby? Is she real, or the total farce / PR stunt we believe her to be? Leave us a comment or vote in our poll (above).

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson may be tying the knot this weekend in St. Tropez â€" marking the first of at least four vow exchanges the on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again lovers have planned â€" but don't expect TomKat to follow suit.

According to TV Guide, a spokesperson for Tom Cruise said that the rumors of a weekend wedding the actor and his (possibly-fake) baby's momma, Katie Holmes, are bogus. As far as the source claims it knows, the plans are for nuptials to be exchanged in late summer/early fall at one of Cruise's homes and not in Holmes' hometown of Toledo, Ohio.

In a statement, Toledo expressed a collective, "Thank you!"

In a blog, The Hollywood Gossip offered a hearty, "We'll be there! Just tell us the date and time and we'll show up!"

P.S. Suri Cruise is not real.