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Kate Major has lawyered up against her ex-fiance Michael Lohan, and we can't say we blame her, given that the dude leaked topless pics of her online.

In a cease and desist letter to Lohan, her attorney writes:

Kate Major Up Close

"We have become aware that you are illegally selling or offering for sale one or more nude photographs of Ms. Major to kikster LLC and other websites."

Yep, he's hawking pics of Kate Major nude. This is after he allegedly attacked her and they broke off their engagement. He's one classy guy, that M-Lo.

Michael Lohan and then-fiancee Kate Major.

The letter states that the photos were taken without the knowledge of Kate, Lindsay's former assistant, and she did not consent to them going public.

Kate and her attorney are demanding that Michael stop pitching the pics. A similar letter was sent to Kikster demanding that it take down the photos.

In his defense, Michael has denied selling the photos of Major and insists they were stolen. He has zero credibility, however, and is most likely lying.

Just going by the odds.

Guess we know where Lindsay Lohan gets her bad excuses from. She's responsible for her own mess, but having the worst dad on Earth can't help.

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Lindsay Lohan may want to spend the full 90 days in jail after reading this. We'd be embarrassed to be seen in public if we were related to this lowlife.

The fact that he's Lindsay's dad does explain a lot about her, if you think about it. But that's a separate issue. Back to the R-rated lecture at hand ...

On top of allegedly harassing and attacking fiancee Kate Major, Michael Lohan is allegedly attempting to sell nude photos of her to the highest bidder.

A photo taken in April shows Kate in bed with her breast exposed and her eyes closed. She's wearing nothing but her engagement ring from Michael.

Gross.

Mike Lohan and Kate Major

When Kate Major found out about Michael's intentions, she gave the following statement: "Michael Lohan is a disgusting human being and father."

"He took these pictures of me without my knowledge. At the time he was my fiancé. I have just found out about these images today and moving forward my lawyer, William O'Conner, will be handing the legalities of anyone that reproduces them."

Michael, of course, responded in kind.

"She has no money, no job and she's been living off of me for the last eight months. If she doesn't stop the nonsense, more and more will come out. I am tired of being used and people who need to make up stories to make money off others."

"I have more important issues to deal with than Kate Major."

LOL. No you don't, Mike. This is all you do, sponge off others for attention. How many times have you been in jail, Mr. High and Mighty? Just asking.

Just to recap, Kate Major used to be Lindsay's assistant, then became a writer for Star magazine, then quit her job to date Jon Gosselin, then got engaged to Michael, then accused him of beating her up and threatening to kill her.

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Under fire for attacking his fiancee, loser Michael Lohan declared when confronted by cameras yesterday that his engagement to Kate Major is officially dead.

Marrying someone you are legally required to stay at least 100 yards away from and are not allowed to contact even via a third party can be difficult.

The deadbeat father of Lindsay was accused of assaulting Major, a former Star reporter and assistant to his train wreck daughter, earlier in the week.

That will put a damper on an engagement in a hurry.

YOU SUCK, MIKE! The elder Lohan's latest fiancee, who agreed to marry him for unknown reasons, lasted three whole months before filing a criminal complaint.

Lohan's lawyer, meanwhile, is scoffing at allegations that he physically attacked and threatened to kill Kate, saying that her claims don't add up.

If he really did what she said, Lisa Bloom argues why was he charged with a petty offense? Michael will face a second degree harassment charge.

"Most often, second degree harassment violations are resolved by the payment of a fine of up to $250," Bloom told TMZ in a statement.

"Second degree harassment is the lowest level charge that can be brought in connection with an alleged domestic violence incident."

Bloom says the charge is used "when there are no substantial physical injuries alleged, which is the case here" and Michael is "100% innocent."

Basically, don't expect to see him in jail with Lindsay.

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Kate Major, Lindsay Lohan's ex-assistant and Michael Lohan's soon-to-be ex-fiancee, says he threatened to kill her, called her a "c**t" and kicked her in the face.

Never a sign of a stable, long-term relationship.

According to the police report and formal complaint she filed against the deadbeat dad she somehow agreed to marry, Michael Lohan assaulted her - and worse:

"My fiance Michael Lohan came home while I was sleeping in a sofa chair. He woke me up, yelling, 'Why didn't you pick up your cell phone, you stupid c**t.'"

"He then turned over the chair while I was still in it, tossing me to the floor. I crawled to the other side of the room to get away from him. He walked over to me, took his shoe off and kicked me in the face while I was still on the ground."

Michael Lohan Mug Shot

"He stood over me and said, 'I'm going to go back to jail cause of you, cause I will kill you.' He said all of this to me cause he is afraid I'm going to leave him."

"I am very afraid of him."

So are we. He and Mel Gibson should get together and swap ideas.

Kate Major says she hit her head on the wall, then the floor as she fell. According to the police report, officials observed "Minor swelling observed on [her] lip."

Michael says there was an argument but denied touching Kate. Apparently police don't buy it, since Kate now has "Temporary Order of Protection" against him.

The Order prohibits the hothead loser from communicating with Major in any way. He's also prohibited from having a "third party" contact or threaten her.

In the Order, signed by a judge at the Southampton Justice Court, he cannot engage in "any acts or threats of physical violence." We'll see if he can resist.

UPDATE: Michael has been charged with second degree harassment for the incident. He will be formally arraigned in Southampton, N.Y., court August 18.

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Kate Major, who recently got engaged to Michael Lohan for some reason, is accusing Lindsay's father of committing domestic violence earlier this week.

We're shocked. He's such an upstanding guy.

Derek Lowe Mug Shot

According to TMZ, Michael's fiancee and Lindsay's ex-assistant filed a report with the Southampton, N.Y., Town Police claiming he physically attacked her.

On Monday at around 2 p.m., just before Michael flew to L.A. for the court hearing at which Lindsay was jailed, they began arguing, Kate told officials.

Michael allegedly shoved her over a chair, injuring her shoulder.

Michael Lohan's relationship track record just got sketchier.

Even more disturbingly, Kate Major claims that while she was on the ground after being pushed by Michael, the pathetic loser kicked her in the face.

She claims she went to the hospital and has pictures of her injuries. Wow. Looks like M-Lo may have added woman-beater to his gleaming resume.

For his part, Michael admits he got in an argument with Kate over their upcoming TV show (?!) but he didn't touch her and she's making it all up.

Why would she do that exactly? He didn't say. Think he's lying? He's also been accused of similar behavior by his most recent ex-fiancee, Erin Muller.

And he's served time in prison on multiple occasions. Just sayin'.

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Kate Major used to work as an assistant to Lindsay Lohan and was, like, totally, her BFF. No wonder Linds is grossed out by her dad tapping that four times a day.

Back when she was a Star Magazine reporter, Kate, who got engaged to Michael Lohan this week, was also Lindsay's assistant and best friend. Kate says it's cool.

Lindsay the Rock Star

Why? Because she didn't get paid with money, just exclusives.

Could this family be any more messed up, do you think?

It's true, though. She met Michael, who introduced her to Jon Gosselin, with whom she had a brief fling last summer, because she used to be Lindsay's assistant.

It's really a shame this friendship ended.

Kate Major was key member of Lindsay's entourage, serving (either paid or unpaid) as a driver, confidant, an all-purpose factotum, according to inside sources.

"Kate was really close with Lindsay when she was in rehab at Cirque Lodge in 2007," says one source. "Kate drove her back to Los Angeles from Utah and was the one that brought in the first-person post-rehab interview for In Touch."

They should tell that story at the wedding.

Adds the source: "They hung out and partied a lot together after that. But Lindsay stopped returning her calls when Kate started getting closer to Michael Lohan."

"Kate used to go out to the Hamptons and hit events with him and his girlfriend [now ex-fiancee] Erin Muller. She had a picture on her desk of the three of them."

Kate Major tells PopEater in response that while she was her assistant, "I was never paid to be her assistant. Lindsay and I did not stop talking because I got close with Michael, what happened was I moved to New York and we grew apart."

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Michael Lohan and Kate Major not only got engaged, they're wasting no time trying for a kid. Mike says they "practice at least four times a night" in fact.

As if the mere engagement weren't gross enough to his last family.

Lohan and Behold

"Kate wants a baby. Since I'm getting no younger, we practice at least four times a night," he tells TV Guide about his fiancée, but with one minor caveat:

"We agreed that if she does get pregnant, one is enough."

Probably for the best, given how the last batch turned out.

Michael Lohan, who turns 50 this month, has four children with ex-wife Dina, including helpless, broke train wreck Lindsay Lohan and JV version Ali Lohan.

That's how many times we tried to conceive by noon!

Kate Major, who at 27 is just a few years older than Lindsay, had a short relationship with Michael Lohan’s friend, Jon Gosselin. Hey, anything's a step up.

The two got engaged Easter weekend after dating about half a year. A place and date have not been set, but they're looking at December on Long Island.

Two people Mike probably won't see there? His previous wife and his eldest daughter. “It’s certainly a marriage made in tabloid heaven,” Dina Lohan said.

“Kate dated Hailey Glassman’s ex, then is best friends with Michael’s ex [Erin Muller], now she’s engaged to Michael. It all sounds a bit incestuous to me.”

“Where he’s finding money for weddings, engagement rings, I don’t know. He’s nine months behind on child support... pay for the kids you already have.”

Lindsay Lohan was more succinct, though no less repulsed by the news.

"I'm gonna vomit!" she told Us. "I so didn't need that info... yuck!"

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Michael Lohan and Kate Major, the former Star magazine reporter who made headlines last summer for quitting her job to date Jon Gosselin, are engaged!

No date has been set, but Kate 2.0 said, "I've already talked to some bridesmaids, and it will probably be in New York ... probably at the end of this year."

Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre and Michael Buble

She brought Mike to meet her dad in Florida last weekend to get his approval.

Somehow he got it?!

"I'm very traditional," Kate Major says. "Michael went down with me for Easter, to meet my father to ask his permission, and my father gave his blessing."

Lindsay, meet your new stepmom. She's just four years old than you!

Already wearing an engagement ring, says of her man, "I'm ecstatic. I'm very happy. Michael and I have known each other for four years, and it's meant to be."

Michael Lohan echoed his future bride's sentiments: "I'm ecstatic. I have never met anyone who's been there for me like Kate. She's always been there for me."

"The one thing about Kate is that she doesn't come with baggage."

Well, sans the Jon Gosselin thing, but compared to that guy, Michael Lohan may actually look like a prize catch. He's only a terrible dad to four kids, not eight!

But seriously, we're happy for the couple and wish them the best. We still expect another unwarranted, pissed-off rant from Mike, but we wish them the best.

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Just when you thought you'd heard everything, Michael Lohan and girlfriend Kate Major are moving from New York to Los Angeles together. There's more too:

Lohan says he is hoping to get some of his "celebrity" pals to join him and participate in different charity fundraisers (i.e. PR opportunities) along the way.

M-Lo explains: “We’re calling the show Crossing Borders because not only will we be crossing physical borders state to state, but moral borders as well." 

Deep.

Michael Lohan and Kate Major

Two people who definitely need their own show.

"While each celebrity offers something different, each city will bring something new and different. Each celebrity sees him/herself as a good person. Viewers will see that we all try our best, but sometimes cross the borders of right and wrong."

This guy ought to teach philosophy.

No word on when:

  • Lindsay Lohan will file the paperwork seeking a preemptive restraining order in anticipation of her deadbeat dad moving to the same city.
  • Kate Major will discuss Jon Gosselin's penis size.

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We know this may come as a huge shock to you, but Jon Gosselin is apparently a "huge loser," according to an inside source with knowledge of the subject.

Kate Major, who sort of dated Jon last summer, is now dating Michael Lohan. This speaks volumes about her taste, but still, she says it's a step up from Jon.

Jon the Player

“He seems to go for nice girls from nice families and, in my case, with good careers," said the ex-reporter for Star freaking magazine who quit to date him.

"I would love Jon to get into the boxing ring with [Michael Lohan] so he could get his butt kicked because, let’s face it, we all know he needs the money.”

Kate was referring to Mike's Celebrity Boxing pastime, of course, and also had some words of warning for Jon’s new girlfriend, 25-year-old Morgan Christie.

Kate Major has dated both these guys. Wow, Kate.

“I don’t know if she missed out on the last year, but I’d really like to warn her as well as her family to really look at the type of person that Jon is and look at what he did to his other ex’s,” Kate 2.0 said. “She should be careful and watch out.”

Or ransack his place with a butcher knife, right Hailey Glassman?

Jon and his newest rebound fling met during Thanksgiving while he was skiing in Utah. Morgan Christie reportedly comes from an affluent Connecticut family.

“It seems perfect this is the next beat for Jon. He has no job, no family other than his kids. He needs to take advantage of someone else now. Jon wouldn’t be with this girl unless she could offer him some kind of financial support.”

“All I know about [Morgan Christie] is that she met Jon while he was supposedly visiting his grandmother,” Kate said. “But he was probably just sitting around smoking weed with his buddies, and that’s when he met her.”

Good to know. Thanks Kate!