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Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce is almost final after a contentious, but generally productive all-day mediation hearing Saturday at the arbitration table.

Jon did not contest that Kate should get primary custody of their eight kids. A decision on how all their assets are split up will be made within 30 days.

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Jon and Kate actually agreed to the amounts certain items were worth, but were far apart on some issues relating to how assets should be distributed.

The two unresolved issues are distribution of assets and child support. In Pennsylvania, courts award "equitable" distribution when it comes to property.

That doesn't necessarily mean 50/50, however. Neither party, whose reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, officially ends tonight, asked for spousal support.

Jon and Kate in simpler, less contentious times.

The arbitration was supposed to last two days - Saturday and today - but it is believed that all major issues were handled and agreed upon Saturday.

Both Jon and Kate testified in the arbitration, the decision of which is binding on both of them and clears the way to ending their marriage for good.

It seems like both parties are ready to move on from their marriage, which consisted of Kate emasculating Jon on TV. But not without one last stunt.

In a nice gesture of PR peace, Jon brought flowers to give the impression he's not a total douche to the media to Kate as he arrived for the hearing.

Kate refused them.

"In what should have been their most serious moment as a couple," a source close to Kate told People, "Jon again resorted to a publicity stunt."

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Monday marks the end of TLC's Jon and Kate Plus 8. That's the good news. The bad? Jon Gosselin's legal battles and personal drama will continue to play out publicly.

What can fans expect on the final hour of the reality show, which Jon pulled the plug on because the network blatantly ried to fire his ass of concerns for his kids?

The estranged parents of eight will venture on separate outings with the kids. Individually, Jon and Kate Gosselin will reflect on the past and look to the future.

Asleep yet?

Back in September, TLC made the announcement that Jon would no longer appear on the reality series and that the program would be re-titled Kate Plus 8.

That plan was axed after Jon objected to his kids being on TV, saying the network was "hurting them," which amazingly he never brought up prior to that.

THE END OF AN ERROR: Farewell, Jon and Kate Plus 8.

"Kate Plus 8 is not in production," TLC spokeswoman Laurie Goldberg said Thursday. "We are focusing on the launch of Kate's new series in early spring."

No details on what Kate's new series entails, but Jon and TLC remain entangled in a legal battle surrounding the douchebag's actions of the past six months.

TLC has sued him for breach of contract, claiming he violated contract terms by making promotional appearances (paid or unpaid) without TLC's approval.

The network says any interview or dealings with media outlets have to get the green light from TLC first. He's probably violated that, oh, 200 or so times.

He fired back with a $5 million countersuit, alleging the network has damaged his career (LOL) by discouraging other media outlets from working with him.

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Displaying rare humanity and perspective, Kate Gosselin said she isn't proud of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 moments which she spent basically castrating hubby Jon.

"I was very hard on him. I would never deny that," she said on the TLC special Kate: Her Story. "I felt very much like a lot of weight rested on my shoulders."

"I was wrong to treat him that way," Kate Gosselin added. "Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No."

Those moments were what initially had fans playing for Team Jon in the early stages of the couple's split, before new Jon became the world's biggest d-bag.

"I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring," Kate began, taking a long pause before she continued, voice cracking, "and it'll be the old Jon."

Below are more excerpts from this very special interview ...

On how they drifted apart. "Our goals just very much changed. My goals didn't change as a mom. I just think somewhere along the line, his goals changed."

On when she knew it was over: "I think I was on a plane coming home from somewhere and I remember thinking, We're not going to recover from this."

On the possibly exploitative nature of Jon and Kate Plus 8: "As someone who laid on bed rest from 7 to 30 weeks, who fought for every second of their existence, I can tell you there is nothing that would force me to put them in harm's way."

On why she doesn't quit while she's ahead: "We can't turn life off. I can't turn life off. In the last nine, 10 months, it's gotten really crazy and I can't seem to get away from it at this point. My goal in all this is I just want peace for my kids."

On why doesn't she pull the plug on the spotlight right now: "We're too far gone. Stepping out of the spotlight when it's prudent to do so is a good thing."

On the rumor she had an affair with her bodyguard, Steve Neild, earlier this year: "So unthinkable to me that to have to think about it makes me sick."

On why she needs a bodyguard: "People have a lot of contempt and hate toward me and at the end of the day, I need to come home safe to my kids."

On Jon's increasingly suspect personal life: "We do [talk] where it relates to the kids. As far as dating goes, I've never, ever broached the subject with him."

Follow the jump for a clip of Kate's interview last night ...

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Kate Gosselin has few friends these days.

We can't imagine the grating mother of eight had many to start with, but she says it's by choice - she can't trust 'em. Everyone is just out to take her down.

As her 10-year marriage to husband Jon deteriorates badly and publicly, she complains that many people she once considered close have sold her out. Hard.

We're looking at you, Kevin and Jodi Kreider.

"When you look around, and very close trusted people who would never cash you in, for lack of better words, and those people do that and people leave your house and tell completely different stories, you tend not to trust people," she says.

"[I trust] a very, very small group of people," the reverse-mulleted one adds of who she can turn to when she needs support. We're here for you, KG.

GET REAL: Kate Gosselin plays the victim card in a new interview.

In an interview airing tonight on TLC, Gosselin also says their eight kids have become more introverted since she and Jon told them they were divorcing.

As usual, she took shots at Jon, but he's not firing back this time.

Jon, who recently split with Hailey Glassman, takes some responsibility for that, and for "losing his moral compass" of late, he admitted this weekend.

Speaking at a New York City synagogue Sunday night, Jon, who is being mentored by a celebrity rabbi, apologized for any harm he caused his family.

"I want to apologize to Kate in private for having public relationships, because if she had done the same to me, I would have been pissed," he said.

"Looking back on it, it seems like a knife in the back."

Indeed. Follow the jump to see what Kate has to say:

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You know the old saying.

It takes a couple of painfully annoying, married reality TV attention whores to know a couple of painfully annoying, married reality TV attention whores.

That said, The Hills' gruesome twosome, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag dressed up for Halloween Thursday as none other than Jon and Kate Gosselin.

It's actually pretty funny ...

Speidi as Jon and Kate

Speidi masquerades as Jon and Kate. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

We don't know what touch we like more, the dolls, Spencer's uber-douchey shades and Ed Hardy t-shirt, or Heidi's reverse mullet dead opossum weave.

It's a tie.

Just pray these two don't decide to emulate Jon and Kate in other ways. Like having eight children. The apocalypse would officially be upon us then ...

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"Certain events take place that make us sitting ducks. It makes us easy targets." - Kate Gosselin on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in an interview airing later today.

Making the media rounds in an attempt to show she sucks slightly less than estranged husband Jon, Kate fashions herself as the one who takes the high road.

"Certain ones of us speak a lot; others of us prefer to keep our mouths shut," she says, in reference to her Ed Hardy-wearing, PR-loving douche of a spouse.

Asked whether it helps or hurts that Jon is seemingly so in love with the press, Kate says, "I just know that on TV or off TV, I've been targeted and torn apart."

Still, don't expect her to lose track of her priorities.

"I am a mother first," she says. "I will always be a mother, and I would die for my kids if need be. I would never put them in a situation that was dangerous or unsafe for them ... there is nothing I would do to put them in danger."

"My focus is them. It's not the paparazzi. My focus is not what trip I can go on, or what shows I can do as a result of this thing. This is my job. This is what I do."

Well, that and shill for her new book ...

Kate Book Signing

A person who really needs to find a hobby stands in line to have her book signed by author and supermom Kate Gosselin. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

She's all about bashing Jon and saying that she's better than him. But when the topic turns to dating, Kate clams up. Clearly she is still human - and hurt.

"The thought has crossed my mind at some point," she told Ellen of dating again, but she fears any relationships she has are "going to be scrutinized."

Instead of her wedding ring, Kate has been eyeing a ring that has "eight little diamonds surrounded by mother of pearl," symbolizing her eight kids.

"It's the symbol of me and the kids together forever," she says, adding that she won't actually get around to purchasing that until "I have a job again."

Before the interview ended, in the spirit of this big weekend coming up, DeGeneres asks Kate about the new "Kate Gosselin Halloween costume."

"Somebody emailed mesaying there was going to be a Kate Gosselin wig," Kate says. "I thought, 'Wow, is that really what my hair looks like?'"

It is. Just call it the reverse mullet / dead porcupine weave.

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You'll rarely hear the THG staff take Kate Gosselin's side in anything, but when her own brother, Kevin Kreider, sells her out on CBS' Early Show, well ...

We're still not on Kate's side, per se. We're just saying what a d!ck move it is by Kevin Kreider and loser wife Jodi to procure 15 minutes at her expense.

The two have recently joined forces with Team Jon Gosselin (they officially are Team Jon Gosselin, as we can't imagine there are many other members).

Their mission: Free the Gosselin Eight!

Kevin and Jodi Kreider took to the morning show today to point out, as they have in the past, that they think the Jon and Kate Plus 8 should be canned.

No one asked for the their opinion on the matter, mind you, nor does Jon Gosselin give a $h!t about anyone but himself. But here we are, just the same.

They even brought Gloria Allred, famed lawyer and child welfare advocate who loves microphones and cameras even more than they do, along for fun.

The backstabbing Gosselin relatives promotly threw Kate under the bus pretending to care about their poor, exploited nieces and nephews. Mmm hmm.

Here's Kevin and Jodi on the Early Show ...

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Don't ask us how someone like Kate Gosselin has fans. Hey, everyone, this really mean, grating woman has eight kids! Everyone gather 'round the tube!

Whatever the reason, though, people are apparently interested in what she has to say. That or TLC's interns are just making up "fan" questions for her.

The 34-year-old future divorcée took part in a very special Q&A session on Monday's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (soon to be renamed Kate Plus 8).

In response to the question, "Do you ever see yourself married again?" Kate Gosselin said "Seriously? You think now is a good time to answe that?"

Okay then.

"I struggle because I really don't want to be married again. Can you blame me? But I don't want to be alone. We shall see. Maybe when I'm 73 1/2."

Here's a question: Is that a dead porcupine on your head?

Other highlights from the "You Ask, Kate Answers" special:

  • Little kids hit each other a lot.
  • Kate wants to be in a movie someday.
  • She would like to move out of Pennsylvania.
  • She likes Patrick Dempsey and Tiger Woods.
  • Little boys Collin, Aaden and Joel are still talking about their recent trip to Wyoming and "they still want to be cowboys when they grow up."
  • "A healthy amount of money is put away for the kids, and it is safe," Kate promised fans. "It will not be touched other than for education."
  • "If you take care of yourself and try to look nice, it's reflective of how you feel about yourself," Gosselin says of her evolving fashion sense.

Follow the jump for a clip of Kate on last night's episode ...

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Jon Gosselin has complied with a court order to return $230,000 he withdrew over the past several months to a joint account he shares with estranged wife Kate.

Over the weekend, Kate's lawyer, Mark Momjian, claimed he had not fully replenished their shared account, which he raided, claiming he thought it was payday.

Momjian claimed Jon still owed $152,000. Well, he doesn't, and amazingly, the check he wrote to cover that amount cleared without bouncing. We lost that bet.

Gosselin appeared in Montgomery County court in Pennsylvania Monday. Jon and Mark Heller, his New York-based attorney, criticized his wife for not appearing.

"We have all the representation we need," Heller said outside the court.

"All we need is Kate's participation and for Kate to stop crying on TV."

BURN! Someone also needs to get her to ditch the mullet. Just saying.

Morons

We've gotta get these two out of court and into a cage.

In addition to calling out his wife for pulling a no-show, Jon said he is "optimistic" about the proceedings, and that Kate still has not explained how she spent $33,000 in recent cash withdrawals from their joint funds.

He's also accused the grating one of hiding book royalties and other assets.

Judge Arthur Tilson, however, said both are in compliance and left further arrangements to an arbitrator ... who was supposed to resolve this in the first place.

A two-day conference with the arbitrator is scheduled for November.

Whose side are you on?

 

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Last week, Jon Gosselin wanted credit for returning the $180,000 he withdrew from a joint account with estranged wife Kate, even if he was never allowed to take it.

Well, on top of being a d-bag who expects praise for doing what he's supposed to (and any normal human being would), Jon is a liar who didn't actually return it.

Kate Gosselin says she is still waiting for Jon Gosselin to return the money he took from the account, but she herself has obeyed a court order, her attorney says.

She has itemized what she spent from the account, says her attorney Mark Momjian, adding the reverse-mulleted grating one "has complied with the court order."

Kate says she spends money from the account on their kids. Jon? Well, we know how he likes to whine and dine those mediocre girls. Sorry, Hailey Glassman.

Big Pimpin' J

Earlier Friday, Jon's attorney Mark Heller, said Jon was in "complete compliance" with a court order telling him to return $180,000 he took from the joint account.

Depends on your definition of complete, apparently.

So far only $28,500 has been returned, says Kate, who as of yesterday was waiting for Jon's Pennsylvania attorney to send back the remaining $152,000 he owes.

"We still haven't had that money wired to us," her lawyer said.

A hearing is scheduled for Monday in a Norristown, Pa. courtroom if the money issue is not resolved. Momjian said he is not sure yet if that hearing will happen.

Whomever gets the money, they should keep a whole team of shrinks on retainer. Those poor eight kids are going to take them to the poor house in a few years.

Whose side are you on?

 

Kate Gosselin Biography

Proof of Cheating Kate Gosselin is a reality TV star with eight children and a famous, annoying ex-husband. She and Jon Gosselin were at the center of Jon... More »
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Kate Gosselin
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