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On last night's season episode of The Hills, Kristin and Justin-Bobby took their fake relationship to the next level, while Speidi argued about kids a lot.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews the most recent memorable installment of MTV's "reality" hit, awarding and deducting points as it sees fit ...

Stacie to Kristin: "We're two, like, kinda bitches." So true, and so right. Plus 4.

These girls have really long, fake-looking hair. Except Jayde. She rules. Even.

Heidi Montag thinks having a child will "mature" Spencer Pratt. This logic is comically flawed, but is just the sort of thing an airhead like Heidi would actually believe, and she's far from the only woman to think this, so ... Even.

Lo seems a little uncomfortable at lunch with Kristin, twirling her hair like a madwoman. Kristin Cavallari trying to act makes us squirm, too. Plus 3.

It gets worse when Kristin says she'll mess with Audrina if she messes with her. Does MTV just hand Kristin a pile of quotes, all pertaining to bitchiness and being the girl version of a player, and tell her to work them in? Minus 5.

Speidi has neighbors. They look nice. We feel sorry for them. Minus 2.

Audrina Patridge invites the gang to an Epic Records concert event at an L.A. club. Yay, obvious but effective cross promotion! Vedera was pretty good too. Plus 2.

Props to Stephanie Pratt for flat-out asking what the band looks like and not even feigning interest in the music. Plus 2. Plus 3 more her disgust when it's a chick.

Chiara sighting! Plus 1.

Spencer Pratt on children: "I can barely be around adults, how am I supposed to be around kids?" Plus 8. Side note: How cute is the lil' neighbor kid Enzo!?

Later, the evil one tells his baby crazy wife that he wants to get his "tubes tied like tomorrow." Much like when a guy we knew in college used to say chicks wanted to "bone" him, we're not sure that phrase works for a guy. Minus 2.

Justin-Bobby arrives with Kristin - clean shaven, with his shirt buttoned all the way up, wearing suspenders - then slow dances and makes out with her. Who slow dances at a club? What is this, Laguna Beach senior prom? Minus 9.

OMFG is Justin-Bobby really wearing a sparkly, motorcycle helmet?!? He is. Minus 6.

Finally, the quote of the night goes to Casey Patridge: "Justin's a douche." Close second? Jayde Nicole, re: Kristin: "Omigod I can't stand her!" Plus 12.

TOTAL: +11! SEASON TOTAL: +20! The Hills can annoy the crap out of you sometimes, and may be totally scripted, but man, this show still entertains.

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Last week's season premiere of The Hills elevated the contrived nonsense of MTV's cash cow to a new level with the injection of ample forced drama.

Specifically, someone dragged Kristin Cavallari out of the woodwork and told her to pretend she is interested in Justin Brescia, a.k.a. Justin-Bobby.

Shirtless Brody Jenner

This caused tension with Audrina Patridge, Justin's ex.

It was obviously all staged, yet it can't be denied that Justin-Bobby has at least some appeal to women. Audrina couldn't quit this loser, after all.

Some viewers of the "reality" show have even commented that Justin is "hot." We don't see it, but maybe we're in the minority (doubtful, but maybe).

Tell us, ladies, would you go there? Vote below ...

Justin-Bobby: Would you hit it?

 

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On Tuesday night's season premiere of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari made her presence felt early and often. Amazing what huge paychecks and scripts can do. Meanwhile, Spencer put a deposit on a house without telling his duck-lipped plastic wife.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews Kristin's first episode of MTV's long-running "reality" TV series and awards and deducts points as it sees fit ...

The last-season-in-review montage showing Lauren Conrad departing airs, with Kristin as the show's new narrator. That's cold $h!t, MTV. Cold. Minus 2.

The girls sit around, reading cue cards and giving us the 411 on Kristin Cavallari, who they've just been informed will be on The Hills ... and will be their new friend, apparently. Hey, at least their disdain is for real. Plus 5.

Why would Spencer assume Kristin would go after Justin-Bobby, who looks homeless and by all accounts does not bathe, of all the people at the party? What about Frankie Delgado or Sleazy T? This whole scenario is so ridiculous. Minus 16.

Plus 9 for the obligatory Brody Jenner shirtless and sleeveless shots, and Plus 2 more because Jayde Nicole shows no signs of Joe Francis whomping on her.

Newlywed Heidi Montag says her goal in life is to keep her husband happy. Spoken like a true feminist. Cook, clean and break out the knee pads, Heidi. Minus 5.

Kristin to Audrina: "Your sidekick is yappin' her mouth at me!" Ten seconds into the season and she already knows the role of Stephanie Pratt. Plus 4.

LMAO moment: What in the effing hell is Spencer wearing when he and Heidi pretend to go house hunting? Why are his jeans tucked into his boots? Minus 1.

Stacie the bartender calls Audrina a stage-five clinger. Plus 2 for Stacie's unexplained, contrived appearance on the show, which is not even attempting to seem real at this point, and Plus 2 more for the use of Wedding Crashers quotes.

Even Kristin's voice sounds fake, like she's trying too hard to sound overly dramatic on her "date" with Justin-Bobby. Give us a freaking break. Minus 3.

Spencer puts a deposit down on a place without telling Heidi, who hates it. The more things change, the more they stay the same (and obnoxious). Plus 12.

Fittingly, the quote of the night goes to Kristin Cavallari: [on being a Capricorn] "I'm stubborn ... organized ... I have the BEST bed." Words fail us. Even.

TOTAL: +9! The Hills is what it is. If you can get past how obviously staged it all is, there's still a lot of drama and entertainment value to be enjoyed.

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Reality TV's most overpaid airheads (and that's saying something) return to MTV tonight as The Hills kicks off its new season. Or "bonus episodes" of the current season five. Whatever you want to call it, it's back at 10 p.m. EST.

The City follows at 10:30 p.m. EST.

In preparation for the return of its contrived cash cow, the network has released a slew of promotional images of the cast. Some are older pictures, but most are new and feature stars who will now be playing new and/or bigger roles.

Specifically, Kristin Cavallari joins the cast and pretends to be interested in Justin-Bobby to piss off Audrina Patridge. Also, Stacie the bartender is apparently getting her own promotional photos now. This is "reality" TV at its finest.

Click to enlarge the pictures below. Who's your favorite Hills star?

by Free Britney at . Comments

"The bitch is back" is one tagline MTV has used to promote the revamped version of The Hills, which returns on September 29 starring Kristin Cavallari.

Guess that edged out "Hilariously contrived drama is back."

It's hard to tell what's more fake, the boobs of Heidi Montag or her debate with Spencer over whether to have kids, but either way, there’s lots going on!

Not the least of which? The "return" of Kristin Cavallari, Laguna Beach rival of Lauren Conrad, who's now stepping into the footsteps of the retired LC.

And hitting on Justin-Bobby, as if that were remotely feasible.

Yes, that loser is still around. Audrina Patridge thinks she’s moved on, but may not be ready to see him with another girl. Especially one named Kristin.

“She’s the girl that’s going to stab us all in the back and doesn’t care,” Stephanie Pratt reads off cue cards, talking about Kristin's "return" (even though she was never around to begin with). “How can one person turn our lives upside down?”

Because MTV paid her a lot to stir up drama, that's how.

In Speidi Land, a certain bimbo is fake-pressuring her husband to knock her up, as we hinted above. That will be even harder for them to stage than their Cabo wedding, but we imagine they are up to the challenge.

Lastly, Lo Bosworth and the uber-annoying Stephanie Pratt are looking more plastic than ever. How psyched are you for The Hills to return in four weeks?

Check out the Season Five trailer below ...

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The hour-long finale of The Hills began with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth packing up their house. Guess now that Lauren is retiring from The Hills, she has to move out of the $2.2 million house MTV was paying for. Just kidding. Maybe.

The roommates decide to throw a final party for their closest friends.

Furry Friend

What a perfect opportunity to stage awkward conversations about Spencer and Heidi's wedding and tie up plot points bring the whole gang together for a fun time.

Encouraged by Frankie Delgado to attend the upcoming Speidi wedding, LC responded with, "I'll be at the next one." Ohhhhh, snap, Spencer. No way she's going now, right? Well, don't be so sure. Because we already know she is.

After all, Spencer Pratt is a changed man if you haven't noticed. He even convinced Heidi Montag's mom, Darlene, to give him her blessing. Impressive.

Brody Jenner, however, was not buying Spencer's "nice guy" persona.

"You have lost your mind," Brody laughed during a guys' lunch with his childhood BFF, who admitted going to marriage counseling. "I have a beautiful relationship with a beautiful girl. We have a great time - we don't need to go to therapy!"

Notwithstanding cheating on Jayde Nicole with Audrina Patridge, sparking Audzo's feud with Jayde that has dominated much of this spring, of course.

Meanwhile, Heidi was in full wedding-planning mode. Too bad her maid of honor was the most inept, unstable and worthless maid of honor in history.

Amazingly, we are not talking about Stephanie Pratt!

Heidi's big sister Holly Montag had the big title and managed to mess it up at every turn. She didn't write down the gifts Heidi got at her shower, gave a comically bad speech at the rehearsal dinner, and had an epic, drunken meltdown later.

Absolutely amazing showing, Holly.

Once the big day arrived, all anyone could talk about was whether LC would show up. And she did. A little awkwardly. Their exchange went as follows:

Lauren Conrad:  "You're getting married!"
Heidi Montag: "It's crazy! And you're here!"
Lauren Conrad: "I'm supposed to be."

Read: Because the producers made her. Knowing she's not returning to The Hills after this particular event, she can't even hide her disdain and fake it.

The guests at the wedding included Justin-Bobby, who clearly did not bother to shower, along with Perez Hilton, Spencer's Nana and Heidi's dad, Bill.

Oh, and lightning rod Kristin Cavallari, who shockingly returned to the MTV payroll witness the nuptials of the couple she helped set up many years ago.

As Lauren Conrad realized that she had been replaced, by Kristin Cavallari, on her own show, and reacted with what appeared to be legitimate disgust, her former rival successfully recaptured the spotlight in a matter of minutes.

She flirted with Justin-Bobby for reasons unknown, rubbed in Audrina's face that she flirted with him for obvious reasons (no wonder Audrina hates her already), flashed do-me eyes at Brody, glared at LC and caught Heidi's bouquet.

Oh, and Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag officially tied the knot. Hooray, we guess.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Last night on The Hills, the tables were finally turned on Justin-Bobby.

Audrina Patridge's moronic on-off boyfriend was apparently pretty steamed when he heard about her hookup with Brody Jenner in Hawaii, and was calling her 24/7.

When Audzo finally agreed to see the scraggly-ass loser, she was unapologetic for her actions and totally blew him off. Hurts to be on the receiving end, eh, J-Bob?

“We’re at a dead end right now and need to go our separate ways," she said, adding that they were never exclusive. "We can't be friends. It doesn’t work. I came to say goodbye face-to-face. Don’t call. Don’t text. It’s over.” Iced!

Audrina abruptly left the restaurant, and Justin-Bobby, showing more genuine concern in this one scene than he has in the previous two years, chased after her.

Is Audrina Patridge finally done with Justin-Bobby?

“If I spent the night in Lauren’s room, you would freak out,” Justin-Bobby said, clearly worked up about her and Brody. While true, this comment left her unmoved.

Good riddance.

At People's Revolution, Stephanie Pratt was basically ignoring her job and blabbing on and on and on to Lauren Conrad about this hunky DJ she had just met. Lauren hinted subtly, then not subtly, that she needed to focus on work.

Alas, Stephanie Pratt has an IQ of 20.

LC was pulling clothes for an important photo shoot at Smashbox (where Lo of all people recently got a job). She had to run to the shoot and left Steph to finish packing the clothes and inputting the order into the computer.

But Steph’s mind - what little there is of it - was elsewhere. Shockingly, when LC arrived at the big photo shoot, all of the necessary clothes did not.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

It was out with the old, in with the new (and insane) on The Hills as Speidi started couples’ counseling, Stephanie Pratt started her new job with Lauren Conrad, and Audrina Patridge started looking for a new man - with unexpected results.

We begin at the workplace ...

Stephanie started at People’s Revolution and in no time, head honcho Kelly Cutrone berated her for leaving a drink on a desk and eating crackers over clothes.

The next day, she ignored a ringing phone, hung up on someone, put off some key tasks, didn’t check in the right clothes and doodled on a sheet of paper.

A clearly-pissed Lauren Conrad warned her friend, who she helped land the posh fashion-house gig with no experience whatsoever, to focus or she’d be fired.

Then, on the romance front ...

On “boy lookout” since breaking it off with that loser Justin-Bobby, Audrina Patridge pondered her next move. LC suggested that there was no time like the present.

With multiple dudes, if that's what it takes to move on.

Everyone got in on the action on last night's The Hills.

The girl posse, including Lo and Stephanie, met up for a night out with Frankie Delgado and Brody Jenner, who partook in crazy PDA with girlfriend Jayde Nicole.

Certainly nothing new for those two.

Justin-Bobby happened to be there too, natch, but ignored Audrina’s attempts to get his attention, then snapped at her a bit later on. What an absolute tool.

Comforting her, Brody told Audzo she needs to have more fun and called her a beautiful girl. Jealous, Jayde Nicole responded by trying to inhale Brody's face.

Continue Reading...

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Joaquin Phoenix is a nut job who has gone off the rails.

Justin-Bobby rails Audrina Patridge of MTV's The Hills.

J-Bobby Pic

The Oscar-nominated actor and motorcycling deadbeat may have little in common - except that Phoenix has decided to adopt J-Bobby's style of late!

When you are this cool, modern practices such as showering, speaking in complete sentences and taking sunglasses off indoors just aren't necessary.

What do you think? Are these two hipsters look-alikes? At least in the style they both have (for reasons unknown) adopted in the recent months?

Even Justin-Bobby can't help but stare at Joaquin.

Do you see a Justin-Bobby / Joaquin Phoenix resemblance?

 

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Last night's season premiere of The Hills kicked off with a bang - sort of literally in the case of Stephanie Pratt's ex-boyfriend, who pushed Spencer too far.

The Hollywood Gossip's recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Five began at Lauren Conrad's birthday party on a yacht, and Stephanie convincing Heidi she could come too, despite not being invited and stuff.

Heidi Montag with No Makeup!

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Audrina didn’t invite Justin-Bobby or Heidi to a surprise party for Lauren Conrad because she wanted to avoid drama. Plus 4 for being the rare voice of reason!

Minus 5 for Heidi being the worst liar ever and pathetically non-confrontational when telling Spencer her plans. But Plus 2 for his calling LC the "queen beeyotch" and describing his guys' night with just a techno beat - "nnts nnts nnts."

Minus 10 for instigator Stephanie Pratt's dishonesty and uselessness. Heidi did have reservations about coming, yet Steph lies and says it was all her idea. Weak sauce.

Spencer flirts with bartender Stacie at The Dime. He gets drunk and acts like a major tool, but this is completely in character and he does not care. Plus 6.

Stephanie's ex, Cameron, is present to witness Spencer's banter with Stacie, and texts Stephanie, who warns Heidi. We don't care if it's Spencer Pratt - what a d!ck move and blatant violation of the bro code, How I Met Your Mother style. Minus 7.

At the party, LC talked to Heidi, who rationalized that fighting is what boys do. Plus 4, because that is kind of totally true, and Plus 2 more for Lauren calling Spencer an a$$hole to her face, after which Heidi apologized for causing drama.

Spencer decided he was gonna go all Chris Brown on Cameron, and made good on that boast. Quite uncalled for, but Plus 5, because he landed like six good punches before getting thrown out, which is impressive, and the dude sort of had it coming.

Lauren to Heidi: “You were my best friend but you started dating this person who did really mean things to me. I don’t like him but I still love you.” Sniff. Plus 3.

Minus 2 for Stacie throwing Spencer under the bus when Heidi came around, then doing the same with the circumstances reversed! Shrewd, but a bit duplicitous.

Side note: Anyone know who makes the lipstick LC was wearing? We weren't huge fans of the color, but it held up throughout the weekly deluge of tears. Plus 5.

Heidi's mom, Darlene, really hates Spencer Pratt - and offers to set Heidi up with a high school ex named Colby! A noble thought, but Minus 4, because no way Colby even recognizes the silicone, duck-lipped Barbie doll Heidi has become.

Obligatory Brody Jenner sightings and dueling heart-to-hearts! Plus 4.

Lauren to Steph: “I think it was inappropriate for her to be there and if you were really my friend you would have been like, ‘Hey don’t go.’ You have to stop pushing [her] on me. It’s not fair.” A tough overdramatic, LC, but kind of true. Even.

TOTAL: +7! Not a bad season premiere for The Hills. Comment away!

Justin-Bobby Brescia Biography

You may know Justin Brescia as Justin “Bobby” Brescia from The Hills. He's gone to bed with Audrina Patridge. Could be worse.... More »
Birthplace
Los Angeles, California
Full Name
Justin Brescia
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