by Hilton Hater at . Comments

In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he's NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We'll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up...

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy... It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'"

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter... She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words... that was it.

Douche on the Mic

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f*cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f*cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*ck you.'

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public's perception of you. What might make people think you're a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We pray this isn't so...

According to In Touch Weekly, John Mayer and Taylor Swift - it pains us to even write these words - hooked up in late January. At least that's what the douchebag of male singer told a friend.

It's already been confirmed that the pair met for dinner in Nashville. But an insider tells the tabloid they got extra cozy in a recording studio there.

“She was sitting on John’s lap, her arms were around him, and she was talking in his ear,” said the source. “They were acting like teenagers.”

Well, Taylor is only 20 years old. Yet another reason (aside from how much cooler she is) for Mayer to keeps his hands off her.

  • A Douchebag Picture
  • Everyone's Choice

Mayer and Swift dined that evening at the restaurant Cabana and were joined by pals afterward. From there, the magazine alleges, they went back The Hermitage Hotel alone, where they were privately escorted to John’s suite.

“Taylor spent the night and enjoyed mid-morning room service before leaving his suite the next day," said the insider, defying the denial from both singers' reps that anything romantic has gone on between the two.

When asked by a friend how his night with award-winning star went, John supposedly laughed and said: “How do you think it went?”

Oh man. Maybe this really did happen. That does sound exactly like something Mayer would say.

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer is a douchebag.

Sorry, but sometimes (okay, often), the dude is just so obsessed with himself and hearing himself talk that we can't think of better words to describe him.

Case in point? His recent comments about Tiger Woods ... and naturally how the golfer's plight relates to that of John Mayer, according to John Mayer.

"Tiger Woods' problems come from him being married. The end," the douchebag explains to the UK's Independent. "It has nothing to do with control."

"If Tiger Woods was a single guy," Mayer opines, "what sort of angle would there be to a text message? If Tiger Woods was single, and he texted a girl and said 'I wanna wear your ass like a hat,' why would that ever hit the news?"

The Douchebag King

He may have a point. But of course, it's all about John Mayer.

"I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I'm not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you've never seen any of them," he says.

"Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text from me to the newspapers, they'd say 'I don't have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat?"

"Big deal. He's 32 years old. He's a single guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty text messages, then we got a story.' And that's why I won't do that."

"When I get married that's gonna be my vows, 'Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear, now and forever?'"

"Yes, I do. You're the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life. With this whole Tiger Woods scandal," he says, "I wish more people would be like, 'You know what, John Mayer? You didn't f--k up at all.'"

And we thought him bragging about his self-pleasuring expertise was bad. He and Mel Gibson need to start an Egomaniacs Who Heart Tiger Woods club.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Don't complain to us about the risque headline above. John Mayer wrote it for us, basically. The dude may be a tool, but at the very least he is an honest tool.

He does not hold back, either. In the new issue of Rolling Stone, John opens up about Jennifer Aniston, calling their breakup "one of the worst times of my life."

The douchebag singer confesses: “I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well."

"But, I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.”

We think that was a compliment to Jen. Either way, we're pleased to report that John has come to grips with being single. And oh, how gripping it can be.

  • John Mayer Topless
  • The Mayer of D-Bags

John Mayer topless. Hotness personified?

"All I want to do now is f**k the girls I’ve already f**ked," John says, "I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I'm interested, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward.”

"I'm too freaked out to meet anyone else."

As a resort, John has resorted to self-gratification, and he's a pro, if he doesn't say so himself: “I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all."

"Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I have masturbated myself out of some serious problems in my life."

"The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.”

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Reigning Douche King

John Mayer: Guitar icon. Chronic masturbator.

Just to clarify, Mayer says the underlying reason for choking the chicken isn’t to please some carnal urge, but “because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

We just hope he washes his hands after.

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer is taking a break from dating, he told Ellen DeGeneres on an episode of her show to air today. It's just what the douchebag feels he must do.

You may now return to the dance floor at Les Deux, girls.

Mayer Busts One

"Yeah, I'm a little freaked out about dating," he admits. "So, I'm just going to let time pass and do my thing." (What that is exactly remains to be seen).

Ribbing himself for his famous exes - Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly and Jennifer Love Hewitt - the singer said that's part of the reason.

Mayer says his "funny track record" with famous babes is part of why he's taking a break, even though part of him feels he should be getting more chicks.

John Mayer is just focusing on his inner douchebag for a bit.

"For some reason who ever I date has been famous. I can't be like, 'Oh, let me live in private with a famous person who's been around 15 years,'" he says.

"The last thing you want is to see me doing is bashing my head going, 'I'm shocked, that I'm being followed right now.' ... I'm just going to hunker down."

"2010 is a peaceful year for me no matter what I do."

Who he will do in 2010 remains to be seen. Lindsay Lohan is kind of a given at this point, and you know the tabloids will try to set him up with Aniston again.

Other than that, your guess is as good as ours!

by Free Britney at . Comments

Is Lindsay Lohan finally moving on from Samantha Ronson? Last night at Butter in NYC, it seemed like her sights were set on none other than John Mayer.

The two were seen sharing a table and dancing at the nightclub. If John wants to make good on his wish to bang more girls, that's a good place to start!

Although there was no PDA, a source says LiLo seemed very interested in John Mayer. It's unclear if they discussed her dad's fake suicide Tweet threat.

"She would follow his every move," a source close to the starlet said. "He would dance with the waitresses and then come back. She was way into it."

La Lohan

John Mayer. Lindsay Lohan. It's pretty much inevitable.

Belvedere was the drink of choice for their table, but Lindsay, surprisingly passed on shots that were offered up. John, unsurprisingly, downed them.

So what happened at the end of the night?

LiLo and John were still partying together at 3 a.m., according to a source. No word on whether the douchebag left with the troubled actress or not.

John's camp is staying quiet on this possible toxic pairing, and with good reason. "No comment," they told E! when asked about the train wreck.

L.L., of course, already Twittered about their night together ...

Lohan

You heard it here first. John Mayer is a butter face. And a d-bab.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Douchebag in Details alert!

John Mayer is featured in the latest issue of this magazine, as he discusses his career, his fans and those that despise the annoying loser.

Guess which camp THG falls into?

Here are a couple excerpts from Mayer's interview, as we ask readers to comment on the singer's tattoos. Are they sexy or shady?

On his music: “I don’t know if you know, but I’m not exactly Bob Dylan – I’m already a pop musician…I want to reach as many people as possible…I don’t mind compromising.”

On his critics: “What if I had a booth on the street and I said, ‘Attention everybody who hates me: If you have a problem with me, I’m ready to hear your gripes! I will be outside the Barneys store on 60th Street from two to four this afternoon... I will only be speaking to people who do not like me. Come out and let me have it.’ How many people do you think would be standing there?…Ze-ro.”

Hear that, haters? You gotta speak up!

by Free Britney at . Comments

He may be a notorious womanizer, but as John Mayer sees it, he's holding back, in large part because of that label he can't seem to shed (fairly or otherwise):

“I should be having sex with more girls.”

Douche on the Move

This is what the douchebag concluded to the New York Times in an interview that ran over the weekend. But alas, the celeb gossip sites have taken their toll.

“It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble,” he said. “I can’t even explain how terrible that feels."

"I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution," the self-pity party continued. "It’s a nightmare.”

For John Mayer, being an ambivalent, self-aware heartthrob has its downside.

In the three years since his last album, the double-platinum Continuum, was released, he’s become a notorious tabloid staple as well as a singer/songwriter.

Mayer is known arm candy - Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston - and his tests of will with the media as much as he is for his music. But now it’s music ... right?

His new album, Battle Studies, released on Tuesday, seems to suggest it ... but with a hint of cynicism and bitterness that may stem from his personal life.

Most of its tracks are about love, and about lovers, and about anyone who might be looking and passing judgment from the outside in. Aww. Poor John Mayer.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

John Mayer may be a total and utter douchebag, but we can say one nice thing about him: The singer is unafraid to praise his competition.

Months ago, he (sort of creepily) gave a shout out to Demi Lovato via Twitter. Now, he's telling Access Hollywood just how awesome Taylor Swift is.

“There’s something about Taylor that she would have been a star in any decade,” Mayer said. “Taylor’s like this fresh voice.”

Swift actually shares a credit with the crooner on “Half of My Heart,” a song off Mayer's new album, "Battle Studies."

  • Mayer
  • Swift, Cute

Mayer says he's most impressed by how calm and humble Swift has remained in the face of such success.

Taylor Swift is the last person to know she’s Taylor Swift, which I think is totally sweet. It’s almost like Taylor Swift is like a character in a movie about a small town girl who has her dreams come true.

"It’s great to have someone who’s hugely talented and still is able to receive the pleasure in all moments.”

It sure is, but you best stay away from her, John! Otherwise, you'll have to answer to Taylor Lautner and his abs of steel!

by Free Britney at . Comments

THG Editors' Note #1: No he's not.

THG Editors' Note #2: There's no way Jennifer Aniston said that, and the odds of her being back on in any way with John Mayer are average at best.

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie Tabloid Cover

But OK! remains hell-bent on marrying Jen off to John, whose forthcoming album Battle Studies boasts the following lyrics on one of the tracks:

“Friends, lovers or nothing - we can only ever be one.”

There you go! He's totally talking about Jen! Case closed!

An old picture of John and Jen with a new, fake headline.

According to OK!, the all-knowing oracle of made-up tabloid covers celebrity gossip, no-strings-attached hookups have given way to something more for Jen and John.

We are talking about a Full. Blown. Romance.

Fake swoon alert!!

The couple’s secret, steamy nights behind closed doors at Manhattan’s Four Seasons Hotel apparently have fans buzzing. Just imagine if they were actually true.

The Friends star’s plan to finally have the baby she’s been yearning for is also revealed. Note that the same mag declared Jennifer Aniston pregnant weeks ago.

Nonsense. In conclusion, if you want to read a about steamy love affair that actually took place, try the Brooke Hundley-Steve Phillips saga. ESPN-O he didn't!

John Mayer Biography

John Mayer With Long Hair John Mayer is a singer, songwriter, guitar player and Grade A douchebag hailing from Connecticut. The cheesy musician has become a major... More »
Born
Birthplace
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Full Name
John Clayton Mayer

John Mayer Quotes

The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.

John Mayer [on haircut]

To adults who will vote for him, Barack Obama represents a return to prosperity. To the youth, he represents an introduction to it.

John Mayer
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