by Free Britney at . Comments

A celebrity gossip magazine alleges that Jessica Simpson created the dating monster that is John Mayer. Must have been a slow week over at OK! HQ.

Before he met Jessica, John Mayer was "just another musician," according to friends of Simpson, who are delusional and say she put him on the map.

While it is possible that Jessica helped catapult John onto the celebrity dating map in a sense, he was a well-established figure in that realm as well.

The name Jennifer Love Hewitt ring a bell, anyone? Thought so. In any case, Jessica's friends are on the offensive after John betrayed her this month ...

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How these two didn't last is beyond us.

In any case, the magazine says it was Jessica’s relationship with John - who recently humiliated her by revealing intimate details about their sex life - that propelled his ascent up the dating food chain after the couple split in 2006.

“It was only after she gave her seal of approval that A-listers like Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz started dating him,” the source says. “Before that he was a successful musician, no doubt, but Jess ushered him into the world of celebrity dating.”

“A lot of Jess’s friends joke that she created a monster,” a source tells OK!, adding: “She put John on the map and made him a tabloid sensation.”

There's no way those quotes are real, but hey, it's a good celebrity gossip debate - did Jessica raise John's dating profile? Or was he slumming it?

by Free Britney at . Comments

Most weeks, OK! Magazine straight up invents news. It's what they do.

This week, it's trying a different tack, reporting an actual story we already know, but with sensationalistic, misleading headlines enticing you to read it all again!

According to this venerable publication, Jessica Simpson was "stunned" last week as she awoke to texts, e-mails and Tweets regarding that douche John Mayer.

Her ex-flame made the masses cringe when he referred Jessica to “crack cocaine" and “sexual napalm” that he "could not stop f*%king" in a Playboy interview.

Classy guy. But is "Betrayed" the right word, OK!? Is it really a "sex scandal"? Guy nailed a famous, hot girl and bragged about it. We can move on any time.

How could he sink so low, indeed?

“Jessica was shocked” at the report, a pal of the singer tells OK!. “She was really pissed off at first when she heard about it, then she read the whole interview, and the first thing that she said was, ‘I’m annoyed John would sink so low.’”

That's just how a Grade A Douchebag rolls.

Facing a barrage of criticism, for his comments about Jessica (and gay and racial slurs he made), John expressed regret that night at a concert in Nashville.

“I just want to play. I completely forgot about the people that I love and that love me. I’m out. I’m done. I quit the media game,” he told the crowd.

We should be so lucky.

by Free Britney at . Comments

We know John Mayer is a douchebag. But he is a douchebag whose dream job is to write and direct porn. This was one of his least weird comments in the past week.

In his interview with Playboy, which has to go down as one of the dumbest in history, he talked about boning Jessica Simpson and dropped both racial and gay slurs.

Somewhere in there, he also said he dreamed of writing porn. If he ever fails to sell records, the adult entertainment purveyors at Vivid Entertainment are all for it.

"Dear John," the upstanding firm reached out. "We read about your interest in porn in your interview with Playboy magazine ... We learned how you make back up stories in your mind and that your 'biggest dream is to write pornography.'"

What a Huge D-Bag

Douchebag singer turned douchebag porn director?

"We decided we'd like to talk to you about doing just that and possibly directing as well. We believe your incredible talent and passion, which have touched so many, can translate into a highly erotic adult film," their letter hilariously continued.

"Your intimate understanding of the dynamics of relationships would undoubtedly appeal to both men and women." So true. Who doesn't wanna nail John Mayer?

We think this is a career collaboration waiting to happen. All we can say is "Your Body Is a Wonderland" is a track pretty much made for the world of adult films.

Jessica Simpson might star in one before too long, too. How knows.

Who's the bigger d-bag?

 

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John Mayer has long been considered the biggest douchebag in the celebrity universe, or perhaps the entire universe, but The Hollywood Gossip dot com.

We doubt we're alone in that assessment either. If you're still on the fence, see if you are after reading his recent moronic, homophobic, racist comments.

If there's another dude practically synonymous with douchebag, though, it's Jon Gosselin. If you know who Jon Gosselin is, we don't have to elaborate.

But who's the biggest d-bag of them all?

A douchebag is, per the all-knowing oracle of slang Urban Dictionary, "an individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth." That would be these two.

Moreover, it may be "compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears."

Sounds about right again.

The only question? Who's the biggest d-bag around? Vote in THG's survey below as the obnoxious namesakes vie for a prestigious, yet unenviable title ...

Who deserves the title of King of all Douchebags?

 

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer is actually a pretty good guitar player. If only he would focus on that skill instead of opening his mouth in interviews (or at all), we'd be all set.

After apologizing for using the n-word and making racially charged statements in a Playboy article, the douchebag may need to say he's sorry yet again.

Jen and John Pic

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is upset, understandably, that the 32-year-old singer used a gay slur, "f*g," in his remarks.

THG NOTE: Whose vocabulary even includes the n-word and the f-word in this day and age - let alone when one is being interviewed by a magazine?!

John Mayer, apparently. And few people are GLAAD.

John Mayer was always a douche. Now he's proving to be much worse.

"Just as he indicated in his apology that he meant no offense in his use of the racist slur, we hope his intent behind the F-word was not malicious," GLAAD wrote.

The group continued, "As a public figure with millions of fans, John Mayer should be more cognizant of the impact his casual use of both slurs can have."

Fittingly, Mayer used the slur talking about a kiss with Perez Hilton, who is gay, and who was in hot water last year for hurling that same slur at will.i.am.

"I can outgay this guy right now," Mayer said. "I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I ever put on anybody, almost as if I hated f*gs."

Uhh, whatever you say, John. Might want to keep your publicist on speed dial ... and/or go somewhere far, far away and never be heard from again.

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer issued an apology on - what else - the moron's Twitter page Wednesday after sparking criticism with racial remarks made in a Playboy interview.

"Re: using the 'N' word in an interview, I am sorry," he Tweeted.

A John Mayer Picture

"I should have never said the word and I will never say it again."

His status as King of All Douchebags remains cemented.

Mayer used the slur when discussing whether he's accepted by rappers like Jay-Z and Kanye West. Let's just say he could've worded his response better.

John Mayer's recent remarks landed him in hot water.

"Someone asked me the other day, 'What's it feel like now to have a hood pass?,'" he told Playboy. "If you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n----- pass."

"But I said, 'I can't really have a hood pass. I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We’re full.'"

Like we said, he's a douchebag. And possibly a racist. Great combo.

When asked by a Twitter fan if he would be attending rehab, a la Tiger Woods, Mayer responded: "They don't make rehab centers for being an a-hole." True.

Mayer said nothing about comments about his sex life with ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson, likening her to "sexual napalm" who he just "couldn't stop f--king."

Again, why choose that wording? Do you want fans to hate you?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he's NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We'll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up...

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy... It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'"

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter... She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words... that was it.

Douche on the Mic

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f*cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f*cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*ck you.'

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public's perception of you. What might make people think you're a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We pray this isn't so...

According to In Touch Weekly, John Mayer and Taylor Swift - it pains us to even write these words - hooked up in late January. At least that's what the douchebag of male singer told a friend.

It's already been confirmed that the pair met for dinner in Nashville. But an insider tells the tabloid they got extra cozy in a recording studio there.

“She was sitting on John’s lap, her arms were around him, and she was talking in his ear,” said the source. “They were acting like teenagers.”

Well, Taylor is only 20 years old. Yet another reason (aside from how much cooler she is) for Mayer to keeps his hands off her.

  • A Douchebag Picture
  • Everyone's Choice

Mayer and Swift dined that evening at the restaurant Cabana and were joined by pals afterward. From there, the magazine alleges, they went back The Hermitage Hotel alone, where they were privately escorted to John’s suite.

“Taylor spent the night and enjoyed mid-morning room service before leaving his suite the next day," said the insider, defying the denial from both singers' reps that anything romantic has gone on between the two.

When asked by a friend how his night with award-winning star went, John supposedly laughed and said: “How do you think it went?”

Oh man. Maybe this really did happen. That does sound exactly like something Mayer would say.

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer is a douchebag.

Sorry, but sometimes (okay, often), the dude is just so obsessed with himself and hearing himself talk that we can't think of better words to describe him.

Case in point? His recent comments about Tiger Woods ... and naturally how the golfer's plight relates to that of John Mayer, according to John Mayer.

"Tiger Woods' problems come from him being married. The end," the douchebag explains to the UK's Independent. "It has nothing to do with control."

"If Tiger Woods was a single guy," Mayer opines, "what sort of angle would there be to a text message? If Tiger Woods was single, and he texted a girl and said 'I wanna wear your ass like a hat,' why would that ever hit the news?"

The Douchebag King

He may have a point. But of course, it's all about John Mayer.

"I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I'm not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you've never seen any of them," he says.

"Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text from me to the newspapers, they'd say 'I don't have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat?"

"Big deal. He's 32 years old. He's a single guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty text messages, then we got a story.' And that's why I won't do that."

"When I get married that's gonna be my vows, 'Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear, now and forever?'"

"Yes, I do. You're the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life. With this whole Tiger Woods scandal," he says, "I wish more people would be like, 'You know what, John Mayer? You didn't f--k up at all.'"

And we thought him bragging about his self-pleasuring expertise was bad. He and Mel Gibson need to start an Egomaniacs Who Heart Tiger Woods club.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Don't complain to us about the risque headline above. John Mayer wrote it for us, basically. The dude may be a tool, but at the very least he is an honest tool.

He does not hold back, either. In the new issue of Rolling Stone, John opens up about Jennifer Aniston, calling their breakup "one of the worst times of my life."

The douchebag singer confesses: “I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for people I’ve had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**ing fantastic, if I said to her, ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well."

"But, I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny.”

We think that was a compliment to Jen. Either way, we're pleased to report that John has come to grips with being single. And oh, how gripping it can be.

  • John Mayer Topless
  • The Mayer of D-Bags

John Mayer topless. Hotness personified?

"All I want to do now is f**k the girls I’ve already f**ked," John says, "I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I'm interested, and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward.”

"I'm too freaked out to meet anyone else."

As a resort, John has resorted to self-gratification, and he's a pro, if he doesn't say so himself: “I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all."

"Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week. I have masturbated myself out of some serious problems in my life."

"The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.”

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Reigning Douche King

John Mayer: Guitar icon. Chronic masturbator.

Just to clarify, Mayer says the underlying reason for choking the chicken isn’t to please some carnal urge, but “because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”

We just hope he washes his hands after.