by Mischalova at

Joe Simpson loves talking about Jessica Simpson nude.

In the past, the pop singer's father would brag about his daughter's giant boobs. This time? A recent role she was supposedly offered for a movie.

Jessica Simpson, Middle Finger

"The last script that came to us was for Jessica to be a porn star," Crazy Joe Simpson, told People at Thursday's ABC Television Critics Association party in Beverly Hills.

"We were promised we would win an Oscar with that," the parent claimed. "I was like, ‘Eh, we'll just buy a [statue of a] little man and keep our clothes on.' "

Sure, Joe. Jessica is just that much classier than Vanessa Minnillo nude, huh? Too bad for you she's the one now making Nick Lachey happy.

Since she shot to fame in 2003 with Lachey on MTV's Newlyweds Simpson has been receiving quirky TV-show proposals "every day," according to her deranged father.

"We're pitched those a lot," he said. "There are a lot of cool ones, and a lot of really strange ones."

Considering the fact that Matt Leinart is receiving better movie roles than Jessica, perhaps the Simpsons should accept one of these supposed offers.

Currently, Papa Simpson is promoting ABC's fall series The Women's Murder Club, which he is producing with Rush Hour director Brett Ratner. No plans are underway for Jessica or her younger sister Ashlee Simpson to appear on the show.

"They're very busy, and they're happy," Joe Simpson says of his daughters. "Jessica has three more movies to shoot; she has a new record coming in September. If the right role came up, of course, we'd never turn that down."

But, apparently, it can't involve any Jessica Simpson nude scenes. We don't know why she can't just be more like Lucy Pinder.

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by Free Britney at

He won the approval of Ashlee Simpson.

God knows why.

Jessica Simpson Very Pregnant

Now John Mayer has been signed off on by someone even more central to his girlfriend's life. Her controlling, money-grubbing dad, Crazy Joe Simpson.

Joe may not have approved at first of daughter Jessica Simpson's marriage to Nick Lachey, but he's given her new man, John Mayer, the thumbs up.

"If Jessica is in love, I love the things she is in love with," said Joe Simpson, 49, at the Entertainment Weekly upfront party at The Box in New York City on Tuesday.

"I want her to be happy. I'm always a fan of his. I love him; he's got lame great music."

Simpson wasn't such a fan of Nick Lachey when Jessica married the former boy band dweeb in 2002.

"Everybody thought, including my father, that my marriage to Nick would kill my career," Jessica told 20/20 in 2004.

But Joe Simpson says Mayer is a different story.

"I think the beautiful thing is that [John Mayer and Jessica] don't do the same thing," he told People. "He's a legend already. There is no competition. He's a guitarist; that's his thing. Jessica is a singer. She doesn't play guitar, so there's no competition."

Last month, Jessica and her enormous boobs joined Mayer in Australia, where he was on tour, but she's currently in Europe for the Cannes Film Festival.

For his part, John Mayer was recently in New York City, where he played political strategist to presidential nominee John Edwards.

And you wonder why he's running third in Democratic polls.

So what is Joe Simpson doing at the TV upfronts, where networks present their new lineups? "I'm executive-producing a new show that just got picked up called Women's Murder Club," said the Simpson patriarch and pimp.

"It's [based on] a James Patterson [book] series. We were here for the ABC upfronts â€" Angie Harmon, Laura Harris, Paula Newsome. We've got ourselves a great cast."

Will Jessica or little sister Ashlee be making any cameos?

"This is one thing I'm actually trying to do on my own."

That and wrecking his car and driving off.

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by Free Britney at

Jessica Simpson thinks Britney Spears is soooooo over. So 2002. Heck, she doesn't even consider Britney a competitor of hers anymore.

How do we know? She's even offering to help hook her up with her pimp (and father), Crazy Joe Simpson Inc., to help resurrect her career.

A Real Head-Scratcher

Jessica apparently offered to call Britney Spears to set something up for dad, who's been mulling taking over Brit's career ever since she axed manager Larry Rudolph.

Joe Simpson (below, left) tried setting up a meeting over the weekend, says a New York Post source, though a rep for Jessica Simpson denies that.

And Joe Simpson appears to be swooping in just as Britney's actual father - Jamie Spears (below, right, with Brit's mom, Lynne) - has been publicly trashing her for canning Rudolph, as well as blaming her for blaming him and her mother for her rehab-instigating troubles. 

Or something. Jamie blasted her in an April 20 article in the New York Post, calling his daughter "out of control," the results were disastrous. The move pushed Spears (already angry about being forced into rehab) to the edge.

As a consequence, the walking train wreck "has cut everyone out of her life," a source says. "She says she doesn't want to see anyone from her past."

Meanwhile, Britney Spears' relationship with her mother Lynne - with whom she co-wrote two feel-good books, including 2000's Heart to Heart - has been strained from the moment she began dating Kevin Federline in 2004.

But it further deteriorated when Federline, 29, was given custody of their kids, Sean Preston and Jayden James, while Spears, 25, was in rehab - a good call, but one Britney Spears got pissed about and says was orchestrated by her mom.

"She feels her mother gave Larry Rudolph power: He handed her kids over to her ex," explains the source. "Britney loves her mom and they talk almost every day, but they aren't the most cordial conversations."

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by Free Britney at

According to TMZ, Crazy Joe Simpson is pissed off that his golden paycheck daughter Jessica turned down a paying, singing appearance - to party with new boy toy (and certified ass clown) John Mayer.

A source says the family tiff began when Vegas' PURE nightclub - yes, the sight of many amusing Britney Spears pictures from New Year's Eve - got in touch with Joe about his eldest daughter hosting a New Year's Eve party for what TMZ says was large sum of money.

Defender of Ash

Only Jessica Simpson wasn't interested in working on the holiday, says our source, and told Crazy Joe she wanted to spend a mellow New Year's Eve, sans glitz and glamour.

In turn, Britney Spears went on to host the event in her place, and either got sh!tfaced and passed out or simply fell asleep, depending on what you read.

Papa Joe capitulated, but when he discovered Jess' "quiet night" meant canoodling with John Mayer at NYC clubs, he was livid - not because John Mayer is a complete douche, but because she partied instead of making dad some ca$h!

With Jessica bailing on the Kennedy Center Honors and not getting reimbursed for $15,000 in fees associated with her aborted Dolly Parton debacle, Joe is sure to have his little girl working double shifts in no time. Indentured servitude, here she comes.

Ol' Pappy needs a new Ferrari, after all - and we all know that Ashlee Simpson isn't exactly the cash cow of this family. On the contrary, she's a worthless cow. Even after all that plastic surgery Joe paid for. Truly a shame.

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by Free Britney at

Jessica Simpson's father and manager, Crazy Joe Simpson has fired troubled Prison Break star Lane Garrison from his daughter's latest movie project.

Garrison was a troubled youth in Texas when he moved in with his family's minister - Joe Simpson. Lane and Jessica Simpson became friends.

Lane Garrison and Ashley Mattingly

Even though he is still close to the family, Joe Simpson had to let him go from the film - because he was set to play a character who was continually drunk.

 

How funny. Sometimes art imitates life. Now all we need is for Mischa Barton to play some spoiled, annoying and anorexic brat on TV. Oh, wait...

Simpson is currently filming the movie Blonde Ambition with Luke Wilson in Shreveport, La. Ashlee Simpson, who is not involved in this story at all, is pretending to sing and being generally worthless somewhere.

Garrison was involved in a car crash earlier this month that killed Vahagn Setian, 17, and injured two other passengers. Alcohol is thought to have been a factor in the crash.

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by Free Britney at

Tina Simpson, mother of Jessica Simpson, has given her eldest daughter a verbal smackdown after her embarrassing rendition of "9 to 5" in front of Dolly Parton and President Bush at the Kennedy Center Honors last weekend, saying Jessica should get out of the business if she isn't willing to put in the work.

Baby Maker

Appropriate, when you think about it, since the same could be said of George W.

Anyway. Sources say Tina was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton.

Tina told her that the performance was "embarrassing" and "unprofessional," and mom was further incensed because Jessica had missed a dress rehearsal and hadn't adequately learned lyrics to the song -- which necessitated cue cards at the front of the stage. Jessica, who may or may not have starred in a sex tape recently, can be clearly seen reading from the cards during her performance.

Curiously, Jessica's nutjob dad, Joe Simpson, wasn't undone by the snafu. Crazy Joe didn't feel there was any need to reshoot the performance, calling it "cute," but show producers, reports Malkin, begged Joe to have Jess do it again, without anyone in the audience.

"We almost cut her out of the [CBS] show," says a source.

Jessica's representative has blamed the mishap on nerves, insisting there is no problem with Tina and Jessica whatsoever.

In other Crazy Joe Simpson news, the overbearing, money-grubbing, Ferrari crashing dad says that for a cool $10,000, his daughter Jessica will read YOUR magazine!

Ever-opportunistic Joe has called at least two weekly celebrity magazines offering the "opportunity" to feature Jessica reading their mag in a scene in the upcoming film Blonde Ambition. We're told that he has asked them to write a check for $10,000 for the privilege of placement -- and to make a check payable to Jessica's Crazy Dad LLC.

Just kidding - about the name, that is. The greedy SOB definitely wants the money!

Sources say that Joe has "guaranteed" that he will personally see to it that the magazine will be where it's supposed to be when cameras roll. It may even make its way into some still Jessica Simpson pictures used to promote the crappy movie. Who knows!

So far, according to sources, no one has taken Simpson up on his offer.

We're not sure about this hokey magazine idea, but we're thinking about starting a pledge drive in which we pay Crazy Joe Simpson one lump sum to make sure Ashlee Simpson is never seen in public or heard on the radio again. Everything has a price with this guy, right?

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by Free Britney at

Crazy Joe Simpson was out cruising around Beverly Hills when his evening came to an abrupt halt. Courtesy of a brick staircase.

According to TMZ, the nutjob father of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson was about to drive off in his Ferrari Saturday night after leaving Ken Paves' salon when he ran into the railing from a staircase.

Joe and Jessica Simpson

After the collision, he looked over his shoulder in both disbelief and embarrassment. Then, rather than stopping to look at the damage, he did what any proud and honorable man would -- he drove off fast and hoped no one saw!

All we know is that the valet attendants were probably thanking their lucky stars that they didn't do it... and that Joe's car insurance company is going to be pissed if he tries to file a claim for this $h!t.

Get ready for some seriously higher premiums, G.

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by Mischalova at

Joe Simpson is more than just a husband, father and manager. He's also a crazy person. Oh, and most recently, a member of the paparazzi.

Reports are coming in that the former minister turned control freak has developed a very close relationship with the popular photo agency WireImage in exchange for unique access to his daughters Jessica and Ashlee Simpson.

Twitter Fiend

While celebrities granting exclusives to certain photo agencies is nothing new, Papa Joe has taken it a step further by actually getting behind the lens himself. He's like his very own Heather Mills!

Simpson has been accused of photographing his daughters on the red carpet, while simultaneously blocking the shots of others. From there, Joe is said to only approve photos he's taken, which are then distributed via WireImage.

There's no truth to the rumor that the father was actually behind the camera for the Jessica Simpson sex tape, nor is there truth to the existence of such a tape.

Other agencies aren't pleased that Joe is barring them from shots of the singers, one beautiful and one really thin. Of course, the chances of actually getting a decent shot of Ashlee are pretty slim, anyhow. Especially if she's turned sideways.

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by Mischalova at

When you own an ABA team, money comes pouring in. That gold mine, combined with the seemingly kind heart of Nick Lachey, led the singer to agree on a reduced sum in his just completely divorce settlement.

  • Nick Lachey, Short Hair
  • Nice Rack

While Lachey and Jessica Simpson were officially divorced months ago, the duo never signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Therefore, Nick was entitled to half of Jessica's assets (not THOSE assets), estimated at $36 million.

However, Lachey agreed to take considerably less than 50%, according to published reports.

In the property settlement, Nick will take significantly more than the $1.5 million Joe Simpson has initially tried to offer, but less than half of what he and Jessica earned during the marriage. Two sources in Nick's camp made it clear to TMZ that Lachey agreed to end the dispute because he didn't wish to hurt anyone in a contentious court battle.

That's sweet. Plus, Ashlee Simpson could really use some extra cash from her sister about now. In lieu of Braxton Olita, Ash may seek comfort in much, much more plastic surgey.

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by Mischalova at

Typically, that headline would seem rather obvious. A father wants his daughter to be happy? D'uh! When it comes to Joe Simpson, however, you never know.

After all, this is a man who once told GQ in 2004: "She's got double Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!"

Joe and Jessica Simpson

We love Jessica Simpson pictures and breasts, too, but we didn't help to create them with our sperm.

Anyway. Us Weekly ran into Papa Joe at NYC's Roxy Tuesday night. The magazine asked him about Jessica's love life and career. Nary a word about boobs was uttered.

Q: "What about romantically … would you like to see anything exciting happen [in Jessica's love life]?"

A: "You know, although everyone says I'm the bad guy, I stay out of her romance! I don't have anything to do with her romance nor Ashlee's! You know, all I wish for her is to be happy. It's been a sad year, she's been through some tough, tough times, and as a father, I wish joy for her, whatever brings her joy and happiness, that's what I wish for her."

Q: "What do you think of the rumors of Jessica dating John Mayer?"

A: "You know, Jessica will have to speak for her own love life, that's not my area. She doesn't tell me!"

Q: "Do you respect him as an artist at least?"

A: "Absolutely. I admire his art and his talent."
Just thinking aloud here, but if Kevin Federline had any art or talent, people would probably say the same thing about him.

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