by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami set out to visit Texas as "The Black Sheep" went home. We recap the bull riding and cult status in our THG +/- review.

An Adorable New Addition

While Alexia celebrated her 10th wedding anniversary, Adriana worked on letting her son grow up and Joanna Krupa welcomed an adorable new addition (Plus 15!) into her home, it was Lea Black who took center stage on this week's Housewives.

The moment we set foot in Texas I immediately wondered… why isn't there The Real Housewives of Texas? Minus 22.

Seems to me the ladies of Dallas could easily give The Real Housewives of Orange County, Miami, Beverly Hills, and Atlanta a run for their money.

With all the drama and ridiculous displays of wealth? What are you waiting for, Bravo?

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami viewers experienced a true "Brazilian Bridezilla" as Adriana planned the perfect wedding, and then almost destroyed it.

We break it all down in THG's +/- recap!

Bridezilla Moment

So how does the perfect wedding day start? With the groom giving the bride B12 vitamin shots in her butt. Minus 15. Can you feel the romance?

Next comes a discussion about pre-wedding waxing. No not the cars… Adriana. She needs her eyebrows done and her private regions.

Frederick's looking for a "happy trail" but Adriana tells him she's got the "Amazon." He makes a face and says he wants the "Sahara" for their wedding night.

Minus 40. Seriously folks. Way too much information.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami had "Birkin Buddies" and a Brazilian bridezilla to contend with but what's a wedding without tears, Botox and IV cocktails?

We begrudgingly recap it all in our weekly THG +/- RHOM review ...

But first off let's check out what's on Joanna Krupa's to-do list…

Joanna Krupa's Calendar

Sex, sex, and more sex. Yeah, this girl's got only one thing on her mind. Unfortunately her fiance doesn't have that much of a one track mind. Minus 15.

In Romain's défense, he's already tried to explain to Joanna that he'd like more romance in their lives…so she went for dominatrix role play.

Minus 22. If that's her definition of romance these two really do need therapy.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

Finally, Joanna gets some lovin' and "Mama Elsa Comes Home" on The Real Housewives of Miami. We break down the dominatrix role play and the lamest bachelorette party ever in THG's +/- recap!

Is this what Joanna Krupa considers romance?  Minus 10.

Feeling the Romance

Although I'm sure it's fine…or more than fine with most men, I don't think this is quite what Romain had in mind when he hoped for a romantic night out.

Perhaps role play just isn't the thing for these two…or maybe they need to agree on the script ahead of time.

Either way, Romain looked absolutely adorable in those glasses so Plus 25 because I love a handsome man in glasses.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

Half of the The Real Housewives of Miami are off to "La la Land" this week, while the other half stay to deal with the crazy people of Miami.

The funny part is, they don't realize that they are the crazy people of Miami. But in any case, we break it all down in THG's +/- recap.

Let's start with the LA contingent…

Housewives in LaLa Land

Lea Black and Lisa Hochstein head to L.A. with Joanna Krupa to help plan her wedding.

Why Los Angeles? Because Joanna's favorite house is there. Oh, did we forget to mention, she's got five homes scattered around the globe. Plus 15.

Modeling certainly pays the bills…and then some.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami gave us a "A Ple-Thora of Lies" the normal drama and just a touch of common sense. We break it all down in our THG +/- review.

The Most Patient Housewife

Lisa Hochstein has become my favorite housewife. She's funny, says what she thinks without being rude and doesn't pretend to be someone she's not.

And Plus 50 for bringing a bit of much needed common sense. That's darn hard to find among The Real Housewives of Miami ... or anywhere.

One again Lisa had to deal with another "fabulous visit" from her in-laws and was it just me or was Marina's voice the equivalent of fingernails on a blackboard? Minus 20.

If the trip to the Russian deli was awkward, dinner was somewhere between painful and cathartic.

I loved it when Marina complained that Lisa doesn't return her calls and Lisa responded by admitting she doesn't believe Marina likes her. Plus 15 for the honesty.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami are "A Cause for Concern" as the sequined Cuban mafia snubs a children's charity. We run down the bitching and bullying in THG's +/- review.

A Girl's Best Friend

It's the war of the divas in Miami as Lea Black prepares for her annual charity gala. Too bad the Cuban mafia has it out for her.

Marysol, Ana, Lauren and Adriana all decide to ditch the event to watch gay polo. Minus 18.

What are the odds they at least sent a check to support the charity? Probably not very good.

Lea's counting on Alexia and Herman coming to the event. They said they would. As Lea says, she loves Herman. He "always has a drink too many and spends a dollar too much."

Plus 25. That's a fundraisers dream guest.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

the Real Housewives of Miami performed some old "Black Magic" this week but it still wasn't enough to keep me from yawning through this episode.

We'll recap the marriage spin and boring sex in our THG +/- review.

The Happy Couple

A couple of weeks ago Romain bought Joanna a car. Now he's bought her a house. He obviously wants to get married…but not have sex?

Minus 17. Is anyone else confused? Romain and Joanna haven't had sex in six weeks and that's OK with him. Seriously? He even turns our down for a quickie in their new home.  

So what's the deal. Is he gay? Too tired from his mistress to want his fiancee?

Is he just not that into her? Or is he truly the romantic he claims to be and likes to take his time? Even if that's true, six weeks is a bit much, don't you think?

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami was "Booby-Trapped" as one peacemaker tried for Kumbaya but failed miserably.

We recap all the drama, including whose sauce needs some added spice, in THG's +/- review.

No Chicken Cutlets

We picked up right where we left off as Adriana DeMoura Sidi stormed out of Lea Black's home yelling, "I'm done with your Draconian antics."

Plus 13. The line was so good it would have been a shame to let it die with last week's episode.

Joanna Krupa and Romain headed to a tennis match and talk about a crowd. Was there anyone else even there with them. No wonder Romain was afraid the players would hear them talking.

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by Nosy Neighbor at

The Real Housewives of Miami had to deal with the whirlwind which was "Hurricane Adriana" and we recap all of the lies and craziness in our THG +/- review.
 

Bridezilla Alert

In between dress shopping and warding off Frederic's advances, Adriana brought the crazy. She might still be mad at Frederic…and already married to him.

But that certainly doesn't mean she's not planning a wedding. Plus 20.

Speaking of which, why is she so ticked off at Frederic anyway. He called off their wedding five years ago. Why all the drama now?

Or is this all a big show for the cameras who were conveniently let into their bedroom to film her snubbing her hubby? Minus 8.

And she's not so upset that she won't marry him…again. But this time she wants angels flying in from heaven and hot air balloons landing on top of a church or some such nonsense.

All I know is that her wedding planner is going to charge her a fortune to pull this off but at least we should all be wildly entertained by the spectacle.  Plus 30.

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