by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Stop us if you've heard this before, but the marriage between Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey is over.

Completely. Finally. Legally. Once and for all.

Jessica is Having a Baby!

The two have resolved the splitting of their asset. It officially brings their divorce to a close, even though details of their settlement are undisclosed.

Jessica separated from Nick in June 2006 and filed for divorce that December. It's still unclear if a bit of Bam Margera played a role in the break-up.

It is clear, though, that Simpson has spent the past few months shooting her latest film, Blonde Ambition, in Shreveport, La. as she attempts to move on. At times, John Mayer has tried to help with that goal, as well.

Lachey, meanwhile, is scheduled to host a party at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas on Saturday night. He spent his time since the breakup renovating a Bel Air bachelor pad and amping up his music career with the gold-selling album What's Left of Me and a nationwide tour.

Oh, he's also dating MTV vixen Vanessa Minnillo. Not too shabby.

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Don't look for Jessica Simpson when the Kennedy Center Honors are broadcast on CBS December 26.

Due to her flubbed attempt to pay tribute to honoree Dolly Parton with a rendition of the country legend's hit song "9 to 5," Simpson has withdrawn from the program (which was filmed December 3).

Big Jessica Simpson

The former flame of Nick Lachey botched the lyrics when she originally performed the song live, then recorded it again for the broadcast show.

Ultimately, though, Simpson's spokesperson, Cindi Berger, told the Associated Press after Simpson had viewed the tape: "She really wasn't happy with her performance, and she did want it to be perfect for Dolly, who she idolizes."

With that in mind, Jessica has bowed out. You can probably find her hiding out somewhere with John Mayer.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Tina Simpson, mother of Jessica Simpson, has given her eldest daughter a verbal smackdown after her embarrassing rendition of "9 to 5" in front of Dolly Parton and President Bush at the Kennedy Center Honors last weekend, saying Jessica should get out of the business if she isn't willing to put in the work.

Baby Maker

Appropriate, when you think about it, since the same could be said of George W.

Anyway. Sources say Tina was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton.

Tina told her that the performance was "embarrassing" and "unprofessional," and mom was further incensed because Jessica had missed a dress rehearsal and hadn't adequately learned lyrics to the song -- which necessitated cue cards at the front of the stage. Jessica, who may or may not have starred in a sex tape recently, can be clearly seen reading from the cards during her performance.

Curiously, Jessica's nutjob dad, Joe Simpson, wasn't undone by the snafu. Crazy Joe didn't feel there was any need to reshoot the performance, calling it "cute," but show producers, reports Malkin, begged Joe to have Jess do it again, without anyone in the audience.

"We almost cut her out of the [CBS] show," says a source.

Jessica's representative has blamed the mishap on nerves, insisting there is no problem with Tina and Jessica whatsoever.

In other Crazy Joe Simpson news, the overbearing, money-grubbing, Ferrari crashing dad says that for a cool $10,000, his daughter Jessica will read YOUR magazine!

Ever-opportunistic Joe has called at least two weekly celebrity magazines offering the "opportunity" to feature Jessica reading their mag in a scene in the upcoming film Blonde Ambition. We're told that he has asked them to write a check for $10,000 for the privilege of placement -- and to make a check payable to Jessica's Crazy Dad LLC.

Just kidding - about the name, that is. The greedy SOB definitely wants the money!

Sources say that Joe has "guaranteed" that he will personally see to it that the magazine will be where it's supposed to be when cameras roll. It may even make its way into some still Jessica Simpson pictures used to promote the crappy movie. Who knows!

So far, according to sources, no one has taken Simpson up on his offer.

We're not sure about this hokey magazine idea, but we're thinking about starting a pledge drive in which we pay Crazy Joe Simpson one lump sum to make sure Ashlee Simpson is never seen in public or heard on the radio again. Everything has a price with this guy, right?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

On Prison Break, Lane Garrison played a troubled teen often on the wrong side of the law. In real life, well, read that sentence again.

Growing up in Richardson, Texas, however, Garrison's misguided ways landed him in the home of a minister: Crazy Joe Simpson. For almost a year, the young actor lived with beautiful, weird Simpson clan.

Heartbroken

In light of recent incidents involving Lane, the rep for Jessica Simpson said: "She loves him and wishes him well during this difficult time."

Garrison was the driver of a car involved in an accident last weekend that killed 17-year-old Vahagn Setian. Rumors are swirling that he may have been drunk at the time, similar to Rip Torn.

Earlier this year, Lane told People magazine about his adolescent days; he "stole everything" he could, including cars and stereos. At 15, after an abortive attempt to steal a jug of wine from a stranger's garage, Garrison says his mom "slapped the crap" out of him and actually took him to a police station to scare him.

He lived with the Simpsons for a year after that. No word on whether or not he slept with Ashlee Simpson. We'll assume he did.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The concept of a Jessica Simpson sex tape streaming live over the Internets is enough to millions upon millions of men excited (sick bastards). Not to mention add to the already considerable wealth of celebrity porn broker god David Hans Schmidt.

But it's Jessica herself who's getting the most riled up. As she said when the story broke yesterday, she's upset that the terms "Jessica Simpson" and "sex tape" are being used in the same sentence. Is that because she's just offended at the thought, or because it's real, it's raw, and it's kinky -- and she's petrified it'll actually get out?!

Jessica Simpson Cosmo Cover

 

Eh? Probably the former. We doubt very much that a Jessica Simpson sex tape exists, not unlike the rumored Britney Spears sex tape of weeks past. But if there were a tape of Jessica being railed six ways from Tuesday by her ex-husband, Nick Lachey, and it were in the hands of a sketchy celebrity skin slinger, she probably would react in this manner. Wouldn't you?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

First, there was the Paris Hilton sex tape. Yech.

Then, the Dustin Diamond sex tape. Yikes.

Jessica and Ken

Finally, rumors of a Britney Spears sex tape.

Yippee.

Now comes perhaps the sex tape possibility to end all sex tape possibilities:

Jessica Simpson is reportedly reeling over talk that a certain video is about to be leaked onto the Internet.

In the alleged X-rated romp, Jessica is seen engaging in a number of acts with then-husband Nick Lachey that would make even Crazy Joe Simpson blush.

In other words: please make this be real! T.H. Gossip can't handle being teased like this again.

On second thought, sure we can. But we still hope this is legit. A source reportedly close to the couple told Britain's Daily Sport newspaper:

"Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She's always been a girl of high morals and principles."

Except when she cheated on Nick with Bam Margera, that is.

According to reports, the tape does exist and has no doubt fallen into the dirty clutches of David Hans Schmidt.

How the heck did that guy get his job?

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer may be a big turkey, but he didn't dine on any with Jessica Simpson last week.

THG NOTE: That may well have been the worst intro in history, but that doesn't make it untrue.

J-Simps

Despite reports to the contrary, The Hollywood Gossip has learned that the loser singer ended up spending Thanksgiving in the Big Apple, and rumors of his holiday vacation with Jessica Simpson were just that. Rumors.

As you know (especially if you're Lindsay Lohan), Rumers follow everywhere you go. In the case of Jessica and John, speculation was sparked when the two were spotted together at LAX on their way out of town.

Mayer and Simpson have recently grabbed the spotlight again after they were spotted on a date together in Malibu, California, on November 12. But that didn't lead to holiday plans. Mayer's rep laughed off the idea that the singer was making plans to go to Texas for Turkey Day.

"A press release was issued several weeks ago stating that after the American Music Awards on Tuesday, November 21, John would be flying to New York for his third consecutive Thanksgiving performance on The Late Show with David Letterman."

"This has become one of Mayer's favorite new holiday traditions. He has been on the phone with Paul [Shaffer]. Collaborating on the arrangement since he was in Japan several weeks ago on tour with Sheryl Crow and will be performing a song from his platinum-selling album Continuum that he has not performed on any other TV appearance to date. Mayer will then spend Thanksgiving with his family in Connecticut following the appearance."

Thanks for the clarification, John Mayer rep. Your job must eat it. Anyway, we hope the "musician" had a nice time last week. In other news, here are some celebrities who, like Mayer and Simpson, DID NOT spend Thanksgiving together:

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A couple months ago, John Mayer gave an interview in which he denounced rumors of dating a certain less than genius-like blonde singer.

Then, however, rumors of a secret rendezvous with Jessica Simpson and her gigantic breasts began to make the rounds. Now?

GIVE ME FOOD!

The secret may be out.

The couple met up for an hour-long lunch at Paradise Cove Beach Café in Malibu, California, on November 12. Actual people saw them there and reported the details.

"She didn't eat much," a witness saidys. "She drank double vodka cranberries. When they got up, Jessica was rubbing his back. You could definitely tell they were on a date."

Mayer apparently left a $40 tip on the $100 bill. Hearing this news in New York, Nick Lachey went ahead and left a $60 tip on a $12 bill.

Friends of both celebs are finally talking openly about the relationship. They're just not giving their names.

"She's taking her time with it," a Simpson pal said.

"It's a flirtation," a Mayer buddy added. "I wouldn't call it full-on dating, but there is a fondness. He doesn't like the attention, but he likes her. He wants to avoid the public scrutiny of last time."

He probably doesn't want to avoid those mammoth Jessica Simpson boobs, however. We hear Mayer has a fondness for them.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We received such passionate responses the first time we pitted Vanessa Minnillo against Jessica Simpson that we wanted to give readers another chance to pick sides.

In the initial battle between these beauties, each vixen wore white. Thanks to Nick Lachey, of course, we know that's not really appropriate anymore. Hence, the pairing of black (ugly) dresses below.

Simpson and Romo Pic

Minnillo wore hers at a birthday party at Tao in Las Vegas last week, while Simpson opted for a floor-length gown at the Noche de Ninos Gala to Benefit Children's Hospitals in Beverly Hills.

Who do you think wore her outfit better? And can Minnillo minions and Simpson supporters at least agree that each Lachey lover looks hotter than Anna Nicole Smith?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

They seemed like the perfect, reality TV couple a year ago. Then, on Thanksgiving, everything changed.

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey announced their split, following three years of marriage. Since then, Simpson, 26, and Lachey, 33, whose divorce became final on June 30, have clearly moved on, as People magazine reports in its latest issue.

Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves

Simpson made shelter at her Beverly Hills mansion and has kept busy with music, movie work and a possible fling with John Mayer.

"She's doing great," Simpson's stylist and best pal, Ken Paves, told the publication, while Jessica says this Thanksgiving will be spent with family in Texas.

"I'm going to Waco with my family. I look forward to just seeing my grandparents and giving them a big hug and cooking with my grandma and my family," Simpson said. "And just kind of being normal for a little bit."

She'll probably surf the Internet for dates while there, too.

Overall, Jessica says she's "really good," - and will soon starting shooting a new movie, Blond Ambition, with Luke Wilson.

It's about "a small-town girl moving to the city and making it in the corporate world, and she never expected to make it there," she said.

Doesn't sound one bit like Legally Blonde with Reese Witherspoon to us. Not one bit.

Meanwhile, Lachey, who is renovating a Bel Air bachelor pad, has amped up his music career with a gold-selling album and nationwide tour.

He's also found love again with MTV's TRL host Vanessa Minnillo, 26, who he's been dating for seven months. It was actually both of their birthdays yesterday.

"The first few months were hard," a pal of Lachey's told People about life after his split from Simpson. "But Nick finally realized he was in a better place."

Jessica Simpson Biography

Best Jessica Simpson Photo Ever Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things! She also possesses a singing... More »
Born
Birthplace
Abilene, Texas
Full Name
Jessica Ann Simpson

Jessica Simpson Quotes

They're just the cutest couple in the world. They are adorable. Anybody would wish to be them and you can only wish them well. Just being around them inspires love and everything I sing about.

Jessica Simpson [on her sister and Pete Wentz]

It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film. For people to say Employee of the Month was a flop is ludicrous. We made the money back–that’s not a flop. For people to say The Dukes of Hazzard was a flop–it opened to $30 million! If these movies are flops, why would I still make them?

Jessica Simpson
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