by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Wouldn't you be, too, if you had to hang out with the bore that is John Mayer all night?

Seen here on New Year's Eve, Jessica Simpson appears to be having a good time; one she may or may not have remembered the following morning.

Vaseline

We're glad Jessica and John had a fun night, but it looks slightly different than the loving evening Simpson's ex, Nick Lachey, spent with his girlfriend.

He and Vanessa Minnillo were coherent during their public celebration on MTV. Rumors are evenswirling that the former 98 Degrees singer popped an important question to the TRL host that night.

The Hollywood Gossip will keep you updated on that possibility. We'll also report on any future Jessica Simpson sex tape news, but that talk has died down. Fortunately, though, the following is alive and well:

Keeley Hazell has definitely made a nude home video.

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Move over, Ashlee Simpson, someone else in your family needs to not eat in the seat next to you.

Based on the image below, it looks like your sister may be a fan of big sunglasses, but she prefers tiny figures.

Jessica Simpson Very Pregnant

Indeed, as Jessica Simpson looks to get her career back on track, she appears to be getting her appetite suppressed. What happened to those curves? Does John Mayer like his women puny and defenseless?

We may never have the answers to these questions, largely because we're afraid of asking Crazy Joe Simpson about anything. The guy is nuts. But we can say this:

Keira Knightley has new competition for the honor of Most Hungry Celebrity.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Ah, those big sunglasses.

All celebrities seem to have them, and look absolutely absurd wearing them. Some stars, such as the Olsen Twins, look ridiculous no matter what - we will grant you that. But the huge-ass shades, which are sometimes donned even at night (talking to you, J.R. Rotem) make morons out of even the most good-looking stars.

Britney and Jayden Photo

There's no end in sight for this fashion trend, though. That much as blatantly obvious as we take look at four Hollywood stars' sunglasses:

After returning to Los Angeles earlier in the week, a jet-setting Jessica Simpson (top left) gets ready to head back east, possibly to meet up with John Mayer, who sucks. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton (bellow right) manages to go about her business despite getting canned by her own night club, shopping 'til she drops in Beverly Hills on Friday.

Working actress Sienna Miller (top right) clocked in more time at Heathrow Airport in London on Thursday, while the incomparable Britney Spears (bottom left) hit up a Santa Monica beach hotel for some badly-needed R&R. Who's got the most ridiculous shades? Who's outfit needs to be tossed in the trash? You be the judge.

by Free Britney at . Comments

We shouldn't have to tell you by now that since her divorce from Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson's acting and singing careers have fallen flat.

But Jessica's biggest problem might be with her father, Crazy Joe Simpson. After her botched Dolly Parton tribute, then bailing on the Kennedy Center Honors, then pissing off her pimp dad by turning down a paying New Year's Eve gig to party with that loser John Mayer, Jessica was told to get her ass in gear.

Jessica Simpson, Eric Johnson Picture

Thus, Jessica Simpson was spotted filming another... commercial for Pizza Hut. That's the stuff of stardom right there. But hey, a paycheck is a paycheck, right?

The new spot takes place at a glamorous movie premiere and features Simpson nearly tripping on her red dress. Or maybe that's not acting - who knows if she has mastered walking. The Simpson family? Not smart.

Just look at Ashlee.

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According to TMZ, Crazy Joe Simpson is pissed off that his golden paycheck daughter Jessica turned down a paying, singing appearance - to party with new boy toy (and certified ass clown) John Mayer.

A source says the family tiff began when Vegas' PURE nightclub - yes, the sight of many amusing Britney Spears pictures from New Year's Eve - got in touch with Joe about his eldest daughter hosting a New Year's Eve party for what TMZ says was large sum of money.

Defender of Ash

Only Jessica Simpson wasn't interested in working on the holiday, says our source, and told Crazy Joe she wanted to spend a mellow New Year's Eve, sans glitz and glamour.

In turn, Britney Spears went on to host the event in her place, and either got sh!tfaced and passed out or simply fell asleep, depending on what you read.

Papa Joe capitulated, but when he discovered Jess' "quiet night" meant canoodling with John Mayer at NYC clubs, he was livid - not because John Mayer is a complete douche, but because she partied instead of making dad some ca$h!

With Jessica bailing on the Kennedy Center Honors and not getting reimbursed for $15,000 in fees associated with her aborted Dolly Parton debacle, Joe is sure to have his little girl working double shifts in no time. Indentured servitude, here she comes.

Ol' Pappy needs a new Ferrari, after all - and we all know that Ashlee Simpson isn't exactly the cash cow of this family. On the contrary, she's a worthless cow. Even after all that plastic surgery Joe paid for. Truly a shame.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Stop us if you've heard this before, but the marriage between Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey is over.

Completely. Finally. Legally. Once and for all.

Jessica is Having a Baby!

The two have resolved the splitting of their asset. It officially brings their divorce to a close, even though details of their settlement are undisclosed.

Jessica separated from Nick in June 2006 and filed for divorce that December. It's still unclear if a bit of Bam Margera played a role in the break-up.

It is clear, though, that Simpson has spent the past few months shooting her latest film, Blonde Ambition, in Shreveport, La. as she attempts to move on. At times, John Mayer has tried to help with that goal, as well.

Lachey, meanwhile, is scheduled to host a party at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas on Saturday night. He spent his time since the breakup renovating a Bel Air bachelor pad and amping up his music career with the gold-selling album What's Left of Me and a nationwide tour.

Oh, he's also dating MTV vixen Vanessa Minnillo. Not too shabby.

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Don't look for Jessica Simpson when the Kennedy Center Honors are broadcast on CBS December 26.

Due to her flubbed attempt to pay tribute to honoree Dolly Parton with a rendition of the country legend's hit song "9 to 5," Simpson has withdrawn from the program (which was filmed December 3).

Big Jessica Simpson

The former flame of Nick Lachey botched the lyrics when she originally performed the song live, then recorded it again for the broadcast show.

Ultimately, though, Simpson's spokesperson, Cindi Berger, told the Associated Press after Simpson had viewed the tape: "She really wasn't happy with her performance, and she did want it to be perfect for Dolly, who she idolizes."

With that in mind, Jessica has bowed out. You can probably find her hiding out somewhere with John Mayer.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Tina Simpson, mother of Jessica Simpson, has given her eldest daughter a verbal smackdown after her embarrassing rendition of "9 to 5" in front of Dolly Parton and President Bush at the Kennedy Center Honors last weekend, saying Jessica should get out of the business if she isn't willing to put in the work.

Baby Maker

Appropriate, when you think about it, since the same could be said of George W.

Anyway. Sources say Tina was furious with Jess after she flubbed lyrics, stood statue-still on stage while trying to hold her dress up, and then awkwardly hurried off with a few mumbled words to Parton.

Tina told her that the performance was "embarrassing" and "unprofessional," and mom was further incensed because Jessica had missed a dress rehearsal and hadn't adequately learned lyrics to the song -- which necessitated cue cards at the front of the stage. Jessica, who may or may not have starred in a sex tape recently, can be clearly seen reading from the cards during her performance.

Curiously, Jessica's nutjob dad, Joe Simpson, wasn't undone by the snafu. Crazy Joe didn't feel there was any need to reshoot the performance, calling it "cute," but show producers, reports Malkin, begged Joe to have Jess do it again, without anyone in the audience.

"We almost cut her out of the [CBS] show," says a source.

Jessica's representative has blamed the mishap on nerves, insisting there is no problem with Tina and Jessica whatsoever.

In other Crazy Joe Simpson news, the overbearing, money-grubbing, Ferrari crashing dad says that for a cool $10,000, his daughter Jessica will read YOUR magazine!

Ever-opportunistic Joe has called at least two weekly celebrity magazines offering the "opportunity" to feature Jessica reading their mag in a scene in the upcoming film Blonde Ambition. We're told that he has asked them to write a check for $10,000 for the privilege of placement -- and to make a check payable to Jessica's Crazy Dad LLC.

Just kidding - about the name, that is. The greedy SOB definitely wants the money!

Sources say that Joe has "guaranteed" that he will personally see to it that the magazine will be where it's supposed to be when cameras roll. It may even make its way into some still Jessica Simpson pictures used to promote the crappy movie. Who knows!

So far, according to sources, no one has taken Simpson up on his offer.

We're not sure about this hokey magazine idea, but we're thinking about starting a pledge drive in which we pay Crazy Joe Simpson one lump sum to make sure Ashlee Simpson is never seen in public or heard on the radio again. Everything has a price with this guy, right?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

On Prison Break, Lane Garrison played a troubled teen often on the wrong side of the law. In real life, well, read that sentence again.

Growing up in Richardson, Texas, however, Garrison's misguided ways landed him in the home of a minister: Crazy Joe Simpson. For almost a year, the young actor lived with beautiful, weird Simpson clan.

Heartbroken

In light of recent incidents involving Lane, the rep for Jessica Simpson said: "She loves him and wishes him well during this difficult time."

Garrison was the driver of a car involved in an accident last weekend that killed 17-year-old Vahagn Setian. Rumors are swirling that he may have been drunk at the time, similar to Rip Torn.

Earlier this year, Lane told People magazine about his adolescent days; he "stole everything" he could, including cars and stereos. At 15, after an abortive attempt to steal a jug of wine from a stranger's garage, Garrison says his mom "slapped the crap" out of him and actually took him to a police station to scare him.

He lived with the Simpsons for a year after that. No word on whether or not he slept with Ashlee Simpson. We'll assume he did.

by Free Britney at . Comments

The concept of a Jessica Simpson sex tape streaming live over the Internets is enough to millions upon millions of men excited (sick bastards). Not to mention add to the already considerable wealth of celebrity porn broker god David Hans Schmidt.

But it's Jessica herself who's getting the most riled up. As she said when the story broke yesterday, she's upset that the terms "Jessica Simpson" and "sex tape" are being used in the same sentence. Is that because she's just offended at the thought, or because it's real, it's raw, and it's kinky -- and she's petrified it'll actually get out?!

Jessica Simpson Cosmo Cover

 

Eh? Probably the former. We doubt very much that a Jessica Simpson sex tape exists, not unlike the rumored Britney Spears sex tape of weeks past. But if there were a tape of Jessica being railed six ways from Tuesday by her ex-husband, Nick Lachey, and it were in the hands of a sketchy celebrity skin slinger, she probably would react in this manner. Wouldn't you?

Jessica Simpson Biography

Best Jessica Simpson Photo Ever Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things! She also possesses a singing... More »
Born
Birthplace
Abilene, Texas
Full Name
Jessica Ann Simpson

Jessica Simpson Quotes

They're just the cutest couple in the world. They are adorable. Anybody would wish to be them and you can only wish them well. Just being around them inspires love and everything I sing about.

Jessica Simpson [on her sister and Pete Wentz]

It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film. For people to say Employee of the Month was a flop is ludicrous. We made the money back–that’s not a flop. For people to say The Dukes of Hazzard was a flop–it opened to $30 million! If these movies are flops, why would I still make them?

Jessica Simpson
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