by Mischalova at

Jessica Simpson has a new man (hello, John Mayer.)

Jessica Simpson has new hair (solid choice, stylish bob).

Not Fat

And as reports come in from The Daily News, Jessica Simpson has A LOT of new stuff.

After last week's MTV Video Music Awards, the singer/actress was left with numerous free items:

  • Tens of thousands of dollars' worth of jewelry
  • Clothes
  • High-tech electronic gadgets
  • A$50,000 Chrysler convertible

It was an impressive haul. Simpson's PR guru, Rob Shuter, vowed she'll donate her VMA gift bag to Operation Smile, the charity Jessica has taken a large role in."People like her don't really need these things because they already have everything," Shuter said, explaining that she's giving to the charity that provides cosmetic surgery to children with facial deformities.

Thanks, Captain Obvious. What will you tell us next, Tom Cruise is a few hammers short of a full toolbox?

Meanwhile, there are tax implications for such an abundance of free stuff.

"Just out of curiosity, how would the government find out about these gifts that everybody is getting?" Simpson was overheard asking at the VMAs.

Manhattan attorney Salvatore Strazzullo: "Each company has to file gift tax returns pertaining to everybody that received gifts, and then the IRS will compare those to the individual tax returns of the recipients."

At this, sources say, Simpson looked rather confused. Sort of like Ben Affleck being told bad movies are simply to blame for his drop in popularity.

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by Mischalova at

Kids around the country are heading back to school. But they aren't the only ones being graded as summer turns to fall.

Multiple artists have released new albums over the last couple weeks. The critical folks at Entertainment Weekly have taken the time to grade each CD - and those from The Gossip figured it was our duty to present such estimations to readers everywhere:

  • Beyonce Nipple Slip?
  • Jessica Simpson Bustin' Out
  • The New Panel
  • Beyonce, B'day: B+. The magazine said you have "search far and wide to find a vocalist who sings with more sheer force ... [while obsessing] over the intersection of love and lucre ..."
  • Jessica Simpson, A Public Affair: C. EW accuses Jessica of basically ripping of the 80s, with tracks that sound eerily like Madonna and samples from bands such as The Cars. She does get points, however, for no Nick Lachey-like "confessionalism."
  • American Idol, Season 5 Encores: C. Describing a CD as "expertly crafted mediocrity" isn't exactly a recommendations. At least praise is given to Chris Daughtry for singing multiple parts on "Wanted Dead or Alive."

The publication stayed away from the most important grade of all, however: the booty battle between Beyonce and Jessica. What do you think?

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by Mischalova at

Quick, who won the award for Best Rap Video at the MTV Video Music Awards this past week? No one remembers. Those moon men are forgotten about almost instantly.

But the celebrity fashion remains seared in our minds forever. Or at least a few days. Especially when the stars in question are looking at hot as Shakira and Fergie, below.

  • Fergilicious Legs
  • Shakira VMA Photo

Then there was Jessica Simpson. Apparently she's undergoing some changes in her life. There's rumored to be a new man - John Mayer - and definitely a new hair style. What do you guys think of it?

Jessica Simpson Black Dress
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by Mischalova at

Typically, that headline would seem rather obvious. A father wants his daughter to be happy? D'uh! When it comes to Joe Simpson, however, you never know.

After all, this is a man who once told GQ in 2004: "She's got double Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!"

Joe and Jessica Simpson

We love Jessica Simpson pictures and breasts, too, but we didn't help to create them with our sperm.

Anyway. Us Weekly ran into Papa Joe at NYC's Roxy Tuesday night. The magazine asked him about Jessica's love life and career. Nary a word about boobs was uttered.

Q: "What about romantically … would you like to see anything exciting happen [in Jessica's love life]?"

A: "You know, although everyone says I'm the bad guy, I stay out of her romance! I don't have anything to do with her romance nor Ashlee's! You know, all I wish for her is to be happy. It's been a sad year, she's been through some tough, tough times, and as a father, I wish joy for her, whatever brings her joy and happiness, that's what I wish for her."

Q: "What do you think of the rumors of Jessica dating John Mayer?"

A: "You know, Jessica will have to speak for her own love life, that's not my area. She doesn't tell me!"

Q: "Do you respect him as an artist at least?"

A: "Absolutely. I admire his art and his talent."
Just thinking aloud here, but if Kevin Federline had any art or talent, people would probably say the same thing about him.

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by Mischalova at

So much for a mysery man for Jessica Simpson.

According to People magazine, the singer and really bad occasional actress has found her first post-Nick Lachey boy toy: John Mayer.

  • Jessica Simpson Sultry
  • Bag of Douche

"She's tiptoeing back into the dating world," a source told the magazine. "It's the first stage. She's never been happier."

Just once, wouldn't you love to hear that a celebrity is dating again - but they actually have been happier in the past? No? Maybe that's just The Gossip.

Mayer, 28, began a co-headlining tour with Sheryl Crow on Aug. 24. Simpson is expected to attend his concert in Jones Beach, N.Y., on Wednesday night. That's like a school night sleepover! This is getting serious.

Depite a bruised vocal chord, Jessica is currently in New York promoting her new album, "A Public Affair." It was released Tuesday.

Oddly enough - or perhaps, completely logically enough - Mayer had to cancel his Hartford, CT., appearance with Crow on Saturday due to laryngitis. Could that be due to these lovebirds playing some intense rounds of tonsil hockey?

It could be worse, guys. You could've gotten an STD from Paris Hilton.

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by Mischalova at

There's bad timing, such as being alive during the same era when people give Brooke Hogan a recording contract.

Then there's bad timing, such as when you're new CD hits stores - but you lose your voice during the big week of publicity.

So go the vocal chords of Jessica Simpson. Ashlee's sister has been ordered to rest her pipes, just as her latest album, "A Public Affair," is released in stores.

Jessica Simpson Legs And Cleavage

"It is true that she has indeed lost her voice," Simpson's publicist, Rob Shuter, said.. "She's been ordered to rest ... She can talk, she can croak out a few sentences. She sounds a little off, but, you know, she can't sing."

As a result, Simpson canceled an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman this week. Good thing, too. Letterman is probably still recovering from the Peter Sarsgaard/vagina story.

Jessica hopes to make it for a performance on the Today show Friday, as well as the always exciting appearance on MTV's Total Request Live, hosted by Vanessa Minnillo, Nick Lachey's replacement for her.

"She's trying," Shuter said. "Everybody is hoping and keeping their fingers crossed."

Lindsay Lohan is going so far as to keep her legs crossed in an effort to -- no, no, that's never true.

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by Mischalova at

Phew. We weren't the only ones that thought Jessica Simpson looked less than ideal in a picture from a couple weeks ago.

Also in agreeance? The Teen Choice Awards hostess herself.

Jessica Simpson Plastic Surgery Pictures

"I have been working out five days a week for two hours a day," Simpson, 26, said after the show.

The result of such focus? Eight pounds lost in two weeks! That's like two Mischa Bartons!

"There are no tricks," the size-2 star said. "There is no easy way."

Ashlee, finger in mouth, may disagree with her older sister. And, of course, workouts alone haven't whittled the waistline of Simpson, who wears size 26 jeans. The singer has revamped her diet as well.

She was once a devotee of the Zone Diet and South Beach Diet, but will now gladly sink her teeth into a nice slab of meat at any time - and, no, Lindsay Lohan, that doesn't mean what you think it does.

Simpson also follows a junkfood-free regime created by her trainer Mike Alexander.

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by Mischalova at

A bootylicious battle between two of Hollywood's most beautiful babes? You'd think Beyonce would have this in the bag, right? She did create that term, after all.

But Jessica Simpson and her backside won't go down without a fight (seriously, ask Nick Lachey). We'll leave it to you, the readers and fans. Which singer and occasional actress has the most appealing ass-et?

  • Shaking That Thing
  • Bootylicious Beyonce Photo
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by Mischalova at

Okay, so Jessica Simpson just fired her agent - does that mean she can't have a new man in her life?

Terrible Singer

Rumors of a mystery Simpson squeeze are swirling after Jessica accompanies a few friends at L.A. night club, Hyde, last weekend.

The singer was on a triple date Saturday night. She was with her hairdresser, Ken Paves, and his boyfriend, along with best friend CaCee Cobb and her new boyfriend, Scrubs star Donald Faison.

But the gossip mills were only focused on Jessica and the new guy of her own.

"Jessica was very touchy-feely with him," says a club source, who claims the two kissed at their table. "They were lovey-dovey. It seemed like she really liked him."

Hmm ... a Simpson rep insists she is "not dating anybody," and a source close to the singer tells People magazine: "She is really enjoying the single life."

Meanwhile, on Friday night, the gang attended a Justin Timberlake concert. You know, the one Lindsay Lohan was NOT invited to. We just wanted to point that out again.

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by Mischalova at

Apparently the abomination that was The Dukes of Hazzard was Brandt Joel's fault.

We're not sure what starring movie roles Jessica Simpson thought she could get - but any offer she does receive in the future won't be thanks to Joel. He was fired yesterday as the singer's agent.

Wooo, Jessica!

Rick Nicita of CAA has taken over. The one thing Nicita has to keep in mind? Play nicely with crazy, controlling father, Joe!

"Brandt got into a huge fight with Joe Simpson," says a source. "Joe is constantly trying to butt in and he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Jessica took her father's side and fired him."

Oh, know what else, Rick? Don't mention plastic surgery to Ashlee Simpson. She doesn't like that.

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