by Free Britney at . Comments

She's not gasping in abject terror at the prospect of going from blonde bombshell to unattractive brunette... or whatever you call her new, bad haircut.

Nor is Jessica Simpson appalled that she's dating singer John Mayer. That's just half the editorial board at The Hollywood Gossip dot com.

Daisy Duke

And no, she wasn't just presented with a dick in a box from a certain sexy vocalist.

She just can't believe what she watched last night. Being a one-time MTV star herself, Jessica keeps her eye on the network's new reality shows. Like the rest of us, she's in disbelief that Heidi Montag gave Spencer another chance on last night's episode of The Hills.

Here, Crazy Joe Simpson's eldest daughter reacts indignantly to the unsettling events of the Lauren Conrad-headlined reality show upon being confronted by a photographer.

We can only imagine how Jessica felt during last season's finale, when LC somehow chose to spend the summer with Jason Wahler rather than take that internship in Paris.

Speaking of things that have been in Paris, wonder what Joe Francis is up to.

by Mischalova at . Comments

It's a very dark time in the life of Jessica Simpson.

First, of course, there's the new hair. It's not really red, it's not fully brown - but it's definitely not her classic blonde.

She Got Legs

We'd categorize it simply as "ugly."

Then, there's the new man in her life: John Mayer. While half of The Hollywood Gossip staff despises this singer, one bright side for Jessica is that his giant noggin and hairstyle can at least distract from her colored mess.

The couple is pictured here at a post-Grammy Awards party. They do look happy.

But it's hard to see Jessica - after all, Mayer's head makes Brooke Hogan look tiny.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Jessica Simpson isn't shy when it comes to talking about music. Or past relationship troubles.

She's not even afrai to coyly refer to how happy the relationship with John Mayer makes her. But don't bother to ask Crazy Joe Simpson's daughter about any rumored plastic surgery. She won't say a word.

Jessica Gets Worked Over

That's why Us Weekly asked a few specialists to chime in with their thoughts ...

Eyes:
"The upper lids look elevated, giving her a more youthful appearance," New York City surgeon Geoffrey W. Tobias said speculating that Simpson opted for Botox injections or fat injections to lift her lids.

Nose:
"Her nose is narrower," says NYC plastic surgeon Zachary Gerut. Adds Tobias, "She could have had a little thinning of the nose while leaving the profile intact."

Perhaps she used the same doctor as her sister, Ashlee, and Jennifer Aniston.

Cheeks:
"Apple cheeks give the appearance of youth and beauty," says Tobias who suggests that Simpson's could be the result of midface injections of fat (taken from the patient's butt or stomach).

"One could say it might be a little overkill. The most important thing about all surgeries is that they should look secret."

Lips:
"I had that Restylane stuff," Simpson told Glamour last year. "But...my lips are back to what they were. Thank God!" Tobias thinks otherwise: "Her upper lip is a bit bloated, an effect of collagen or Restylane."

As compared to the lovely lips of Angelina Jolie, which are all natural.

Chin:
Pointing to some uneveness, Gerut said: "Her chin has some ripples, which can be caused by inappropriate Botox or an implant that didn't heal well - not necessarily the doctor's fault."

by Mischalova at . Comments

For Jessica Simpson, life can be worse than a bad haircut.

Like watching your ex-husband hook up publicly with a talentless reality TV star.

Jessica Simpson Cosmo Cover

"Oh, it hurt me," Simpson tells Elle in its March issue, about the actions of Nick Lachey and Kristin Cavallari. "Two or three weeks later? Yeah, I'd say it kind of hurt me."

Jessica, however, is still in touch with Lachey, who's now in a serious relationship with Vanessa Minnillo.

"He's so much a part of my life, how could I not be? Any guy who's going to be with me from this day forward has to understand that."

She won't say whether that guy could be corny singer John Mayer, with whom she's been linked off and on since the summer. But she grinned when asked if she were in love at the moment.

Simpson admds that she thought there was hope for her marriage up until a few days before she and Lachey announced their split. What changed?

"I watched The Notebook on a plane home to Waco to be with my grandparents," she says. "It's a great love story."

The movie itself, she says, was "not what sealed it. I just figured out the statement. It was about that moment of desperation. I needed to breathe."

We're sure Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are glad they could help Jess see the light of love.

by Mischalova at . Comments

Don't worry, Anna Nicole Smith, you're still the red menace.

But Jessica Simpson looks intent on giving you a run for your criminally crimson money.

Not Feeling it

Perhaps inspired by her and Ashlee's bright, red lipstick, Jessica has dyed her famous blonde hair a gross, dark shade. Now what excuse will she have for wondering what part of the buffalo wings come from?

We're not sure what cheesy boy toy, John Mayer, has to say about the new look - but we're guessing it's something cheesy.

Jessica's body may still be a wonderland, but her hair is closer to a blunderland now.

Bad jokes aside, there's little doubt that Vanessa Minnillo would now win any photo contest with Nick Lachey's ex.

Heck, Ron Jeremy might even have a chance.

by Free Britney at . Comments

John Mayer sucks.

Polls show him trailing Nick Lachey nearly 3-to-1 in popularity regarding Jessica Simpson's choice in men. That's got to make Mayer, who's begging for credibility as a real musician after rising to fame via annoying soft rock albums, enraged.

Baby Got Back

Or not. After all, the guy's gotten with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson, so he probably couldn't care less what people think. The tattoo on his right arm (below) says it all. Life. That's what John Mayer is all about. So profound. He's a free spirit who aspires to live every day like it's his last. And hopefully get in the pants of Joe Simpson's daughter.

Plus, there is always his porn collection.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Jessica Simpson and her new loser man continued to share quality time together Friday at his concert at the University of Miami.

Simpson was dancing to John Mayer's entire set and 20-minute encore, sources tell People, apparently enjoying his music for unknown reasons.

Jessica Simpson, Huge Cleavage

"She was rocking out the whole time," says one fellow concert goer. "She only seemed to know the words to his older songs though, because she sang along to 'Your Body is a Wonderland' and his older hits."

Mayer probably dedicated that one to Jessica. After all, it's the only thing she has going for her, if you know what we're saying. We're saying she's a moron with no acting or singing talent - which apparently runs in the family.

With a camera in hand, Simpson â€" who took in the show from the sound and lighting area alongside stylist Ken Paves, Billy Joel and his wife, Katie Lee Joel â€" snapped photos of herself and Paves, Mayer and the crowd.

"She was dancing like she was a real fan, and a lot of the crowd had their eyes on her the whole time," says the observer, who did not say that Jessica was wasted.

Tara Conner was reportedly there, but seemed distracted trying to flag down a beer vendor. Just kidding. There are no beer vendors at that venue.

Simpson and Mayer are longtime friends who've been linked off and on since the summer, when he started dating her just for the sex sparks started flying between the two.

They spent a lot of time heating up Miami last week, working out and dining together last Monday, then spending Tuesday heading toward his concert in Jacksonville.

This Monday, after an Orlando gig on Saturday, Mayer is due to perform once again in Pensacola. He'll also be doing a concert there. Har har. The Hollywood Gossip will have a full report and vomit in its collective mouth again soon.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Is it hot in South Beach?

Or is it just Jessica Simpson and John Mayer?

Terrible Singer

On Monday, the pair worked out together at their Miami hotel's Sports Club/LA gym, taking a yoga class and then lifting weights as a pair. Later that nignt, we assume, Mayer lifted Jessica's gigantic boobs.

That evening, the couple arrived hand-in-hand at The Shore Club's Nobu restaurant, where the beautiful twosome sat and talked for more than two hours over sushi and bottled water.

At a few points she leaned forward and he reached across the table to hold both her hands. Hot stuff. Not exactly like Eva Longoria nude, but almost first base nonetheless.

"They looked really cute together," said one witness at Nobu. "They were talking and laughing the whole time. She was constantly fixing herself to make sure she looked her best for him."

That could take a lot of work if Jessica is still following the red lipstick-laden lead of her sister, Ashlee Simpson.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Anna Nicole Smith is the red menace.

But it looks as though the Simpsons sister are giving the possible son-murderer a run for her rosey money.

Jessica Simpleton

Seen here, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are leaving dinner together last night. You can tell the siblings are tight because they're wearing the same color lipstick.

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint - Ashlee's boobs remained covered for the evening by a nice scarf.

The elder sister, meanwhile, appears to be holding her liquor a bit better on this night out than she was in this Jessica Simpson picture.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Wouldn't you be, too, if you had to hang out with the bore that is John Mayer all night?

Seen here on New Year's Eve, Jessica Simpson appears to be having a good time; one she may or may not have remembered the following morning.

Vaseline

We're glad Jessica and John had a fun night, but it looks slightly different than the loving evening Simpson's ex, Nick Lachey, spent with his girlfriend.

He and Vanessa Minnillo were coherent during their public celebration on MTV. Rumors are evenswirling that the former 98 Degrees singer popped an important question to the TRL host that night.

The Hollywood Gossip will keep you updated on that possibility. We'll also report on any future Jessica Simpson sex tape news, but that talk has died down. Fortunately, though, the following is alive and well:

Keeley Hazell has definitely made a nude home video.