Jessica Simpson

Apparently the abomination that was The Dukes of Hazzard was Brandt Joel's fault.

We're not sure what starring movie roles Jessica Simpson thought she could get - but any offer she does receive in the future won't be thanks to Joel. He was fired yesterday as the singer's agent.

Rick Nicita of CAA has taken over. The one thing Nicita has to keep in mind? Play nicely with crazy, controlling father, Joe!

"Brandt got into a huge fight with Joe Simpson," says a source. "Joe is constantly trying to butt in and he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Jessica took her father's side and fired him."

Oh, know what else, Rick? Don't mention plastic surgery to Ashlee Simpson. She doesn't like that.

We're not sure what else Jessica Simpson said. We'll get to the rest in a minute. First, we wanted to focus on that tongue thing.

"A naughty secret?" Jessica teases in a recent interview. "I have a very ... long ... tongue."

Following her impression of Gene Simmons from KISS, there's little doubt this beauty is telling the truth. The only thing bigger may be her breasts. We're just sayin!

As everyone knows, impressive body parts aside, it's been a difficult year for Simpson. Maybe you heard that her and Nick Lachey broke up. She's coping, however.

"With anything in life that we go through, there are always things that are thrown in our way to try to trip our step," Jessica said. "But I believe in just staying steadfast."

And, yes, she knows what steadfast means!

"The thing that keeps me going," she continued, "is my faith in knowing that what I'm doing is what I'm meant to be doing."

For awhile now, that activity has been preparing songs for her latest CD, " A Public Affair." The video came out a couple weeks ago, but the album hits shelves Auguest 29.

There's also another movie in the works, this one starring hilarious man, Dane Cook. It's called Employee of the Month and Jess said the shooting "kept me on my toes ... it was a hard time in my life, but it was great to be surrounded by laughter, and it was great to be in New Mexico - which is a place of serenity. It's really calming."

ALSO, Simpson and Cook will team up to host the Teen Choice Awards later this month. By the time Employee of the Month comes out on October 6, people may be sick of Jessica.

Then again, look at her.

It's been nine months since Nick Lachey was a married man. And for the life of him, the former boy band crooner can't understand why tirelessly talking about his split from Jessica Simpson in a public forum is causing constant public attention.

Nick must also wonder what Mel Gibson and Saddam Hussein have in common.

"It is bizarre," Lachey said to Australia's Sydney Morning Herald while Down Under promoting his album, "What's Left Of Me." "We get so used to it in the States, but, yeah, to think that it's become like that in a lot of other places in the world, yeah, it is strange. People kind of think they know you before they have a chance to talk to you. It is a surreal thing, but I guess it's kind of what we signed up for."

At least Lachey can acknowledge that starring in an MTV reality show will spark such an interest. Nevertheless, he says fans don't truly understand what happened between himself and Simpson.

"No one really understands this side of it, but she and I decided to use the show as a promotional vehicle for our albums, you know with MTV, who we'd worked with for years. It was supposed to be six episodes to promote our records, then it turned into this whole other thing."

That's because Jessica is frickin hot! Although Lachey has rebounded like only a man with those arms can, bagging VJ Vanessa Minnillo.

Ignoring the scrutiny of his personal life is "easier said than done," Nick complains. "My sister-in-law and I were photographed together and she was my new 'mystery blonde.' It's a joke. It gets to be laughable at some point, that's why it becomes so frustrating because it's just ridiculous."

Still, there is hope. "I can already hopefully feel it starting to go away," he says of the attention. "I think there's some closure there for (Jessica) and I; hopefully the rest of the world will find some closure along with us."

Amen. And nothing says closure like giving an inteview to a widely read newspaper.

Is there a Simpson sibling rivalry on the way?

A few weeks after newly constructed, plastic Ashlee was named the new face body of Victoria's Secret, big sis appears to be putting her foot boobs down.

Yes, Jessica Simpson will launching her own line of sexy lingerie, one she'll hopefully look better in than that black number she sported in an homage to the ugliness that is now Britney Spears.

Just when did the lingerie light bulk brighten in Simpson's head? Oddly enough, while she was shopping for underwear to cover her imbreastive chest.

According to a friend: "Jess finds it really hard to find bras that she likes so she's decided to make her own."

How difficult can it be, right? Especially for a vixen who not long ago confessed to an extreme affection for her perky, luscious, bouncy, ideal boobs. The quote seems worth bolding:

"I have amazing boobs. They're just perfect. At school, my boobs were bigger than all my friends and I was afraid to show them. Now, I feel they make my outfits look better. They're like an accessory."

We'd wear them any time.

Consider this the Celebrity Look-Alike, train wreck edition.

After all, these days, if you're accused of looking like Britney Spears, that says a lot about you. None of it good.

So we're not sure how Jessica Simpson will feel about the following image. Maybe she can blame the resemblance on the similar attire - and not the foreboding face.

Call us crazy, but Nick Lachey seems to sing about his ex-wife a lot. Who, exactly, can't he hate anymore? And what would be the reason why there's not much left of him?

According to Lachey's former better half, however, only one song on her new album relates to the past.

Yes, Jessica Simpson is aware the title of this CD, "A Public Affair," may make it sound like it's about the spotlight placed on her doomed marriage, but she insists that isn't the case.

"A Public Affair is a play on words," Simpson, 26, told MTV News. "It's not about what you think it's going to be about."

Jessica understands the misconception. She said "people probably expected [it to be about Lachey] because of everything going on in my life, but it's not about him at all."

Well, one song is.

During the "really tough time" last year when things were falling apart, Simpson said she found comfort when she shared one of her favorite songs with recently constructed Ashlee, Patty Griffin's "Let Him Fly."

"We laid there listening to the song and just cried and cried like babies," Jessica confessed. "In a lot of ways, my sister really gave me the strength to pull through this really hard time. And it was just lying there and being with her that got me through it. I knew everything would be okay."

The song is covered on A Public Affair.

As for the rest of the CD, Jess says it's a declaration of freedom and fun.

"It's about me going out with my girlfriends and forgetting everything that's around me, which is paparazzi, and just having a fun night. Because (paparazzi) can ruin a night."

Can they ever! Just ask Lindsay Lohan.

As Jessica Simpson magazine sales cool off, the aspiring actress has an idea of how to boost her image: go to work! As a girl!

Simpson is rumored to be reprising the role Melanie Griffith made famous in Working Girl. Don't you love when they remake movies that are a whole 15 years old?

Jessica needs any positive publicity she can get. The video for her single "A Public Affair," hasn't earned the singer very much praise. Shocking, considering popular metrosexual Ryan Seacrest makes an appearance as a limo driver.

If Working Girl is made again, original stars Griffith and Sigourney Weaver may have roles. Either way, however, Simpson can find comfort in this fact:

She's hotter than Vanessa Minnillo. Go see for yourself.

Who's copying whom?

Considering the fact that Vanessa Minnillo got Jessica Simpson's sloppy seconds as far as men were concerned, it's safe to assume which hottie came up with the following outfit first:

We think Jessica takes the beautiful cake. What do YOU think?

See! We said the latest Jessica Simpson album cover was a tad intense for this typically cheery beauty. Apparently her handlers (what a great job that is!) agreed.

Here is an image of the NEW CD for Simpson's "A Public Affair," set to hit stores on August 29.

Hmmmm … not much better, huh? It's okay to smile, Jessica. Look, your ex, Nick Lachey, knows how to do it.

With a new album to promote - and a long-standing relationship with the new host - Jessica Simpson will appear on the first episode of The View with Rosie O'Donnel on September 5.

"Rosie herself reached out to Jessica," a source close to Simpson told People magazine.

The pair have been friends - JUST friends, despite O'Donnell's sexual orientation, Jessica's single status and the insinuation by Oprah that all female pals must defend their relationships - since The Rosie O'Donnell Show, which aired from 1996-2002.

"When Jessica was just starting out, none of the big shows were interested in her, but Rosie took a chance on her and Jessica never forgot it," says the source.

It wasn't just a break that O'Donnell provided, but encouragement. Rumor has it that Rosie went backstage after a show and told Jessica, 'You're gonna be a star.'

The View appearance will just follow the release of Simpson's new album, A Public Affair, which hits stores only a week before, on Aug. 29.

For those who live under a rock or lost a bet and can only read Lindsay Lohan news, O'Donnell will be assuming Meredith Vieira's former chair on the ABC daytime gabfest, while Vieira becomes the new cohost of NBC's Today show, taking over for Katie Couric.

Got all that?