by Mischalova at

Don't worry, Anna Nicole Smith, you're still the red menace.

But Jessica Simpson looks intent on giving you a run for your criminally crimson money.

Not Feeling it

Perhaps inspired by her and Ashlee's bright, red lipstick, Jessica has dyed her famous blonde hair a gross, dark shade. Now what excuse will she have for wondering what part of the buffalo wings come from?

We're not sure what cheesy boy toy, John Mayer, has to say about the new look - but we're guessing it's something cheesy.

Jessica's body may still be a wonderland, but her hair is closer to a blunderland now.

Bad jokes aside, there's little doubt that Vanessa Minnillo would now win any photo contest with Nick Lachey's ex.

Heck, Ron Jeremy might even have a chance.

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by Free Britney at

John Mayer sucks.

Polls show him trailing Nick Lachey nearly 3-to-1 in popularity regarding Jessica Simpson's choice in men. That's got to make Mayer, who's begging for credibility as a real musician after rising to fame via annoying soft rock albums, enraged.

Baby Got Back

Or not. After all, the guy's gotten with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson, so he probably couldn't care less what people think. The tattoo on his right arm (below) says it all. Life. That's what John Mayer is all about. So profound. He's a free spirit who aspires to live every day like it's his last. And hopefully get in the pants of Joe Simpson's daughter.

Plus, there is always his porn collection.

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by Free Britney at

Jessica Simpson and her new loser man continued to share quality time together Friday at his concert at the University of Miami.

Simpson was dancing to John Mayer's entire set and 20-minute encore, sources tell People, apparently enjoying his music for unknown reasons.

Jessica Simpson, Huge Cleavage

"She was rocking out the whole time," says one fellow concert goer. "She only seemed to know the words to his older songs though, because she sang along to 'Your Body is a Wonderland' and his older hits."

Mayer probably dedicated that one to Jessica. After all, it's the only thing she has going for her, if you know what we're saying. We're saying she's a moron with no acting or singing talent - which apparently runs in the family.

With a camera in hand, Simpson â€" who took in the show from the sound and lighting area alongside stylist Ken Paves, Billy Joel and his wife, Katie Lee Joel â€" snapped photos of herself and Paves, Mayer and the crowd.

"She was dancing like she was a real fan, and a lot of the crowd had their eyes on her the whole time," says the observer, who did not say that Jessica was wasted.

Tara Conner was reportedly there, but seemed distracted trying to flag down a beer vendor. Just kidding. There are no beer vendors at that venue.

Simpson and Mayer are longtime friends who've been linked off and on since the summer, when he started dating her just for the sex sparks started flying between the two.

They spent a lot of time heating up Miami last week, working out and dining together last Monday, then spending Tuesday heading toward his concert in Jacksonville.

This Monday, after an Orlando gig on Saturday, Mayer is due to perform once again in Pensacola. He'll also be doing a concert there. Har har. The Hollywood Gossip will have a full report and vomit in its collective mouth again soon.

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by Hilton Hater at

Is it hot in South Beach?

Or is it just Jessica Simpson and John Mayer?

Terrible Singer

On Monday, the pair worked out together at their Miami hotel's Sports Club/LA gym, taking a yoga class and then lifting weights as a pair. Later that nignt, we assume, Mayer lifted Jessica's gigantic boobs.

That evening, the couple arrived hand-in-hand at The Shore Club's Nobu restaurant, where the beautiful twosome sat and talked for more than two hours over sushi and bottled water.

At a few points she leaned forward and he reached across the table to hold both her hands. Hot stuff. Not exactly like Eva Longoria nude, but almost first base nonetheless.

"They looked really cute together," said one witness at Nobu. "They were talking and laughing the whole time. She was constantly fixing herself to make sure she looked her best for him."

That could take a lot of work if Jessica is still following the red lipstick-laden lead of her sister, Ashlee Simpson.

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by Hilton Hater at

Anna Nicole Smith is the red menace.

But it looks as though the Simpsons sister are giving the possible son-murderer a run for her rosey money.

Jessica Simpleton

Seen here, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are leaving dinner together last night. You can tell the siblings are tight because they're wearing the same color lipstick.

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint - Ashlee's boobs remained covered for the evening by a nice scarf.

The elder sister, meanwhile, appears to be holding her liquor a bit better on this night out than she was in this Jessica Simpson picture.

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by Hilton Hater at

Wouldn't you be, too, if you had to hang out with the bore that is John Mayer all night?

Seen here on New Year's Eve, Jessica Simpson appears to be having a good time; one she may or may not have remembered the following morning.

Vaseline

We're glad Jessica and John had a fun night, but it looks slightly different than the loving evening Simpson's ex, Nick Lachey, spent with his girlfriend.

He and Vanessa Minnillo were coherent during their public celebration on MTV. Rumors are evenswirling that the former 98 Degrees singer popped an important question to the TRL host that night.

The Hollywood Gossip will keep you updated on that possibility. We'll also report on any future Jessica Simpson sex tape news, but that talk has died down. Fortunately, though, the following is alive and well:

Keeley Hazell has definitely made a nude home video.

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by Hilton Hater at

Move over, Ashlee Simpson, someone else in your family needs to not eat in the seat next to you.

Based on the image below, it looks like your sister may be a fan of big sunglasses, but she prefers tiny figures.

Jessica Simpson Very Pregnant

Indeed, as Jessica Simpson looks to get her career back on track, she appears to be getting her appetite suppressed. What happened to those curves? Does John Mayer like his women puny and defenseless?

We may never have the answers to these questions, largely because we're afraid of asking Crazy Joe Simpson about anything. The guy is nuts. But we can say this:

Keira Knightley has new competition for the honor of Most Hungry Celebrity.

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by Free Britney at

Ah, those big sunglasses.

All celebrities seem to have them, and look absolutely absurd wearing them. Some stars, such as the Olsen Twins, look ridiculous no matter what - we will grant you that. But the huge-ass shades, which are sometimes donned even at night (talking to you, J.R. Rotem) make morons out of even the most good-looking stars.

Britney and Jayden Photo

There's no end in sight for this fashion trend, though. That much as blatantly obvious as we take look at four Hollywood stars' sunglasses:

After returning to Los Angeles earlier in the week, a jet-setting Jessica Simpson (top left) gets ready to head back east, possibly to meet up with John Mayer, who sucks. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton (bellow right) manages to go about her business despite getting canned by her own night club, shopping 'til she drops in Beverly Hills on Friday.

Working actress Sienna Miller (top right) clocked in more time at Heathrow Airport in London on Thursday, while the incomparable Britney Spears (bottom left) hit up a Santa Monica beach hotel for some badly-needed R&R. Who's got the most ridiculous shades? Who's outfit needs to be tossed in the trash? You be the judge.

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by Free Britney at

We shouldn't have to tell you by now that since her divorce from Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson's acting and singing careers have fallen flat.

But Jessica's biggest problem might be with her father, Crazy Joe Simpson. After her botched Dolly Parton tribute, then bailing on the Kennedy Center Honors, then pissing off her pimp dad by turning down a paying New Year's Eve gig to party with that loser John Mayer, Jessica was told to get her ass in gear.

Jessica Simpson, Eric Johnson Picture

Thus, Jessica Simpson was spotted filming another... commercial for Pizza Hut. That's the stuff of stardom right there. But hey, a paycheck is a paycheck, right?

The new spot takes place at a glamorous movie premiere and features Simpson nearly tripping on her red dress. Or maybe that's not acting - who knows if she has mastered walking. The Simpson family? Not smart.

Just look at Ashlee.

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by Free Britney at

According to TMZ, Crazy Joe Simpson is pissed off that his golden paycheck daughter Jessica turned down a paying, singing appearance - to party with new boy toy (and certified ass clown) John Mayer.

A source says the family tiff began when Vegas' PURE nightclub - yes, the sight of many amusing Britney Spears pictures from New Year's Eve - got in touch with Joe about his eldest daughter hosting a New Year's Eve party for what TMZ says was large sum of money.

Defender of Ash

Only Jessica Simpson wasn't interested in working on the holiday, says our source, and told Crazy Joe she wanted to spend a mellow New Year's Eve, sans glitz and glamour.

In turn, Britney Spears went on to host the event in her place, and either got sh!tfaced and passed out or simply fell asleep, depending on what you read.

Papa Joe capitulated, but when he discovered Jess' "quiet night" meant canoodling with John Mayer at NYC clubs, he was livid - not because John Mayer is a complete douche, but because she partied instead of making dad some ca$h!

With Jessica bailing on the Kennedy Center Honors and not getting reimbursed for $15,000 in fees associated with her aborted Dolly Parton debacle, Joe is sure to have his little girl working double shifts in no time. Indentured servitude, here she comes.

Ol' Pappy needs a new Ferrari, after all - and we all know that Ashlee Simpson isn't exactly the cash cow of this family. On the contrary, she's a worthless cow. Even after all that plastic surgery Joe paid for. Truly a shame.

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