Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson is desperately trying to get back in John Mayer's pants, if you believe the new cover of In Touch. Which you shouldn't, but hey, they printed it.

According to the poor man's OK! Magazine, Jessica wants to reunite with the douchebag after Tony Romo shattered her life by dumping her a few months ago.

She had "her whole future planned out" with Tony and wanted him to marry her. But then on the night before her birthday in July, everything fell apart. Sniff.

Now he's with Candice Crawford, sister of Gossip Girl star Chace, and even brings her to some of the same restaurants in Dallas he and Jessica used to hit.

“She can’t believe it,” an insider tells the mag. “Even if she doesn’t want Tony back, no one wants to see their ex moving on with a hotter, younger girl.”

DESPERATE HOOKUP: John Mayer definitely qualifies as such.

The fact that Nick Lachey got back together with Vanessa Minnillo hasn't helped Jessica's mindset either. She's becoming Jennifer Aniston-style pathetic.

While Jessica’s "career is going great" - apparently In Touch is stuck in 2003 here - her personal life "is kind of a disaster." At least they got that right.

“This couldn’t have come at a worse time for Jessica,” the friend of hers adds. “It’s opened up a lot of old wounds. She’s pretty insecure about herself."

That insecurity that has led Jessica "down a dangerous path of desperation and loneliness," as she's been secretly hooking up with her ex John Mayer.

Supposedly.

We'll set the over-under on how long it takes the douchebag to deny this on Twitter at two hours, since he Googles himself so often. This morning, he denied a similar rumor about himself - that Kristin Cavallari was playing his meat bugle.

Jessica Simpson may seem like a great replacement for departed American Idol judge Paula Abdul in that both are fun, harmless and say really inane things.

Not to mention, as a no-talent hack herself, Jessica might offer the panel unique insight in the early auditions as wannabes are nixed from a crowded field.

But alas, for all six of you who might have gotten your hopes up, but the casting coup, which was probably started by Jessica's dad/pimp Joe, is not to be.

J-Simps' rep Cindi Berger shot down reports that the alleged singer turned sad sack divorcee will be filling the fourth seat at the American Idol judges' table.

The reports are "not true at all," Berger said.

Rumors began a-swirlin' this morning when the New York Post said Joe Simpson was pushing for Jessica to replace Paula alongside Simon, Randy and Kara.

But in case you didn't believe the official denial from Jess' rep, Joe took to (what else) his official Twitter this morning to debunk the Post story for good.

"So, I am in thailand... But, of course, the post says I am in town trying to get ;ess to be the replacement for paula abdul... Do the lies ever stop????"

Not sure who ;ess is, but no, the lies definitely do not stop.

As for Abdul, she's not joining Dancing With the Stars, Ugly Betty or even So You Think You Can Dance, despite rumors tying her to all of the above.

Think she might still consider coming back to Idol for the right price?

Despite the hopes and dreams of OK! Magazine and deranged Newlyweds fans across the nation, former spouses Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson aren't getting back together, despite the undeniable coincidence that both are single right now.

Just ask Nick's brother, Drew Lachey.

The former Dancing with the Stars winner was asked about a possible reunion of Nick and Jess Saturday and answered, "On the record or off the record? No on both."

Nick and Jessica - who separated in 2005 and divorced in 2006 - both ended their most recent relationships this year. Nick and Vanessa Minnillo split up early this summer, shortly before Tony Romo dumped Jessica before her 29th birthday in July.

He has most recently been seen with Holly Letchworth.

When told that people want to see Nick and Jessica back together, Drew told Us, "I think everybody who was a fan of Newlyweds wants the same thing."

Jessica recently told Vanity Fair she hadn't spoken to Nick "in years." But she said the MTV show helped her realize the importance of good relationships.

"It made me understand what marriage is, what love is, what commitment is," she said. "In all honesty, I believe it did not affect our marriage. Because we enjoyed watching those episodes, and that will always be a time I cherish."

Alleged singer Jessica Simpson, who flew to Japan over the weekend, and who was shocked by the jolt of a magnitude 6.6 earthquake that hit early Tuesday, decided Tweeting about it was the only logical response.

But more impressively, she figured out what was going on!

"Thought I was hallucinating," she Tweeted yesterday.

"I have never felt anything like this in my life. Laying in bed watching CNN." Not even the rumbling in her belly during that rough patch could compare.

The Japan earthquake struck Tsuruga Bay, which is southwest of Tokyo, at 5:07 a.m. local time on Tuesday, according to the National Weather Agency.

No casualties were immediately reported.

Her previous Tweet was at Ken Paves, to whom she wrote "August 5th I turned 38. 3+8=11. Numerologically 11 represents new beginnings."

Good to hear.

The intellectual capabilities of Jessica Simpson always amaze.

Jessica Simpson, who recently split from boyfriend Tony Romo, is starting work on her new VH-1 TV show The Price of Beauty, which will follow her as she tours seven countries to document what lengths women go to achieve beauty.

Follow the link to scroll through some Jessica Simpson pictures and see how she's been holding up since the breakup. Spoiler alert: Not all that well!

Jessica Simpson was looking a little worse for the wear, which is a nice way of saying rough as hell, as she arrived at Beso in Hollywood, Calif., last night, to celebrate her longtime friend Ken Paves' birthday last night. Seriously. Rough.

Here's stylist Ken dragging his regular client ...

Jessica Simpson with Ken Paves, the only guy left who can tolerate her.

Ever since Tony Romo dumped her (reportedly for Natalie Smith), Jessica has kept a low profile, as she is supposedly reeling over her latest breakup.

Will she spend eternity alone? Link back up with John Mayer? Get back together with ex-husband Nick Lachey so that OK! Magazine can nut itself?

Who the heck knows. But click to enlarge more Jessica Simpson pictures from last night and be sure to comment on how you think she's doing ...

Why would Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey ever get back together?

To help OK! sell magazines, obviously!

According to that reputable publication, which apparently decided to take a week off from speculating on the love life of Robert Pattinson, Jessica has been going out and partying lately to make her ex-husband Nick Lachey just a little bit jealous.

Not her ex-boyfriend of 18 months, Tony Romo, but her ex-husband, who she separated from in 2005. And who has already said they're not back together.

According to OK!, while John and Tony may have each been the perfect Mr. Right Now - "she knows her true Mr. Right was, is and always will be Nick Lachey."

Which is why they got divorced. Remember that, OK!? Great juxtaposing of those separate pictures to make it look like they're together, too. Very real ...

As every woman knows, having a public affair with a sexy rocker would make any man jealous. Not that Jessica has done this, but hey, if she did, OK! says it would be "just what she needs to make Nick take notice."

Well, if he weren't dating Holly Letchworth.

“Nick is the guy Jess knew she should be with, but they were too young and their lives catapulted so quickly into fame that they never were able to catch up,” a pal says.

“She’s changed so much since then and found out a lot about herself.”

“He’ll always hold a special place in her heart. It was her first love,” the pal says of their marriage. “Jess isn’t sure if Nick would give her a chance at this point, but she’d love to be friends. She says a part of her will always love him.”

Mmm hmm. Friends will probably have to do.

Should Jessica and Nick get back together?

Yeah, right.

That's the company line, although the interview with Jessica Simpson in the September issue of Glamour was conducted before Tony Romo dumped her. Ouch!

Even then, she lamented her lifelong struggles with body image issues.

"When I was young, I would look at magazines and feel a lot of pressure," the alleged singer lamented. "As a child of 12, I would write things in my journal like, 'I am lying here and all I can think about is my stomach hanging over my underwear.'"

"That disturbs me even today! I was always disconnected from myself; there was this idea of perfection I couldn't ever get to. But all women struggle with insecurity, and everybody has something we don't like about ourselves."

After those "fat Jessica Simpson pictures" from earlier this year drew criticism, the star is psyched to host her own VH1 reality show, The Price of Beauty, which tracks her journey around the world in search of what people find beautiful and why.

"No matter how much money you spend - with all the products, the diets, the plastic surgery - in the end, women need to love themselves. There is no 'perfect' you," says Simpson, who admits getting Restylane to make her lips plumper.

She credits ex Tony Romo with helping her become more comfortable in her own skin: "Tony never ever places judgment," she says of her QB ex.

"You can just relax and feel beautiful. He's just that type of person."

While she did the interview before her split with Romo, who may or may not be banging Natalie Smith right now, she says, "If this article comes out and we're not together, I'd still love Tony, and he'd still be a huge part of who I am today."

Having been feverishly pimped out by father Joe Simpson to lend her name to lines of luggage, bikinis and fragrances, Jessica Simpson is really challenging Paris Hilton and Britney Spears' reign as queen of celebrity overpriced crap licensing.

Now she is adding underwear to her empire!

The alleged singer said of her new lingerie line: “My intimates are feminine and sweet with a hint of fun. I love lingerie. What girl doesn’t? My lingerie reflects the way I’m feeling when I wake up and helps me set the tone for my day.”

As any woman knows, however, finding gorgeous designs to set that tone can be tricky. So how does Jessica Simpson feel about solving that issue?

HAGGARD: Jessica has seen better days. [Photo: Fame Pictures]

“It is important to me personally to be able to wear my own line. It's a great collection of feminine, sexy, regular and full-figured bras which are going to be amazing. We are also working on a sleepwear collection that I will live in."

"We focused on soft fabrics that feel good against your skin. The whole line centers around great basics for every day that are comfortable and fit your body."

"We spent a lot of time on the details. I really wanted to make this special.”

“I love the seersucker group because it is just classic and so adorable. We also have a beautiful print group that was inspired by Morocco. It is both exotic and feminine. We also created a denim and floral set that is flirty and fun.”

We're sure the items will look great on Tony Romo's floor ... having just been removed by Natalie Smith, of course. That is just how the dude rolls.

As we reported yesterday, Tony Romo has been linked to another woman named Natalie Smith almost immediately after he broke up with Jessica Simpson.

But Smith's father is quick to shoot down reports that they're involved.

"His breakup brought all these rumors that are not true," says John Smith, Associate Athletic Director at Romo's alma mater, Eastern Illinois University.

He admits that Tony Romo and Natalie Smith met up for lunch in Dallas last week, but says his entire family – including his wife and three daughters – have "always been friends" with the Cowboys quarterback since he was in college.

"Natalie feels so bad," adds her dad.

"Just being friends with Tony has now disrupted everyone [from] talking about Tony and football and are instead talking about Tony and all of this."

With reports about his love life like this surfacing regularly, the newly-single (or not) Dallas Cowboys quarterback is set to report to training camp this week.

"What is funny about all this is that if Tony hadn't broken up with Jessica, nothing would ever have been written about him having lunch with Natalie," adds her dad.

Simpson, meanwhile, has started hitting the town in Los Angeles after keeping a low profile for the first few weeks after getting dumped and locked out by Romo.

She joined a large group of friends and family – including her parents Joe and Tina – at Katana's Red Sun BBQ on July 26 for a belated birthday celebration.

The next day, the singer arrived at West Hollywood's House of Pascal Mouawad for a CD release party for Candy Shop by An-Ya, an artist on her dad's label.

"She was in high spirits, joking, laughing, meeting people," says a Jessica Simpson source. "You wouldn't even know she was upset about a breakup."

Natalie Smith's father says she's not the "other woman."

Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson the night before her birthday July 10.

But was the Dallas Cowboys quarterback hitting another receiver deep (if you know what we mean) prior to that? That's what new reports are insinuating.

Jessica Simpson exuberantly announced "the man who loves [her]" was at a February 6 concert - seemingly not concerned about Tony Romo was sitting with Natalie Smith, a younger, skinnier look-alike of the alleged singer and actress.

And that's not all. According to Us, Tony Romo had been sending "flirty texts" to Natalie Smith for months while still putting up with Jessica Simpson.

After the show, Tony Romo introduced Simpson to Smith, 22, the daughter of the athletic director at Romo's alma mater, Eastern Illinois University.

Tony Romo is pumped up about Natalie Smith, his Jessica Simpson upgrade.

"We hung out for, like 10 to 15 minutes, backstage," said Natalie Smith (pictured above) according to the celebrity gossip tabloid. "She was cool and nice."

But multiple sources says Simpson should have been suspicious, as Romo had an "emotional affair" with Natalie Smith months before dumping Jessica.

"They are not officially dating, but are having an intimate relationship," a Smith source says. Adds another pal of Smith, who typically dined with Romo when he'd visit his college town: "They've always flirted and texted each other."

"They had phone conversations one to two months before the breakup."

It gets better. While Simpson is a "wreck" over the news, Natalie Smith is supposedly "determined not to become clingy like Jessica." Good call, Nat!