Jennifer Aniston Babies

Wow. The tabloids are starting off 2012 with a bang.

Taking the art of fabricating scandals about Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston to new heights, Star claims Ange temporarily left Brad after finding out that he made a baby with Jen ... which she miscarried ... in 2004 ... while married to Brad.

Seriously, they printed this. A "reliable source" said:

"She assumed all along she was the only woman Brad had ever impregnated. Now Angie is questioning everything, including whether she can ever trust Brad again."

That has her thinking of leaving him for good, supposedly. Maybe.

"Brad doesn’t tell Angie everything, especially when it comes to Jen," adds the source. "The mention of Jen makes Angie completely irrational." (That part we buy.)

"But he never imagined this would infuriate Angie to the extent that it has. Now it could spell the end of them forever." Brutal, there's no other way to describe it.

It gets better, incredibly. The National Enquirer says, simultaneously, that in related news ... Angelina Jolie is pregnant right now! In a startling development ...

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The press is relentless in its quest to make Jennifer Aniston pregnant.

The actress and Justin Theroux are making waves with their whirlwind romance, but for some reason, people are obsessed with this woman having a baby.

It makes no sense. Why would she rush into it when she just started dating this guy, and why it matter anyway? We have no idea, but clearly it does.

Case in point: The latest round of Jennifer Aniston pregnancy rumors, spawning from this picture of her showing a possible "baby bump" on Monday night:

Wow. Look at that "bump." That is totally a baby inside her.

"Could that be a baby bump on the 42-year-old? She says she's not in a rush to have kids with boyfriend Justin Theroux, but maybe it's time!" Hollywood Life suggests.

Brilliant sleuthing, Hollywood Life.

In the case of Jessica Simpson, there's very good reason to believe she is actually with child. But with Aniston, if she did anything beyond eating a healthy diet so she does not look like an anorexic waif, we'd be surprised.

Nice dress BTW Jen.

[Photo: Fame Pictures]

HUGE news, people: Jennifer Aniston is totally pregnant, according to OK! Magazine.

This is totally true, except for the part where she is not pregnant. Or getting a ring.

As fall begins chilling the New York City air, writes the celebrity news source, "Aniston has swapped her tank tops for jackets, scarves and peacoats as she walks hand in hand - while smiling ear to ear - with beau Justin Theroux."

If peacoats don't tell you she's preggers, we don't know what will!!

Other "evidence" to support this BS cover story? New Jennifer Aniston pictures allegedly showing a change from her svelte physique to a curvier, more buxom shape.

There's even "the suggestion of a bulge around the belly." The suggestion.

Tongues are wagging, at least according to this report. But is Jennifer Aniston pregnant, for real, at age 42? We would bet heavily, very heavily even, that she's not.

However ... “She hasn’t announced it, but all her friends seem to think it finally happened,” an insider says. “Whenever anyone hints around the question, Jen gets really giggly and shy. It certainly has all of her friends buzzing!”

You never know. What we do know is that Brad Pitt is so glad it's not his.

Jennifer Aniston has always been up for cocktail or two.

Imagine the COMPLETE AND UTTER SHOCK, then, when she dined with Justin Theroux at the Chateau Marmont in L.A. last week and STEERED CLEAR OF ALCOHOL!

"She had only fruit juice, while the guys were sipping wine and beer," an eyewitness tells Life & Style. You know what that means: Jen's pregnant with twins!

Beverage choice aside, how does this venerable tabloid know Jen is having kids?

"Jen was seeing ob-gyn Dr. Robert Katz in Beverly Hills regularly this spring to see how fertile she is," an insider said. "She had a million questions about getting pregnant after 40 and just what is involved with in vitro fertilization."

Apparently it's working, because "Jennifer was looking radiant, tanned and healthy! She and Justin sat holding hands! Justin had his arm around Jen's waist."

Congratulations to the happy couple on their fake babies.

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are on the fast track with their surprisingly public relationship of four months. No one is disputing that much.

Procreation, though?

We'd expect this from OK! or In Touch, but Us surprised our staff a bit with this new cover story, claiming they are "trying for a baby" already ...

"They have talked at length about getting married and starting a family," an insider close to them tells the new issue of the celebrity gossip magazine.

"She is anxious for the next phase of her life and feels like this is the time."

And her hunky new guy (who split with girlfriend of 14 years Heidi Bivens in March) is completely on board with having a baby, a second insider says:

"They both want it to happen soon."

So basically, there's no vigorous procreation plan taking place, it's just something they've discussed. That's not a misleading headline or anything.

Breaking news from the bastion of journalistic integrity, OK Weekly: Jennifer Aniston is having a baby on her own! Again! She must have like nine by now!

Why else would she put her house, with its wide-open floor plan that is SO not family friendly, on the market? “It’s no place to raise a baby,” she confided.

The star is so focused on adopting a baby and her future as a mom that she’s making "enormous sacrifices," according to this 100 percent accurate story:

IT'S A DONE DEAL: Seriously, her house is for sale.

Hilariously, the OK! story says zilch about Jen's actual plans to adopt a baby, focusing instead on her real estate adventures and family-friendly layouts.

Probably a good thing this is BS. Mike Huckabee would be so pissed!

Jennifer Aniston baby stories must absolutely clean up in the celebrity gossip revenue game, because why else would they go back to this well so often?

Seriously, they do it all the time. Some past examples ...

Slow news week? Check.

Fake Jennifer Aniston baby news? Check!

DO NOT BUY OK! Magazine. Please. Save your money, and send a message to the celebrity gossip publication's editors that they need to work a little harder.

Seriously, you'd think by the 12th time of fabricating Jennifer Aniston’s "baby plans," they'd at least try to think of some NEW lies to vaguely relay to us ...

YES, I'M HAVING A BABY ... said some friend of hers.

The mag hilariously promises a sneak peek at an interview "everybody is going to be talking about." What is there to talk about, other than it's completely untrue?

The article contains exclusive details regarding these topics:

• What the star is doing to prepare
• Why Jen’s finally ready now
• Who the daddy might be

Our theories: aggressive sexuality, she's not, and nobody.

There, we just saved your time and money. You're welcome. Get it together, OK! Can't you make stuff up about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt sneaking around behind Angelina Jolie's back - that would at least be a moderately interesting lie.

Five cities. Five countries. Three weeks. One baby.

That's how long and how far Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler have traveled together promoting The Bounty Hunter, and what the actress expects to get out of it.

According to the unintentionally comedic OK! Magazine, it was during Jen and Gerard’s stop in Madrid, Spain, that fans started buzzing about more than the film.

The gleam in Jen’s eye ... her easy, confident glow ... her left hand resting on her not-so-flat tummy ... unmistakable signs that she is with child! Or just relaxed.

“Jen very much wants to have a baby girl," a source says. "She had a heart-to-heart with friends and relatives and this is the year she’s going to be a mom.”

If that wasn't proof enough, this cover will do it ...

So who’s on deck to play dad? Gerard Butler! Jen not only "adores Gerry" but thinks "he’d make a perfect father." This story is hilarious for several reasons:

• The carefully chosen language that never actually says Jennifer Aniston is pregnant (or even dating Gerard Butler). Oh, tabloid editors. Wordsmiths.
• The use of the word "confirmed," in all caps no less. Thank you, OK. What is confirmed? That the report exists? It sure does ... and applies to nothing! 
• The fact that Jennifer Aniston "baby news" has been done about 20 times, is obviously untrue, and lacks any credibility, yet they report it again!

Congratulations, Jen, on your baby with a guy who you merely starred in a movie with and flirt with sometimes, and who's really dating Laurie Cholewa.

Wow. Either Star didn't feel the Tiger Woods drama was that big a deal, or this Jennifer Aniston gossip was just too good not to make its lead story.

Despite the biggest sex scandal in a long time - and possibly the biggest in the history of sports - actually happening, Star went a different route.

Well, a different route from other celeb gossip tabloids.

It's not exactly a story that hasn't been told before ... almost every single week by Star and its ilk. OMG! The lonely girl is finally having a baby:

It's a baby at last for Jennifer Aniston! Note: No it's not.

According to this ridiculous cover, Jennifer Aniston is, at long last, having a baby. Brad Pitt apparently "helped" in this endeavor. Whatever that means.

Leaf through the pages and you can read all about their "secret arrangement," though. Not sure how secret it can be, considering they reunite every week.

Perhaps because it doesn't explicitly say that Brad got Jennifer Aniston pregnant (for once), Brad's helping by donating one of his 29 kids to his ex-wife.

How "he convinced Angie" we can't say. But rest assured, Star can. Their novelists have been working on this one for a good couple of months now.

Just when you think OK! Magazine can't lower the bar any further, the fabled celebrity gossip supermarket tabloid establishes a new standard of hilarity.

According to this fine publication, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant! What great news!

Too bad there's not a single fact that would remotely suggest this, nor is she even in a relationship. Besides, everyone knows she's going to die alone.

According to OK!, Jen has never hidden that her biological clock is ticking since she turned 40 in February. Understandable, as that's pretty near death.

“I feel [motherhood is] in my future and I’m on the verge of it in some way,” the Love Happens star said in recent months. “I want to have children."

Jen's "baby dream" is coming true. What that is? No one knows.

Becoming a parent has quickly become a high priority for the actress, who has scheduled several months off before starting her next project in 2010.

At least according to a celebrity gossip magazine that cites made-up sources who have surely never even spoken to her. They're made up, after all.

“Jen’s made no secret of the fact she wants to get pregnant,” says one such source. “Now, with nothing on her schedule for a while, she can finally relax and address priorities that matter most. Motherhood is at the top of her list."

“She wants to have a baby soon,” adds another Aniston insider.

Someone should probably tell her that. If she's not too busy picking out what to wear to the wedding of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, that is.