by Free Britney at . Comments

Abraham Lincoln famously said that "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Yet a Jersey Shore house divided against itself only stands to be more entertaining.

In this week's installment, friction between Ronnie and Sammi forces peeps to choose sides, while a stalker returns, Deena wears all denim and so much more.

As always, THG breaks down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our official, patented +/- recap below. Let's get it ON!

Vinny and Snooki Photo

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Vinny and Snooki grow closer on a lunch date. Cute, but Minus 10 for the profound words emblazoned on her pants, advice guidos often take literally, deeply.

Later, Vinny decides to get his ears pierced at the Shore Store. First it was the spray tan, now this. At least he's going all out in pursuit of Tool-dom. Plus 7.

Pauly D's hookup is thwarted when Erin’s brother shows up. This seems to happen a lot on Jersey Shore. Minus 5, 'cause celebrities are easy to track down.

Deena: "Let’s be real. You didn’t come here for pastries and like, coffee, you came here to do sex with Pauly and Vinny. You embarrassed yourself." Plus 9.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

This week on Jersey Shore, Vinny and Pauly road tripped it to Staten Island, JWoww grew suspicious of Roger, and in the world of Ronnie and Sammi ... sigh.

Where do we even begin. Like Pauly D, we may kill ourselves if this goes on much longer. So what happened after Sammi's shady texts to Guido MacGyver?

As always, THG breaks down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our official, trademarked +/- recap below. Let's get it ON!

Mauling Sammi

OH YEAH, BABY: Ron and Sam are so in love for these 12 seconds.

Let's just get this out of the way early. Ronnie and Sammi stop fighting their feelings for each other. Things are "so different" now. It's been like a week. Minus 9.

All is well, until Arvin, who The Situation terms "a jacked-up Guido MacGyver," tells him Sammi was texting him to meet at the club. THG smells drama. Plus 5.

Ron: "We're finished. I'm done. Have fun with the girls ... I had every chance to bring the f*%king hottest girl in the club home but I didn't because I was crying like a f*%king bitch, over f*%king you!" Sam: "Me too!" Minus 8.

The Snitch-uation definitely started $h!t, but it was warranted. Plus 4.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

The Situation got served in the Jersey Shore house's latest prank war, while revealing himself to be an even dirtier human being than previously believed.

Dude's more revolting even than the origin of the toilet clog, which was finally kind of revealed. Elsewhere, Snooki sort of admitted her lovey feelings for Vinny.

Sammi also came back to Seaside Heights. D-d-d-d-done!

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

I Wanna Cuddle

SO SWEET: Too bad Vinny wasn't game for Snook's arrangement.

Snooki tells Vinny not to bring any girls home from the club so they can cuddle. Minus 5, girl, because you bring plenty of stuff home from the club too.

The first time you see an ex is always awkward. "Hey Sam," Ron said, "You look good." Sammi's reply? "You look pale." That HURTS on this show. Plus 9.

Deena says Sammi’s “hystatic,” which means “super-happy and … really happy.” Minus only 2, because at least she knows it's a made-up word. We think.

Ronnie awkwardly hovers around Sammi at the club. "I don't want to smother you," he said. Sammi then asks, "Are you leaving?" BURN again. Plus 6.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Pranks were again off the proverbial hook this week on Jersey Shore, with The Situation getting the better of Deena and Snooki, but later getting served himself.

Also, Sammi's back. Freaking wonderful.

To be honest, though, it's probably best from a dramatic standpoint that the Horror of Hazlet returns. Two weeks of practical jokes is probably sufficient.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

Prank Master

DUCK PHONE REVENGE: Plant marshmallows around this house, will they ...

Ronnie's father visits Seaside to lend him some much-needed support. He must not watch the show, otherwise he'd arrive to officially disown his son. Minus 5.

That bike they won on the boardwalk is hella sweet. Plus 3.

Nick, whoever that is (we lose track of Snooki's conquests) doesn't call Snooki back, so she calls him. About 19 times in a row. Dudes really dig this. Minus 9.

Turns out Nick heard Snooki hooked up with both Gianni and Jeff, who are cousins. When you sleep with anything that moves, these things do happen. Plus 4.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Time heals all wounds, and gives us perspective.

When it comes to reevaluating her time spent on Jersey Shore, Jenni "JWoww" Farley's says her biggest regret is throwing down with Sammi Giancola.

"I actually regret the fights that I did get in with Sam because I was in much the same position she was a few years ago," Farley said on Sirus radio Friday.

Jenni and Sammi

Referring to Sammi's relationship with Ronnie Magro, which reached its tipping point on the episode before last, JWoww is now more sympathetic.

"I had a boyfriend lie and cheat, and I did not believe my girlfriends when they told me," said JWoww, who also had her issues with Tom Lippolis.

Given that her most recent ex is trying to hawk JWoww nude pictures, she has her own problems. Fortunately, she won't take them out on Sam.

So basically, no more epic melees in the house like this ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

In the aftermath of Sammi's exit from Jersey Shore last week, Ronnie was down in the dumps. The rest of the gang seemed focused more on absurd pranks.

Despite the title, "The Great Depression" was lighter fare than more recent episodes, with fewer epic meltdowns and more bathroom humor - quite literally.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

Old Underwear

THAT'S JUST WRONG: Pauly's discovery was dirty even by JS standards.

Right off the bat for using the show to pitch Britney Spears' new music video. Videos, on MTV? What a concept! Plus 5 in hopes that this pattern continues.

Despite being enraged every second she's around, Ronnie mopes now that Sammi's gone, whining non-stop in an all-out effort to grow a vagina. Minus 19.

Seriously, Jenni could take Ronnie. You can see the disgust on her face. Plus 4.

Sammi breaks down at home. Minus 10 for not making this a Sammi-free week, 'cause she'll be back wearing her one white skirt/black top outfit in no time.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

This week's Jersey Shore marked the departure of Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. A permanent exist, we think - and hope - after the fight to end all fights.

As much as we aren't sorry to see her go, we'll give her this much - she went out in style after a blowout with Ronnie Magro that exceeded even their standards.

This comprised most of the memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode, as we've broken down, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Sammi in Bed!

BOILING POINT: Ron wants Sam's stuff out of here ... with her on top of it.

Ronnie confronts The Situation for violating guy code. Funny how, like Sammi pointing the finger at JWoww and Snooki, they always blame others. Minus 2.

Able to see the big picture (take note, Ron), Sitch "takes the high road" and apologize to ensure it doesn't end in a brawl. Plus 6 for his surprising maturity.

He hits the boardwalk to cool off, unaware that Sammi is also heading there with Deena, who "loves single Sammi!" Who loves anything Sammi!? Minus 4.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki met a new juicehead, Pauly D made amends with his stalker, Ronnie bled out of a major orifice and broke up with Sam, again, on last night's Jersey Shore.

Perhaps most notable, though, was Snooki's marine biology expertise. Thanks to Nicole Polizzi, we now know why the ocean is salty. Nasty whale sperm, obvi.

This and many other memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night are broken down by THG, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Special Exam

SPECIAL EXAM: This is what it's like for viewers watching Sammi onscreen.

Things are good in the Jersey Shore house. It's just the calm before the storm, but there's actually no drama or active feud as the episode commences! Plus 8.

But, as Ronnie put it after a night of drinking ended with him puking like a madman as usual, it's always "one step forward and two step backs." Minus 5.

We've seen people on Jersey Shore getting probed a lot, but never like this. Plus 4.

Despite assurances that "I've dranken a lot more than I drank tonight," Ron's arse swells to the point that we're treated to the haunting visual above. Minus 11.

Snooki fell asleep with the dogs. A more apt scenario may never transpire. Plus 7.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

The gang invented a new means of extracting grenades, Deena revealed her inner freak, Sammi and Ronnie came to blows (again), Snooki bought a stripper pole and so much more in an epic night of Jersey Shore debauchery.

Just when you think they can't outdo themselves once again ...

THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the MTV show, as always, in its trademark +/- recap below:

Grenade Whistle!

SOUND THE ALARM: Vinny rescues The Situation.

It's more like a Grenade Horn, but the Grenade Whistle is a fitting prop for a group of guys so dedicated to extracting the less-attractive females. Plus 8.

Of course, they could simply not bring said females back home, so ... Minus 7.

Vinny sounds the grenade whistle to rescue Sitch. What are friends for? Plus 4.

The Situation goes upstairs to borrow a condom from Ronnie and lets it slip to Sammi that Ronnie is talking to JWoww. What an instigator. Minus 6.

Snooki and Jenni bring home a couple of bitches. Pomeranians, looks like. Plus 5.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki and JWoww, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi and Jenni Farley, will be facing some serious life challenges on their upcoming Jersey Shore spinoff pilot.

The question is ... are they up for them?

Effin Snooki

Mortgages, career decisions, toilet paper ... this is a reality show about coming of age. And coming on to hot guys while showing major cleave.

The "story line" for the new show, which is separate from Jersey Shore season four: Snooki moves in with JWoww, but cannot deal with real-life problems.

When they set out to buy a $1.5 million pad, for instance, they don't know what a mortgage is ... or how to write a check for that matter. They're not smart.

Eh, maybe we should cut 'em some slack, since they supposedly get distracted by a "hot mortgage broker." There's a contradiction in terms for you.

Conflict also erupts, according to a script obtained by TMZ, because Snooki "made a mess of the bathroom and didn't change the toilet paper."

She also "ate a ton of JWoww's food." Is there any way this won't be a hit?!

JWOWW Biography

JWOWW Picture Jenni Farley is a cast member on the hit show Jersey Shore. The program debuted in late 2009 and the cast members are wicked trashy, but... More »
Full Name
JWOWW
× Close Ad