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Abraham Lincoln famously said that "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Yet a Jersey Shore house divided against itself only stands to be more entertaining.

In this week's installment, friction between Ronnie and Sammi forces peeps to choose sides, while a stalker returns, Deena wears all denim and so much more.

As always, THG breaks down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our official, patented +/- recap below. Let's get it ON!

Vinny and Snooki Photo

Comment rendered unnecessary.

Vinny and Snooki grow closer on a lunch date. Cute, but Minus 10 for the profound words emblazoned on her pants, advice guidos often take literally, deeply.

Later, Vinny decides to get his ears pierced at the Shore Store. First it was the spray tan, now this. At least he's going all out in pursuit of Tool-dom. Plus 7.

Pauly D's hookup is thwarted when Erin’s brother shows up. This seems to happen a lot on Jersey Shore. Minus 5, 'cause celebrities are easy to track down.

Deena: "Let’s be real. You didn’t come here for pastries and like, coffee, you came here to do sex with Pauly and Vinny. You embarrassed yourself." Plus 9.

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This week on Jersey Shore, Vinny and Pauly road tripped it to Staten Island, JWoww grew suspicious of Roger, and in the world of Ronnie and Sammi ... sigh.

Where do we even begin. Like Pauly D, we may kill ourselves if this goes on much longer. So what happened after Sammi's shady texts to Guido MacGyver?

As always, THG breaks down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our official, trademarked +/- recap below. Let's get it ON!

Mauling Sammi

OH YEAH, BABY: Ron and Sam are so in love for these 12 seconds.

Let's just get this out of the way early. Ronnie and Sammi stop fighting their feelings for each other. Things are "so different" now. It's been like a week. Minus 9.

All is well, until Arvin, who The Situation terms "a jacked-up Guido MacGyver," tells him Sammi was texting him to meet at the club. THG smells drama. Plus 5.

Ron: "We're finished. I'm done. Have fun with the girls ... I had every chance to bring the f*%king hottest girl in the club home but I didn't because I was crying like a f*%king bitch, over f*%king you!" Sam: "Me too!" Minus 8.

The Snitch-uation definitely started $h!t, but it was warranted. Plus 4.

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The Situation got served in the Jersey Shore house's latest prank war, while revealing himself to be an even dirtier human being than previously believed.

Dude's more revolting even than the origin of the toilet clog, which was finally kind of revealed. Elsewhere, Snooki sort of admitted her lovey feelings for Vinny.

Sammi also came back to Seaside Heights. D-d-d-d-done!

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

I Wanna Cuddle

SO SWEET: Too bad Vinny wasn't game for Snook's arrangement.

Snooki tells Vinny not to bring any girls home from the club so they can cuddle. Minus 5, girl, because you bring plenty of stuff home from the club too.

The first time you see an ex is always awkward. "Hey Sam," Ron said, "You look good." Sammi's reply? "You look pale." That HURTS on this show. Plus 9.

Deena says Sammi’s “hystatic,” which means “super-happy and … really happy.” Minus only 2, because at least she knows it's a made-up word. We think.

Ronnie awkwardly hovers around Sammi at the club. "I don't want to smother you," he said. Sammi then asks, "Are you leaving?" BURN again. Plus 6.

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Jenni Farley from Jersey Shore, better known as JWoww, celebrated her 25h birthday in Las Vegas last night - and boy did she rock the Hard Rock hard!

We assume so, at least. Jenni has a tendency to go all out.

The Jersey Shore star, who donned a silver, glittery dress that was actually fairly conservative by her standards, was joined by boyfriend Roger Williams:

  • JWoww and Roger Williams Picture
  • JWowwza

No cast members from the MTV show were on hand (we would have at least expected an appearance by Snooki and/or Deena), but it was still a blast.

Nice to see her smiling, given all the drama going on with ex Tom Lippolis and the nude photos dude is trying to hawk. What a sleaze that guy is.

Click to enlarge some vintage JWoww pictures, past and present, in honor of the reality star and Long Island native's 25th birthday ...

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Pranks were again off the proverbial hook this week on Jersey Shore, with The Situation getting the better of Deena and Snooki, but later getting served himself.

Also, Sammi's back. Freaking wonderful.

To be honest, though, it's probably best from a dramatic standpoint that the Horror of Hazlet returns. Two weeks of practical jokes is probably sufficient.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

Prank Master

DUCK PHONE REVENGE: Plant marshmallows around this house, will they ...

Ronnie's father visits Seaside to lend him some much-needed support. He must not watch the show, otherwise he'd arrive to officially disown his son. Minus 5.

That bike they won on the boardwalk is hella sweet. Plus 3.

Nick, whoever that is (we lose track of Snooki's conquests) doesn't call Snooki back, so she calls him. About 19 times in a row. Dudes really dig this. Minus 9.

Turns out Nick heard Snooki hooked up with both Gianni and Jeff, who are cousins. When you sleep with anything that moves, these things do happen. Plus 4.

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Time heals all wounds, and gives us perspective.

When it comes to reevaluating her time spent on Jersey Shore, Jenni "JWoww" Farley's says her biggest regret is throwing down with Sammi Giancola.

"I actually regret the fights that I did get in with Sam because I was in much the same position she was a few years ago," Farley said on Sirus radio Friday.

Jenni and Sammi

Referring to Sammi's relationship with Ronnie Magro, which reached its tipping point on the episode before last, JWoww is now more sympathetic.

"I had a boyfriend lie and cheat, and I did not believe my girlfriends when they told me," said JWoww, who also had her issues with Tom Lippolis.

Given that her most recent ex is trying to hawk JWoww nude pictures, she has her own problems. Fortunately, she won't take them out on Sam.

So basically, no more epic melees in the house like this ...

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In the aftermath of Sammi's exit from Jersey Shore last week, Ronnie was down in the dumps. The rest of the gang seemed focused more on absurd pranks.

Despite the title, "The Great Depression" was lighter fare than more recent episodes, with fewer epic meltdowns and more bathroom humor - quite literally.

As always, THG has broken down some of the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode in our trademark +/- recap below. Let's get to it:

Old Underwear

THAT'S JUST WRONG: Pauly's discovery was dirty even by JS standards.

Right off the bat for using the show to pitch Britney Spears' new music video. Videos, on MTV? What a concept! Plus 5 in hopes that this pattern continues.

Despite being enraged every second she's around, Ronnie mopes now that Sammi's gone, whining non-stop in an all-out effort to grow a vagina. Minus 19.

Seriously, Jenni could take Ronnie. You can see the disgust on her face. Plus 4.

Sammi breaks down at home. Minus 10 for not making this a Sammi-free week, 'cause she'll be back wearing her one white skirt/black top outfit in no time.

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This week's Jersey Shore marked the departure of Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. A permanent exist, we think - and hope - after the fight to end all fights.

As much as we aren't sorry to see her go, we'll give her this much - she went out in style after a blowout with Ronnie Magro that exceeded even their standards.

This comprised most of the memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from the episode, as we've broken down, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Sammi in Bed!

BOILING POINT: Ron wants Sam's stuff out of here ... with her on top of it.

Ronnie confronts The Situation for violating guy code. Funny how, like Sammi pointing the finger at JWoww and Snooki, they always blame others. Minus 2.

Able to see the big picture (take note, Ron), Sitch "takes the high road" and apologize to ensure it doesn't end in a brawl. Plus 6 for his surprising maturity.

He hits the boardwalk to cool off, unaware that Sammi is also heading there with Deena, who "loves single Sammi!" Who loves anything Sammi!? Minus 4.

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Jenni Farley cleans up nice.

Who? You may know this voluptuous babe as JWoww from Jersey Shore, and you are definitely used to seeing her in fewer articles of clothing.

But here she is, makin' the media rounds, signing copies of her new book, The Rules According to JWoww, at a Borders Book Store in NYC:

Nice-Looking JWoww

We haven't read it (sorry) but we're totally going to in a couple of years when this work of brilliance finally comes out in paperback. So no spoilers here.

That doesn't mean we can't guess, however. Here are a few Rules According to JWoww we think should be mentioned in the dating guide/memoir ...

  • A stiff drink in one hand and a fistful of Sammi Giancola's fake ass weave in the other is a surefire sign of a good night.
  • Before embarking on major plastic surgery, never let your boyfriend take a set of before-and-after nude photos of you.
  • Do not be afraid to sound the grenade whistle.
  • The ocean is salty for a reason. Do not go in.
  • Don't leave the accounting to Snooki.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Snooki met a new juicehead, Pauly D made amends with his stalker, Ronnie bled out of a major orifice and broke up with Sam, again, on last night's Jersey Shore.

Perhaps most notable, though, was Snooki's marine biology expertise. Thanks to Nicole Polizzi, we now know why the ocean is salty. Nasty whale sperm, obvi.

This and many other memorable Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night are broken down by THG, as always, in our trademark +/- recap below:

Special Exam

SPECIAL EXAM: This is what it's like for viewers watching Sammi onscreen.

Things are good in the Jersey Shore house. It's just the calm before the storm, but there's actually no drama or active feud as the episode commences! Plus 8.

But, as Ronnie put it after a night of drinking ended with him puking like a madman as usual, it's always "one step forward and two step backs." Minus 5.

We've seen people on Jersey Shore getting probed a lot, but never like this. Plus 4.

Despite assurances that "I've dranken a lot more than I drank tonight," Ron's arse swells to the point that we're treated to the haunting visual above. Minus 11.

Snooki fell asleep with the dogs. A more apt scenario may never transpire. Plus 7.

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JWOWW Biography

JWOWW Picture Jenni Farley is a cast member on the hit show Jersey Shore. The program debuted in late 2009 and the cast members are wicked trashy, but... More »
Full Name
JWOWW
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