by Free Britney at . Comments

As usual, THG's recap of The Hills will consist of us grading last night's episode, awarding or deducting points for the best and worst moments.

Scandalously, Holly Montag moved in with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth, resulting in some choice remarks from Team Speidi. Whitney kept in touch with Jay, and Audrina (for the 394th straight week) pondered her future with Justin-Bobby.

Mrs. Spencer Pratt

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Holly Montag moving in with Lauren Conrad when there are 10 trillion sublet options in L.A. seems absurdly fake, but Minus only 2 because it's not that big a stretch to believe LC would extend Holly the offer to passive-aggressively stick it to Heidi.

In Venice, Justin-Bobby philosophizes that there is something "Zen-ful" about the beach. Holy hell, this guy must smoke SO much weed. Plus 9.

Spencer leaves to "go enjoy life." Minus 3, because we all know he only enjoys life when wreaking havoc on The Hills or staging photo shoots.

No Brody Jenner again. This is disappointing to us, because we have a slight crush on Brody, but then again the man has been traveling with Jayde Nicole. We wouldn't be on The Hills either if that were the alternative. Plus 3.

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge laugh about how they "attract trouble" when they go out. Minus 5, because it's not that noteworthy - they get paid to, and a decent amount of said trouble is manufactured or at least embellished by MTV.

Casey Patridge calls out Justin-Bobby for his crap and Audrina for her excuses. Plus 3 for Casey's honesty, but Minus 5 because Audrina obviously doesn't listen, and Minus another 1 for Casey's tats. A little too much tramp stampage for us.

LC says of Spencer, "He drives away everyone that cares about her." Yes. Yes he does. So astute on her part, and so entertaining on his. Plus 4.

Sam Nazarian simply "doesn't get" the Spencer thing. He's not alone. Plus 2.

Spencer Pratt is happy Heidi will be back at work and not "moping around" at home anymore. Plus 3, because he wants that lifestyle all to himself.

Justin-Bobby gives Audrina a t-shirt as a present, then adds, "No bras with that thing, thank you." Wow. Minus 7, because not only is J-Bobby the biggest d!ck ever, but with those fake boobs, Audzo doesn't need bras for ANY outfit!

Plus 10 for the whole "stalker mom" exchange. Follow the link to peep the video of this segment if you missed, it's vintage Speidi.

TOTAL: +11. Pretty entertaining all around. Leave a comment with your own!

by Free Britney at . Comments

On tonight's episode of The Hills, Holly Montag apparently moves in with Lauren Conrad and Lauren Bosworth (Lo). Heidi Montag was not happy when she learned of this - from none other than the instigator, Stephanie Pratt, of course.

Clearly humored by the news, Spencer Pratt was quick to opine on how the move came about, blaming Heidi's mother and saying that Lauren's karma has come around as it's now LC who must deal with the "world's biggest mooch."

He even disses Stephanie Pratt in the process. It's a rather amazing clip, even by Spencer's passive-aggressive, sarcastic standards. Check it out ...

by Free Britney at . Comments

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: As is our new custom, our recap of The Hills will consist of a brief rundown of events, then our staff members grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Despite the presence of a charming Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge is still drawn to bad boy Justin-Bobby, while Lauren Conrad is cute as ever, and a conniving Spencer Pratt is still determined to give Holly Montag the boot from his apartment.

Pimp and Ho

On to the rankings!

"If you take your top off and went over there, I'd probably have to chase you," Justin Bobby says. Dear God, what an unbelievably lame line, but Plus 5 because it totally works and he thus gets to see Audrina Patridge (fake boobs and all) topless.

The Cabo San Lucas Tourism Board must pay for all the name dropping. Minus 1.

Backhanded compliment of the year from Spencer to Stephanie: "I can't imagine disliking a sister more... Should make you feel good." LOL. Plus 7.

Once again, we are forced to mention that we already know Justin-Bobby will win out before any drama unfolds, as Corey Bohan was seen with Audrina 24/7 for like a week this summer before falling off the face of the Earth. Minus 10.

Corey is hot. J-Bobby is not. Audrina missed that memo? Minus 4.

Audrina laments to Lauren Conrad that she hasn't had to choose between two guys in the longest time. Girl is only 23, but Plus 4 because when you're wrapped up in a faux-reality bubble, a few weeks can seem like an eternity.

Spencer Pratt tells Stephanie that Holly is "the mooch of the century." Minus 2 for a pot calling the kettle black, but Plus 6 because he's oblivious and doesn't realize it.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: Last week we implemented a new format for our recaps of The Hills. After a brief rundown of events, our staff grades each episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Last night, Holly Montag continued to act as the go-between / peacemaker between Lauren and Heidi for some reason. Spencer Pratt finds out and is far from thrilled. Audrina dates a new guy, Colin, while going back and forth on Justin-Bobby.

On to the rankings!

Colin is "the happiest drunk." This is a selling point. Plus 2.

Audrina starts off date No. 2 with Colin by talking about Justin-Bobby. She says they're not boyfriend-girlfriend, but he's what's holding her back. Minus 5. Way to come off looking strong, confident and not pathetic at all, Auds.

The priceless reaction of Justin-Bobby to Audrina's date with Colin: "He went so far that he's not here. Ha ha." We don't even know what that means, which is pretty standard with him, and he's a consistent d-bag at least. Plus 5.

Chiara is totally the new Elodie - a co-worker of a Hills star designed to feed them forced dialogue. Elodie was kind of a bitch and more interesting, though. Minus 1.

Once again, the months-long lag behind real life - and the stars being real-life celebs - detracts from the show. We all know this Colin dude has no shot and have already moved on to Audrina Patridge and Josh Christopher rumors. Minus 8.

Too little of her, but we heart Whitney as always? Plus 2.

A stunningly concerned Holly Montag misleads Heidi into thinking she has a chance at getting back in Lauren's good graces and encourages her to write a letter. "[Lauren] knows who you are, she knows your heart ... maybe she needs to be reminded." Barf. Why does she even care? What contrived nonsense. Minus 7.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: We're switching up our format for recapping The Hills. After a brief rundown of events, our staff will grade each episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the funniest, cheesiest (and most fake) moments.

To sum up, Heidi's mom, Darlene Montag, pays a visit to L.A. from Colorado and is dismayed to learn that Heidi is living with Spencer Pratt again.

A July 4 Kiss

Doug Reinhardt throws a party where his shadiness re: Stephanie Pratt becomes a topic of debate. Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner get on his case.

On to the rankings!

"If you're friends with your girl, you don't go out with an ex - unless you get the stamp of approval," says Lauren Conrad's trainer as she punches his raised palms at the gym. Right. We're sure he cares. Most rehearsed line ever. Minus 2.

After claiming she and Doug Reinhardt aren't dating, and she deleted his number from her phone, Stephanie tells LC she's still going to go to Doug's BBQ, claiming she RSVP'd "weeks ago before I was even friends with him." Ummm, what? You gotta love blatantly lying to your friend AND four million viewers. Plus 3.

Darlene Montag comes to L.A. unannounced? Really? That's not exactly a quick trip. And Spencer doesn't appear surprised to see her for a second, transitioning instantly into irritable, lazy jackass mode. Very suspicious, Hills. Minus 4.

Wearing jewelry, Lauren and Whitney Port look more glamourous at the gym than most girls do on dates. This is, strangely, the norm for them. Plus 1.

On a similar note, Heidi Montag is wearing full-on clubbing / prostitute makeup while sitting around the apartment. Minus 3.

Later, Spencer Pratt actually leaves the apartment! Plus 2.

Whitney Port's sunglasses cover 75 percent of her face. Minus 1. But Plus 1 for them actually showing Whitney outside of work for a change.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

A few points before we recap last night's episode of The Hills ...

  • Heidi Montag celebrated her 22nd birthday yesterday - 22 going on 62.
  • Spencer Pratt is becoming more of a Spencer Pratt caricature each week.
  • Justin Bobby is a d!ck. He is a f*%king d!ckhead. We realize this is The Hills, and not something we should actually care so much about, but if Audrina Patridge keeps this worthless d-bag around, she obviously has no self-respect.

Anyway. The broken friendship of Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag once again took center stage as Heidi's sister, Holly Montag, says she misses LC!

Spencer Pratt? Not thrilled by this comment.

He hilariously forbid Holly from seeing Lauren as long as she was staying with them, while Heidi just sat there quietly. This guy is seriously amazing.

Seems his threats are a tad idle, though. Stephanie Pratt has stayed pals with Lauren thus far, and now Holly Montag seems intent on doing the same.

Disobeying the great Spencer - gasp! - Holly texted LC to set up lunch. OMFG!

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Back to normal. After Sunday night's special airing of "Boys Make Girls Cry" to hype the MTV VMAs, The Hills returned to its normal time slot Monday.

The lead story: Brody Jenner in jail. 

G-Cups

The morning after Frankie Delgado's birthday bash, Lauren Conrad, Stephanie Pratt, and Lo Bosworth tried to track down Brody and Doug Reinhardt and figure out what jail they were taken to - and what happened that sparked their detention.

LC and her posse consider calling places that offer bail, but considering they're in Las Vegas of all places, that's a bit of a wild goose chase.

Just as they become dejected and think there's no way they'll figure it out, Frankie walks into the hotel room with Brody and Doug right behind him. 

Brody Jenner's gal pals weren't so happy with him on The Hills last night.

Turns out that Brody Jenner and Doug Reinhardt got in a fight in the casino and ended up in a holding room right there, on the premises. Not jail.

So, after weeks of hype about Brody in jail, he was not actually in jail. Talk about misleading your audience. That's almost Grey's Anatomy-esque!

Either way, Lauren Conrad was far from pleased, calling them "idiots."

Meanwhile, at Casa de Pratt, Spencer has had enough of Holly Montag.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

MTV sucks.

Sorry, but it's true. First, with no notice, they decide to air a new episode of The Hills as a special, Sunday-night lead-in for the VMAs. Hella weak.

Even worse, though? Plugging the VMAs with a gigantic banner that took up half the screen. And since half The Hills takes place in clubs - necessitating subtitles for the conversations - that banner made them unreadable. Nice work, assclowns.

Lastly, the network spent the entire week promoting an exciting fight that landed Brody Jenner in jail, with Doug Reinhardt in tow. This, of course, was only discussed in the last 12 seconds. Wait 'til next episode again, we suppose!

Eat ass, MTV.

Anyway, from what we could discern, Lauren Conrad and Co. headed to the City of Sin for Frankie Delgado's birthday. For whatever reason, that turned into one huge drama-fest as Brody rode Stephanie Pratt hard the entire time.

We don't mean that in a sexual way. Heavens no. He was just bashing her over and over again for being shady. Brody Jenner either has a huge grudge for some reason, or was prompted by the producers to harp on this. Or both.

At dinner, Stephane Pratt finally confronted Brody Jenner to try to figure out why he told Lauren Conrad not to be friends with her.

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Lauren Conrad is not gonna like this one bit.

At EA Sports Freestyle's FaceBreaker Launch in Hollywood Wednesday, Heidi Montag's sister Holly Montag brought a date: Doug Reinhardt!

Doug R. Pic

"Yeah, we came together," Holly said. "We are just, you know, hanging out."

If you know what they mean!

Doug Reinhardt — whose brief relationship with Lauren Conrad ended on last Monday's episode of The Hills — was the one who got dumped in this, so it remains to be seen if LC would care. Then again, it might not stop it.

Holly Montag isn't the only acquaintance of Lauren that Doug has "hung out" with since the two split. According to a trailer for upcoming episodes of The Hills, he went on a date with Spencer Pratt's sister, Stephanie Pratt.

Guy's a serious player, apparently. Hopefully Doug bats better with all these ladies than his .201 career average in the minors.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Looks like the entertainment world's Sultan of Sleaze has gotten his hands on a new girl ... to help manage his busy schedule, that is.

Holly Montag, the older sister of Heidi Montag from The Hills, has been hired as the personal assistant to the Girls Gone Wild CEO.

Bearded

She's been at it since his release from jail in March.

"His last assistant quit," said an insider to the New York Post. "And Joe aggressively sought out Holly Montag to work for him."

Another source said of Holly and Joe, "She's running his life."

Holly Montag with The Hills' Heidi Montag.

Francis - who is preparing to do battle on Celebrity Apprentice next season, and might also appear on The Hills this season, rumor has it - told the Post, "Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had."

You can read into that however you want.

Either way, Spencer Pratt is probably psyched about this arrangement. Not because he cares about Francis, but because Holly is out of his hair.