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"This is like... I feel like we're back in high school with this! How long have I been friends with you.... What a bitch!" - Brody Jenner

Ah yes, the sage wisdom of the great Brody Jenner. Try as he did to talk sense into childhood friend Spencer Pratt, he couldn't it get it through the oily one's head to cool it in regards to Brody's rekindled friendship with Lauren Conrad.

Buffoons

As a result, as Brody himself said, "Spencer broke up with me!"

That was the focal point of last night's new episode of The Hills, in which Lauren Conrad helped her ex-boyfriend (and possible friend with benefits) realize that life can actually be (gasp) a lot more fun without Spencer Pratt.

A stunning revelation, we know.

At the episode's onset, however, the focus was on Audrina Patridge and former flame Justin-Bobby (real name Justin Brescia) who had drifted apart in the last episode, only to get back together again in a true reality TV stunner.

Justin-Bobby tells Audrina that he's "hesitant to put labels on things" and wants them to become "best friends" before lovers, then accuses Audrina of being too sensitive.

Riiiight. Lauren Conrad's take? "[Audrina] wasn't being over-sensitive. He was being over-a$$hole!" Said as only Lauren can. You tell her, girl!

Shortly thereafter, at work (yes, she has a job) Heidi Montag learns that Brody and Lauren have been hanging out again from her boss, club promoter Brent Bolthouse... at a staff meeting. Yeah, MTV doesn't stage this show at all.

Heidi was taken aback, and in typical fashion, Spencer reacted to the news with a sneer. Betrayal. It hurts. Almost as much as having to stare at Spencer Pratt's scraggly-ass blonde beard for much of the show. Take a shave, bro.

Meanwhile, at Les Deux, Brody and Lauren party - with her girl Lo and his boy Frankie Delgado. LC then invites herself over for an "after-party" at his condo. Both deny hooking up the next day, calling it just a "friendly sleepover."

Regardless, they're on good terms, and that's plenty enough for Spencer to shun his childhood pal. When Brody dials Spencer up to shoot the $h!t, Pratt rips him a new one for fraternizing with the enemy - and says that makes him the enemy.

Brody tries to explain, and calm him down, but it's a moot point. As we all know, there's no rationalizing with this conniving, insecure, acne-riddled Devil.

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Monday's episode of The Hills started with LC and pals at beach BBQ thrown by Brody Jenner in Malibu. Once again, it's a tad annoying that we went in knowing he broke his finger during a football game on the beach. But it was, for the most part, entertaining.

The bash, of course, happened on the same weekend that Brody's quote-unquote publicist, Spencer Pratt, was asked by Heidi Montag to go meet her parents in Colorado.

Mostly Plastic

Brody was upset to hear this, and ripped Spencer for going, calling him "married guy" and saying that a true pal "wouldn't flake out on his homies." True dat, yo.

By and large, Spencer did a nice job with Heidi's folks, although we take serious issue with Heidi saying she always wanted a guy like her dad - and that she got that in Pratt. We found Heidi's dad to be a nice, normal guy, thus making this statement really confusing.

Later, Heidi tried at length to justify her love for Pratt, and Spencer himself was awkwardly thrust into the "heart-to-heart" talk with Mr. Montag. Somehow, the evil one utilized his Revenge of the Sith mind-control techniques to seem like a normal human.

Back at the party, Audrina Patridge was having a great time with boyfriend Justin-Bobby. For some reason, she was all about this guy. That is, until he started flirting with other girls, then ditched the event without telling anyone.

He even left Audrina's bike helmet at Brody's. Classy move.

Lauren Conrad then consoled Audrina Patridge after she miraculously realized what the rest of America already knew - that Justin-Bobby is an absolute waste of space.

In the immortal words of LC: "Homeboy wore combat boots ... to the beach!"

Amen. By far the cutest part of the season so far came when a teary-eyed LC and Audrina Patridge began talking about love and boys in front of the fire - having had a few too many drinks at the party - while trading the requisite hugs and supportive comments.

Awwwww. For one scene, The Hills felt like actual reality again. Cute girls drinking too much, talking about feelings and saying how much they love each other after one of them is spurned by a guy! Who hasn't seen this 50 times at parties!?

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For Lauren Conrad, it's apparently tough to find a BFF and roommate with a boyfriend who doesn't suck. And turn her into a mother hen, of sorts.

The beautiful star of The Hills found herself in a somewhat familiar area Monday night, playing the third wheel as her roommate dated a new "hot" guy.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag at Area

Only this time it's not Heidi Montag, but new BFF, Audrina Patridge, and on-again boyfriend, Justin... whose friends, of course, call him Bobby. Thus, Justin-Bobby.

What's J-B's actual name? We have no idea. Nor would we care, except that Audrina Patridge is apparently too clueless to give this assbag the boot.

After a standoffish meeting with Lauren - the guy showcased his belching skillz and displayed the maturity of an eight-year-old in an upscale eatery (no joke) - Conrad will likely have less-nice, more descriptive nicknames for Justin-Bobby.

Mumbling, hiding under a hood and telling Lauren Conrad bluntly that he doesn't care about her opinion, Justin-Bobby is shaping up to be a worthy competitor for Spencer.

The scheming Spencer Pratt does a much better job of making himself compelling to watch, though - even the haters have to give him that.

Despite a desire not to hurt Lauren, who told her she should pull the plug, Audrina nonetheless found herself back with the motorcycle-riding bad boy by the episode's end.

As Lauren Conrad herself knows, sometimes the bad boys are the hardest to let go of. But will LC give Audrina flak for giving Justin-Bobby this second chance?

In other dysfunctional relationship news, the newly engaged Heidi Montag showed off her fake engagement ring at work, then struggled to set the ground rules for cohabitation. Her methods of choice were passive-agressive - and entertaining!

After Spencer Pratt "surprised" his lovely lover with vintage '80s arcade games and a graffiti-splashed living room wall, and didn't listen to her pleas for even a little input as to home decor, Heidi gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Spencer came home to find Heidi paint-rolling over his "artwork," offering him his very own "surprise" - a clean, plain, off-white wall!

Pratt fumed as Montag explained that if they plan to make this "engagement thing" work, they're going to have to make decisions together. Spencer was seething as he agreed as he stared forlornly at his once glorious wall. In a moment, though, he picked up a roller and finished off Heidi's project.

Is Spencer now thinking pal Brody Jenner may have been right when he said marriage was just an institution for dumb guys who can't get otherwise laid?

Who knows. But next week on The Hills, Spencer ditches a Brody BBQ to meet Heidi's parents in Colorado, while Brody and LC commiserate over their lost friendships. Meanwhile, Audrina encounters drama with Justin-Bobby - drama everyone in America saw coming but her!

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Heidi Montag, The Hills' media whore extraordinaire, got some serious bling from Spencer Pratt on the season premiere of the hit MTV series.

But it looks like that crap-tastic rock is even more fake than some of Heidi and Spencer's conversations, according to sources.

As you may have seen, Mr. Big Shot asked to borrow his pal Brody Jenner's credit card (he refused) to buy the engagement ring.

Hmm. Must have been a slow week with no bikini photos to stage and sell.

In any event, Heidi's engagement ring was purchased from the Ice Accessory store at a mall in Brentwood.

Spencer picked out what looked like a pink diamond surrounded by diamonds, even stating arrogantly that J. Lo and Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa, had identical rings.

Yet despite Spencer Pratt's statement that he should get a "a GPS device" for the ring in case Heidi lost it, the thing is apparently a knockoff. Really.

Apparently the "pink diamond" is really just a lavender, lemon amethyst! A nice birthstone, sure. But many times cheaper than the engagement rings even middle-class, working, celebrity news-writing stiffs fork over for their fiancees. Nice work, ass clown.

The ring retails for $2,890. Not exactly chump change, but definitely a little low-rent for someone who walks around acting like some high roller. Wouldn't you say?

No wonder he tore up the receipt. And didn't actually propose to her, just sorta handed her the damn thing... which she has never only been seen wearing like once.

After everything Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag two pull, it's impossibly to take them seriously. So why not dress them up as a pimp and ho, as Celebrity Babylon did!

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"I literally feel, like, one of my friends... died."
- LC

After all this time, and hype, the much-anticipated season three premiere of MTV's The Hills didn't disappoint. For the most part.

Fake Girl

Monday's debut sure didn't waste any time bringing viewers inside the epic war between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, while properly (and blatantly) introducing each side's supporters.

Whitney Port - now a full-time employee and Lauren's supervisor at Teen Vogue - and Audrina Partridge are so on Team LC, while Montag's devilish boyfriend, Spencer Pratt, is Team Heidi's president, vice president, and PR coordinator.

Giving the people what they want, MTV began the year with a cat fight we knew happened, but have been wanting to see on film for moths, as a tipsy Lauren - enraged over rumors of her sex tape making the rounds - and Heidi hurled insults at each other outside Les Deux.

Lauren is convinced, right or wrong, that Heidi and Spencer started and spread the rumor of her making a sex video with ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler.

The gist of Lauren's position on the matter, as told to Heidi Montag: "You know what you did! You know what you did! You're a sad, pathetic person!"

That about covers it.

"I could just never imagine hating someone so much that you'd do something like that to them," Lauren Conrad said later, reflecting on the incident.

Oh well. She has other things to worry about, like meeting the boy du jour at the club, and whether or not to criticize Audrina's boy, a mumbling, biker, hippie-type who she dated off and on a few years back and doesn't say much.

We heart Lauren, but at the same time, we wonder if she's not - at least at times - taking out some of her own frustrations and insecurities on her friends. 

Continue Reading...

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According to the New York Times, The Hills, which opens its third season on MTV tonight, is more convincing than Friends or just about any other comedy about female relationships because â€" as any young woman knows â€" those undying friendships die.

After all the superlatives, hugs and I love yous, the separations can be bruising. Unlike romantic heartbreak, in which the terms are ultimately subjective ("He's not that into me"), female friendships are commonly torched along rigid moral lines ("She's disloyal, selfish, manipulative and deceitful!!").

You can brood over this stuff for years
.

The spectacular falling-out of the two main stars of The Hills, Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, has become a polarizing object lesson played out in the tabloids.

The reality show, which began as a spinoff of Laguna Beach, which starred Lauren, first followed Conrad's effort to establish herself as a young adult in Los Angeles.

But as a grown-up, the lovely Lauren Conrad proved no Mary Tyler Moore, and her youthful innocence and exuberance kept pulling her back to adolescence.

The second season gave up on maturity and let Lauren be the woman-child she is. The Hills rapidly found its footing when Heidi Montag, a trifling blonde known for her love of nightlife, her bust line and other superficial things, swelled to take up more emotional space.

Montag displayed an uncommon gift for sycophancy and self-sacrifice, which seemed like a sin when put in the service of the no-good men in her life, and a virtue when used to serve Lauren Conrad (or the publicity firm Heidi went to work for).

But by the season's end a Machiavellian figure named Spencer Pratt had decided to indenture Heidi to girlfriendhood. And she went along, to the dismay of Lauren, who was sad to see her friend's true nature - but mostly sad to lose her cheerful lackey.

Continue Reading...

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The Hills doesn't premiere until Monday.

The drama, though, has been brewing for months and boiled over this week.

Speidi Waves to Supporters

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were barred from attending the show's post-premiere party Wednesday night in L.A., a show source tells Us Weekly, due to the couple's feud with co-stars Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge.

Personally, our guess is that the "source" is actually Spencer Pratt, who just chose not to go and decided to phone in this bogus piece of celebrity gossip.

The entire cast has now been prohibited from speaking about each other in the press. To Spencer and Heidi, this is akin to having a limb amputated.

While MTV allowed both Spencer Pratt, 23, and Montag, 20, to walk down the red carpet at The Hills event, "they were not allowed to be at the party while Lauren Conrad was here," says a source, who added that extra security was brought on.

Another source tells says MTV "suspended" Spencer and Heidi from doing any more media to promote The Hills after their repeated trash-talking of LC.

While on Q102 FM in Philadelphia, Spencer Pratt called Lauren Conrad a "stupid girl" who is using the couple to draw attention to herself.

"She's the douche, the psycho," said the douche.

Montag added that she could never be friends with "some lowlife."

After the interview, MTV nearly canceled the couple's appearance on On the Air With Ryan Seacrest Wednesday, but allowed them to do one last interview.

For now, however, "they are on a media blackout."

Another insider says that MTV has decided to gag all parties - including Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and Audrina Patridge - on the subject matter.

"Tensions were so high, MTV decided to shut it all down," says the source, adding that "Spencer crossed a line with several things he said. And fans of the show take it all so seriously, people were starting to worry about security concerns on all sides."

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When we last left Lauren Conrad on the season two finale of MTV's top-rated reality hit, The Hills, she was seeing off Heidi Montag, as her former BFF and roomie sped away in a U-Haul.

Montag had chosen to move in with her slimy new beau, Spencer Pratt, even though Pratt is a complete prick Lauren Conrad strongly objected to the relationship.

But just because the season ended didn't mean the Lauren-Heidi drama was over.

On May 30, while Conrad, her new roommate, Audrina Patridge, and other pals enjoyed a night out at Les Deux, they ended up having a turf war of sorts with Heidi and Spencer, who showed up at the L.A. club that night.

"They just came right at our table and sat down," Audrina says in the newest Us Weekly. "We were like, ‘What are you doing? Get away! This is our table.' But they said, ‘This is our night, our friends, get out of here.'"

In the end, the couple stormed out of Les Deux in a huff.

By July, the estrangement between Heidi and Lauren was so palpable that Montag didn't take the MTV's promotional photos for season three of The Hills the same day as the rest of the cast - instead posing by herself in the studio for separate pics!

Of course, there are many other photos of Heidi Montag (and that jackass Spencer Pratt) that spontaneously and mysteriously surface online. Meanwhile, LC may have landed, if only for a night, an NBA player in former Duke University star Josh McRoberts.

Regardless, the Team Lauren vs. Team Heidi showdown has officially eclipsed Hollywood's best battles
. What do you think of this drama? Team Heidi or Team LC?

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Season 3 is still being filmed, but the drama has already begun.

Yes, fans. The Hills are very much alive ...

Speidi Smooch

... with the sound of cat fights.

Insiders claim that the publicity-crazed Heidi Montag is so eager for more face time on the hit MTV reality TV series that she's been crashing scenes with former BFF, Lauren Conrad.

"Heidi's been showing up at shoots uninvited," a source tells Us Weekly.

That news is about as surprising as Britney Spears wearing awful outfits.

Heidi knows her best chance for airtime next season [which premieres in August] is to be in sequences with Lauren Conrad."

The drama came to a head May 30 after Heidi Montag, 20 - who recently got engaged to Spencer Pratt, 23 - clashed with Conrad, 21, at an L.A. nightclub.

"Lauren was screaming, 'You're pathetic!'" says a witness at Les Deux, where the fracas went down.

"Lauren was using her hands wildly, saying she didn't want to deal with Heidi."

But Montag's rep (who may or may not be Spencer Pratt), told Us Weekly that the actress and her new boob job weren't chasing drama or screen time.

"Heidi's recording her album. She doesn't have time to chase Lauren."

Yes, Heidi Montag is recording an album
. We're guessing it will be a huge seller... up there in quality with the newest Lindsay Lohan compilations. If that.

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Just three weeks after her breast augmentation (boob job) and rhinoplasty (nose job), Heidi Montag turned heads with beau Spencer Pratt April 22.

The scene: A Malibu beach.

Terrible Tandem

"She looked awesome!" says an onlooker. "She seemed really happy."

We don't see how anyone could be, in the presence of Spencer Pratt. But Heidi has defied conventional wisdom for some time. Who ever knows what she's thinking?

Sources tell Us Weekly that Beverly Hills-based doc Frank Ryan performed both surgeries. Heidi Montag always wanted C-cups, a pal confesses.

"Whatever women need to do to feel sexy, they should do," The Hills star and former BFF of Lauren Conrad said in a past interview.

Check out these before and after Heidi Montag boob job and nose job pics ...

Damn, girl. While she's not exactly entering Britney Spears or Victoria Beckham territory, let's just say those are some serious boobs Montag bought herself.

Though Montag has not confirmed she had surgery, the evidence (above) is clear. And The Hills blonde bombshell admits she has plenty of reasons to be in good spirits.

"I'm in a great place in my life right now," she tells Us Weekly, the publication which first obtained these pictures of Heidi Montag we bring you.

Spencer Pratt, for his part, denies he pushed Heidi to have the surgery, stating, "I would never tell her what to do with her body."