Heidi Montag

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt claim they've blown $10 million and are behind $2 million in taxes, considering filing for bankruptcy and have no place to live.

While we don't believe anything the gruesome twosome says, that music "career" had to be a huge financial disaster, and 120 plastic surgeries can't be cheap.

"We were immature, worrying too much about [fame] instead of the business part," Spencer tells Life & Style, which likely paid for the right to speak to him.

BROKE AS A JOKE? We're not buying it. If Speidi's out of cash, where did he get that sweet staff? It doesn't add up, people. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have spent any money. We should have been low-key and saved ... I've looked into bankruptcy and unemployment checks."

If Spencer Pratt gets an unemployment check, we're moving to Canada.

Heidi and Spencer never imagined The Hills wouldn't still be successful four years after its 2006 debut, which is absurd, since that's actually a long run.

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Just a month after calling off her fake divorce from Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag is just gushing about the man she married and plans on keeping forever.

In Las Vegas to host the Pure Nightclub Halloween party last night, the surgically enhanced reality star put to rest any doubts that Speidi will last.

"It's been a long summer, but we are together," Montag told the Las Vegas Review-Journal, "I'm so excited to be in Vegas and to have our friends there."

Wait ... Speidi has friends somehow? [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

No word if the reunited Hills couple wore matching costumes, as Heidi Montag wanted her outfit to be a "surprise" but promised a "super cute-sexy" one.

She will also stay clear of gambling on her trip, saying, "I definitely don't have enough money to gamble. In this economy, I'm keeping every penny."

Guess that eliminates the chance of helping her mom out.

Not only is her marriage back on track, Montag loves her new figure after umpteen plastic surgeries: "I'm definitely feeling the best I've ever felt."

Earlier this week, we heard from Audrina Patridge's mom, Lynn, who drunkenly declared that her class act daughter's a star who's "going to f*%king rise!"

Other Hills moms aren't feeling so enthusiastic about the future.

Darlene Egelhoff, who famously disapproved of daughter Heidi Montag's plastic surgery (and husband, and lifestyle) on the show, is now estranged from her. She's also fallen on hard times and is battling to make ends meet.

Darlene Egelhoff with Speidi in happier times.

After her restaurant closed after 21 years, Egelhoff now cleans houses as a maid in her native Crested Butte, Colo., she told Inside Edition Thursday.

Egelhoff admits some of her clients recognize her from The Hills.

"That's very humbling for me and I appreciate it because I don’t ever want to get full of myself and think I’m too good to do anything," Darlene says.

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Spencer Pratt issued a profound apology to his lifetime love.

He and Heidi Montag heartwarmingly reunited on the beach.

Now, she's formally filed to call off their divorce, marking the final step. Who would have ever seen reconciliation this coming, and being milked so hard.

Speidi just paved the way for decades of this. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

In moving to dismiss their divorce papers, Heidi Montag proved that her boobs may collapse in the face of gravity, but their marriage won't in the face of adversity.

"As far as I'm concerned, the last thing in the world after everything we have just been through is to go through with this divorce," Montag wrote on her Twitter.

"But we are just taking life second by second."

Good to see that their recent rough patch, which included a fake separation, relocation to Costa Rica and sex tape negotiation, has been weathered for good.

Newly clean-shaven and with a new outlook on life, a fresh-faced Spencer Pratt spent a quiet day at the beach yesterday with his adoring wife, Heidi Montag.

And their favorite photographer, of course. Never leave home without him.

The couple appeared to be relaxed, in love and totally natural in how they frolicked at the edge of the sea in Malibu. It's enough to bring a tear to your eye:

Spencer Pratt deeply loves his wife. And knows he'll be safe from any rip currents if he holds onto those flotation devices. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Following their separation, filing for divorce, exile in Costa Rica and sex tape drama, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back together and in good spirits. Faking all that drama can be stressful, but they weathered the storm. It's inspirational.

Click to enlarge more Speidi pics, if you can stomach them:

Spencer Pratt shaved his beard. Might Heidi Montag bid farewell to her gargantuan breast implants next? According to reports, yes - and not necessarily by choice!

According to a hilarious tabloid report, her size G boobs are literally facing collapse. After losing her bikini in the sea, she allegedly made a frantic call to her surgeon.

Someone might want to tell New Weekly that the doctor who crafted those breasts, Dr. Frank Ryan, is dead now. But we give the gossip rag credit for creativity:

Are Heidi Montag's girls going to literally fall out?

Seriously, this is some of the funniest stuff we've seen in awhile. We can understand the sheer weight of those things giving her back problems, but how would they "collapse" and/or "fall apart" exactly? It makes absolutely no sense.

Oh well. We just hope for more staged wardrobe malfunctions going forward.

Despite filing divorce papers and taking a (relative) hiatus from the public eye earlier this summer, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are not actually splitting up.

We told you so, and thank goodness.

After separating in May, rumors of a Heidi Montag sex tape preceded the plastic pair's "reunion" in Costa Rica this month. But they never really split, you see.

Looks like Speidi's divorce is off. Was it ever on? [Photos: Pacific Coast News]

The gruesome twosome were secretly living together all summer, Radar Online reports, and naturally left their rental house in Malibu in a state of disrepair.

"Heidi and Spencer made some very expensive upgrades to the house, without the owner’s permission,” a source close to the situation told the gossip site.

Speidi miraculously stayed out of sight very well for a bit, before returning with hilarious, staged photo shoots like the ones above, celebrating her birthday.

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Heidi Montag marked her 24th plastic surgery birthday yesterday.

She and husband Spencer Pratt paid a visit to the zoo in Santa Barbara, Calif., and for a "divorcing couple," it sure looks like the gruesome twosome is happy.

It's almost like they never planned on actually divorcing. Crazy.

Speidi tours their future home. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Maybe being back among his primitive kind just puts Spencer in a pleasant mood? Who knows. In any case, it looks like these two are back to their old selves.

Well, G-cup boobs aside. Here's a little photo tribute to Heidi Montag we put together in honor of her special day! Click to enlarge the nauseating pics below!

Oh, Heidi Montag. We missed you.

This photo spread of the surreality star frolicking in the ocean, wearing next to nothing and clasping her ginormous fake boobs is a throwback to the good ol' days.

Heidi went for a dip in Costa Rica last week and - wouldn't you know it - her bikini simply wasn't strong enough. But, thankfully, she barely staved off disaster!

Crazily, cameras captured the whole thing:

Poor Heidi. Can't a girl just go for a swim in peace without paparazzi clamoring for the shot of her two-piece falling off? [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

When you think about it, it's hard to blame the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer for trying to distance itself from two of the biggest, fakest boobs around.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt made an appearance at the event Sunday, but the organization wants to tactfully make clear it didn't ask them to.

While the reality (and possible sex tape) stars posed for photos in official Avon paraphernalia, a rep for the breast cancer organization said this:

WALKING FOR THE ATTENTION CURE: If there's one thing Speidi cares deeply about, it's constant publicity curing cancer. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"While Heidi and Spencer did not participate officially in the Avon Walk and were not there in any official capacity, we do appreciate their support of the cause."

It's not untrue. Sources say Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt did not walk the course, but merely showed up at the start, posed for said photos and then split.

For his part, Pratt's rep says the gruesome twosome "lost a mutual friend to Breast Cancer" and "neither Heidi or Spencer would've missed the event."

"It's a cause they both care deeply about."

Almost as they care about publicity. Almost.