by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt insist on torturing us with music. It's pretty funny if nothing else, even if the gruesome twosome didn't intend it to be.

A year after the debut of her gawdawful album Superficial, Montag has just released "Heartbeat," a new, mediocre-at-best synthesized dance track.

"Touch me," she sings, or attempts to in vain. "Let me know. Touch me. I don’t need. You enjoy myself. Enjoy myself to the music. Heartbeat."

"I put my heart into this," she tells People. "I want to become a galaxy star."

Whatever that is, we wouldn't recommend holding your breath, girlfriend.

As you may have heard (with the ear scars to prove it), Spencer Pratt has some tunes of his own floating around cyberspace. Of the rap variety.

His latest effort, which you can listen to after the jump, isn't quite as bad as the others. Of course, the bar was set preposterously low, so ...

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag was reportedly offered a spot on Dancing With the Stars in '08 and again this season, but was forced to turn it down each time for different reasons.

First, contractual agreements she made when she signed up for The Hills barred her from busting a move anywhere other than on Spencer Pratt-directed videos.

Now, the 24-year-old former reality TV star is effectively unable to cut a rug thanks to all the cutting she endured over the past few years. Her body's a mess.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag Celebrate

At least she has her true love. [Photo: Pacific Coast News]

"I'm not sure she wants to risk it now," a source close to Heidi Montag said of her dozen and a half botched plastic surgeries. "She's scared of getting hurt."

Montag was even pitched by her agent to try to be the new host of the show before Brooke Burke took the job in 2008, and later to be a contestant on it.

But it was not to be ... nor will it ever be, with her declining relevance and eviscerated physical state. She is literally scarred for life - all over - at this point.

Shame, too, given girlfriend's big financial problems.

by Free Britney at . Comments

We spent much of December looking back at the stars, stories and celebrity scandals that made 2010 so memorable. Now we look ahead to a brand new year.

Some scandals will come out of nowhere. Some celebs will make news for reasons we can't predict, and random people will become stars of the gossip world.

Still, there are some potential stars, feuds and topics we already have our eye on. Here are 11 Hollywood news stories to keep your eye out for in 2011 ...

Up Klose with Kim

Is this the year people tire of Kim and the 'Tag? Was that 2007-2010?

11. The Michael Jackson trial. Will Dr. Conrad Murray be held criminally liable for the death of the King of Pop in a precedent-setting manslaughter case?

10. Reality bites. Oh, but you know you still watch. The question? Will the Jersey Shore cast, Kardashians and Real Housewives get bigger, or fade away?

9. Repeat offenders. Will the likes of Floyd Mayweather, Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan get it together for their own good, or keep effing up for ours?

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Hills star Heidi Montag sought perfection when she underwent 10 plastic surgery procedures in one day late last year. Safe to say that didn't work out.

"Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did presurgery," she tells Life & Style in the tabloid's new cover story. "This is not what I signed up for."

The Pratt Family

That's just too bad... except that it's EXACTLY WHAT SHE SIGNED UP FOR. You don't go for a routine physical and stumble into this by accident, idiot.

Look what they did to me! Feel sorry for me!

Only Heidi Montag would try to have a plastic surgeon make her into a human Barbie doll, then decide that might have been going a little overboard, then try to play the victim and milk it for even more publicity and money later.

Makes it difficult to feel very sympathetic, we'll be honest.

In the magazine, she details her plastic surgery disaster:

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by Free Britney at . Comments

LMAO. At this point, that's about all we can muster when we see stories about Heidi Montag and her myriad plastic surgery debacles. What a joke.

Just to recap, the reality star underwent countless operations to become the human Barbie doll, all in the name of becoming/remaining a celebrity.

Spencer and Heidi: Photographers

When that didn't work out, The Hills got axed and she went broke, she began working the reverse angle ... milking this "disaster" for sympathy!

There's nothing new about this cover story. NOTHING.

Spare us next week, Life & Style. Every Heidi Montag plastic surgery story has already been done. Wow, she had botched implants? Who knew?! Shocker.

Seriously, revealing her scars? That's the best you've got? We'll jump at the chance to ridicule Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Pratt, but give us SOME material.

Also, nice tease for Prince William, Kate Middleton and “Why They Split.” Last we checked, they got engaged quite recently and remain happily so.

Great work, editors. Virtual pat on the back.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The celebrity sex tape. It's become as common as a Lindsay Lohan trip to rehab.

As has been the case ever since Paris Hilton experimented with a camera and a dream, 2010 was yet another year filled with aspiring amateur porn stars, all of whom used the power of their genitalia to make headlines and increase bank accounts.

Below, we present the first-ever THG Sex Tape Awards, handed out to the real, the rumored and the downright disgusting...

Most Despicable: The year kicked off with a rumor that John Edwards actually filmed a sexual encounter with Rielle Hunter. We scoffed at first, but it was then proven true. Horribly, depressingly, incomprehensibly true.

Rielle Hunter, No Pants

Most Likely to Involve Roses, Drama: Bachelor castoff Rozlyn Papa was kicked off the show for fondling a producer. No surprise that she likes it in front of a camera.

Least Clothed Use of Performance Enhancement Drugs: Mindy McCready, Baseball Mistress.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag's mother, Darlene Egelhoff, has enlisted a new and powerful ally in her quest to help her estranged daughter agree to a reconciliation:

Radar Online.

Egelhoff and Montag haven't spoken since they shot an episode of The Hills during which Egelhoff said her plastic surgery-addict daughter didn't "look good" after undergoing ten procedures in one day. That was nearly a year ago.

Heidi and her mom used to have a warm relationship (and money).

But in an open letter to Heidi, published on the aforementioned gossip blog, Egelhoff reveals that she too battled body issues and eating disorders.

She tells her she won't "find herself" or "purpose in the superficial" and wants to bury the hatchet with her daughter and husband Spencer Pratt.

"It's time for all of us to heal," writes a sanguine Darlene, who has been imploring Heidi to show some respect on her blog. Read her letter here:

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag's estranged mother, Darlene Egelhoff, may not be on speaking terms with the former Hills star. But she sure is blogging like a madman.

In her latest effort on Metamorphosis of a Mother, she blasted her daughter, taking the plastic princess to task and saying it's time to show respect.

Egelhoff wrote that for a time, she'd "decided to leave Heidi out of my blog because I had heard second hand she was accusing me of 'using her.'"

Heidi and Darlene had the mother of all fallings out.

Now says she believes her blog actually benefits Heidi Montag “and if anything helping her image.” Well, sure. There's nowhere to go but up ...

Last month, Heidi’s husband Spencer Pratt labeled Egelhoff a “hypocrite” who was just interested in trying to piggyback off her daughter's fame.

In her response, Egelhoff tore into her daughter.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Short on cash to pay for security and worried about the dangers this world may throw at her, Heidi Montag is dedicating all her efforts to self-defense.

“I can’t afford security, so I practice self defense and chain punching,” she tells Radar Online, noting that she's learning martial arts to protect herself.

Although she used to have a posse of bodyguards on hand, as her breasts have ballooned, she and husband Spencer Pratt have fallen on lean times.

Gettin' it LOOSE

GETTING LIMBER: Heidi preps with some yoga. [Photo: Pacific Coast News]

“I have spent millions in security in the last four years because I had to take care of the cost myself. It’s crazy and it’s hard, but life is not always fair."

Poor baby, blowing untold sums of money on wholly unnecessary things. Surely her plastic surgery obsession didn't factor into her financial woes at all.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag, who infamously underwent more than 10 operations in one day, is now sharing the painful memories and emotions of a journey for perfection.

In an ABC Primetime Special titled "Celebrity Plastic Surgery Gone Too Far?" airing last week, the plastic princess said she felt she would "die out of pain!"

"I thought that first night that I came out of the hospital I was going to die out of pain," Heidi Montag recalls now. "I looked like I was hit by a truck."

Heidi Pops Out

We can't believe it either, Heidi. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Montag has now confirmed most, if not all, of her surgeries this year:

  • Nose job
  • Brow lift
  • Chin shaving
  • Back scooped out
  • Ears pinned back
  • Lipo on inner/outer thighs
  • Fat injected into her cheeks
  • Absolutely hilarious, FREAKISHLY GIGANTIC breast implants

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