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As Jennifer Armstrong of Entertainment Weekly notes, it was almost as if we were watching the wrong show Monday night, what with all the signs of sense popping up around our girls on The Hills:

"I feel like Jason like broke me," Lauren said, explaining for the 48th time that she's reeling from the breakup with Jason Wahler and not "feeling" Brody. Yet

Heidi Montag with No Makeup!

Then Heidi said she thought it was about time she make amends with one-time BFF and current rival Audrina Patridge, scoffing,

"What are we, in high school?"

Apparently her obnoxious beau (and the cause of the Audrina rift), Spencer, still is. He showed his true colors last week, and this episode is no different.

Like when Heidi Montag's co-worker, Max, warned her that she might be criticized for the adorable, yet skimpy white sundress she wore to the office.

Spencer, like, totally got in the dude's face when they showed up for lunch at the same restaurant (another strange Hills coincidence).

"Do you have any idea what I'm gonna do to you, bro?" Spencer said, nearly running poor Max into oncoming traffic. This after a lunch full of Spencer doing preemptive damage control on the impending Heidi-Audrina summit, warning Heidi that she's gotta think about her motives.

Translation: Don't believe Audrina when she tells the truth about Spencer macking on her when he was with Heidi. The light (slowly) started to dawn on Heidi by the time she got through her dinner with Audrina.

"I'm really sick of people saying to me, 'Watch out for Spencer, watch out for Spencer,'" she said. But then Audrina told her Spencer had been calling her in the last few weeks, and when she said, "Be careful with him," Heidi seemed to actually be giving it some thought.

"I don't know when I got so jealous," Heidi said as she packed for a trip home to Colorado. This was right after a not-so-subtle request that Lauren Conrad do a little bit of spying on Spencer in her spare time that weekend.

Then, our girl Heidi accidentally - riiiiight - missed her flight and forgot to tell Spencer about it! Naturally, she showed up unannounced at the club, where Spencer was engaged in an intense conversation about naked picnics (really) with three blonde Playboy models he and Brody Jenner were rolling with that night.

Brody, ever the smooth operator, went immediately to Lauren, hugged her, and said: "You didn't crash anybody's night. If anything, you just made my night."

Spencer, on the other hand, accused Heidi of being sneaky, asked her why she was being rude, and proceeded to resume his naked picnic discussion.

Finally, Heidi had enough, which means she ended up sprawled on the sofa back home, in sweats and puffy eyed, while Lauren did some first-rate BFF duty.

"I was really falling in love with him," Heidi bemoaned.

As long as Heidi's around, there will never be too much good judgment on this show. But does this mean she and Spencer are officially over? We'll probably find out next week on The Hills... and we'll definitely be watching again then.

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On the hit MTV series The Hills, Heidi Montag plays the role of Lauren Conrad's supportive BFF - and the romantic rival of ex-pal, Audrina Patridge. That biatch!

But in a surprising and candid interview with Us Weekly, Heidi Montag boasts she's even prouder playing a scantily-clad blondie in an 8-page spread inside the March issue of Stuff magazine, which Us has - thankfully - obtained a sneak preview of (see below).

Heidi in Rehearsal

When not posing nearly nude, Heidi Montag has also been recording an album with producer David Foster - and is a little bitter about not being Stuff's cover girl.

"They said they couldn't put me on the cover until I was 21," said LC's confidant and pal on The Hills. "I guess advertisers don't like young girls being on the cover."

Montag, who played matchmaker by hooking Conrad up with bachelor-about-town Brody Jenner, reveals even more than her hot body in an interview with Us:

Us: What do you think about not being old enough for the cover?
Heidi Montag: "I do think it is unfair that I didn't get the cover because of my age, but I understand, and it gives me something to look forward to when I turn 21."

Us: Do you think the photo spread is sexy?
Heidi Montag: "Obviously, they are sexy. Mostly because I am hardly wearing anything! I was excited to show a side of myself that people don't get a chance to see just watching The Hills. Spencer Pratt (her manager-boyfriend and Hills co-star) definitely likes them!"

Us: What does Lauren Conrad think of the pics?
Heidi Montag: "She will probably think they are provocative, but hopefullly she will like them."

Us: Were you nervous about doing the shoot?
Heidi Montag: "I was definitely nervous about this shoot. It is my first big spread in any magazine and it was a very sexual photo shoot. I wore different swimsuits and outfits. The most provocative photos were either the ones in the pool where I am splashing around in the water, or the poses on the bearskin rug. I definitely had a lot of fun doing it."

Us: What's your message to your teenage girl fans by taking sexy photos like these?
Heidi Montag: "If they get a chance to do a [national magazine] photo spread [at my age], and they feel comfortable with their bodies, then they should do it. That's my message."

Us: So you want to be a pop star?
Heidi Montag: "I am working on my album right now. The sound is going to be very fun, fresh, sexy. It will be the Pussycat Dolls-meets-Gwen Stefani, with a dose of Fergie. I grew up dancing so there also will be a lot of performing. And a lot of my songs will be very sexual."

Us: Do you think Audrina is going to be jealous of your spread?
Heidi Montag: "Ha! I would be, but I honestly don't think she will be."

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Break out the champagne glasses. Lauren Conrad is officially 21!

That means she can put away that fake ID and actually drink legally at Hyde and the other clubs she goes to on a nightly basis. And thank God for that.

How Does My Butt Look?

In typical fashion, Lauren celebrated her 21st birthday in style last night with her buddies (and co-stars on The Hills) at an L.A. hotspot.

Below, Lauren is pictured with BFF Heidi Montag (top, with LC, and bottom left) along with Heidi's BFF Audrina Patridge, who's been getting on our nerves of late. Are you interested in Spencer or not? What's with the drama every time you see Heidi at the club? Luckily, there was no in-fighting among the gang at last night's special occasion.

Stunningly, Kristin Cavallari was not invited. No word on whether that Casanova Brody Jenner was able to make it, or if he was too busy boinking Lindsay Lohan.

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Oh, man, is that Brody Jenner a smooth operator.

No wonder he can date any reality star he wants. No wonder he went - as Lauren recapped on Monday on The Hills, and we reported a while back - straight from Kristin Cavallari to Nicole Richie.

Heidi Montag Playboy Cover

You can see why. When a guy with the big brown puppy-dog eyes is insisting that "you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," well, you want to believe him enough that you do. At least a little.

This is The Hills, after all.

At any rate, that two-timing game his pal Spencer ran on Heidi Montag and LC's pal Audrina continued to wreak havoc for the third straight week. If this dude looked half as good as Brody, it might make sense. But let's face it, he's no prize.

Audrina's characterization was all too fitting.

"He's a dirtbag," she told her friend at work. "[Heidi] is obviously just getting played."

The played one, however, was having none of it. She refused to invite Audrina to her big birthday shindig, for which she, incidentally, wore a black tutu, a barely existent halter top, and a crown.

"I'm an American princess," Heidi cooed, thus erasing any trace of sympathy we might have for her in this love-triangle situation.

Audrina broke protocol by not only showing up at the party uninvited but also confronting Heidi about their tiff in a calm, rational manner.

Naturally, that could only end up one way: with Heidi blowing her off, some random friend named Jen chastising her further, and her leaving in tears.

Brody and Lauren Conrad, meanwhile, played down any interest they might have in dating each other.

"Lauren is so your style," Spencer said to Brody, who replied, "I just got out of a relationship like a week ago."

Across the room, Lauren - still reeling from her breakup with Jason Wahler - was saying to Heidi, "I'm so not ready... I do not want to date anyone."

Instead, Lauren took on some diplomatic duties and attempted to negotiate peace over lunch with Audrina the next day (dragging poor Whitney along as a human shield). But the result was awkward silence punctuated by Audrina's occasional explanations of her behavior at Heidi's birthday. Later, we get the scoop from Lauren and Heidi:

Heidi Montag: What's gonna happen if you see her out?
Lauren Conrad: I'll say hi like anyone else.
Heidi Montag: But it's a mutual thing?
Lauren Conrad: Yeah.

Well, then. That settles that.

Surprisingly, Spencer voiced our feelings on the subject most succinctly when, somehow, our fearless double-daters showed up at the same club as Audrina.

"It's like, who cares?" he said.

Indeed.

Brody, for one, wasn't caring a bit â€" he'd cornered Lauren and was plowing straight through his list of painfully sincere lines.

"I like you," he said. "I want to hang out with you."

Suddenly, Heidi was saying, "Where'd Lauren and Brody go" and we're taken to Brody's sweet condo. And what was he saying? What else?

"There is nowhere else I wanna be right now," he said, going in for the kiss.

To Lauren's credit, she did the smart-girl thing and called him out.

"You're a cheeseball," she replied, but did add, "I love seeing you smile."

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Come on, Heidi Montag.

We fully expected that we'd be yelling at the TV Monday night. Don't get us wrong on that. But we expected that the subject of our ire would be Spencer the boyfriend, not his lovely lady. But after watching last night's episode of The Hills, we are sorry to say we actually feel some sympathy for him.

Whoa! Never Saw That Coming!

After last week's pregnancy scare turned out to be a false alarm, Heidi's first response was to call Spencer and lead him on to think she was knocked up.

"I took a pregnancy test, and...

[wait for it... waaaaaaait for it]

... I'm not pregnant."

It was gratifying to see that smug smile momentarily wiped off Spencer's face, but he didn't deserve to get f*%ked with like that. He regained his footing fast, though, lying about Audrina and telling Heidi he would be testing her from now on. True to his word, next time we saw him he was asking Audrina out on a date.

The following morning, Heidi explained her motivation to Lauren, who, bless her little heart, rolled her eyes through the entire conversation:

"If he was gonna react wrongly, then I wouldn't want to be with him," Heidi said.

"I don't think there's a right way to react to that, though," replied a suddenly sage Lauren Conrad bluntly.

The rest of the episode was about Lauren, who was sent her off to work at a fashion show by swimsuit designer Ashley Paige. As soon as Lauren arrived at Ashley's, she was set upon by the flustered designer and a series of underworked assistants and interns who began ordering her to do stuff they could just as easily have done themselves.

Like answer the phone. The Hills is supposed to remind you of The O.C., not Punk'd, but based on Lauren's exchange with Ashley, you might be confused.

In the episode's third story line, Heidi set up Lauren to go on a date with Brody Jenner. Yes, that Brody Jenner.

According to Heidi, he is like, Spencer's best friend. Yeah, this show isn't staged or anything.

Regardless, Lauren wasn't having it at first, telling her that any man who used to be with Kristin Cavallari is off limits to her:

"Heidi," LC sighed. "He's been touched by Kristin. He's, like, tainted."

Oh. Snap. She. Went. There.

Sadly, it turns out, Brody seems to have somehow been tainted by another former Laguna Beach star: Jason. Ouch. Watching Lauren and Brody struggle through their dinner and fail miserably at first-date banter and then sit there mutely and smile at each other was a painful flashback to Jason Wahler.

Really, we thought Brody had more in him than this crap. No wonder Nicole Richie wasn't that into him either. And that's saying something.

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Lauren Conrad, Laguna Beach alumna and star of MTV's The Hills, is featured by People Magazine in a photo special previewing her reality show's second season - which starts tonight! Here are the exclusive photos and the details she dished:

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag at Area

Lauren, 20, and roomie Heidi Montag, also 20, sit down to lunch at Mauro's Café at Fred Segal. Conrad, who's been going out "most nights" (her fave club: Les Deux) since ending her tumultuous romance with Jason Wahler and a brief fling with Brody Jenner, says of Wahler, "I've tried several times to be like 'let's just be cool and be friends'... But then I'll see him somewhere and he'll just be rude to me." Ass.

At Ron Herman, Conrad pulls several dresses to try on for her appearance later on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote the new season of The Hills. "Whatever catches my eye," Conrad says of her shopping strategy.

Lauren Conrad tries on several gowns, including a $528 Yigal Azrouel blue halter frock ("It's a great color, but don't you think it looks like a potato sack?"), but ultimately settles on a black Jill Stuart cocktail dress. "I love the frilliness of this," she says as she takes a twirl. Later, Conrad looks poised as she and Heidi Montag arrive backstage at the Kimmel show.

At her apartment, Conrad gets makeup for her guest spot on the ABC late-night show. "I normally do my own hair and makeup," says Conrad, who despite being admittedly bad at dating, says she isn't what you'd call a drama queen. "I'm not a diva."

During her interview with Kimmel, Conrad tackles questions about the new season, her rival Kristin Cavallari ("Everywhere I go, people ask me about her... I just don't understand it"), her tattoo (she's changing the J, for Jason, to an L) and the new season.

"It was really easy," the Laguna Beach alumna boasts after the show, before heading out with her parents to grab dinner. Good luck this season, Lauren. Good luck.

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Lauren Conrad made out like a bandit with mad loot at the VIP suite set up as part of the ongoing pre-Golden Globe festivities. The awards will be given out Monday. Check out these pictures of the pretty and very much in-demand Laguna Beach alum:

Paparazzi Lovers

Lauren (with pal Heidi Montag) is gearing up for the second season of her Laguna spinoff, The Hills, which debuts on MTV next week!

To commemorate this major television event, MTV held a launch party at the hot club Area for The Hills, and the stars came out. So did quote-unquote producer J.R. Rotem, Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear), Lauren's ex Brody Jenner, and Kim Kardashian, among others.

We can't wait to watch all the drama unfold in Season 2. What will happen with Lauren's career after she gave up that major opportunity to stay with Jason Wahler - who she later broke up with? Is Heidi going to get a new boyfriend?

We'll have to wait and see. But we will be there with exclusive recaps and analysis, you can guarantee that.

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Laguna Beach alum and certifiable cutie Lauren Conrad attended the Silver Spoon Holiday Party at Dolce on December 18. With Lauren is her BFF, Heidi Montag. See below:

Fake Heidi Pic

Heidi joined Lauren as a co-star of The Hills, the spin-off series staring Conrad after she graduated from high school on Laguna Beach. Lauren may be bad at dating, but following her as she embarked on a fashion career and adjusted to life after Laguna was totally awesome.

The first season of The Hills was a smash hit, and T.H. Gossip is excited to learn that Season 2 premieres Monday January 15, at 10 p.m.

We're excited as long as Jason Wahler doesn't attempt a comeback, that is. Enough is enough with that ass clown. We would be open to open to a potential cat fight between Lauren and Kristin Cavallari, however. Just saying.

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No, we're not talking about the famous anatomy textbook. Nor are we talking about the hit TV series Grey's Anatomy. We're merely trying to make a play on words involving the gray sweaters worn by the three lovely ladies below. Okay? Everybody clear on that? Nice.

The Battle For Heidi

Today's fashion tip of the day is that neutral tunic-style dresses are the perfect transitional piece for fall, allowing stars like (left to right) Bridget Moynahan, Sandra Bullock and The Hills' Heidi Montag to stay cozy and cool all at once.

As for Heidi's BFF, former Laguna Beach and current Hills star Lauren Conrad, the only thing she's wearing these days is Brody Jenner. Oh. Snap.