by Free Britney at . Comments

It's great to have Heidi Montag back, gaunt and plastic as she may be.

The Hills alum is teaming up with other annoying reality stars Danielle Staub (The Real Housewives of New Jersey) and Jake Pavelka (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Dancing With the Stars, Bachelor Pad) on a new show.

Yes, we're serious.

"People think I'm this train wreck that hasn't wrecked yet," Mrs. Spencer Pratt informs the camera. "Little do they know, I actually have a brain."

She's right ... we really didn't know.

In this clip from Famous Food, which debuts July 10 on VH1, Heidi Montag meets her new costars, who will work together to launch a restaurant.

The Sopranos' Vincent Pastore meets the aforementioned trio and, after mistaking Danielle and Heidi for hot chicks, shoots down her first idea.

High-end Mexican or not, Heidi & Co. will work with restaurateurs Mike Malin and Lonnie Moore, who will judge their efforts. We can't WAIT.

Check out a sneak peek here:

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Runaway bride Crystal Harris was called out by Holly Madison for living it up at Wet Republic in Las Vegas just days after dumping Hugh Hefner.

Harris' co-attendee in Sin City, Heidi Montag, also turned heads at the pool party.

Showing off a slender look she reportedly achieved by working out for 14 hours a day, Montag not only looks plastic, but slightly anemic now:

Gaunt and Plastic

Heidi Montag, who had countless plastic surgery procedures done in 2009-10 (we really did lose count), debuted her new "look" at Wet Republic.

"I've been working out from, like, 5 a.m. to 7 p.m. for two months now. I've been working out really hard because I had this pool party," she said.

"I was like, I have to be in shape. I was actually a lot overweight. It was the most I've ever been because I've kind of been in hiding eating pie with my husband [Spencer Pratt] and puppies, so I needed to get back in shape."

Botox Barbie says she went from 130 pounds to 103.

"I've been running a lot, and doing weights," the former reality star said. We can see that. It's not like she has any sort of career to take up time.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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Spencer Pratt is apparently still around. And furious at Virgin Mobile over its faux celeb spokes-couple "Sparah," which he says is blatantly copying Speidi.

Virgin's new ad campaign is built entirely around a fake Hollywood couple called "Sparah," a mashup of the names Spencer and Sarah. Sound familiar?

Pratt is pissed that he and Heidi Montag have become the butt of a national joke. Not because of pride or hurt feelings, but dude wants to get paid for it!

3 Boobs

Sparah Speidi at an event last year.

According to Spencer, Speidi is so getting ripped off. "They should being paying for using our likeness. It's obvious they are trying to be us," he says.

Pratt doesn't stop there, adding, he and Heidi "hate" Sparah ... "It's nuts how much [Virgin is] promoting them, when they are obviously copying us."

It's an interesting legal question. Even if Speidi did inspire Sparah, can you sue someone for mocking you? Lindsay Lohan has probably tried ...

[Photo: WENN.com]

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It seems unthinkable for this terrible tandem, but Spencer Pratt is not permitted on or anywhere near Heidi Montag's new reality show Famous Food.

Producers of Heidi's show - on which she, Jake Pavelka, Ashley Dupre and other has-beens manage a restaurant - are serious, too. Spencer is banned.

Pratt has been disallowed on set since day one, and Heidi Montag herself agreed to the injunction against her better half (not that she had a choice).

Heidi, Spencer on the Move

PERSONA NON GRATA: That's what Spencer is on the set of Famous Food. And presumably many, many other places in and around Southern California.

The producers were adamant that Spencer wasn't allowed on the set, near the set, or to be involved in any way, and Heidi agreed to keep him at bay.

We're told Spencer has behaved himself so far - it helps that he was briefly in a coma this spring - but you know it's just a matter of time with him.

[Photo: WENN.com]

by Free Britney at . Comments

Heidi Montag is back. Thank goodness?

On Lopez Tonight, the 24-year-old opened up about why she took six months out of the spotlight. Short story, no one cares about her she needed a break!

"I needed a break after such a crazy six years of my life," she said. "And [from] being in L.A. and Hollywood. I've been with my puppies and my husband."

Sweater Puppies

The ex-Hills star said that while her marriage to Spencer Pratt has played out on reality TV, she wouldn't recommend other people to follow in her footsteps.

"It's hard," she said. "[But] it's fun. I would never discourage any one from following their dreams and their passion, and obtaining any success is great."

Obtaining a fake nose, breasts and lips, though? Not so much.

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Who are Danielle Staub, Ashley Dupre, Heidi Montag and Jake Pavelka?

I'll take people who totally need to star in a reality show for $800, Alex.

Enormous Fake Boobs

Yes, this is really happening. The Real Housewives of New Jersey prostitution whore, actual prostitution whore, former Hills star and former Bachelor are filming a show called Cafe Med. They were seen on Sunset Plaza in West Hollywood, Calif.:

The premise for this ridiculousness? They are going into the food business together. Sort of. Cafe Med puts these reality stars under the pressure cooker!

"They are revamping a restaurant from the ground up," says a source on the set of the new VH1 series. "They started shooting it this past weekend."

The cast will be tasked with opening a restaurant in just 28 days.

Not a very long period, that's for sure. It's around the length of time Heidi Montag between plastic surgeries, or that Jake was engaged to Vienna Girardi.

[Photo: WENN]

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Charlie Sheen would approve of the job cellulite is doing here.

Just look at these Kate Gosselin, Heidi Montag and Britney Spears pictures. Time to hit the gym, ladies! Star Magazine is flat-out shaming you all here!

We kid. There's nothing wrong with cellulite, as it beats unnecessary plastic surgery. Kim Kardashian would surely agree ... then shill for QuickTrim.

Anyway, here's Star's latest cover, which won't win the celeb gossip rag any points for originality, but at least won't get them sued for $50 million:

Cellulite vs. Britney

LOSERS: Sorry, Heidi, Kate and Britney. Cellulite is opening a can of whoop ass on y'all. But we respect you for not getting any work done. Well, Britney at least.

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Spencer Pratt is apparently livid with Bravo's Andy Cohen for his verbal tirade against Heidi Montag, who he wasn't exactly kind to over the weekend.

Cohen referred to Heidi as "trash" and said he'd rather stab himself than see her on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills after she expressed interest.

"That trash is delusional and I would sooner stab ... knives into my eyes than see her on this network," he said, calling her the "Jackhole of the week."

Pissed Off Pratt

JACKHOLE! Spencer has issues with Andy. [Photo: Pacific Coast News]

Never one to miss an opening, Spencer was stunned by the hurtful comments about his wife, telling Radar Online, "Andy is clearly the Jackhole."

"You think you're special because you have your little talk show that's hurting in ratings doesn't give you special authority to bash a young girl."

"Maybe you have issues with women," added The Hills alum. "It's clear you you don't respect your talented housewives, always mocking them."

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To say The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills host Andy Cohen isn't a fan of bringing Heidi Montag on board the Bravo series would be a safe assumption.

In response to Heidi lobbying to join the Housewives next season, Cohen said he'd rather "stab knives into my own eyes." Tell us how you really feel.

Naturally, this opened the door for Montag to whine to People, and she did.

What a Giant Boob

"Andy's tasteless remarks were hurtful and completely unnecessary," Montag said, denying her comments were serious. "I was simply being playful."

"I'm aware I'm not the right demo for that show, but Andy Cohen took it to a malicious place. I have always been a fan of the Housewives franchise."

"I don't appreciate being bullied."

The harsh comments came from Cohen on his Watch What Happens Live late night talk show. Cohen also called Heidi and Spencer Pratt "delusional," for a Tweet that implied that she was in talks to appear on the show's second season.

The same can be said of her belief that she has musical talent.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Former Hills star Heidi Montag wants a role on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Easy to see why. They're rich and famous right now, she's neither.

Despite the fact that there's not a chance in hell it will ever happen, Heidi is actively pursuing joining Camille, Lisa, Kyle and their wealthy counterparts.

“We would move to Beverly Hills in a heartbeat. We'd be so psyched if this happened,” said her better half and fellow Hills star turned bad musician.

Damaged Goods

MAYBE 15 SURGERIES AGO: Sadly for Montag, there's no way the Housewives cast her. There's nothing Real about that body whatsoever. It's just not a good fit.

According to Radar Online, she and husband Spencer Pratt are going all out and his “people” are supposedly talking to the RHOBH honchos next week.

So Speidi will be Tweeting at them incessantly while Cougar Zank and Jenn Bunney walk up and approach the producers at restaurants? Good to know.

While adding Heidi and Spencer would garner big publicity, Bravo doesn't seem to be lacking for that as is ... and would they want to deal with Speidi?

We doubt it. Stick to your "music" careers, guys.