Heather Mills

Paul McCartney has four children. One daughter turned three years old over the weekend.

The other wants to kill her ex-step mother, Heather Mills.

We'll start with the non-homicidal news: At the third birthday of their daughter Beatrice in East Sussex, England, the feuding couple played nicely together, according to published accounts.

It was like they were Sara Evans and Craig Schelske in court.

However, McCartney and Mills left separately, with Paul taking away Beatrice in a chauffeur-driven car around 10 minutes before Heather took off with some leftover birthday cake, Britai's Hello! magazine states.

One mother, whose son happened to be at the children's center as the party was wrapping up, told Australia's Melbourne Herald Sun newspaper:

"Bea looked lovely and seemed to be having a wonderful time. If I did not know what had been going on in their marriage in the last few months, I would never have guessed."

Not having as wonderful a time as McCartney and Mills go through a divorce? Sir Paul's adult daughter, Stella. In response to Heather's accusation that the former Beatle choked his late wife (and Stella's mother), Linda, the older McCartney said:

"I can't believe what she's doing, I'm going to kill her ... She's been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won't be happy until she destroys all of us - and our memories of our mother."

It's hard to argue with any of that. Or not to assume the ears of Anna Nicole Smith were burning when she heard the words "manipulative cow."

The wrath of Heather Mills will soon be felt by a pair of newspapers in Great Britain. No, this doesn't mean she'll be posing nude for them. We don't think.

Instead, the alleged former call girl and definitive current gold digger is suing the publications for "false, damaging and immensely upsetting" stories surrounding her divorce from Paul McCartney.

The law firm Mishcon de Reya named the Daily Mail and London's Evening Standard as the subject of legal proceedings, adding that a suit will also be filed against The Sun.

Mills, of course, is totally innocent in this whole ordeal - NOT!

She's been using the media all along for her own purposes. The suit seems akin to Jayden James Federline suing Sutton Pierce Federline for name infringment. In other words:

It doesn't make any sense.

Heather states she's been vilified in the media and is now being stalked by photographers. It alleges that other newspapers have also printed false statements, but the three listed would be the focus of the lawsuit.

"She cannot sue - for now, at least - every single newspaper that has published false, damaging, and immensely upsetting statements about her. She should not thereby be taken to have accepted that these statements are true," the statement read.

Associated Newspapers, the publisher of the Daily Mail and the Evening Standard, said the stories about Mills in both papers "were obtained by proper methods and in accordance with good journalistic practice."

"Our exclusive stories were extensively followed up in detail by all other newspapers and media outlets," it said in a statement. The publisher said it would deal with the legal claim "in the normal way."

Mills probably can't relate to that way. It would be like asking Mischa Barton to handle something in a non-anorexic way.

No, Paul McCartney didn't miss any key free throws at the end of a basketball game or forget the lyrics to "Hey Jude."

Instead, the chock job he's being accused of has to do with his hands around the neck of Heather Mills, according to the gold digger herself.

London newspapers claim a divorce document filed by Mills alleges that the former Beatle attacked her during their marriage. The legal papers also allegedly say McCartney was often drunk or high on drugs during the four-year union.

There's no truth to the rumor that Pete Doherty sent Sir Paul a bottle of champagne when he heard this.

The Evening Standard reports Mills filed a 13-page petition with the court in London, alleging, among other things, that McCartney "would not let her have an antique bedpan under their bed to save her crawling to the bathroom at night."

The nerve of that sick, torturous ex-Beatle!

There's also an allegation that McCartney "stabbed her with a wine bottle." Which we didn't even know was possible; but will soon experiment with the next time we see Brooke Hogan.
Geoff Baker, McCartney's former publicist, responded to the allegations by saying "Heather Mills is a complete fantasist and I would not believe her if she told me the sun set in the West."

Meanwhile, The Daily Mail reports that Mills claims in the documents that McCartney attacked her four times during their four-year marriage.

Allegedly, Paul also choked Mills and "forbade her from having an operation because it clashed with his holiday plans and called her an 'ungrateful bitch.'"

We'll refrain from taking sides, except to say this: take a look at the Heather Mills picture in this post. And ask yourself: Would you trust this woman over a Beatle?

Ben Amigoni must never have heard the song, "Gold Digger," by Kanye West.

How else to explain the fact that Amigoni had dumped his girlfriend for Heather Mills?

Ben is actually the fitness coach for Mills - but the two have been practicing yoga in the bedroom for some time now ... if you know what we mean. Now, the father of Joanne Bradford - who Amigoni broke up with - is speaking out.

"My daughter's broken-hearted. It was when Paul and Heather split the problems started," Bernard Bradford said.

"Let's face it, would you want your partner working one-to-one as a trainer like that when the customer's marriage has broken up? Straight away you'll be jealous.

"Ben's a young, good-looking bloke, and we ARE talking about Heather Mills here. I'll say no more than that."

Snap! Zing! Swish!

After three years together Ben, 22, and 23-year-old Joanne broke up four weeks ago following a string of heated arguments about his growing commitment to Mills.

Meanwhile, she's still battling for millions in a divorce case from everyone's favorite Beatle, of course. Fortunately, this Paul McCartney picture proves that Sir Paul is keeping the right, informative kind of company.

Finally.

We're sorry to be the ones to inform you, former great member of The Beatles, but you've been ... Heathered!

Evidently, Heather Mills isn't receiving any support in her current divorce from the man with whom she went through her prior divorce.

Alfie Kamal addressed Sir Paul McCartney when he said:

"We have both been Heathered. If she took out of the marriage what she put in, she would walk out with minus a million bucks."

Kamal was married to Mills in the late 1980s.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump felt the need to chime in. This is a (VERY rich) man who knows about divorce. On his Trump University blog, Martha's Stewart best friend wrote:

"I know I sound like a broken record but ... get a prenup. Don't believe me? Ask Paul McCartney what he thinks. I know he wishes he had one."

Oh yeah? Not everyone is so greedy, Mr. Apprentice guy. Just look at Nick Lachey as a man who understand what's important in life.

Stop us if you've heard this one before: Heather Mills poses nude and the photos are ogled by the public.

Well, it may be hapening again. According to reports, Mills could soon be taking time off from her loony home video to pose nude ... for a man she fired years ago.

Geoff Baker worked as a publicist for Paul McCartney for 15 years until Heather insisted her then-husband dump him in 2004. Now, Baker has offered Heather a modelling job for the cover of a new single for a band he manages, Purplemelon.

Well aware of the criticism Mills has received for those aforementioned sex photos, Geoff said he'd be sure to bring "a touch of class" to the shoot.

It was for that reason, we surmise, that Baker didn't ask Lindsay Lohan to pose.

At least it's not a sex tape.

That's about the only positive spin we can put on the latest Heather Mills news. Reports state that the former Mrs. McCartney has been filming a video diary of events surrounding her divorce from Sir Paul.

That's just weird. Friend and fellow fur enemy, Paris Hilton, must've given Mills such advice. She knows a lot about making home movies.

According to The Daily Mail, Heather is typically behind the camera, recording the media interest in her life, but at other times one of her assistants takes her place to film key moments, such as when Mills was locked out of Paul's London home; or when she found out their joint bank account had been frozen.

It's the sort of coverage you can entertain dinner guests with for years to come.

A source close to Mills told the newspaper:

"Heather feels that her life has become a bit of a pantomime circus since the split. She is being hounded by paparazzi and has no privacy anymore. Originally she set out to film the photographers at work, to prove what a nuisance they are. Now things have moved on and it's turned into a diary of what happens to her every day."

The same source said the former call girl considers herself "something of a documentary film maker." Kevin Federline also considers himself something of a rapper.

McCartney, however, is worried Mills will use the material to help sway public opinion in her favor.

"Paul was initially happy about Heather filming. His only concern was that she shouldn't film little Beatrice. But now the gloves are off, Paul is worried the filming might be used as just another weapon in Heather's armory," a friend said.

What do you think of the latest from this saga? Whose side are you on?

Ok, so Charles Stapley didn't continually scream that phrase into a phone and follow it with, "I love black people!" But his point wasn't very different from that in Jerry Maguire.

The step-father of Heather Mills, Stapley believes Heather is entitled to 200 million pounds of husband Paul McCartney's money.

Mills is reportedly going after a quarter of McCartney's fortune, but Stapley doesn't believe that makes Heather a gold-digger. What publication would ever use that term to describe this former call girl?

"People are blinded by the sheer size of the money. But that doesn't make her evil. Why should £200million be considered excessive if a man has £800million?" Stapley asked. "Why should the size of the settlement be held against her? Why should she be branded a gold-digger?

"She didn't beg him to marry her. He was quite grown-up when he married her - he was 61 or something."

The man sort of makes a point. It's probably the same one Mills' famous lawyer will use as the divorce carries on.

Heather has not spoken to Charles since 1989 when Heather's mother Beatrice died and Heather married her first husband Alfie Karmal.

They fight like cats, they square off like dogs - and now Heather Mills and Paul McCartney hire lawyers like royalty.

In an interesting twist to the Most Antagonistic Divorce Ever, each side has hired a lawyer that was involved in the Prince Charles/Princess Di proceedings.

On Tuesday, the former sex slave Mrs.McCartney hired Anthony Julius, the attorney that represented Diana in her own split with the prince ten years ago. Perhaps because he's also sort of royalty, Sir Paul then signed up with Fiona Shackelton Charles' legal counsel in that matrimonial matter.

A decade ago, Julius won an approximately $3 million settlement for the Princess. Gold-digging Mills is after A LOT more than that from the ex-Beatle, however.

The lawyer arms race is only the latest development in the McCartney-Mills divorce saga:

Yesterday, Heather went to her husband's home, only to find herself locked out, a circumstance which her spokesman said she found "hilarious."

Here's something else funny about your client: she's friends with Paris Hilton!

Meow! Woof!

According to various sources, the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce is getting uglier and uglier. The former couple is now reportled fighting like "cats and dogs."

The Sunday Mirror says Paul has changed the locks on their London home, frozen their joint bank account and stopped fighting council plans to knock down the lakeside lodge on their estate where Heather is currently living.

But then where will Mills entertain all her gentleman callers?

A source told the newspaper: "It has really got nasty. This is war … Heather and Paul can't stand each other any more and they will fight for everything."

Here's an example of what some may refer to as "absurdly petty:" Heather was allegedly left "speechless" when she received a legal warning after their daughter Bea's nanny took three half-full bottles of cleaning products from their former family home to clearn Heather's new offices.

The warning ordered Mills not to take anything else from the home because the housekeeper was "distressed" by the disappearance of the items.

The source referred to the incident as "astonishing - all over three bottles of cleaning stuff. Heather was absolutely stunned." Of course, McCartney is rather stunned over Mills' gold-digging ways.

Being billed as "the most explosive showbusiness divorce ever," the entire situation has The Gossip downright giddy. And we thought the Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey break-up was fun fodder!