by Mischalova at . Comments

Heather Mills on Dancing with the Stars? That's just a rumor at the moment.

But Heather Mills as a one-legged act of violence against anyone that gets in her way? That's pretty much a fact.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

Seen here, the former call girl and former wife of Paul McCartney is kicking a camera man. We don't know why. He may have been rude. But Heather has a history of such behavior.

While other British women, such as Kate Middleton, react calmly in the face of adversity, Mills makes Suge Knight look like a pacifist.

by Mischalova at . Comments

We didn't know this year's Dancing with the Stars would be the one-legged ex-prostitute version.

Such a deveolpment is possible now that Heather Mills has been rumored to join the new cast of ABC's hit reality competition.

DWTS COVER-UP!

The ex-wife of Paul McCartney is used to appearing before judges, of course; but we're curious how she'd fare before the court of Len Goodman, Carrie Ann Inaba and Bruno Tonioli.

A source close to the show tells People magazine that the former model might just show off her samba skills, following in the footsteps of Harry Hamlin and Mario Lopez, when the fourth edition premieres March 19.

"She has not signed yet," an insider tells the publication. "But talks are ongoing."

Mills's rep declined to comment. Dancing with the Stars alum Jerry Springer will announce the new cast on Feb. 21. It's already rumored to include Joey Fatone and Ian Ziering.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It's still unclear if Heather Mills has received the divorce settlement we previously reported on.

But this much is apparent: Her sister may be as crazy as she is.

Heather M.

Indeed, Fiona Mills has launched a scathing attack on Paul McCartney and his alleged refusal to provide personal protection to his estranged wife and their daughter.

Fiona - who puts the good name of the princess in Shrek to shame - released a statement in which she claims her 39-year-old sister and niece Beatrice, 3, have received death threats - but have not been cared for like other members of the McCartney clan.

"The main reason that I am responding is that I am deeply concerned for the safety of my sister and her daughter," Fiona Mills writes on www.heathermills.org.

We assume she is yet to open a MySpace account is all.

"They are receiving death threats, not because she is getting a divorce, but because some of the British tabloids decided from day one that they wish to destroy her. ... Heather and Beatrice no longer receive the protection that would be afforded to any other member of the McCartney family facing such threats."

Maybe that's because Heather sucks. Or maybe the accusations toward Sir Paul aren't even true.

All we know is this: McCartney and Fiona should settle their differences like Anna Nicole Smith and Larry Birkhead. We'll even give the Beatles legend our Instant Messenger password if it'll help.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Heather Mills can finally rest easy: she's a very rich, one-legged woman.

Sir Paul McCartney has reportedly agreed to a $63 million divorce settlement with his estranged wife, ending a bitter six month battle over the former Beatle's vast fortune that kept us amused and enraged.

Ugly Hair

Mills can now return to milking more money out of other innocent souls. Milos Pogacar, you're next.

The singing legend has allegedly agreed to hand over his $7.8 million home in St John's Wood, London to the former model, as well as his $11.8 million mansion in Beverly Hills.

It's unclear who keeps the Heather Mills sex photos.

The out-of-court settlement means McCartney will never have to publicly defend himself against Mills' claims of physical abuse while she was pregnant with their daughter Beatrice in 2003.

We just hope the Kara Janx wedding has a happier ending than this.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We don't know Milos Pogacar, but we're gonna offer the ski instructor this piece of advice: Run for it.

If there's any truth at all to the rumor that you're getting back together with your ex, Heather Mills, we suggest you turn and leave as quickly as you can. We doubt she'll catch up to you. The woman only has one leg.

Ugly Hair

All this talk got started because Milos was invited to Mills' birthday dinner last week.

Once there, the former couple was spotted kissing and hugging, sparking the possibility that the short romance these two enjoyed 15 years ago may begin again.

Interestlingly enough, Ben Amigoni - another rumored flame of Heather - was at the party, too.

Referring to Pogacar, though, a friend told the Sunday Mirror: "Heather's always had a special place in her heart for Milos. We're thrilled for her. There's every possibility this could be the start of something new."

This same source said "Heather needs someone who also likes fitness and healthy eating." Being rich and a former Beatle doesn't hurt, either.

Milos and Mills chatted over the meal and then went dancing with the rest of the group at nearby Amour nightclub. Once there, Pogacar had to fight with a drunk Matthew McConaughey over who would take Heather home.

Just kidding.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Heather Mills kicked a nosy fan in the ass with her fake leg in a recent coffee shop fight. We assume this story pretty much speaks for itself, but let's delve into the details anyway ...

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

Reportedly, Emma Levy had tried to snap a pic of the former Mrs. Paul McCartney with her mobile phone in a Starbucks. From there, Mills - totally out of character, of course - flipped out.

"She jumped up, grabbed me by the throat and pushed me towards the door," Levy said. "She lashed out with her left leg, kicking me in the bum. I have a big bruise."

While we aren't fans of Levy's whining and don't doubt she was being a nuisance, it's difficult to side with Mills, the former call girl who lost her leg when she was hit by a police motorcycle years ago.

It would be akin to siding with Nicole Richie in her feud with food.

Fellow Starbucks customer, Hayleigh Sands, witnessed the incident. She makes Heather sound crazier than Crazy Joe Simpson.

"Heather's face was contorted with anger. She started rifling through the woman's bag to find her mobile phone. She broke down and started crying, ‘I do not need this right now. I am getting death threats, going through a divorce and bringing up a baby'.

Levy, meanwhile, said she reported the incident to police.

And a spokesman for Mills didn't deny it, but did claim Heather was provoked:

"She was taking private notes from a lawyer when a woman tried to take her picture. Heather suspected she was a journalist. She even admitted she was trying to make some money out of her. Heather did kick her up the backside - all the staff and customers started clapping."

As loudly as men everywhere at the notion of Tara Conner in Playboy? We doubt it.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Now that the mystery of nude Heather Mills photos has been solved, the next issue on the docket for Britain's favorite divorced couple involves a few pricier pictures.

Police were called to the country estate of Paul McCartney after his one-leggeed ex-wife reported the theft of paintings - including a Picasso and a Renoir - from the lodge they once shared.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

"We checked the premises, and spoke to Heather Mills (McCartney), and as a result it was found to be a civil matter between her and her husband," Sussex Police spokesman Paddy Rea said. "There's been no theft."

Mills called police Thursday night after discovering that paintings valued at an estimated $19.5 million had gone missing, The Sun newspaper reported Friday.

Turns out, however, that McCartney had taken the art work and reprogrammed the estate's alarm codes, informed his crazy ex Thursday night by text message.

Yes, apparently a former Beatle uses text messages. Maybe he couldn't log-in to his MySpace account.

Mills should be grateful Sir Paul didn't use Victoria Beckham's boobs as a weapon at least.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We warned the public a couple months ago. Now, one of our worst fears has sort of come true: nude Heather Mills pictures have been found.

Fortunately, they've also been returned to Paul McCartney, who we're guessing was hoping to never see such a bare sight ever again.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

Private photos of the former Beatle and Mills - including one of Mills in a bath wearing nothing but diamond earrings - were found dumped in a British garbage can.

The bizarre find also included pictures of Mills draped in a sheet in bed, with her artificial leg standing in a black stiletto nearby. That's about as hot as anything involving Anna Nicole Smith.

There are also pictures of McCartney's special moments with his and Mills' daughter Beatrice, causing us to wonder what the heck sort of photo album these all emanated from.

Tender photos of McCartney's first wife, Linda, on holiday in Australia were also in the bags.

"I'm very grateful to [British newspaper] The Sun for getting these pictures back to me," McCartney said.

So are we. The only thing we wish to see less than Heather Mills naked would be Paris Hilton's pussy.

Oh, wait. Too late for that.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Any time Lindsay Lohan is feeling down about her difficult life of partying and making lots of money in movies, she just has to look across the Atlantic to find an example of someone truly deserving of pity.

Heather Mills' Bad Hair

After all, Heather Mills was actually asked to sit in a wheelchair, instead of a buggy, this weekend. Allow us to explain:

According to Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper, Heather was overheard telling staff: "Have you got it in for me? This is vile! Why are you doing this to me? Don't you know I have only one leg? Why are you treating me like this?"

The 38-year-old, who was flying to Brussels last week, had expected to be taken to her departure gate in an electric buggy. But when a wheelchair was offered, a source said:

"Heather's face fell. She was mortified. She asked for an electric buggy but there was not one available.

"Eventually she decided to walk to the plane. Heather was clearly worried about how she would look being pushed in a wheelchair."

Certainly not like Cate Blanchett, we can admit that much.

British Airways has confirmed the incident with the estranged wife of Paul McCartney did take place.

Heather's spokesman said she had been offered a wheelchair, which she declined, but denies there was a dispute. This sounds more contentious than the Eddie Murphy/Melanie Brown baby dispute.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Sorry, Kanye West, there's a certain British female that claims your hit song doesn't apply to her reportedly selfish ways.

Despite ongoing accusations that she is, indeed, digging around for her ex-husband's gold, Heather Mills claims the English press has her all wrong.

Heather M.

"Eighty-five percent of my income goes to my charity. The word gold digger doesn't go with that," the profound Mills said to Extra. "If I was a gold-digger, I would have a lot of money in my bank account. I'd be worth millions and millions."

Mills also dared to claim she didn't marry Paul McCartney for his money:

"I'm a good mother. I'm a good person. I fell in love for the right reason. I fell in love unconditionally."

The conditions of her divorce, however, remain up for debate. But doesn't look as though Jimmy Fallon will waiver on his support for Sir Paul. Sorry, Heather.

In the Extra interview, Mills also denies rumors that she's having a relationship with her personal trainer, Ben Amigoni - "I haven't got a lover. At the moment, I'm focusing on my daughter. It's totally made up!" - and says she'll never marry again.

Finally, the blood-sucker credits recent weight loss to the vegan diet. She also says she's been developing "a vegan fast food chain and vegan food markets."

Kate Bosworth is already lining up outside the developments.