Heather Mills

Jamie Walker has either lost a wager, or he's the most ignorant man on the planet.

The Tenerife hotel employee is the new boyfriend of gold digger Heather Mills.

According to News of the World, Mills fell for Walker after she saw him caring for daughter Beatrice at the hotel.

"I'm under strict instructions not to talk about this," Walker said, under advice from a lawyer that's already drawing up pre-nuptial papers, we presume.

Jamie Walker is dating Heather Mills. We have no clue why.

According to a friend of Mills, "Heather is completely infatuated with Jamie. He is a gym junkie and Heather has been boasting his body is so much fitter than Paul's... She likes the way he is with Beatrice."

Sounds like the best new daddy money can buy. Way to go, Heather!

Heather Mills appeared on British morning show GMTV today. During her interview, the one-legged digger of gold and all-around terrible person essentially called out Paul McCartney for being a player.

"I think he's got three different girlfriends," Mills said. "So I wish all the girls the best of luck."

Turns out Mills can't keep her mouth shut, ever think of anyone besides herself or count: McCartney has only been linked to two women, actress Rosanna Arquette (briefly) and American businesswoman Nancy Shevell (currently).

Ignoring her addition error, Mills sniffed: "Better them than me."

We couldn't agree more, Heather. Now go the hell away.

Before you yawn (and/or vomit) over yet another Heather Mills nude photo, consider the difference in this image when compared with the numerous other pics of Paul McCartney's terrible ex-wife in the buff.

The gold digger's stump of a leg is on full display below.

The disturbing picture, taken by top fashion photographer Tony McGee in 1999, was originally meant to promote Mills' anti-landmine charity. However, she didn't publish it at the time because she feared McCartney's view of her might change if it were released.

Years later, Heather obviously doesn't care what anyone's view of her is anymore, as she throws water on attorneys, demands obscene amounts of money and tries to cock block Nancy Shevell at will.

Check out Heather Mills naked after the jump.

Heather Mills and Britney Spears are two different kinds of crazy.

The former throws water on attorneys in court and incessantly whines about deserving more money than most third world countries simply because she used to be married to Paul McCartney.

The latter, meanwhile, cares more about celebrity gossip attention than her children, while being clueless to the concept of underwear.

But it appears as though Mills and Spears have something in common: an affection for wigging out!

While Heather's choice of fake hair isn't pink, the following ensemble - which Mills wore earlier this week - is certainly the type Britney has been known to rock in public:

Heather Mills wears a wig to avoid her fans. Just kidding. She does so to sneak up on Nancy Shevell.

Be on the lookout, Nancy Shevell. A wooden leg might be flying in your direction any day now.

A friend of Heather Mills has told Great Britain's The Daily Mirror that the world's best known, one-legged digger of gold is far from pleased about Shevell's relationship with Paul McCartney.

"Heather's threatening to call and explain the dangers of dating a Beatle," the friend said, claiming Mills thinks she'd be doing this for Nancy's own good. "She had hell with the public hating her and reckons Nancy could too. Heather genuinely thinks she's doing Nancy a good turn."

Beware, Nancy Shevell. Heather Mills is on the prowl.

Moreover, this close, loyal pal of Mills says the former Dancing with the Stars contestant went nuts after hearing about Shevell and McCartney's recent vacation.

"She went ballistic when she found out. She's also terrified they're planning a baby - even though Nancy's not far off 50 - and thinks another child will detract from Beatrice."

The altruism of Mills never ceases to impress us. It's obvious she's just worried about Nancy and daughter Beatrice in this situation. What a terrible, no good, selfish, greedy, media-obsessed whore of a woman.

Just when you thought she might crawl back under the slimy rock from whence she came, Heather Mills' divorce battle with Paul McCartney may erupt again.

The legendary gold digger plans to return to court in a bid to get the gag order lifted on her case, according to the UK's Daily Star.

If she succeeds, Mills, dubbed Mucca because of her porn past, will make millions in media deals, on top of the tens of millions in gold she's already dug.

She was evidently left reeling by Mr. Justice Bennett's judgment last week, in which he branded her a "fantasist" who "wholly exaggerated" the extent of her personal wealth before she met Sir Paul McCartney, 65.

Heather Mills' lawyer yesterday described the judge's 58-page verdict as a "prolonged hanging" which led to her suffering "blanket vilification."

Solicitor David Rosen revealed: "Heather is frustrated... She feels it is very unfair that the judgment should be printed in full when she cannot defend herself. She's planning to apply to lift the ban. It was damning enough that the judge made his judgment so clear and vividly ... no-one deserves that. It's like a prolonged hanging."

Allow us a brief pause in which we cry Heather Mills a frickin' river.

Beyond what the judge chose to disclose to the press, the hearings were covered by a confidentiality agreement, enforced by a court order. That means neither party is allowed to elaborate on what was said in the case.

But the upcoming Miss USA judge argues that now the judge has lifted the lid on some details, she wants to be able to put all her side of the exchanges.

She wants every word that was said during the nine days in the court made public. And she wants to be free to say what she wants about it.

A source said last night: "If she succeeds, her interviews will make amazing viewing and Sir Paul had better take cover."

So, expect a deluge of Heather Mills naked pics then?

What's more unlikely than the recently released Kristin Davis nude photos being legitimate?

Heather Mills possessing any sort of qualification necessary to judge a beauty pageant.

Nevertheless, the spoiled, useless, gold-digging peg leg of an ex-wife to Paul McCartney has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant.

Heather Mills stares into the distance, wondering how she'll ever subsist on just $50 million.

Annoying Brother-sister duo Donny and Marie Osmond will be hosting the beauty pageant, which will air from Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, Nevada on Friday, April 11.

Yesterday, Mills was awarded about $50 million in her divorce settlement with McCartney - and then doused his lawyer with water after the verdict was revealed.

Heather Mills is standing tall.

Well, as tall as one can stand with a fake leg.

The evil ex-wife of Paul McCartney has declared herself "so, so happy" with her nearly $50 million divorce settlement from the singing legend, an amount that was finalized this morning in London.

There was actually a time when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were happy and... ah, who are we kidding? She was always after his money.

Despite receiving an enormous sum for being nothing but a spoiled ball and chain, Mills stood on the courthouse steps and could not let the issue slide.

"I am standing here because Paul is insistent on the whole judgment being put out. I've said that if the whole judgment goes out then all the transcripts have to go out because it's going to be written in a way that they will try and make it that I wasn't successful," she said.

Let is now be known: Heather Mills is a successful gold digger!

Heather Mills doesn't have the best reputation in Great Britain (or anywhere), but Londoners were stumped when Heather's face for some reason popped up all over London - a series of naked pics on call-girl flyers! Check it out ....

Fake or not, Heather Mills is seriously nude in these enticing advertisements!

The photos are actually part of a random, guerrilla marketing effort by the National Coalition of Anti-Deportation Campaigns, though we can't imagine Heather Mills' sordid, high-end call-girl past can be a coincidence.

We can't help but point out, also, that there are real, actual Heather Mills naked pictures out there, and not exactly in short supply.

Way to waste time faking them, morons!

On an unrelated note, this is the second most random (and slightly foul) story we've reported today, following only the Gene Simmons sex tape.

Forget the gold-digging Heather Mills for a moment.

Let's focus on the unfaithful Heather Mills.

According to Great Britain's News of the World, the former model had marathon sex sessions with film editor Tim Steel for six months while she was still married to Paul McCartney.

Steel says the former call girl would even show him texts from Sir Paul before she'd ravage him with her one leg and lack of morals.

"I didn't mind; I suppose I was flattered that Heather still wanted to have sex with me despite being pursued by this musical demi-god," Steel said.

So - gulp - what was Mills like in bed, Tim?

"Heather was insatiable between the sheets and she liked to call me her four-times-a-night guy. Our record was six," he said. "Most of the time it was multiple orgasms. Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone: her stump. I used to massage one particular sensitive area of it and give her an orgasm!"

That's grosser than the image of Holly Wellin providing Hillary Clinton with oral sex.