Gia Allemand

Jake Pavelka traveled to St. Lucia with his three remaining women on The Bachelor last night. Despite the best efforts of Gia Allemand and a last-ditch do-over request by Ali Fedotowsky, he narrowed the field to just two lucky ladies:

Tenley Molzahn and Vienna Girardi.

How did he arrive at this painstaking decision? As always, THG endured Jake's trials and tribulations on The Bachelor to recap the action in our point system:

The "shocking return" of Ali Fedotowsky was the hyped event this week. She lies in bed with promotional pics of Jake that Mike Fleiss gave her when he wrote this. Or she printed online because she's a stalker. Either way, Plus 30.

Back in San Francisco, Ali pretends to lament her decision.

Jake often calls Gia "deep." What does that even mean? Minus 6.

Jake says he'd return to St. Lucia on a honeymoon as it has "a lot of meaning." Hard to top the place where you slept with three girls in one week, it's true. Plus 5.

Gia: "When I look into Jake's eyes, I get lost." Jealous. Minus 3.

A Fantasy Suite card is delivered, they hop in the tub in the suite and Jake says "Gia has grabbed on to my heart so hard." He could not be more awkward. Plus 4.

Minus 8 because we really should have added "take a sip every time Tenley says 'my ex'" to our Bachelor drinking game. We could've been so trashed last night!

Jake says he can't wait to watch his first sunrise with Tenley Molzahn. Plus 6 because with these two, that probably actually is what they were thinking about.

In the span of about like minutes Jake refers to Vienna Girardi as light, fun, immature, and "nurturing." LOL wut. This is your future wife, Jake?! Minus 17.

Vienna Girardi mauls Jake Pavelka. No wonder she's in the finale.

After inhaling Jake's face aboard a pirate ship, Vienna busts out her finest Wal-Mart lingerie and closes the suite door. Plus 3, because at least she goes for broke.

Re: the fantasy suite concept: Do girls put out when he's "dating" two others? We're guessing definitely Vienna and maybe Gia. No bone zone for Tenley. Even.

Twist alert! Ali calls Jake (cameras just happened to be rolling) and says she'll "forever" regret her decision. Until she stars on The Bachelorette, that is. Plus 7.

Jake's absurd reasoning for not taking her back: he's so much closer to the other three girls since Ali left. Dude, this happened like yesterday afternoon. Minus 14.

A half hour of filler ended the episode, but Plus 4 for the over-dramatic, music-free cut to commercial while Ali cried. That's when you know it's emotional!

TOTAL: +11. SEASON: +12. Roses: Tenley, Vienna. Gone: Gia, Ali (again).

Who should Jake Pavelka give his final rose to?

Jake Pavelka toured the hometowns and met the families of his remaining four women on The Bachelor last night. From New York to Oregon, everything went well.

Until Ali Fedotowsky dropped the biggest bombshell in Bachelor history, that is. Well, except for last summer on The Bachelorette when the same thing happened.

The story editors really need to step it up. As always, THG endured Jake's trials and tribulations on The Bachelor to recap the action in our exclusive point system:

Gia Allemand says Jake's unlike anyone she's dated. Yup, he's that dull. Minus 3.

Erick, Gia's brother, is like a poor man's Pauly D from Jersey Shore. Plus 4.

Gia confesses was with a "bad guy" who cheated on her with all her friends. Wow, so Carl Pavano is not only wildly overpaid, he's a complete jackass. Minus 7.

Jake pretends to deliberate while looking at pictures from ABC.com.

Visiting New England in the late fall, Jake tells Ali that it comes to cold, "I'm a big baby." Replace "cold" with just about anything and that would be true. Plus 5.

Ali drags poor Jake to ... her deceased grandmother's empty house. To borrow one of the simplest, but most profound Liz Lemon quotes: "Dealbreaker!" Minus 3.

Ali's mom says she Googled Jake. THG ranks #1 when one does this. Plus 30.

Jake to Tenley: "I run everything I do by my parents." Groan. Minus 8.

Jake to Tenley: "You have to be a we." Swoon. Plus 9.

Tenley choreographs a ballet dance for Jake set to a traditional wedding march. We can't decide if genuine cuteness trumps extreme awkwardness, so ... Even.

Jake asks Tenley's dad for his blessing - while dating three other girls - and gets it! Why? Because he's "a man of integrity." On The Bachelor. LOL. Minus 48.

Farewell, Ali Fedotowsky ... or will you return?

For once, Vienna Girardi was not the focal point of the entire episode. Plus 12 for that, but an obligatory Minus 7 because her dad has some major screws loose.

The "bombshell" is Ali Fedotowsky going all Ed Swiderski on Jake Pavelka's Jillian Harris. She's gotta go back to work! Minus 100 for the absurd hype this got.

But Plus 86 for Ali crying in the hallway; Jake leaning over the banister. Ali pulling out of the rose ceremony, and Jake's remark: "All I have right now is hope."

While it's rather lame of Ali to up and leave, she probably made the right choice. Jake is pretty lame, and it's hard to get a new job in this economy. Plus 24.

In the promo for next week, the phone rings and it's ... Ali! Who would have guessed? Oh wait, us. Since this already happened on The Bachelorette. Minus 8.

TOTAL: -12. SEASON: +1. Roses: Tenley, Gia, Vienna. Gone: Ali ... or is she?!

Who should Jake Pavelka give his final rose to?

Gia Allemand is vying for Jake Pavelka's heart on The Bachelor, but she vied for men's attention in a different way when she posed for these racy Maxim pics!

It turns out Gia, one of Jake's final four remaining women this season on the reality show, wasn't kidding when she lists her profession as "swimsuit model."

Apparently, Gia Allemand stripped down for Maxim a few years ago after breaking up with her previous boyfriend, injury-proned MLB pitcher Carl Pavano.

Here's Pavano's previous "catcher" as you've never seen her ...

Gia Allemand: Bachelor hopeful and major heart-stopper.

It's hard to say if Jake Pavelka is a lateral, downward or upward move from Carl Pavano, who probably went on the disabled list after seeing these photos.

Three things are beyond dispute here, however:

1. This needs to come up during Gia's hometown date ... or else.
2. Carl Pavano is a freaking idiot for (supposedly) cheating on Gia.
3. Jake is a freaking idiot for (supposedly) choosing Vienna Girardi.

Click to enlarge more Gia Allemand pictures in Maxim ...

Vienna Girardi has The Bachelor all but wrapped up, if last night is any indication. Jake Pavelka is wrapped around her finger and the other girls are at their wits' end.

As always, THG staff members endured Jake's latest trials and tribulations on The Bachelor to recap all the action for you with our exclusive point system below ...

Tenley Molzahn gets the first of three one-on-ones with Jake. She tries to act very squeaky and cute. Plus 5. But Minus 7 because so does Jake, and he's a dude.

Corrie punks Ali by saying she and Vienna will be going on the two-on-one. In reality, it's Gia and Vienna, but Ali has a full-on hissy fit in front of Vienna. Minus 3.

Jake's #1 wife requirement is that she have his back, no matter what. That and Chris Harrison orchestrating unrealistic dates for him the rest of his life. Plus 4.

Nice turtleneck, Jake. Minus 2.

Okay, Jake, a little to the left... perfect! Stand there and act natural!

En route to her date with Jake (and third wheel Gia), Vienna Girardi pronounces the Castello vineyard "castle." Who says you can't judge a book by its cover? Plus 8.

Jake on dating two girls at the same time: "It's almost awkward." Not unlike our reaction every time he's on screen and tries to ad-lib off the cue cards. Minus 3.

Upset that Jake and Gia are alone together, pathetic Vienna desperately wanders through the estate in an attempt to find and cock block her "boyfriend." Plus 9.

Later, the girls go to bed ... until Vienna slips out for a rendezvous in Jake's room. A rendezvous Jake didn't know he would be attending. Obsessed much? Minus 4.

Jake on Vienna: "I definitely had dirty thoughts." Cringe. Minus 13.

Gia Allemand makes a strong impression. Team Gia/Tenley! Plus 3.

Corrie's date involved the two of them sitting silently in a rowboat, waiting to make a move. At least the outdoor scenery was nice during this nonsense. Minus 6.

This is Vienna Girardi. The other girls hate her so hard.

His date with Ali Fedotowsky? Not much better. We get it. You live in San Francisco and it's awesome. You hate that Jake likes Vienna too. Just STFU you catty ...

... okay, that blue dress is looking damn good on her. Even.

Why do the girls talk about Vienna 24/7 and rarely say what they like about Jake? Ali is the worst, and it's all growing tiresome. Minus 5, and Minus 6 more for the filler quotient this week, as this could've been condensed into one hour easily.

But at least that meant time for a host-pimp fireside chat, so Plus 3.

LOL at Vienna's hair during the rose ceremony. WTH is that? Plus 8.

TOTAL: -11. SEASON: +13. Roses: Tenley, Ali, Gia and Vienna. Gone: Corrie.

Who should Jake choose among his final four ladies?