by Free Britney at . Comments

This week's episode of Teen Mom taught us to expect the unexpected.

Ryan Edwards didn't give us much to criticize at all, while Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra were thrust into the role of taking care of their parent.

Farrah Abraham and Amber Portwood, meanwhile, were doing battle to protect their daughters from bad influences - and at times from themselves.

How'd it score in our system? Let's break down last night, THG style!

Tyler and Butch

Butch is out of prison and ready to get his "freak on." Just what you want to hear if you're the teenage son. Minus 7, but Plus 2 for that unreal mullet.

By committing battery against wife April, Butch has a restraining order against him. That's not about to stop April from picking him up from jail. Minus 3.

Plus 9 for Tyler's maturity, intervening when the situation called for it, and enduring Butch's taunts about Carly's adoption. And the stench. Had to be bad.

Also showing maturity last night? Ryan Edwards. Plus 8, because you could just sense that a nasty exchange with Kyle King was coming. Not the case.

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Three of the four Teen Mom stars moved in with their significant others on last night's episode. The lone exception, Farrah Abraham, lost hers years ago.

Of course, while Amber Portwood deals with that boob Gary Shirley, Farrah is focused instead on her new boobs and modeling career, not relationships.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

The Fair Farrah

On good terms this second, Amber and Gary move into a house. He's got a job doing "in-home health care." And apparently raiding people's kitchens. Plus 7.

No sooner does he proclaim "It's gonna be great," than a step in the house literally collapses under the weight of the moment. And Gary. Amazing. Plus 14.

His excuse: "pressed wood, ain't my fault." That's what they all say. Minus 2.

Before long, the squabbling begins, with Gary telling Amber, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." Producers? Fist-pumping. DCFS? Cringing. Wash.

Amber's brother, with whom they were supposed to meet up, warns, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day." More like every day. Minus 8.

Five words: Gary Shirley. Shirtless. Water park. Minus 12.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Having children while basically still children themselves can be tough going, but Amber Portwood, Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell and Farrah Abraham are taking life one day at a time and making the best of their situations.

The (sometimes) fabulous foursome is back for a new season of Teen Mom on MTV. Let's break down last night's third season premiere, THG style:

Farrah and Sophia Picture

Farrah Abraham is working hard! She's in culinary school, waitressing and modeling to make ends meet. No plug for the most anticipated book of the year, though? Golden opportunity wasted there. Minus 3.

"Being a good mother is a full-time job too," she adds. Yes. Plus 5.

Not sure what's more ridiculous, the fact that Farrah claims she's getting plastic surgery on her chest "for her daughter's future," or the fact that she wrote "Here for Boobs" on a medical form. We'll call it Even.

Farrah wants a "C you can see." Plus 4, we begrudgingly admit, because she is a model and this may help her support her kid, but Minus 8 for MTV now glamorizing plastic surgery and glorifying teen pregnancy.

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Gary Shirley, baby daddy and sometime-lover of Amber Portwood, says he's firmly in the Teen Mom star's camp as she recovers from her hospitalization.

That he even has to clarify this says a lot about their relationship, but so be it. The way things went down June 14, it wasn't a foregone conclusion.

Shirley, the voice on the Amber Portwood 911 call that resulted after she allegedly wanted to take her life last week, takes some of the blame for it.

He denies cheating on her, but admits his "childish and immature" actions and comments over the years were wrong and he fully supports her now.

Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood Picture

In the wake of her suicide attempt, Gary took to his Facebook to speak out in support of Amber and reassure everyone that he’s always in her corner.

“I have made threatening comments before yes ... but the last time was a year ago,” Gary writes on his Facebook wall. “I have grown up since."

"I really realized how much it hurts a mother and I’m deeply sorry.”

“I re-watch this stuff it kills me to see things I say or do and just how childish and immature I look. I’m very pro-Amber,” Shirley says of Portwood.

A source says Gary is “trying to keep his mind off stuff with Amber by filling his time with friends” since she was released from the hospital.

After undergoing a 72 hour “psychiatric evaluation” at St. John’s hospital, Amber Portwood is currently recovering at home in Anderson, Ind.

[Photo: Fame Pictures]

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Teen Mom star Amber Portwood was hospitalized Tuesday morning in her hometown of Anderson, Ind., after apparently threatening to take her own life.

The severity of her meltdown, as well as what directly caused it, remains unclear at this time, though several unconfirmed reports have surfaced.

Star reports that Portwood admitted taking pills yesterday, and that paramedics arrived to find her near-unconscious with a rope around her neck.

Poor Amber

However, according to the police report in the case, Portwood did not appear to be injured. She was in fact hospitalized for evaluation, however.

Amber's on again/off again boyfriend, Gary Shirley, raised speculation about the MTV star's motive in the apparent suicide attempt by Tweeting:

"Never cheated on Amber. She may have thought that I did, but I haven't. I will always love and respect her, even if we aren't together."

Whatever happened, it's almost par for the course for Amber.

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The drama never stops for Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley.

The troubled tandem, who will be returning on Season 3 of Teen Mom next month, saw their feud rekindled recently thanks to an unknown person.

Dammit Jenelle

An unknown person who spray-painted Amber's car with obscene language. That sucks, but why would it lead to a dispute with baby daddy Gary?

Well, this incident, along with death threats Amber received, prompted a judge to give physical custody of baby Leah to Gary, for her protection.

That ruling came with a provision that barred them from being in the same room with Leah together, so they can’t fight in front of the baby.

Yes, their relationship is that volatile.

Prior to this, the pair had been growing closer again, spending time with one another and exchanging suggestive Tweets. Then Gary Shirley got arrested, Amber's car got vandalized, a judge split them up and he blames her, etc.

What will happen next? All we can do is stay tuned. And call the cops.

[Photo: MTV]

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Teen Mom star Gary Shirley was arrested this morning. Incredibly, a fight with Amber Portwood wasn't the reason ... although they were having one at the time!

According to the police report, Shirley was arrested in Alexandria, Ind., at 1:34 a.m. on a Class A misdemeanor charge of driving with a suspended license.

“I observed a Silver Dodge stopped on the south side of Berry street. I could hear a female arguing with a male inside the vehicle ..." the report reads.

Gary Shirley Mug Shot

Gary Shirley had his picture taken earlier this morning.

Gary's booking photo instantly becomes one of the bigger celebrity mug shots in our gallery. And just so you know, we don't mean bigger as in the size of the .jpg file or severity of the criminal charges against him.

Apparently Gary's wooing of Amber with sexy texts didn't last.

“I asked the male sitting in the driver seat if everything was okay and he advised yes. The female also advised that everything was fine," the officer writes.

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Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood used to be engaged. No longer.

The big daddy has engaged his baby mama in a series of flirty, sexy text messages, however, prompting speculation that it might not be over yet!

Gary kicked off the online flirting with a Tweet last week at Amber, writing, "I love you so much. I miss u too. See you tomorrow beautiful girl.”

Amber, Gary, Leah Pic

He followed that with “I support you any day.” Later, a private response spurred Gary to Tweet, “your text is cracking me up your [sic] too cute.”

Amber Portwood appears just as much into it, Tweeting, “Awe babe love you too and I had a blast at Peppers it was great being w friends.”

Then Monday, Gary continued the lovefest: “miss u baby wish u were here with me I’d hold u all night. Ps I’m kissing u thru this tweet. Muaw.”

We think that's a kiss. Which is kind of gross. Get a room you two!

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Just two days after losing primary custody of her daughter, Leah, to baby daddy and occasional fiance Gary Shirley, Teen Mom wreck Amber Portwood partied it up with Shirley at a bar to celebrate her 21st birthday.

Pretty standard for the Anderson, Ind., couple.

Congratulations to Amber on reaching the big 2-1, and more importantly, for marking the milestone last Saturday but not getting arrested! Baby steps!

Amber, Gary, Leah Picture

Amber, Gary and Leah make one big, happy family. Emphasis on .. forget it.

We actually haven't heard much from Amber Portwood in recent weeks, which likely means she's staying out of trouble and getting her $h!t together.

Well, maybe not, but let's take a glass-half-full attitude in honor of her birthday, shall we? She could certainly use all the help she can get ...

[Photo: Fame Pictures]

by Free Britney at . Comments

Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood of Teen Mom fame are not together.

Despite many public sightings with his baby mama in recent weeks - sometimes, they even hold hands - Big Daddy tweeted Wednesday that he's single.

What a Messer

But, just FYI, "of course I got a [daughter] Leah no matter what."

Gary Shirley is back on the market, ladies. Adorable little girl included!

Portwood was charged with three felonies after an attack on Gary Shirley - likely not the first or last of its kind - on an episode of Teen Mom last year.

The Indiana native has been trying to turn things around of late, refraining from trashing Amber in the press and even vowing to lose 100 pounds.

Perhaps a new, more stable woman in his life is the next step.

Gary Shirley Biography

Gary and Leah Shirley Gary Shirley stars on the MTV show Teen Mom. He is the ex-fiance of Amber Portwood, and the father of her daughter Leah, who is 2. He is... More »
Birthplace
Anderson, Indiana
Full Name
Gary Shirley
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