by Free Britney at

Some celebrity couples are made in heaven, making their fans believe in romance, passion and everlasting love even at the highest levels of fame and fortune.

Just not these ones. Like at all.

In celebration of Valentine's Day, many romantic duos will celebrate with flowers, gifts, meals, dates and public displays of affection. Nauseating, but cute.

These couples, on the other hand, are best known for fighting - in the media, in person and/or on TV - and breaking up a lot. Sometimes with police involved.

Hey, when you're a celebrity gossip site, you can't function without the dysfunctional, so at least they bring the entertainment value and then some, right?

Here are 14 truly toxic twosomes that never should've been a thing:

14 Toxic Couples We Can't Believe Were a Thing
Rihanna and Chris Brown dated for two decent chunks of time, the first of which ending after he beat her senseless. Never a good sign. Nor was taking him back after that, but she's moved on with Drake ... thank goodness. Good luck, Karrueche!
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Rihanna and Chris Brown

1. Rihanna and Chris Brown

Rihanna and Chris Brown dated for two decent chunks of time, the first of which ending after he beat her senseless. Never a good sign. Nor was taking him back after that, but she's moved on with Drake ... thank goodness. Good luck, Karrueche!


Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil

2. Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil

Perhaps the most lethal of any love we've ever seen, Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil abused drugs so fervently that she could never recover from that viscious cycle, passing away at age 27. He, meanwhile, ended up locked up for a long time.


Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva

3. Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva

Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva weren't together long, and for good reason. These two went nuclear on each other ... well mostly him on her voicemail.


Jessica Simpson and John Mayer

4. Jessica Simpson and John Mayer

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer equals sexual napalm. That's never healthy. Only sexual.


Ronnie Magro-Ortiz and Sammi Giancola

5. Ronnie Magro-Ortiz and Sammi Giancola

Ronnie and Sammi from Jersey Shore. These two need no introduction. Just clips of them brawling. Of which there are plenty.


Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

6. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez had a long love affair that involved him taking her virginity and a whole lot of partying and frequent breakups, fights and general emotional turmoil. It's possible it wasn't meant to be. And by possible we mean obvious.


Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley

7. Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley

Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley of Teen Mom fame were fighting more often than not. Often, things even got physical between the on-off couple, and it was scary.


Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler

8. Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler

Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler break up on The Hills. It was a frequent sight. Very frequent.


Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi

9. Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi

The Bachelor couples rarely stand the test of time, but Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi were doomed from the start. Reliver their amazing public breakup and you will see why.


Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers

10. Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers

Jenelle Evans and Courtland Rogers, who are still technically married, were only together as a couple for a few months ... during which she aborted his baby and both were arrested for heroin possession and assault. They also feuded on Twitter a lot - even by her standards. Not healthy.


Britney Spears and Kevin Federline

11. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were married two years and had sex at least that many times, as evidenced by their two sons. How in the world did these two ever get married? Okay, we can grasp why K-Fed married her (see photo). Just not the reverse ...


Kim Kardashian and Ray J

12. Kim Kardashian and Ray J

Ray J hit it first, and he filmed it. The XXX-rated Kim Kardashian marked the end of the duo's relationship, though it catapulted her to fame, making it a net positive, we suppose. Ray then relased a song CALLED "I Hit it First," which is just hilarious.


Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas

13. Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas

Taylor Swift has had a lot of boyfriends and a lot of breakups. Joe Jonas is the only one to dispatch her via voicemail, however.


Farrah Abraham and James Deen

14. Farrah Abraham and James Deen

Okay, it was a fake relationship that she tried to pretend led to a leaked sex tape that was actually just a porno. But still, Farrah Abraham and James Deen simply DID NOT WORK as a couple.


Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston

15. Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston

There are no words.


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by Free Britney at

Amber Portwood and baby daddy Gary Shirley reunited this week following her release from prison, but they are not getting back together in a romantic sense. At all.

The former couple made it clear outside a Panera Bread restaurant in Indiana yesterday that despite hanging out, they are not giving the whole romance thing a go.

This is probably for the best.

Teen Mom fans don't need to be reminded that Amber Portwood was arrested for battering Gary Shirley in 2010, as MTV cameras were a-rollin' (above).

It did not go over well.

Portwood went on to have major problems with substance abuse, losing custody of their daughter Leah and ultimately getting sent away for five years.

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by Free Britney at

Teen Mom star Gary Shirley is being sued for unpaid rent at his Indiana crib and is on the verge of being evicted as a result, according to a new report.

Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley in Therapy

Gary is being sued for eviction by Real Property Management, which claims he stiffed them on rent on his 1,500-square-foot home, to the tune of $1,360.

RPM is not only looking to collect the money he owes, but wants Amber Portwood's Aeropostale-wearing baby daddy out of the property ASAP.

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by Free Britney at

Teen Mom's return was anything but joyous for the girls involved, or even the voyeuristic viewers who typically take delight in watching them.

Anyone who claims the show promotes or glamorizes teen pregnancy and young motherhood? Watch and re-watch this depressing episode.

The trials and tribulations of Amber Portwood (whose life has played out in celebrity gossip circles) have been well documented, of course.

Maci Bookout, Farrah Abraham and Catelynn Lowell didn't exactly balance her out with positivity, though. The Season 4 opener was brutal.

Why? Find out in THG's official +/- recap!

Amber Portwood in Rehab

Let's start with Amber, who is sentenced court-ordered rehab for substance abuse / anger management / mental health and two years' probation.

Baby daddy Gary Shirley is, understandably, a bit thrown off when she starts POUNDING wine moments after arriving at his place. Minus 10.

"This is the first time I've had a drink because I just turned 21," she says. Minus 21, as that's obviously not true, and isn't a good reason anyway.

Amber needs the wine "to get the fact that I'm leaving for rehab off my mind." Somehow this doesn't bode well for rehab ... as we know. Minus 8.

"People wonder why I hit you in your f--king face. You're just a rude mean person and I'm the bitch for hitting you." - Amber to Gary. Plus 14.

Gary Shirley's 911 call plays: "She's wanting to hang herself and she said call the police so they can find my body in the garage." Minus 15.

Things ends on a hopeful note at least, with Amber and Leah's loving phone call and Gary accepting an invite to visit her in rehab. Plus 16.

Of course, we all know where Amber Portwood lives right now, so ... Minus 100.

Plus 5 for Gary's fashion choices, however. Couture at its finest.

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by Free Britney at

Tomorrow night, three oh-so lucky ladies will have the chance to compete for the heart of Teen Mom's large and in charge baby daddy, Gary Shirley.

The former fiance of Amber Portwood and father of adorable Leah will be guest starring on The Matty P Radio Hour Show at 8 p.m. Thursday night.

If you can bring yourself to DVR Vampire Diaries, this awaits:

Gary Shirley of Teen Mom

The show is hosting a dating competition to win the love of “America’s #1 Baby Daddy.” As long as you’re over 18, this man could be all yours. Swoon.

Email MattyPRadioHappyHour (at) yahoo (dot) com with the subject “Gary Date” to enter. All you need is a pic of yourself and why you deserve a date.

Wonder if Amber Portwood will sign up. In the meantime, tell us:

Gary Shirley: Would you hit it?

 

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by Free Britney at

On the season finale of Teen Mom, everything came to a head. What did Farrah Abraham decide about moving? How did Maci Bookout leave things with Ryan Edwards? Does Gary Shirley have a career as a recording artist?

All questions we may not fully know the answers to until the reunion special and perhaps beyond, but still. Absolutely edge-of-your-seat, gripping TV.

Let's break down the third season finale of Teen Mom, THG style!

Farrah Abraham on the After Show

Farrah celebrated Sophia's second birthday by putting her cooking skills to work on a cake. We don't mean to sound harsh, but ... maybe it's time for a second career path? Or a different one altogether? Thing looked rank. Minus 6.

At least she tried, though. For once. Plus 3.

The motherhood thing? Not her style! Farrah is going to "grow into my own person" and "become whole again" by ditching her daughter in Iowa and going to school in Florida. Sophia will feel so loved watching this in a few years. Minus 25.

She decided to poignantly drive around and look at places that reminded her of Derek ... the guy she broke up with and accused of stalking her, and whose parents want to take Sophia away from her. Totally realistic portrayal. Minus 11.

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by Free Britney at

On this week's Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham butted heads with her mom regarding Sophia, while Maci made a discovery about Bentley's paternal grandmother.

Making sure Amber didn't have to work too hard (heaven forbid, what would the world be coming to), Leah's grandparents did a heck of a job pitching in as well.

Catelynn and Tyler? They're still around too. No one knows why.

Let's break down last night's episode of Teen Mom, THG style!

Farrah Abraham Image

Farrah's plans to move to Ft. Lauderdale are shockingly still in effect. She was even accepted into a culinary school. Which one? Who knows, but Plus 4 because at least it required some degree of effort on her part.

She takes her parents out to dinner for her dad's birthday and unveils the present every father craves - she booked a family counseling session!! Crickets. Minus 7.

Farrah says the idea of being without Sophia is "hard on me." Ya think? Plus 5.

It's also "good that I spend more time on myself, because I need that." Don't we all. You can't use that as an excuse to shirk responsibility, though. Minus 6.

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by Free Britney at

On this week's Teen Mom, Maci Bookout signed back up for school, Farrah Abraham tried to do the same, and Amber Portwood was released from lockup.

Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra got into a tiff about him livin' de life, but ultimately made up and made out. It's all about priorities for the youngans.

Let's break down last night's episode of Teen Mom, THG style!

Hot Maci Bookout Pic

Maci decides to enroll in classes despite how "boring" they are. Plus 4.

Kyle breaks his kneecap in an apparent motocross accident. Minus 8 for the obvious pain, but Plus 10 because Maci didn't miss class for his birthday.

She did go to the salon, though, going "blonde and long" with platinum extensions. Plus only 2, because she looks good, but she already was so cute naturally, and this is an "I'm available at the club" kind of appearance.

"I don't work anymore." - Ryan Edwards. Did he ever? Minus 5.

The previews for next week show him - what else - partying. Hey, he's got time. But Plus 3 because Maci tells him point blank he won't have Bentley.

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by Free Britney at

On last night's Teen Mom, there were no major bombshells or blowout fights. Just a lot of family moments we can all relate to. Well, for the most part.

Clearly, Catelynn's family situation is unique, while Amber's entire existence is complete upheaval. But this episode was more about the little things for all.

In which case, bravo, MTV. Let's break down last night's Teen Mom:

Catelynn Lowell, Father

"I'm just excited to have one of my stable parents around again." - Catelynn Lowell. Minus 7 for the fact that the bar is set so low. We've arrived at the point where "stable" means non-incarcerated and relatively non-insane.

Plus 4, though, because at least Dave trusts Catelynn's judgment.

Despite not seeing Catelynn in four years, Dave, who's in Michigan for a job opportunity, proclaims Tyler a "good kid" and seems accepting of his daughter and where she is in her life nowadays. All in all, it could be worse. Plus 8.

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by Free Britney at

Is Maci Bookout losing it? She wants another baby? Seriously?!

We think, given that these episodes are taped SO far in advance (even by reality show standards), that either Bookout had a change of heart, or this whole missive was manufactured to give sites like THG something to talk about.

In which case, bravo, MTV. Let's break down last night's Teen Mom:

Maci, Bentley

When 19-year-old Maci told her she wanted another baby, Sharon's response was simple. Six words: Have you lost your damn mind? Plus 12.

Maci's reasoning: "Bentley goes away half the week, and I'm just sitting there bored. If I had another baby, I wouldn't be bored." Minus 5.

If she's bored, she could watch some shows - 16 & Pregnant or Teen Mom for example - to remind her how hard having a baby is. Plus 3.

Or re-enroll in the classes she dropped. Minus 8.

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