by Free Britney at . Comments

This week's episode of Teen Mom taught us to expect the unexpected.

Ryan Edwards didn't give us much to criticize at all, while Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra were thrust into the role of taking care of their parent.

Farrah Abraham and Amber Portwood, meanwhile, were doing battle to protect their daughters from bad influences - and at times from themselves.

How'd it score in our system? Let's break down last night, THG style!

Tyler and Butch

Butch is out of prison and ready to get his "freak on." Just what you want to hear if you're the teenage son. Minus 7, but Plus 2 for that unreal mullet.

By committing battery against wife April, Butch has a restraining order against him. That's not about to stop April from picking him up from jail. Minus 3.

Plus 9 for Tyler's maturity, intervening when the situation called for it, and enduring Butch's taunts about Carly's adoption. And the stench. Had to be bad.

Also showing maturity last night? Ryan Edwards. Plus 8, because you could just sense that a nasty exchange with Kyle King was coming. Not the case.

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Three of the four Teen Mom stars moved in with their significant others on last night's episode. The lone exception, Farrah Abraham, lost hers years ago.

Of course, while Amber Portwood deals with that boob Gary Shirley, Farrah is focused instead on her new boobs and modeling career, not relationships.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

The Fair Farrah

On good terms this second, Amber and Gary move into a house. He's got a job doing "in-home health care." And apparently raiding people's kitchens. Plus 7.

No sooner does he proclaim "It's gonna be great," than a step in the house literally collapses under the weight of the moment. And Gary. Amazing. Plus 14.

His excuse: "pressed wood, ain't my fault." That's what they all say. Minus 2.

Before long, the squabbling begins, with Gary telling Amber, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." Producers? Fist-pumping. DCFS? Cringing. Wash.

Amber's brother, with whom they were supposed to meet up, warns, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day." More like every day. Minus 8.

Five words: Gary Shirley. Shirtless. Water park. Minus 12.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Having children while basically still children themselves can be tough going, but Amber Portwood, Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell and Farrah Abraham are taking life one day at a time and making the best of their situations.

The (sometimes) fabulous foursome is back for a new season of Teen Mom on MTV. Let's break down last night's third season premiere, THG style:

Farrah and Sophia Picture

Farrah Abraham is working hard! She's in culinary school, waitressing and modeling to make ends meet. No plug for the most anticipated book of the year, though? Golden opportunity wasted there. Minus 3.

"Being a good mother is a full-time job too," she adds. Yes. Plus 5.

Not sure what's more ridiculous, the fact that Farrah claims she's getting plastic surgery on her chest "for her daughter's future," or the fact that she wrote "Here for Boobs" on a medical form. We'll call it Even.

Farrah wants a "C you can see." Plus 4, we begrudgingly admit, because she is a model and this may help her support her kid, but Minus 8 for MTV now glamorizing plastic surgery and glorifying teen pregnancy.

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Gary Shirley, baby daddy and sometime-lover of Amber Portwood, says he's firmly in the Teen Mom star's camp as she recovers from her hospitalization.

That he even has to clarify this says a lot about their relationship, but so be it. The way things went down June 14, it wasn't a foregone conclusion.

Shirley, the voice on the Amber Portwood 911 call that resulted after she allegedly wanted to take her life last week, takes some of the blame for it.

He denies cheating on her, but admits his "childish and immature" actions and comments over the years were wrong and he fully supports her now.

Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood Picture

In the wake of her suicide attempt, Gary took to his Facebook to speak out in support of Amber and reassure everyone that he’s always in her corner.

“I have made threatening comments before yes ... but the last time was a year ago,” Gary writes on his Facebook wall. “I have grown up since."

"I really realized how much it hurts a mother and I’m deeply sorry.”

“I re-watch this stuff it kills me to see things I say or do and just how childish and immature I look. I’m very pro-Amber,” Shirley says of Portwood.

A source says Gary is “trying to keep his mind off stuff with Amber by filling his time with friends” since she was released from the hospital.

After undergoing a 72 hour “psychiatric evaluation” at St. John’s hospital, Amber Portwood is currently recovering at home in Anderson, Ind.

[Photo: Fame Pictures]

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Following a suicide threat and a hospitalization, Amber Portwood is doing better and is hopefully on the mend.

"Amber is safe and getting the help she needs right now. Thanks for your prayers and support," Gary Shirley, the Teen Mom's star occasionl boyfriend, Tweeted this afternoon.

We last heard from Shirley on the disturbing 911 call he placed soon after speaking to Amber on Tuesday.

Amber Portwood and Daughter

Amber is being evaluated at St. John's Hospital and received a quick visit from Shirley a few hours after authorities responded to his call two days ago.

For the sake of her child, Leah (above), let's all hope Portwood finds peace and happiness in the very near future.

by Free Britney at . Comments

In the midst of Amber Portwood's apparent suicide attempt earlier this week, it was Gary Shirley who called 911 and begged the operator for help.

"She's going to hang herself," he warned of the Teen Mom star, with whom he has a contentious relationship (and a two-year-old daughter, Leah).

In the 911 call, Gary said Amber Portwood had mentioned that she was "having a hard time with her life" and feared she might commit suicide.

Gary remained calm throughout, but it was an ugly situation just the same. Be advised of this if you listen to the Amber Portwood 911 call here:

"I just spoke with my girlfriend and she said ... she's having a hard time with her life ... call the police, they can find my body in the garage."

"I'm calling you guys because I don't want her to kill herself."

These excerpts are no laughing matter. The police came to the home and Amber was taken to a nearby medical facility for further evaluation.

It's unclear why Amber was in such a bad place that day, but there have been rumors - which Shirley denies - of Gary cheating on her.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood was hospitalized Tuesday morning in her hometown of Anderson, Ind., after apparently threatening to take her own life.

The severity of her meltdown, as well as what directly caused it, remains unclear at this time, though several unconfirmed reports have surfaced.

Star reports that Portwood admitted taking pills yesterday, and that paramedics arrived to find her near-unconscious with a rope around her neck.

Poor Amber

However, according to the police report in the case, Portwood did not appear to be injured. She was in fact hospitalized for evaluation, however.

Amber's on again/off again boyfriend, Gary Shirley, raised speculation about the MTV star's motive in the apparent suicide attempt by Tweeting:

"Never cheated on Amber. She may have thought that I did, but I haven't. I will always love and respect her, even if we aren't together."

Whatever happened, it's almost par for the course for Amber.

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The drama never stops for Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley.

The troubled tandem, who will be returning on Season 3 of Teen Mom next month, saw their feud rekindled recently thanks to an unknown person.

Dammit Jenelle

An unknown person who spray-painted Amber's car with obscene language. That sucks, but why would it lead to a dispute with baby daddy Gary?

Well, this incident, along with death threats Amber received, prompted a judge to give physical custody of baby Leah to Gary, for her protection.

That ruling came with a provision that barred them from being in the same room with Leah together, so they can’t fight in front of the baby.

Yes, their relationship is that volatile.

Prior to this, the pair had been growing closer again, spending time with one another and exchanging suggestive Tweets. Then Gary Shirley got arrested, Amber's car got vandalized, a judge split them up and he blames her, etc.

What will happen next? All we can do is stay tuned. And call the cops.

[Photo: MTV]

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Teen Mom star Gary Shirley was arrested this morning. Incredibly, a fight with Amber Portwood wasn't the reason ... although they were having one at the time!

According to the police report, Shirley was arrested in Alexandria, Ind., at 1:34 a.m. on a Class A misdemeanor charge of driving with a suspended license.

“I observed a Silver Dodge stopped on the south side of Berry street. I could hear a female arguing with a male inside the vehicle ..." the report reads.

Gary Shirley Mug Shot

Gary Shirley had his picture taken earlier this morning.

Gary's booking photo instantly becomes one of the bigger celebrity mug shots in our gallery. And just so you know, we don't mean bigger as in the size of the .jpg file or severity of the criminal charges against him.

Apparently Gary's wooing of Amber with sexy texts didn't last.

“I asked the male sitting in the driver seat if everything was okay and he advised yes. The female also advised that everything was fine," the officer writes.

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Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood used to be engaged. No longer.

The big daddy has engaged his baby mama in a series of flirty, sexy text messages, however, prompting speculation that it might not be over yet!

Gary kicked off the online flirting with a Tweet last week at Amber, writing, "I love you so much. I miss u too. See you tomorrow beautiful girl.”

Amber, Gary, Leah Pic

He followed that with “I support you any day.” Later, a private response spurred Gary to Tweet, “your text is cracking me up your [sic] too cute.”

Amber Portwood appears just as much into it, Tweeting, “Awe babe love you too and I had a blast at Peppers it was great being w friends.”

Then Monday, Gary continued the lovefest: “miss u baby wish u were here with me I’d hold u all night. Ps I’m kissing u thru this tweet. Muaw.”

We think that's a kiss. Which is kind of gross. Get a room you two!

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