He may have a perfect name for a porn star, but Dustin Diamond swears he wasn't looking for a second career when he filmed himself having sex with a pair of skank hoez four years ago.
Riiiight, and Kate Bosworth meets up with her dear friend Nicole Richie to pig out at Old Country Buffet nightly.
"I'm not an adult actor. I did something stupid in private," he said.
Diamond met the women when he was on the road doing stand-up comedy.
"It was a bachelorette party and the bride-to-be and one of her bridesmaids were staying at a local hotel. They invited me back to come back and party," Dustin said.
Soon everyone will be able to see what transpired, as the much-anticipated Screech sex tape is set to be released in November. The man who made the name Samuel "Screech" Powers really, really annoying on Saved By The Bell says he and some pals each made sex tapes as a joke.
But someone -- he claims he doesn't know who or how -- got ahold of his and leaked it. At first, he threatened to sue, but instead has agreed to take a cut of the profits.
"I thought, I can spend a fortune fighting this or I can try to make a fortune," he said.
Diamond, a Milwaukee resident who was recently mugged, and who is releasing a comedy CD in November, doesn't sound very regretful. In fact, this whole thing reeks of a PR stunt. And feces.
"Let's just say, if I were a small man, it would be worse," he said.
Somebody kill us now.
The actor, 29, says the Dustin Diamond sex tape was made around the same time he met his manager, Jennifer Misner, 30, who he is currently dating.
When the tape came out, "She wasn't happy at all," says the Dirty Sanchez distributor. But he defends his actions.
"We were just dating. It was the very beginning, you know? There's a difference between being committed and just -- I mean, at that point, if she had pulled any kind of power trip, I would've said, â€˜Uh oh, psycho!' and I never would've called her again."
Does he still keep in touch with any of his former castmates?
"No, I am always on the road and they are all out in California. People just won't let the Saved by the Bell stuff go!"
We have no idea what he's talking about.
But here's a nice pic of Diamond and former SBTB co-stars Mario Lopez and Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Those were the days, people. Those were the f*%king days.