by Free Britney at . Comments

If you thought being Lindsay Lohan's assistant was a bad job, try being Dina Lohan's assistant - with Ali Lohan's b!tch work thrown in for good measure!

Welcome to the private hell of Eleonore Lieven.

Lindsay Walks, Dina Creeps

One would assume that with the actress in rehab, Lindsay's long-suffering assistant would have relatively little to do for 90 days. Not exactly the case.

She's “miserable,” “super-stressed” and "incredibly worn out" these days, according to reports, even though Linds has been indisposed since July 20.

Saddled with Dina and Ali Lohan's dueling bidding instead, she's stuck listening to the world's most terrible mother "go on about nothing for days."

Worst. Job. Ever.

Dina, sources close to Eleonore say, rambles about potential business deals - one of which centers on a storage locker with Lindsay's old clothes and other belongings.

Dina wants to do a garage sale with crap that doesn't fit in her place.

Riiiiiiight. That would be lucrative. There's an entire line of Lindsay Lohan fashion they can purchase brand new. Why would anyone want items that have been on the floors of so many nightclub bathrooms? It just makes no sense.

That's only half of it, too. Ali Lohan, 16, has Eleonore doing pick ups, drop offs, etc. Suddenly, being Lindsay's lackey seems like the lap of luxury.

How bad is the job market that someone even wants to be Lindsay Lohan's assistant? What does one get out of that? On second thought, Kate Major ended up dating Jon Gosselin and briefly engaged to Lindsay's dad. Totally worked out.

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If you were worried that Lindsay Lohan was getting the VIP treatment in prison, don't be. The star's mom Dina, who visited her yesterday, says it's not true.

Dina went to see Lindsay with her sister Ali Lohan and her ex, Samanthan Ronson, then slammed reports that the 24-year-old is enjoying perks behind bars.

"She doesn't have cell phone privileges, that's absurd," Dina said, referring to reports no one actually printed. "She doesn't even have a pillow to sleep on."

Aww. Sad. They can't even touch each other, either!

"I talk to her through glass. There's a phone and we put her on speaker. I can't even hug my daughter," Dina laments. "She's treated like a common criminal."

Which she is. One who drives drunk and recklessly, then can't even make it to one freaking alcohol education meeting a week. She got hers. Just saying.

  • Cracked
  • Dina and Ali Lohan

Lindsay has the support of her mom and sister, who we expect will be in Lynwood Correctional Facility herself one day. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Dina acknowledged, however, that Lindsay is being treated well: "I have to say that the people inside have been pretty cool to her, guards and the inmates."

The Mean Girls star has been behind bars since July 20. The date of her release from jail is still unclear, although it is likely to be sooner rather than later.

Whenever she leaves, the star must report to rehab immediately. Her lawyer is trying to get her a temporary delay before checking in, but don't bet on it.

In any event, Lohan will likely be out of the slammer in under three weeks. Not bad for a 90-day jail sentence. Hopefully it's long enough to learn a lesson.

Do you think she's ready to be set free?

 

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We apologize for being a day late with this post, but can you blame us? We spent yesterday with our wives and mothers.

Those loving experiences caused us to wonder: Who is the best mom in Hollywood?

Many female celebrities are role models, spending time away from the camera with their kids; others exploit their children as money-making props. Below, we examine a few candidates for top mom and ask readers to chime in...

Julia Roberts: Has only starred in two movies (Duplicity and Charlie Wilson's War) in five years. The reason? Three kids under the age of six.

Brooke Mueller: Hey, she's smart enough to remove her children from the abusive home of Charlie Sheen.

Kate Gosselin: JUST KIDDING!

  • Fun with Honor
  • Kourt and Mason
  • Dumbass Dina

Jessica Alba: Often seen out with daughter Honor, and wants to expand her family via adoption.

Kourtney Kardashian: Is willing to continually lose and regain her bikini body just to cash in on support son Mason.

Dina Lohan: Will lose points when if Lindsay dies from alcohol poisoning or Ali stars in a sex tape.

Did we leave off your favorite mother? Vote below on the candidates for Best Mom in Hollywood:

 

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Michael Lohan swears he'll pipe down for the next two weeks ... provided his dysfunctional ex-wife gets her act in that time, otherwise it is SO on again.

Issuing a deadline to Dina Lohan - giving her over two weeks to sit down and talk about Lindsay and Ali Lohan - Mike promises to STFU for the moment.

After that, though, he will drag N.Y. State into the War of the Lohans.

He and Dina will meet face-to-face on May 13 for a deposition in their child support battle, and that's when he wants to talk about 16-year-old Ali Lohan.

Specifically, Michael has issues with the fact that she's living in L.A. with Lindsay ... who's appeared less than stable lately. That's putting it kindly, too.

A Mike Lohan Pic

Michael Lohan is doing all living things a favor and offering to shut up until May 13. That's when he's threatening to bring the state into his escalating family drama.

Michael says if Dina Lohan dodges the conversation that day, he will quickly get Child Protective Services of New York State involved in the ugly situation.

Presumably the agency has jurisdiction since Ali's address is still in N.Y.? Michael struck out attempting to raid her house and free Ali in L.A. last week.

Michael claims he'll be quiet until the "deadline."

No word if his self-imposed gag order means only interviews or also includes a moratorium on Tweets about Lindsay being HIV positive. One can hope.

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Lindsay and Ali Lohan may go to court to keep their father, Michael, away.

"We will be getting restraining orders... It will happen imminently," their mother Dina tells Us Weekly. "My children are absolutely petrified of him."

As you probably know, Michael brought the L.A. County Sheriff's Department to Lindsay's L.A. home Thursday to attempt to remove Ali Lohan, 16.

Dina: "He says, 'I'm worried about Ali!' Then pay child support!" Burn.

Clearly delusional or just plastered, Dina went on to defend Lindsay as a good role model for her little sister, and says, "Everything is fine with Ali."

Calling Michael "disgusting," she adds: "All my kids... he's never been there. He's been in and out of jail for 10 years. This guy has to be stopped."

Not a dysfunctional trio at all ...

She says that Lindsay and Ali temporarily ditched Lindsay's Los Angeles apartment after Michael's intervention because the girls are "so scared of him."

On the flip side, Michael met with his lawyer yesterday and plans to ask a sentencing judge to force Lindsay into rehab or award him a conservatorship.

Michael said, in reference to Britney Spears' conservatorship: "Jamie Spears was dealing with a wife that was on his side, not enabling. I'm dealing with an ex wife that wants nothing to do with helping Lindsay get better."

Mike also asserted that Lindsay is on "Adderall... bipolar medication, anti-depressant medication ... it is toxic. When I left [rehab facility] Cirque Lodge [in October 2007], she departed with a bucket of medication. I was disgusted."

Lindsay has denied using drugs.

In addition to calling her an enabler, Michael accuses Dina of "bleeding Lindsay Lohan dry" and only trying to "save" Lindsay to leech off her bank account.

Everyone with the last name Lohan will be investigated before long.

On this one, Dina is missing the boat ... because Lindsay is broke. Dina isn't acknowledging it, but multiple sources involved in her finances say it's so.

Michael says it's ironic, since Dina is guilty of "bilking Lindsay with her 20 percent commissions," and is threatening to release "over 100 tapes" of her.

For now, M-Lo is getting the hell out of L.A., but says he plans upon returning to NYC he may report Dina to Child Protective Services. Stay tuned ...

Whose side are you on?

 

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Queen of Denial and Worst Mom Ever candidate Dina Lohan is going on the record about her troubled daughter Lindsay’s reported financial troubles.

Shocker - she says it's all overblown and everything's fine.

Dina denies Lindsay owes $600,000 in credit card debt, though she does concede there were shakeups among those keeping tabs on her accounts.

“She is not going into credit card debt. Absolutely not. And her business managers... I actually am in contact with them every day,” Dina proclaims.

Everyone feel better about the situation yet? We sure do.

This is an old school photo of insane Dina and troubled Lindsay Lohan kickin' it with her bad ass former boy toy Calum Best. Why? Why not is the real question.

“Yes, Lindsay will spend money but she has people that run what she does," Dina says, meaning her new manager. "We kind of cleaned house. Lindsay doesn’t really pay her bills. Someone else does, so they wouldn’t let her do that."

“And in the interim, you know, a bill may be a little late or not, you know, but that’s pretty normal. That happens to me, that happens to everyone,” she adds.

Yeah, being $23,000 behind on rent totally happens to everyone.

When it comes to reports of Lindsay’s all-night partying, Dina also says the stories are fabricated and overblown: "People don’t understand how the press manipulates," she said. "What you read in the press is completely fabricated."

No it's not. Photos showing the train wreck drunkenly falling into a cactus aren't "manipulations." Dina also insists her career is great. Man, she needs a shrink.

“She has her 6126 clothing line which is doing amazing,” she says. “We’re in Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdales... she designs everything from soup to nuts."

We think what she means is she is nuts.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Michael Lohan and Kate Major not only got engaged, they're wasting no time trying for a kid. Mike says they "practice at least four times a night" in fact.

As if the mere engagement weren't gross enough to his last family.

Lohan and Behold

"Kate wants a baby. Since I'm getting no younger, we practice at least four times a night," he tells TV Guide about his fiancée, but with one minor caveat:

"We agreed that if she does get pregnant, one is enough."

Probably for the best, given how the last batch turned out.

Michael Lohan, who turns 50 this month, has four children with ex-wife Dina, including helpless, broke train wreck Lindsay Lohan and JV version Ali Lohan.

That's how many times we tried to conceive by noon!

Kate Major, who at 27 is just a few years older than Lindsay, had a short relationship with Michael Lohan’s friend, Jon Gosselin. Hey, anything's a step up.

The two got engaged Easter weekend after dating about half a year. A place and date have not been set, but they're looking at December on Long Island.

Two people Mike probably won't see there? His previous wife and his eldest daughter. “It’s certainly a marriage made in tabloid heaven,” Dina Lohan said.

“Kate dated Hailey Glassman’s ex, then is best friends with Michael’s ex [Erin Muller], now she’s engaged to Michael. It all sounds a bit incestuous to me.”

“Where he’s finding money for weddings, engagement rings, I don’t know. He’s nine months behind on child support... pay for the kids you already have.”

Lindsay Lohan was more succinct, though no less repulsed by the news.

"I'm gonna vomit!" she told Us. "I so didn't need that info... yuck!"

by Free Britney at . Comments

It's been one heck of a week for troubled star Lindsay Lohan, even by her standards. Two months behind on rent, her landlord sent a legal notice to pay or get out.

Lindsay paid $23,000 and avoided eviction ... this time.

The one-time actress isn't pulling in any income and her prospects for work are near non-existent because of substance abuse woes, according to inside sources.

We've told you how people close to her fear for her life. Well, there is a strong feeling - even resignation - that Lindsay Lohan will die soon if she doesn't get help.

There is deep frustration among many that her mom, Dina, enables her by insisting Lindsay is fine. As for her other parent? Well, that dude defies description.

Michael Lohan, who has gone on a crusade against Linds' supposed enablers (and this website in his free time), is none too pleased with her recent allegations.

Yesterday, she Tweeted abuse accusations once again. His reply?

"There was no physical abuse," he said. "When there's yelling, I tried to shelter my kids from arguments my wife and I had. Dina unfortunately got the kids involved in the things we did, the arguments we had, and still does. She uses my kids as pawns."

As for his preferred means of electronic communication lately?

Continue Reading...

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When three reality TV D-listers collide in one photo, there's no telling what will happen. Except us asking which one of 'em you'd most like to ... you know.

On the left, Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick, a.k.a. the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, a.k.a. the girl who quit after one episode and now regrets it.

In the middle, Real Housewives of New Jersey prostitution whore Danielle Staub. On the right, former Living Lohan star and worst mom ever Dina Lohan.

They were all at some event this week. What it was, we can't recall right now. A reality TV convention for washed up non-stars? Who's to say. But tell us ...

  • Dirty Little Hamster
  • Dumbass Dina
  • Picture of Danielle Staub

Who would you rather ...

 

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We may not know much about raising kids, but when Dina Lohan is calling you out as a terrible parent, and actually makes decent points, you've got issues.

Michael Lohan us continuing his almost daily release of embarrassing, private phone call recordings he somehow has from his troubled daughter Lindsay.

His latest? A call in which Dina and he argue over who sucks more, and she claims Lindsay cuts herself (possibly over her alleged BF Heath Ledger dying).

Dina is far from thrilled about these tapes being released, and is lambasting Michael's misguided, press-hungry bid to shame Lindsay Lohan into recovery.

Again, when you're called out as a media whore by one of the bigger media whores around, and even she can't stand your tactics, you really suck, M-Lo.

  • Dina Will Smack You
  • Linds Pic
  • M-Lo Blow

LOHAN FAMILY FEUD: Dina can't believe Michael's trashing of Lindsay.

"The tapes were from a long time ago, and for a father to stoop this low is unforgivable," she tells E! News, imploring Lindsay fans to consider the source.

"My ex-husband has been in and out of jail for 10 years. My children and I gave him a chance to get to know them again. He clearly blew that chance!"

Dina, who with Lindsay and her former assistant are threatening legal action against Michael, says he should not be able to record these calls anyway.

"I have had a criminal order of protection from the domestic violence sector since 2005," she says, adding that the order extends through 2011.

"He was not supposed to even be harassing me by phone."

"My heart is breaking for my children that he could do this. He has no visitation and is six months behind in child support. The authorities have been alerted!"

Consider the source, indeed.

Dina Lohan Biography

Dumbass Dina Dina Lohan is Lindsay's crazy mom. She may be the worst of all celebrity moms. Sorry, Lynne Spears and Kate Gosselin. But Dina pimped out... More »
Full Name
Dina Lohan

Dina Lohan Quotes

I've learned to just deal with it. It's so silly. We actually laugh about it now… It really does hurt…. but you develop a thick skin. You have to ignore it.

Dina Lohan [on rumors surrounding her family]

If she's happy, I'm happy. That's all I'll say. Samantha's great. I've known her and her family for ten years.

Dina Lohan [on Lindsay dating Samantha Ronson]
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