by Free Britney at . Comments

As usual, THG's recap of The Hills will consist of us grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

This week, Audrina Patridge is still torn between Corey Bohan and that loser Justin-Bobby, and whining about it 24-7, while Stephanie Pratt's new boyfriend Cameron decides to stand up to Brody Jenner ... then later backs off of course.

On to the rankings!

As noted in the sneak preview we posted yesterday, Chiara is clearly annoyed with Audrina's wishy-washy whining about Justin-Bobby. Plus 5.

Minus 2 for a couple naming their daughter Chiara.

Corey Bohan is no fool. When Audrina mentions that Justin-Bobby went on the Cabo trip, he's instantly skeptical. Audrina says "Lauren and I shared a room," and he replies "Sure you did." Plus 3 for honesty. And Plus 3 more for the accent.

Justin-Bobby and Audrina Patridge

Justin-Bobby Brescia & Audrina Patridge in an emotional, mumbled heart-to-heart.

Brody Jenner continues his hatred of Stephanie for reasons unknown. “Please god, let Cameron say something to me," he says. Typical guys. When they go to the club, they set out to either get laid or get into a fight. Either works. Plus 5.

Despite talking a good game, Cameron ends up saying nothing to Brody. What a [insert female body part of choice here]. Minus 3.

Brandy is recording in the studio where Audrina works. This prompts Audrina to inquire about her brother Ray J and the infamous Kim Kardashian sex tape. We're obviously making the second part up, but Brandy's mere presence at Epic Records inspired us to imagine that scenario, which amuses us to no end. Plus 15.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: As is our new custom, our recap of The Hills will consist of a brief rundown of events, then our staff members grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Despite the presence of a charming Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge is still drawn to bad boy Justin-Bobby, while Lauren Conrad is cute as ever, and a conniving Spencer Pratt is still determined to give Holly Montag the boot from his apartment.

Pimp and Ho

On to the rankings!

"If you take your top off and went over there, I'd probably have to chase you," Justin Bobby says. Dear God, what an unbelievably lame line, but Plus 5 because it totally works and he thus gets to see Audrina Patridge (fake boobs and all) topless.

The Cabo San Lucas Tourism Board must pay for all the name dropping. Minus 1.

Backhanded compliment of the year from Spencer to Stephanie: "I can't imagine disliking a sister more... Should make you feel good." LOL. Plus 7.

Once again, we are forced to mention that we already know Justin-Bobby will win out before any drama unfolds, as Corey Bohan was seen with Audrina 24/7 for like a week this summer before falling off the face of the Earth. Minus 10.

Corey is hot. J-Bobby is not. Audrina missed that memo? Minus 4.

Audrina laments to Lauren Conrad that she hasn't had to choose between two guys in the longest time. Girl is only 23, but Plus 4 because when you're wrapped up in a faux-reality bubble, a few weeks can seem like an eternity.

Spencer Pratt tells Stephanie that Holly is "the mooch of the century." Minus 2 for a pot calling the kettle black, but Plus 6 because he's oblivious and doesn't realize it.

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